Something Borrowed, Something Boo

by Shane Morton

  “Of course,” I sighed, feeling my shoulders clinch in anticipation of how stressful this was going to be. “Wait! Isn’t Evan’s brother some actor? Blake Hudson? God, Evan! Is he gonna be some Hollywood asshole? You know I see enough of those on the slopes during the winter.”

  “He is not an asshole, I promise. He’s really nice, and he adores his older brother, so I’m sure he will pick up a lot of the heavy lifting, Danny. I just need you to guide him and show him around. You know where to go for everything, I know you do.”

  I nodded. Already thinking this could be a shit show of epic proportions. “Yes… I do.”I cracked my neck and took a deep breath. “It will all be perfect Ev. I Promise.”

  Shit.

  2

  Danny

  “So Everett asked me to be his best man yesterday,” I said very slowly.

  Dr. Miranda looked up at me over her glasses and sat her notebook down. “Ok. How does that make you feel, Danny? How was your sleep last night?” She asked, warming my heart. I know I pay her to ask these questions, but they still feel good.

  “Restless- on both counts, Doc. I mean, I am very happy for him, I am. But, he… I mean, he knows me, and he practically put me in charge of his wedding! I’m a constant fuck up about shit like this. I feel like I’m being set up to fail or something.”

  “You think Everett is doing this on purpose? He’s out to get you?” She squinted at me, looking very serious. Sometimes it felt that she could see right into me. I guess that’s what a Ph.D. does…

  “No… That’s not what I mean. He has always wanted to get married on Halloween, ever since I first met him. He has replayed over and over to me his perfect wedding. He’s a Halloween junkie, seriously. I know it has to be me because I am the only one who truly knows him and what he would want. But, he also knows me,” I shrugged, frustrated at my situation. “I’m pretty scared about messing up his big day. How could I even forgive myself for that?”

  “So… Don’t mess it up, Danny. I think he believes in you. Maybe this is a great opportunity for you to learn to believe in yourself.” She pushed her glasses back up with her finger.

  “Yeah… Maybe. I mean, I know it is. I’m just scared Doc, that’s all. And Evan’s brother is coming in to help. He flies in today and is supposed to meet us in the park for the first walkthrough. Evan and Everett both have crazy jobs… I just don’t see why they had to rush this and put it all on our shoulders? And… for another thing, Doc- I think I am going to hate Blake Hudson. Those Hollywood types always ruin everything when they get up here. His ego is probably bigger than the town.” I rolled my eyes, knowing that Blake was going to be an issue. A scorching straight boy issue.

  “Did you say, Blake Hudson?” Her eyes lit up… Shit… she’s a fan. “I love him. He was my favorite part of The Lost Valley daytime soap. I used to record it and watch it when I got home. I hated it when he left to do that cop show. But, I love that show too. He’s very… very handsome.”

  “You don’t say? I mean, yeah… He is- if you like pretty boys.” I chuckled, watching your counselor come unglued over a celebrity was kind of funny.

  She composed herself. “Well, I think Everett was a pretty boy too. And according to your track record that does seem to be a pattern with you. Is Blake gay?” She asked as if this would be the worst news in the world.

  “Maybe? I really don’t know. But Doc, if I ever fall in love again, it will not be with Blake Hudson. Maybe he is cool like Everett said, but, I’ve met enough stars to know he is probably gonna annoy the shit out of me. Pretty boy or not.”

  3

  Blake

  This Monday has been a fucking nightmare. I flew out of LA at six in the morning and had to transfer in Denver, so I could catch an incredibly small prop plane to take me to the nearest airport to Point Pleasant. How people live without an airport nearby is beyond me, and this place is supposed to be a tourist hotspot? I don’t see how. Apparently, people have to take a helicopter in the winter to be able to make it over the snowed-in passes. That’s both fucked up and cool, I guess.

  Because it’s only October and no chance of snow, I am driving in. BIG MISTAKE! GPS does not work when you are in the fucking mountains. I’ve made a wrong turn, and I’ve been stopped twice… TWICE on this mountain road, which is VERY winding and scary. I got stopped because of a bear and a herd of deer that would not get out of the road. At one point, there were seven of us stopped on the side of the road, waiting for a big bear to stop sunning himself on the concrete. #CountryLife

  My brother Evan is one of the sweetest souls I have ever known. He’s a total saint and possibly a masochist since he likes living way out in the middle of nowhere. I’m sure it’s great. But, I have never had a fascination with small-town life- I’m a big city boy, and always have been. Evan was always looking for a chance to escape somewhere quieter when he was younger. I’m sure it’s perfect for him.

  It may be an excellent escape for me too, at least for a week, if I'm honest. LA has been a nightmare recently. I should have never agreed to go on that date with Ms. A-List. The tabloids ran with it, and now we are apparently shacking up somewhere in Malibu.

  Lies… Sometimes I’m not sure where the truth is anymore and don’t even get me started on the scripts I get. LA Patrol is a top-rated show, and I’m #blessed to get a massive paycheck for each episode… But the show is horrible. My best scenes are always without a shirt. If that doesn’t stop soon, I will never be taken seriously in Hollywood. I’m just a pretty face with a hard body. I may as well do dinner theatre in Omaha, it would be just as exciting.

  God, I’m an asshole…

  “Holy Shit!” I yell when the GPS starts beeping, finally connecting to something in the universe. “Thank Christ.”

  I push enter again on the GPS from hell, hoping it will register and give me some kind of info. I really shouldn’t be far from Point Pleasant, at least I don’t think so. It would be nice if they had some kind of sign or something… I really should have taken the helicopter. Finally! The GPS is processing and shit… I’m still fifteen miles away. On this road that might take me over an hour.

  “Sorry, Evan.” I know he can’t hear me, but it feels good just to voice it. Letting down my big brother is a non-starter. This wedding will be amazing because I will make it so. The best of everything, he deserves it. Everett is pretty cool too. He really is the perfect match for Evan. They are like two peas in a pod. It’s kind of scary.

  “I hate being late,” I roar to the world. Punctuality means a lot to me. My father ingrained it in us when we were kids. “On time is late and early is great!” I repeated my father’s mantra. “Here he is world. Blake Hudson- Daytime himbo or the cop who rarely wears a shirt- making a great first impression on the town of Point Pleasant… If there is a fucking town…”

  I really hate my life.

  4

  Danny

  “Sorry… I got here as fast as I could,” I say to the small group gathered around the gazebo as I walked up to them brusquely.

  Evan laughed. “Dude. This is early for you.” Everett’s eyes twinkled, trying hard not to laugh loudly.

  “Very funny. Five minutes… I mean, college professors get at least a ten-minute reprieve,” I said, uncomfortable at the number of stares looking in my direction.

  “Hi Danny,” Everett’s mom Sandra says sweetly. She has always loved me. I truly am like a second son to her, and she took our breakup harder than we did. I hope she likes Evan as much as she does me. I hate to admit it, but he’s a pretty great guy.

  “Hi, Sandra. I still have to give you that book I told you about,” I said as I gave her a big hug.

  “That’s right! I really do want to read that. I love true crime novels. Maybe you can come over after this whirlwind of a wedding, and I’ll cook you dinner,” she shot Everett a scathing look. Okay, so Mom is not happy about having only a week to prepare for a son-in-law. I’m not surprised. Sandra is a planner.

  “Hey, this
is gonna be great,” I leaned in and whispered in her ear. “And Ev is getting married here in the gazebo, just like you always wanted.”

  She gave me a quick smile. “I know… It’s just… I wish I had more time. Half of the family can’t make it at the drop of a hat, and I’ll never hear the end of it from my sisters in Minnesota.” She shrugged. “Family…”

  Evan’s phone starts to play music loudly from inside his pocket. I think it was Donna Summer… Anyway, he answered it quickly.

  “Blake! Hey bro!” He almost started jumping up and down he was so excited. “Where are you?”

  We all turned to watch The Evan Show as he spun around in a circle, listening intently to whatever Hollywood bro was saying. It was kind of cute. He reminded me of a Jack Russell terrier, all excited and full of energy.

  “Oh yeah… that shit does happen. But a bear? That’s like the holy grail of a mountain traffic jam.”

  He looked over at Everett and laughed. Everett looked at him like he had two heads. This was turning out to be quite funny.

  “Great. So go through the sign and turn right after the stoplight and you will see the park… Of course, there’s street parking doofus. What? You think we have valet,” Evan laughed. “Okay, see you in a sec.”

  He looked over at Everett. “He’s here.”

  “Yeah… we heard about the bear,” Everett smiled. “It happens. Does he know how to park his own car or will he need one of us to do it for him?”

  “Damn,” I said quietly. Only Sandra could hear me. She suppressed a giggle but smirked in my direction.

  “It’s been like this all day. Everett’s work has him jumping through hoops because of some board director meeting, and he’s upset that Evan has to work overtime this week too. I told him perhaps if we just waited until next year, this wouldn’t be such a problem… He says you and Blake have everything under control. He’s been a little bitch all day.” She stood up as everyone watched the car pull into the parking spot.

  I swear Sandra gasped when he stood up and waved before he shut his car door. The sun reflected off of his white teeth when he smiled. It was alarming.

  Okay, so I have seen Blake Hudson on my TV set many times. I mean, I don’t watch his show or anything, but he is a real celebrity, and his photos can be seen practically everywhere. I’ve always thought he was Hollywood hot, come on, he’s a beefcake actor but in person… Damn. It’s gonna be a long week if I have to hang out with him all the time. He is blindingly gorgeous.

  Probably a dick, though. According to all the gossip rags, he has a new girl on his arm all the time.

  He walks quickly over to us. His tight polo hugging every curve and contour of his quite ripped body. I’m no slouch in the muscle department, but he makes me look like a couch potato. He’s incredibly tall and broad, which is why he’s able to walk up to us so fast. He takes giant strides as if he owns Point Pleasant… probably thinks he does.

  “Hi everyone,” he smiles, and it's painful to watch. So damn hot… “Sorry, I’m late. I really should have come in on the helicopter instead of driving. My GPS was not being very helpful.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” Evan said, giving his brother a hug. “We’ve only been waiting just a little bit. But, Everett and I both have to get back to work pretty quickly. Everyone, this is my big brother Blake, the actor, but let’s not hold that against him.”

  Blake walked over and gave Everett a quick hug. “Hey, bro-in-law. You ready to be a part of the family? It’s your last chance to realize you’re too good for this asshole,” Blake laughed, patting him on the back.

  “Hey, Blake. It’s good to see you,” Everett shook his head at him. “I think I’m in- but if I change my mind, I’ll let you know.”

  “When’s Mom and Dad getting in?” Blake asked Evan.

  “Oh, they will arrive in a flurry the day before the wedding. Supposedly,” Evan grimaced. “That’s gonna be a barrel of fun,” he said snidely.

  “And who is this gorgeous woman?” Blake walked over to Sandra, who blushed from ear to ear.

  “I’m Everett’s mom, Sandra,” she said before Blake took her into a hug. So I guess that makes him a hugger… great. “It’s so nice to meet you. I’ve heard tons about you.”

  “I’m sure,” Blake grinned. “But, let’s not believe everything we hear from that one,” he pointed to Evan. “He likes to give me trouble. And… last but not least,” he looked over at me and sized me up. “You must be the best man, Danny, right?”

  “Guilty, and don’t believe everything you heard about me either,” I smirked. “Nice to meet you.”

  He walked over and stuck out his hand. I reached out and started to shake it when he pulled me into a bear hug. My lungs tightened as he squeezed me. Damn, he could crush me if he wanted to.

  “Okay, easy there tiger. I might need those ribs later,” I teased- yet I was serious. If Blake were only gay this would not be a problem; as it is, I was still gonna probably want to either fuck him or kill him by the end the week.

  “Oh, you look like you can handle it,” he punched me on the arm lightly as he pulled away. “Everett says you’re a ski instructor slash lifeguard. That’s cool. I love being outside. Do the slopes have anything on them right now? I’d love to ski while I’m here.”

  “We have artificial down right now. It’s not my favorite, but the tourists seem to enjoy it.” I shrugged. “I don’t see how we’ll have any time for that though. These two have packed our schedule.”

  “Hey man, you never know…” His smile lit up his face. The dimple on his chin an invitation that I wanted to…

  Shut the fuck up. I silently reminded myself.

  “So what do we all need to know?” Blake effusively asked, spinning around to Evan and Everett, perhaps I will start calling them Ev Squared, and slapped his hands together. “Let’s do this if you lovebirds need to get back to work.”

  I wonder if he’s going to be on all the time. That will get old fast.

  “Yeah, my boss is probably losing his mind right now,” Everett said, walking over to the gazebo. “So, Blake knows what it is that we basically want because we went over it all weekend. It’s a Halloween wedding theme with a bit of glitz and glamor.”

  “I take it that people will just park wherever?” Blake asked.

  “They can all park in the lot behind the courthouse, it will be open,” Evan said seriously. He says almost everything seriously.

  “It’s always open,” Everett sniped. I don’t know what was really bothering him, but he was in a little bit of a mood.

  Blake and Evan were standing together, and their differences were remarkable. Blake was at least 6’3,” and Evan was about 5’10”. Both of them were in great shape, but Blake was a walking muscle. Evan just looked like he played tennis, which he did. Evan was blonde and had blue eyes- Blake had dark hair and brown eyes; they didn’t even appear to be related. But their demeanor was the most significant difference. Evan was always a little uptight and careful about every word he said. Blake acted carefree, which of course he was, he was an actor. He had agents and publicists who worried for him, I’m sure.

  “So we will have the guests enter through the maze,” Everett started, and Blake raised his hand. “Yes?” Everett snapped.

  “Uh… What maze?” Blake asked, looking around.

  “The maze that you guys are going to make,” Evan responded. “Don’t worry, it’s just a few hedges with some Halloween stuff scattered throughout. More of a decoration choice than an actual scare maze.”

  “Got it,” Blake said, running his hand over his short hair and making it stick up a little.

  “Great. Moving on, then. The guests will exit the maze about here,” Everett said, walking over and pointing to his feet. “And will enter into our small seating section gathered around the front of the gazebo, where the wedding will take place.”

  “Do you already have a plan for the flowers, decorations and I guess a sound system? Are we going to doll up the
gazebo?” Blake asked, looking over at Evan, who shrugged.

  “Hey, this is his party. I’m just getting married,” he smiled.

  “Blake. I just got engaged a week ago, so of course, there is nothing set. You and Danny are going to have to wing it. But I know that Danny knows everything that I need him to,” he smiled at me, his eyes shooting a warning over to me.

  “OK, I’m just trying to…” Blake started.

  “Danny knows everything that needs to happen. Trust me,” Evan said flatly as if the air had been pulled from his sails.

  “OoooKaaay,” Blake said slowly, and we all stood there fidgeting in silence until Sandra broke it with a thinly placed barb at the whole situation.

  “Great. Then what the hell are we doing here?” Sandra asked flippantly. “Look, honey, we are all very excited about the two of you tying the knot. You know that. But, and don’t take offense at this Danny… Planning a wedding, even one thrown together at the last minute is a lot of work.”

  “Agreed,” Blake said. “I’m more than happy to be the muscle that just does what he’s told, and I take no offense to that, but it would help if we could all just get on the same page as to what the hell this is.” His grin pissed me off.

  “What this is Hollywood- is my best friend’s wedding…” I said slowly, letting my venom escape. Not my best moment, but it was cut short.

  “And my brother’s. Look, I just want it to be special, too. I want them to have whatever it is they want. But, a week? We have to be realistic. How many people are invited? Do you know that lifeguard?” He stared me down, his pompous mouth pulled tight into a grimace.