Suckers

by Amira Rain

  After that decision was made, Blaine and Nick still kissed me, but they both almost seemed actually somehow stressed when they did it, and often seemed determined to just give me a brief peck only. I got their thinking, and I didn't want to frustrate them, or myself, unnecessarily, so near the end of the week, I just stopped asking for kisses.

  Nick and Blaine had become increasingly grouchy by this point, and Blaine even kind of slammed a mug on the counter one morning after I'd given him a good morning hug. He'd immediately apologized, raking both hands through his hair and actually almost tugging at it, as if he wanted to rip it out. He'd then immediately left the house.

  Later that same day, I'd given Nick a hug hello, a hug that I'd just thought was a regular hug, but he'd sucked in a breath through his teeth, kind of pushing me away.

  "Eva, please, ...not so close. Please don't put the front of your body so close against the front of mine."

  I'd barely even brushed the front of his body with my own, and I told him that. "Really, the only part of me that even lightly touched you was my chest."

  "Yes, and...that's more than enough these days to cause me more than a bit of...." After sighing, he ground his teeth for a moment, making muscles work in his jaw. "A bit of tension and distress."

  That evening after dinner, I'd asked Nick and Blaine if they wouldn't mind talking about our wedding night. "The night we got engaged, I wanted to talk a little about how things might go the first real time the three of us share a bed, but I fell asleep, and...I guess I just thought we might discuss everything right now.

  “I just don't want my experience with you both to be as painful as my first and only other one was, and I have a feeling that more time being spent together beforehand, just...enjoying each other, I guess, might help with that, so...I guess I want to know if the both of you are committed to taking your time until I feel really ready, maybe just...." Struggling not to drop my gaze from their faces, I paused, swallowing. "Maybe just spending a lot of time touching me or something."

  With a little sigh, Blaine put his face in his hands. "Jesus."

  I just looked at him, incredulous. "What the heck is that supposed to mean?"

  After raking his hands over his face, his spoke again, though without even looking at me. "Please don't talk about us touching you...ever again...until we actually can."

  Hoping that Nick would give me some support, I turned my gaze to him just in time to see him give Blaine some kind of a sympathetic, understanding sort of nod, jaw clenched.

  Furious, I stood, throwing my napkin on the table. "Well, when are we ever going to talk about this? Right on our wedding night? Or would both of you prefer that the three of us not talk about it at all?"

  Fighting tears, I'd stormed away from the table and had stomped upstairs to lie in bed, where I'd cried into my pillow. I knew the previous week had been difficult and frustrating for Nick and Blaine, but it hadn't been frustrating only for them. Even though I wasn't as prone to becoming irritated and worked up over simple light touching as they were, I'd felt a bit grouchy, too, particularly while trying to fall asleep at night, which I'd had increasing difficulty doing.

  It was just hard for me to quiet my mind with images of Nick and Blaine floating around in my mind while imagining some of the things we might do together. Self-release didn't help much, mainly because I'd never been very good at achieving it. Usually, I didn't even try. The maybe half-dozen times in my life I'd been successful, the satisfaction gained had been fleeting. Fleeting and somehow not truly satisfying at all.

  Maybe a half hour after finishing my cry into my pillow, I'd almost fallen asleep when Nick entered the room with wet hair, clearly having just taken a shower. Blaine followed, having changed into the sweatpants he often wore as pajamas. Both of them pulled clothes-strewn chairs over to the bedside and sat down.

  On my stomach, looking at them with the side of my face pressed into the pillow, I spoke first, before either of them could. "It's fine. We don't need to talk about anything. I guess I'll just be surprised about how things go on our wedding night. I am hoping for things not to be upsetting or painful for me, though, and it sure would be nice if my two future husbands would give me at least some assurance that they're going to try their best to prevent that from happening."

  Nick apologized first, saying that he was sorry for upsetting me and making me cry.

  Leaning back in his chair, Blaine moved his head in a fraction of a nod. "I've been an asshole all week. I'm sorry, too."

  Nick continued by saying that I was right, that certain things should be discussed before our wedding night.

  Softening some but still irritated and hurt, I told him and Blaine to go ahead then and say anything they wanted to say. "I've already said all I have to say."

  After moving from his chair to his knees beside the bed, Nick moved one strong hand to caress the side of my face. "Neither of us want our wedding night to be painful for you in any way, shape, or form. We want you to feel completely relaxed and safe, and we want the experience to be very, very enjoyable for you. And you're right in thinking that really taking our time with things might prevent pain for you and allow you to enjoy things, and Blaine and I are both completely committed to doing that.

  “If at any point you say 'stop' or 'slow down,' we will, right away. You have our word. We'll be listening to you and taking your cues. And before we move on with anything, we'll make sure that that's what you want. We promise you this, if you'll just give us the chance to prove it to you."

  Now having softened completely, I nodded. "All right. I'll give you both the chance. I love you both, and I just want all three of us to enjoy our wedding night."

  Nick leaned over and brushed a light kiss against the side of my face. "We do, too, and we won't let you down or go back on what I just said. Promise."

  The following day, the day before the wedding, I just kind of steered clear of Nick and Blaine, thinking that it was probably best if we didn't have much further contact until the wedding. That evening, I didn't see them at all, because Elisa threw me a "bachelorette party dinner" at her house, and when I got home and went to bed, Nick and Blaine weren't even home yet.

  In the present, in the kitchen with Kathy after the reception, I responded to what she'd said by telling her that I didn't really have any questions or concerns. "I'm definitely not very experienced, and not much of anything has been going on in this house, but Nick, Blaine, and I have had a few talks, and...well, I think things are going to be okay."

  Still studying her cuticles, Kathy seemed completely unable to lift her gaze to my face. "Well, good. Just make sure that everyone takes their time...and by 'everyone,' I really mean Nick and Blaine. That's the key. Just make sure everyone takes their time. Even set some zones as off-limits for a certain length of time if you'd like. Also, don't ever be afraid to be specific. Be as specific as you feel like you need to be, and don't ever be afraid of that. Human beings were meant to communicate."

  "Okay."

  Taking a deep breath, Kathy finally lifted her gaze to my face. "Well. Anyway. Do you need any help with anything beyond kitchen stuff? Or any...any questions or concerns or anything?"

  I shook my head. "No...not really. I'm honestly feeling pretty cool and confident right now. Thank you for everything, though."

  Seeming relieved, Kathy just about bounded up from her seat. "Well, you're welcome. And now, Tracy, Elisa, and I will just finish putting the food away, and then we'll be out of your hair."

  As if she'd suddenly given them a yank via invisible string, Tracy and Elisa soon came into the kitchen, both of them saying at once that the vases had been put away. Congratulating me again and telling me to have a good evening, the two of them and Kathy hustled out of the kitchen a few minutes later. Tracy actually told me to have a great evening, clearly emphasizing the word great and giving me a little wink, which made me stifle a bit of laughter, the action turning into a smile.

  However, my smile soon faded when I
heard the sound of two pairs of footsteps coming down the hallway to the kitchen. It was time. My husbands were coming to take me upstairs for our wedding night. Chewing my lip, I realized that somehow, the sense of confident cool I'd felt while talking to Kathy had just flown right out the window.

  CHAPTER 15

  When Nick and Blaine entered the kitchen, I stood, though a bit too quickly, almost flying up from my chair. That made me feel a little embarrassed, which just further increased my slight case of sudden, unexpected nerves.

  Feeling some kind of an urgent need to speak, I looked at Nick and Blaine and said Hi, not even waiting for a Hi in return before continuing. "So, has everyone in the living room gone home, then, too?"

  Nick said yes, that everyone had just left. "The three of us now have the house to ourselves. And I've given word that Blaine and I aren't to be summoned for anything, unless the Borderliners are literally knocking down entire sections of wall, which won't be happening. Too many guards posted outside the village for that to happen right now."

  "Oh. Well...that's good. So...is there anything in the living room we need to clean up right now? Any drink spills or anything, or...."

  I couldn't even think of what else.

  Slowly, as if they didn't want to startle me in any way, Nick and Blaine came over to me and kind of pulled me into a double embrace, one of them holding me close on either side.

  After pressing a few tender kisses against the side of my face, Nick spoke in a low voice near my ear. "We just want to kiss you and hold you...for as long as you want us to. We won't move on to anything else until you say. Promise."

  I liked the sound of his voice near my ear, what he was saying, and the ghost of his warm breath, but for some reason, I was finding it hard to focus on those things. Aware that my body had become somehow rigid, the primary thought in my mind was how badly it had hurt the last time I'd had sex.

  Honestly, it hadn't felt entirely dissimilar to how I imagined getting stabbed might feel. It had been that sharp of a pain, yet unlike most sharp pains, it had lasted the entire time Jason had been inside of me.

  I was suddenly wondering how Nick and Blaine might react if I told them that I just needed another day or two. Another day or two to do what, I didn't even know. Maybe just psyche myself up. Would they get angry? Would they both leave the house, slamming doors? I knew better by this point to think that either of them would become violent or force themselves on me.

  Cutting through my rapid thoughts, I heard Blaine's voice.

  "We forgot somethin'."

  I turned my face to look at him, wondering if that something might be something time-consuming, distracting, and non-sexual. "What did we forget?"

  "Carrying you through the front door. Aren't people supposed to do that? Or is that just for fancy people who aren't livin' in a vampire zombie world."

  For some reason, the thought of Blaine thinking of all people not living among Huskers as "fancy" amused me, and I laughed a little.

  "Oh, I think even people living through the apocalypse have the right to do a few 'fancy' things on their wedding day. But which one of you would carry me? How would we decide?"

  Blaine rifled around in his jeans pocket and came up with a beer bottle cap. "We flip. Nick, which side?"

  "Points up."

  "All right. Points down for me, then. Let's see who gets it."

  Flipping the cap off his thumb, Blaine flung it into the air. His fling immediately struck me as a little off somehow, however, and the bottle cap didn't fall to the ground. Instead, before I could back up to avoid it, it went right down the bodice of my simple white satin gown, which was a little low-cut, revealing just a hint of cleavage.

  Thoroughly tickled for some reason, I laughed, snatching the cap out from between my breasts. "Oh, you absolutely did that on purpose, Blaine...you sneaky mud bucket. You had to have."

  He looked at me, clearly fighting a grin. "Maybe I did, and maybe I didn't."

  "Well, I think you did, and now I get to flip."

  "Go for it."

  Laughing a little more, I flung the cap in the air, and it landed on the hardwood floor, points down.

  Laughing yet again, I looked at Blaine. "Why do I feel like you planned this entire thing?"

  He shrugged, again fighting a grin. "Just luck on your flip...but now I get to carry you through the door. I think I'm going to carry you out the door, too."

  Making me shriek, he suddenly scooped me up and began striding out of the kitchen. "They say if the bride hits her feet on the doorway, she has to carry the man."

  Just thinking about this scenario, I laughed so hard I could hardly breathe for a few seconds. "I'm going to make sure to pull my feet in, then. I wouldn't want to drop you on your head on our wedding night."

  Blaine carried me out to the front porch, where my continued laughter made a few people out for an early evening stroll through the village look up with interest. Chuckling a little himself, Blaine then carried me over the threshold and into the house, where Nick was waiting, watching us with amusement flickering across his features.

  After Blaine congratulated me for not hitting my feet on the doorway, he dipped his head and planted a tender, semi-lingering kiss against my lips. And when he lifted his face, I caught a glimpse of a look of clear hunger and envy on Nick's, which gave me an idea.

  "Now I think Nick should carry me over the threshold and give me a kiss, too. I'm pretty sure that's the way things work when a woman has two husbands...she gets two carry-throughs and two kisses."

  Nick readily agreed that was the way things worked, and once he'd carried me through and kissed me, his arms around me were feeling so good that I didn't want him to put me down. "Do you think you might want to carry me upstairs now?"

  Now I was definitely feeling a little more open to the idea of kissing and holding than I'd been earlier. As for Nick, I didn't have to ask him twice to carry me upstairs.

  Once the three of us were in his room, which I supposed was officially our room now, all three of ours, he set me down, loosely pulling me into his arms. "Is it okay if Blaine and I help you out of your dress before we hold you and kiss you?"

  Surprising me, though at the same time not surprising me, I realized that I wanted nothing more than to be naked with the two of them right then, having them hold and kiss me.

  I responded to Nick's question by saying that yes, he and Blaine could help me out of my dress. "But only if I can help you both out of your clothes after."

  With his eyes glinting, Nick said that he liked that idea. A grunt from Blaine indicated that he did as well. Caressing my bare shoulders, slowly moving the thin straps of my gown down while he did so, Nick suggested that maybe he and Blaine light some candles in the room first, and I said okay.

  At present, the only light in the room was that filtering in from the hallway through a crack in the door, and I realized that I wanted to be able to see Nick and Blaine's bodies probably just as much as they wanted to see mine, and the golden glow of candles seemed preferable to the everyday electric lighting.

  Besides, the lights and lamps in the room were fairly bright, and, feeling a little self-conscious, I wasn't sure if I wanted Nick and Blaine to see my body with that kind of lighting, at least not during our first night together. Maybe brighter lights were something we could ease into in time.

  Each grabbing a lighter, Nick and Blaine set about lighting a row of at least ten cream-colored pillar candles of various heights on the dresser which faced the bed. I just watched them, studying their broad backs and strong arms, realizing that when Kathy had dashed up to the second floor earlier, before the ceremony, saying that my hair needed an extra bobby pin and she'd go get it for me, she'd probably set out the candles at Nick and Blaine's request, because they hadn't been there earlier.

  Once the candles were all lit, filling the room with much brighter light than I'd thought they would, although it wasn't too bright, Nick and Blaine returned to me, with Nick reaching me fir
st, which seemed to have been very intentional.

  He'd kind of hustled. Since my dress had a zipper in back, I turned and lifted my hair so that he could unzip me, surprised when I felt him pull me close, bringing his mouth to the side of my neck to begin planting a long, slow line of kisses, making me sigh.

  So, I thought, he really was committed to taking things slow, avoiding my zipper in favor of giving me a little pleasure with my gown still on beforehand. I liked this approach. Loved it, actually. And I had the feeling that if things remained at this sedate pace, I might love everything else that was to follow.

  While Nick continued kissing the side of my neck, giving me butterflies in my stomach, Blaine moved around to my other side and began kissing the side of my neck as well. The sensation of two men planting firm, warm kisses along my skin was one of such intense pleasure that I made a noise much closer to a moan than a sigh. I was also kind of enjoying just picturing the scene, me in the middle of two muscular, incredibly handsome shifters, the sole focus of their attention.