by Janice Lynn
Charlie had wheeled her into the hospital in a wheelchair, but she was walking around his apartment more and more and depending on his help less and less. Mostly, she was still resting, following her obstetrician’s recommendations, but otherwise Charlie felt she’d be pushing herself full force.
“Your leg is doing great,” Dr. Trenton praised after he’d done pulse checks. “I’m very pleased with your progress. The repaired artery and the surrounding muscle tissue will continue to heal from the puncture wound. I’m releasing you from my care unless you have further issues.”
“That’s good news,” Charlie immediately said, earning him a glare from Savannah. One that said she’d misunderstood what he’d meant. She thought he was ready for her to leave.
He wasn’t.
Despite her injuries and his guilt over the role he’d played, the happiest he’d been in Nashville had been since she’d arrived. He had no right to feel happy about her being there, though. It was his fault she had gone through all of this.
“I can go back to Chattanooga?” Savannah asked.
“As far as I’m concerned, yes. However, I wasn’t the one holding you up,” he reminded her. “Dr. Kimble will have the final say on when she thinks it’s safe for you to venture that far from our neonatal unit.”
Savannah nodded. “As ready as I am to go home, I want to do what’s best for the baby even more.”
Dr. Kimble wasn’t as accommodating on Savannah’s leaving.
“You were in a major automobile accident, suffered a great deal of trauma, and although, with each day that passes, your risk of premature labor and complications goes down, I do think it’s too early for you to travel two hours away.”
Savannah sighed, but didn’t argue with the obstetrician. Her eyes ate up the monitor during her ultrasound, taking in every detail with an excited gleam in her eyes.
Charlie found it difficult to pull his gaze away from Savannah’s face to actually look at the monitor, too.
Her face shone with joy. She was so in love with their child. She really did see their baby as a blessing. Her expression said so.
Had his own mother ever looked at his ultrasound with a similar expression? Somehow, Charlie didn’t think so. He didn’t doubt that she’d loved him in her own way. She had always seen to it that he had his basic needs met. But he wasn’t so sure that she’d ever really wanted him.
Because of him she’d been trapped in a life married to a man who made her miserable, abused her verbally and, at the end, physically. Whatever dreams for her future she’d had were snatched away because of Charlie’s very existence. Although his father had always been verbal about what he’d sacrificed for marriage and fatherhood, he couldn’t recall his mother having mentioned what her plans had been prior to her pregnancy, just that he’d ruined her life by being born.
Now, Savannah’s life was drastically changed due to a pregnancy. Because of him, yet another person would have to give up their dreams.
“Everything looks and sounds good,” Dr. Kimble praised Savannah as the baby’s heartbeat echoed throughout the room.
That. Was. His. Baby’s. Heart.
He tried to meet Savannah’s gaze, but she refused.
“Try to stay off your feet as much as possible for at least another week and see me again on Monday, sooner if there are any problems. I plan to repeat an ultrasound at that time.”
“I’m game for as many ultrasounds as you want to do,” Savannah told Dr. Kimble as she pulled one of Charlie’s sweatshirts down over her belly. Sitting up, she tugged the waistband of her yoga pants up, decided it was too tight, then slid it back down to rest beneath her belly.
“I love getting to see my baby.”
Dr. Kimble smiled, handing Savannah a piece of paper. “Most women do.”
“Thank you,” she told the woman, took her appointment slip, and headed to the checkout desk.
When they got back into his car, Charlie pulled out of the hospital parking garage, but he ached inside.
His apartment was close. He usually walked to the hospital but, with Savannah supposed to stay off her feet as much as possible, walking wasn’t an option and he’d taken his car. Traffic was heavy and they sat at a red light one traffic stop up from the turn to his place.
“Please don’t make me go back to your apartment,” she surprised him by saying.
He glanced toward her. She stared out the window at the hustle and bustle on the street despite the cool temperature.
“You heard Dr. Kimble—”
“I don’t mean at all,” she clarified, turning toward him. Her eyes were red, puffy, and not just from the remains of her wreck. “I mean right now. I know I still look frightful.” She touched her face over her bruised, swollen cheekbone and eye. “But I am so tired of being cooped up there. Take me somewhere. Anywhere. Just not back inside that apartment.”
“You don’t look frightful.” He glanced at his watch, gauging how much time he had before his afternoon appointments started. He’d rescheduled his morning, but not his afternoon. He had just under three hours before his first appointment. He’d allowed plenty of time because he hadn’t been sure how long her appointments would take or if she’d need any further testing.
From the passenger seat, Savannah sighed. “Now I’m the one who is saying I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I know you need to get back to the hospital. Thank you for taking off this morning to bring me to my appointments.”
“I wanted to be there.” He had. Soon she’d be strong enough to go back to Chattanooga and then he wouldn’t be there for appointments. He’d miss out on so much.
“I want to be there when you have our baby.” His words surprised him almost as much as they surprised her.
They did surprise him.
Her eyes big, she stared. “If that’s what you want.”
“I do.” Surprisingly, he meant his words. He couldn’t imagine not being there when their baby made his or her appearance into the world.
Which made no sense. Not being there made even less.
“Promise you’ll call when you go into labor.”
Still staring at him as if he’d grown a third eye, or worse, she nodded. “Anything else?”
He thought a moment. “Are we having a boy or a girl?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know.”
His eyebrows rose. “But the paper the sonographer gave you...”
“I never looked.”
He arched his brow. “You didn’t?”
She shook her head.
“Why not?”
She’d not hesitated in saying she wanted to know the gender of their baby. Why wouldn’t she have looked?
“I decided I’d wait.”
But he knew.
“You wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret from me,” he guessed. “So you opted not to find out, too.”
Her face said he was right even as she continued to try to bluff him. “I thought we had already established that I’m better at keeping secrets than you’re giving me credit for.”
She was referring to her pregnancy, and she was right. He hadn’t even suspected.
“Once I knew about the baby, keeping the gender from me would have been more difficult.”
“Why?” she pushed. “Until my wreck, we didn’t talk.”
He winced. She was right. They hadn’t.
“If I could go back in time...” His voice trailed off, mostly because he wasn’t sure what he was going to say. Had he been about to say that he’d have talked to her? Insisted she talk to him? Or had he been implying something much more profound? Something he had no right to imply because he wouldn’t change having left Chattanooga.
She seemed to sense that he himself didn’t know because she didn’t push him to elaborate despi
te the curiosity shining on her face.
“Where are we going?” she asked instead as they crossed over I-440.
“The mall.”
“The mall?”
“You need new clothes.”
She glanced down at her yoga pants and his sweatshirt. “Sorry, my clothing selection here in Nashville is limited.”
“Which is why we’re headed to the mall.”
“I won’t be here long enough to justify clothes shopping.”
“You’ll be here long enough for dinner tonight.”
“Dinner?”
“I figure you’re tired of takeout and my limited cooking skills. Although you look great in anything, I imagine you’re ready for clothes that fit your growing body properly.”
“Are you saying I’m getting too fat for my clothes?” she asked, a playful gleam in her eyes that told him she wanted to keep the peace between them as much as he did.
“You’re not fat, Savannah. Far from it. But I did see you slide your waistband back down due to discomfort.”
“The struggle is real.” She patted her protruding belly. “But I have clothes that fit at home. Chrissie is going to bring me some on her next day off.”
“No need. I’ll get you whatever you need today.” When she started to argue, he glanced her way, met her gaze for a brief second before refocusing on the road. “Let me do this, Savannah. I want to do this.”
“I don’t need you giving me things, Charlie.”
He knew that, had never doubted it. “Let me anyway.”
She hesitated, not wanting to say yes, but at least considering what he was saying. Finally, she sighed. “Okay. But I’m paying for anything I get. And, for the record, I’m not keeping the house.”
He’d let her think that, but he planned to buy her clothes. As far as the house, they’d save that discussion for another day. He whipped his car into the Green Hills mall parking area. He wasn’t much of a mall person, but surely this place had maternity clothes.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
SAVANNAH STARED AT her reflection in the mirror. Odd that Charlie had bought her first real maternity clothes for her. A pair of black pants and a pair of jeans, both with stretchy front panels, a couple of nice tops, and the long-sleeved black dress she currently wore with the black boots and maternity support hose he’d also bought her.
She’d argued, but he’d insisted. The cashier had refused to take Savannah’s credit card when Charlie had shoved cash at her. She’d considered refusing the purchases, but that would be childish.
She’d styled her hair, put on make-up from what Chrissie had brought her to cover her bruised face, and looked almost like a normal person. Almost.
With time her bruises would fade, already they were much improved from her wreck. Her swelling was going down. Her lacerations healing well and barely visible beneath her make-up.
Soon she would be able to go back to her old life.
The baby moved, shifting within her belly. She wouldn’t ever really be able to go back to her old life. Not really.
She didn’t even want to.
Oh, she needed to get back to work as soon as possible. She’d planned to take time off after the baby’s birth and having to use her paid time off days due to the wreck just wasn’t good. Plus, whether she was working or not, she still had expenses such as water, electricity, rent.
She needed to get back to work.
Back in Chattanooga, reality still existed. Bills still existed. She needed to get back to reality.
She brushed the hair from her face, revealing where her sutures had been. The wound was healing well and barely noticeable, but she dropped the hair back, covering it. She wanted to look good, or at least the best she could.
Ridiculous, considering how different she looked from just a few months ago. She’d been at her best and he’d left. Nothing she could do was going to change that.
She no longer even wanted to change that.
The apartment door rattled with his key and she took one last look in the mirror at her reflection.
She didn’t need him or anyone.
* * *
Charlie took one look at Savannah and let out a low wolf whistle. “You look great.”
Her cheeks glowed a rosy red. “I did the best I could under the circumstances.”
“Like I said, you look great.” He walked to her, turned her slowly to inspect her new outfit. “A little loose, but another few weeks and you’ll fill this out perfectly.”
“At the rate I’m gaining weight, it may be too small in a few weeks.” She laughed a little self-consciously.
“Savannah?” he said, hearing the doubt in her voice. “You know you’re beautiful?”
She still wouldn’t meet his eyes.
He tilted her chin upward, forcing her gaze to his. “You. Are. Beautiful.”
She stared straight into his eyes, her own a little shiny. “Thank you.”
Her lower lip quivered and something shifted inside his chest. Maybe his head too, because he bent to press his lips to hers. Gently because he didn’t want to hurt her. Her busted lip appeared healed, but he didn’t know how sore she still was.
She stood on tiptoe, met his kiss in a sweet caress that had him wanting to take her into his arms and do a lot more than just kiss her lips.
But he kept the kiss soft, kept his hands to himself, and pulled back, smiled down into her confused face, all the while reminding himself he had no right to kiss her.
He shouldn’t be kissing her.
“You always had the most amazing mouth,” he said instead of the apology he should be issuing. He had no rights. He’d done enough damage to Savannah, and yet...
“My mouth always felt pretty amazing when you were kissing it,” she countered, her gaze searching his. She had questions, lots of questions.
Too bad he didn’t have answers. He didn’t. Not for her or himself.
For tonight, he’d just enjoy being in her company. He owed it to her and to himself to not let history repeat itself, but one night of not focusing on all the things he should be doing wasn’t going to change a thing.
He took her hand and gave a reassuring squeeze. “Come on. Let me take you out to dinner and show you off to the world.”
* * *
Savannah bit her lower lip as she stared at the man sitting across the table from her.
The candlelit table.
What was he doing?
Buying her clothes, taking her to a fabulous restaurant, and having them put at a private, almost romantic, booth.
This wasn’t a romantic meal. He wasn’t wooing her.
They were two people who’d had their chance at being a couple and they’d failed. He didn’t want her and she didn’t want him.
Offering her a piece of bread he’d just sliced from the fresh loaf the waiter had put on the table, he smiled. Really smiled. One that reached his eyes. One that dug dimples into his cheeks. One that set off explosions in her head.
She shouldn’t be here. They shouldn’t be here. They weren’t a couple. They shouldn’t be acting like one.
“Is that what we’re doing?” she asked out loud.
His forehead scrunched as he tried to figure out what she meant.
“Acting like a couple?” she clarified.
Setting the bread back on the wooden cutting board, he considered her question.
“Acting implies a pretense. I’m not pretending, Savannah. We’re not a couple. Just two people who used to enjoy each other’s company. I still enjoy your company.”
“This feels pretend.”
“Why?”
“Because it feels reminiscent of the past.”
“This is the here and now.”
“
I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”
He laughed a little ironically. “I’m not going to get the wrong idea, Savannah. I know you hate me.”
Was that what he thought? That she hated him?
“I don’t hate you.”
“Not yet.”
“I can’t imagine ever hating you, Charlie.”
“It’ll come.”
“What makes you think that?”
“It’s just what happens.”
His answers made no sense to her. She stared at him from across the table. “Is that how you feel about me? That you hate me or that you’re going to at some point in the future?”
He looked as if her question shocked him. “Why would you think that?”
“For the same reasons you think I’m going to hate you.”
He shook his head. “You’re a much better person than I am. I can’t imagine anyone has hated you during your entire life.”
The way he said it made her think someone had hated him. Someone who had hurt him dearly.
“Have you ever been in love, Charlie?”
“No.” He stared at her as if she’d lost her mind. “Nor will I ever be. Some people aren’t meant for such things.”
“You’re one of those people?”
He nodded.
“Why is that?” she pushed. “Are you heartless? Or just have so many walls that no woman can ever get through to you?”
“Neither. I’m just not capable.”
For so long she’d believed otherwise. She’d believed he’d been in love with her. She’d have bet her life on it.
“What about you?”
She blinked at his question. “What about me about what?”
“Have you ever been in love?”
Besides him, he meant?
“No. I don’t need a man, Charlie. I forgot that for a while with you, but the reality is I do just fine on my own. Always have. Always will.”
“You’re right. You’re the strongest woman I know.”
She wasn’t that strong. Not really. But she’d fake it until she made it. Or something like that.