The Nurse's Baby Secret

by Janice Lynn

  “You speak as if I was the one who pushed Charlie away by being prideful. I didn’t. He left of his own free will.”

  “And you can’t forgive him for that.”

  “There’s nothing to forgive. He wanted to move. He moved. I’m here and want to stay here. End of story.”

  “Not a very good story ending.”

  Savannah frowned. “For someone who really hasn’t said much about my breakup with Charlie, you sure are talkative tonight.”

  “I’ve been holding my tongue because I thought you two would eventually figure out what is so obvious.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “That you love each other.”

  Walls went up and sirens blared. “You’re wrong.”

  “About him or you?”

  “Both.”

  Her mother stared at her for a few minutes, then leaned over and kissed her cheek. “Just think about the things I’ve said. We all make mistakes, Charlie included. Maybe it’s time for you to acknowledge that you made a mistake in letting him leave.”

  Savannah stood, hugged her mother goodbye, then sank back onto her sofa.

  Her mother was wrong.

  She didn’t love Charlie. That was gone.

  Sure she missed him and still thought he was the sexiest man alive, but love? How could you love someone who had walked away from you of his own free will?

  Her shoulders lifted at the memory of the pain she’d felt that night.

  You didn’t love someone who had hurt you that way.

  She’d not heard from Charlie. Not a peep. She’d thought he would at least text to check on her, but he hadn’t.

  Then again, she’d not texted him, either. She’d thought about it multiple times, such as the evening she’d come back to Chattanooga, the night before her first shift back at the hospital, that night when she’d gotten home. She’d thought about him almost non-stop, but she didn’t text and she didn’t call.

  What would be the point? The fact that she’d stayed with him in Nashville while recuperating had changed nothing, not really, even if their truce had clouded her mind.

  Had reminded her of all the reasons she’d fallen for him to begin with. Things she’d just as soon not have remembered.

  Leaning back on her sofa, her feet propped up on the coffee table, she picked up her phone and stared at it.

  What would he do if she texted him?

  Would he answer?

  Was he at home or still at work?

  She’d been gone three weeks. Did he miss her? Miss eating together and playing games together and just having her in his apartment? Did he want her back?

  Then again, why would he?

  He’d left Chattanooga when she’d been at her best, when they’d been at their best, and he’d gone anyway.

  She didn’t want him back. She’d moved on the best a pregnant woman could. They’d had something good and he’d thrown it away for reasons she still didn’t fully understand.

  He’d nailed home the lessons her mother had taught her about not depending upon anyone other than herself. She shouldn’t have. She wouldn’t make that mistake again.

  Tossing the phone onto the other side of the sofa, she closed her eyes.

  That was when she felt the first one.

  * * *

  Charlie logged off his work computer and locked up his office at the hospital. He’d put in another long one. Which was just as well since he’d cut back so much during the time Savannah had been at his apartment. He’d sure not been there long enough to be asking residents to cover his patients and classes, yet he had following Savannah’s wreck.

  The weather was crisp and cut through his jacket, but part of him welcomed the cold, welcomed that he felt alive.

  Something he hadn’t felt so much over the past few weeks.

  Because Savannah was gone.

  He missed her like hell.

  His apartment felt empty without her. His life felt empty without her. Yet she was better off without him. He had to remember—this wasn’t about him. It was about Savannah and their baby. It was about making sure the past didn’t repeat itself any more than it already had.

  He had his dream job. He worked for a major trauma and research hospital where he got to live his dream, something his father, his mother, had never gotten to do.

  Which should have him jumping over the moon.

  Instead, he had to force himself to continue to put one foot in front of the other on the trek back to his apartment.

  When he reached the complex, he glanced up at his window. No light.

  Because no one was home.

  Savannah wasn’t there.

  She’d gone back to her apartment, rather than the house he’d given her. The lady who cleaned the house had told him no one had been there other than herself. Hopefully, Savannah would see reason and move into the house prior to the baby’s arrival. Or maybe when she went home from the hospital. He wanted her to have the house, to have the security of knowing she and the baby always had a place to call their own.

  If nothing else, she could sell the house and use the money to give her and the baby a good start.

  Not that he wouldn’t help her with anything she needed. He would. Already, he’d talked to his lawyer to have a trust set up for the baby to ensure money was there for college. He made a great living, had invested wisely, and there was no need for Savannah and their baby to ever worry about basic needs.

  Not that she would. Savannah was an independent woman, used to taking care of herself. She’d do just fine with or without his help. She didn’t need him. She’d move on with her life, find someone who didn’t come with his baggage, and she’d be happy.

  He wanted her to be happy.

  He did.

  But...

  Charlie mentally slapped himself. What was wrong with him? He wasn’t the type to feel sorry for himself. Especially when he had what he wanted.

  He had his career. He hadn’t let a woman interfere with his goals. He’d kept his eyes on the prize, moved to Nashville, and achieved what he’d set out to achieve all those years ago.

  “Don’t let a woman hold you back from your dream, son.”

  Anger filled Charlie as his father’s words coursed through his mind. His father was gone, no longer in his life. If only he was no longer in his head.

  What would his old man say about the woman becoming the dream?

  The dream that was unattainable because he couldn’t take care of her, couldn’t love her and let her love him.

  He walked into his living room and sank onto the sofa. His gaze fell onto the deck of cards sitting on the coffee table.

  She’d left them, along with a note telling him no man who was as good at cards as he was should be without a deck.

  He picked them up, shuffled them back and forth.

  He wasn’t good at cards. He wasn’t good at anything.

  No, that wasn’t true. He was a good cardiologist.

  Savannah’s words of praise replayed through his mind.

  He began to slap cards down on the coffee table, one after another in neat rows.

  She’d been telling him how she saw him and he tried to look at himself through her eyes. He was a fine cardiologist who had spent a lot of time honing his craft and trying to be the best he could be, pushing himself mentally. He did care about his patients. Every single one was someone’s family member, possibly some little boy’s only lifeline to affection.

  Savannah’s other words of praise soared through his mind.

  He didn’t know about how enviable his body was, or even how desirable, but he did enjoy pushing himself physically, too.

  Taking in the stacks of cards in front of him, he began turning over the cards remainin
g in his hands in sets of three.

  He’d made her laugh.

  Thinking back over the year they’d been together, they’d laughed a lot. More than he had his entire life. More than he’d known he could laugh.

  Even this past month, once they’d called their truce, he’d laughed, and so had she.

  He’d been happy.

  Guilt hit him. He didn’t deserve to be happy.

  Not when he’d been the reason his parents had been so unhappy.

  A memory of Savannah talking about their baby, of her palm resting protectively over her rounded belly, of the joy in her voice when she spoke of their child hit him.

  That was what a baby should give to his or her parents.

  A baby was a blessing, wasn’t that what Savannah had said?

  Their baby was a blessing.

  His parents hadn’t seen him that way. He tried to imagine the resentment, almost hatred he’d felt emanating off his father, the apathy he’d felt from his mother at times, and he tried to imagine feeling that way about his and Savannah’s baby.

  He couldn’t.

  He tried to imagine if he’d been at a different point in his life, if he’d been in school still, or maybe not even in school yet, and how he would have felt if he’d had to change his dreams because of a baby, and tried to let the way his father had felt wash over him.

  It wouldn’t.

  The stacks of alternating colored, numerically sequenced cards in front of him grew as he continued to slap them down.

  He tried to imagine Savannah being so overcome by life and depression and whatever else his mother had been facing that she’d take her life.

  He couldn’t.

  Savannah was a strong woman. She would fiercely protect their child, and she’d love their child. No matter what.

  She’d never dump the emotional load on their child that his parents had dumped on him.

  She would be a good mother.

  He’d been right when he’d told her that their child was lucky to have her.

  He flipped over an ace and started a new stack as Savannah’s words dug into his mind.

  Their baby was lucky to have him, too.

  Not really. Look at what a great start to being a dad he’d already made. Then again, wasn’t being out of the picture what he believed was the best for his child? For Savannah?

  He shifted through the cards, faster and faster, building the stacks in front of him, until only two cards remained.

  He’d not been able to protect his mother from his father’s abuse, nor had he been able to protect her from herself. His very existence had driven her to end her life.

  He couldn’t protect Savannah from being like his mother and he’d rather die than drive her to that state of unhappiness, to destroy a child’s self-esteem and sense of lovability, the way his parents had his.

  Savannah deserved so much better.

  His own parents hadn’t loved him. How could he ever expect someone else to love him? To really deep down love him?

  He played the last two cards and stared at the game he’d just won.

  Yay for him. He’d just won at Solitaire.

  Which pretty much summed up his life expectations.

  His head became too heavy to hold up and he dropped his face into his hands.

  He could win at being alone.

  He might lose if he tried another life game. The stakes were certainly a lot higher. The possible casualties tragic.

  His life goal had been a game of Solitaire.

  Because he’d thought he wasn’t worthy of being part of a team, not outside his career.

  He and Savannah had been a team. A good one. When he’d gotten the job offer in Nashville, he’d almost said no because he hadn’t wanted to leave her.

  Which had scared the hell out of him and put him into defensive panic mode.

  He glanced up, stared at the cards through blurry eyes.

  He’d devastated Savannah, had seen the walls she’d built at his betrayal. She’d cared for him and he’d hurt her. She didn’t need him and wouldn’t risk letting him behind those walls again.

  But he needed to be behind them.

  How was he supposed to convince her to love him the way she loved their baby? That he wanted to spend the rest of his life being a team player? Being on her team and always having her back? And knowing that she’d always have his? That they’d love their baby and protect it from the harsher realities of the world together?

  He scooped up the cards. Maybe he’d start with asking her to play him in a game of cards.

  A game with really high stakes.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  SAVANNAH SHOULDN’T BE doing this.

  But she had made a promise.

  A promise she intended to keep, no matter how difficult doing so felt. She gripped the phone as the other end of the line rang.

  “Savannah?”

  Charlie’s voice sounded so good. Better than it should have. And worried. Very worried.

  “Is everything okay?” he asked.

  Squeezing the phone tighter between her suddenly clammy fingers, she cleared her throat. “I told you I’d call and so I’m calling.”

  “You’re in labor? It’s still too soon.”

  She shook her head, then realized that he couldn’t see her. “No, I’m not in labor. The other promise I made you.”

  Silence came over the line, then he softly said, “Our baby has the hiccups?”

  She nodded, then rolled her eyes at herself. How ridiculous that she’d called him to tell him something so trivial. He was two hours away. She’d promised to tell him so he could place his hands on her belly and feel the magic inside. He probably thought she was crazy.

  “Yes,” she said, feeling foolish. “The baby has the hiccups. I can feel them with my hands, so I really think you could, too.”

  But he didn’t ask her why she was calling to tell him something so trivial, nor did he tell her she was crazy. He simply said, “I’ll be right there.”

  She believed him. She didn’t question the two-hour drive from Nashville to Chattanooga. Nor did she tell him it was doubtful the baby would still have the hiccups two hours from now. Goodness, she hoped not! Instead, she told him to be careful, which he couldn’t have been because a knock sounded on her front door twenty minutes later.

  When she saw Charlie on the other side of the peephole, she unlocked the door and flung it open.

  “Charlie? How?” she asked, not understanding how he’d gotten there so quickly.

  Looking a bit sheepish, and maybe a little uncertain as to what kind of welcome he’d receive, he reminded her, “I told you I’d be right here.”

  “But...how did you get here so quickly? No matter how fast you drove, you couldn’t have gotten here this quick. I’m not even sure if you could have gotten here this quick by helicopter.”

  He shrugged. “I didn’t have to drive fast to get here. I was just outside Chattanooga when you called.”

  She stared at him incredulously. “You were?”

  He nodded.

  But that meant... “Why?”

  He gave a half-shrug. “I had a premonition about those hiccups. Let me in before Mrs. Henry calls the law?”

  He smiled and it was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen, making her take a step back.

  He came into the apartment. She closed the door behind him, turned to look at him, not quite believing that he was really there, that he’d been on his way to Chattanooga when she’d called.

  “You having any other premonitions?” she asked, not sure what to say now that he was here. She felt ridiculous for calling him, and yet he had already been on his way to Chattanooga. Why?

  A light shining
in his eyes she hadn’t seen for quite some time, he grinned down at her. “A few.”

  “Such as?”

  “That I’m going to kiss you and you’re going to tell me that’s okay.”

  Her heart grabbed hold of her ribs and rattled them around a bit. “You’re sure that’s your premonition?”

  He nodded. “Is that okay?”

  She should tell him no. She really should. But he had just driven for two hours.

  “I suppose it’s okay.”

  He kissed her. Her mouth. Her throat. Her face. He kissed her as if he were starved for her and hadn’t seen her in a month of Sundays rather than just a couple of weeks ago.

  He kissed her as if he’d missed her.

  He kissed her until her feet floated off the ground and her insides turned to putty.

  Then he kissed her more.

  Dropping to his knees, he lifted the gown she wore, revealing her very round belly.

  Even in the three weeks since she’d seen him, her belly had expanded. She wasn’t svelte or sexy or anything that would light any fires, but she stood proudly anyway, because this was her body, their baby growing inside her.

  His gaze lifted to hers and she saw the emotion there, that same one she’d seen all those months ago and thought it meant he loved her, the same one she’d questioned time and again when she’d been in Nashville. She wouldn’t fool herself that love was what she saw now, but there was something. Something sweet and pure and real.

  He leaned forward and kissed her belly as if it were the most precious thing ever. It was.

  Her knees threatened to buckle and she grabbed hold of his shoulders to steady herself. Why was he kissing her? Why was he caressing her belly?

  “I guess the hiccups are gone?”

  She nodded, staring down at him with her confusion no doubt showing on her face. She couldn’t have hidden it if she’d tried.

  “I’ll just have to stick around until the next time. Let’s hope it takes a while, because I don’t have any place to go and definitely don’t feel up to driving back to Nashville tonight.”

  “You can stay here.” After all, he had let her stay at his place while she recuperated. Letting him stay was the least she could do.

  “That’s a great idea,” he said, kissing her belly again as his hands caressed her. “But we’ll have to figure out some way to pass the time.”