Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World-, Vol. 12
Page 23
However, the fangs set in the giant beast’s maw had been snapped and broken, and its repeated, heavy breaths carried a heavy air of fatigue. However, it glared straight in front of it with the eyes of brilliant gold, the only part that still retained tremendous vigor.
“How unfortunate… Even knowing it would come to this, I cannot alter the result?”
“—I have a general grasp of what must have happened… The pity is all the greater.”
As the great beast’s voice seemed to lament aloud, a serene, beautiful voice replied, unhesitant even amid the blowing snow.
It was but one corner of an ending world, yet the voice was in no way lacking in vitality. The speaker’s tall frame stood with a straight posture, a youth whose burning-red hair swayed in the white wind.
The youth stared at the beast with eyes that evoked a clear blue sky, faint sadness dwelling in that gaze.
“Neither Lady Emilia nor Subaru are anywhere to be seen.”
“Ria sleeps for eternity. A world without that girl is a world I do not want to exist. Thus, in accordance with the pact, I will make this a world of frozen soil. I and that man share this crime—”
“So that is your reason for trying to destroy this world?”
“I knew you would try to prevent it. But if I do not do this, that girl cannot be saved.”
When the beast made that ferociously growling reply, the youth shook his head a little, grasping the hilt of the sword on his hip. Its white scabbard bore claw marks engraved into it, proof this was the legendary sword left behind by the Dragon long ago—the Dragon Sword.
In that world, there was but a single person who could draw, who could wield the dazzling, gleaming Dragon Sword.
The Sword Saint, Reinhard von Astrea, raised the Dragon Sword, boldly training it toward the enormous beast.
“I understand your regrets. I feel the same way. However, I cannot allow you to blindly lash out because of those feelings. Your vow wounds the world itself. —That is something I absolutely cannot forgive.”
“Because it is not just?”
“Yes, because it is not just. —Justice is my standard. My sword…exists to right wrongs. For that reason, I shall cut you down here and now, O Great Spirit.”
There was an overwhelming difference of mass between the great beast and the youth—between Puck and Reinhard.
In spite of this, even Subaru knew from a single glance, which possessed the greater combat strength between them.
Even Puck with his true power unleashed could not cause the serenity of Reinhard’s face to falter. With a single slash from the Dragon Sword, the Sword Saint could sever even this spirit in half.
The sheer immensity of the swordsman’s spirit gushing into the surrounding area made that loud and clear.
“If you do not move, I solemnly promise you will not suffer.”
“That I cannot do. I will struggle for the sake of my vow until my life expires…for as long as I live.”
The Dragon Sword audibly vibrated, letting up a terrifying aura that seemed to make the frozen air crack and cry out for mercy. Before that overwhelming power, the fallen, enormous beast stood up on its front legs, forcing its body up onto its paws, baring its fangs.
Together, they both adopted a stance to land a single blow, one final duel, the result of which was already clear—
“I must prevent you from inflicting any further damage. If you must hate someone, hate me.”
“I do not resent you, Reinhard. You…you are a hero. A hero has only the role of a hero to play. I neither blame nor resent you for resigning yourself to that fact.”
“”
“You are a hero, Reinhard. —And a hero is all you can be.”
It was only in those words, at the very, very end, that there was pure malice disconnected from anger or regrets.
The next instant, Reinhard raised the Dragon Blade above his head, and there was a single flash of light—the sky split, cracks running through the very air; the ground crumbled; mana swirled in a vortex; and along the arc of his slash, the world…slid.
“—”
The moment after that cascading slash settled down, the white, cold air covering the world…recovered.
The slide in the world was repaired, the parts that had become a swirling vortex of mana reverted to their proper forms, flowers budded forth from the shattered ground, and peace spread through the cracked air. From the sky, dazzling sunrays poured down.
The slash of the Sword Saint had both ended the world and simultaneously brought about its re-creation—
And the enormous beast that had been bathed in that slash had been annihilated from the world without a trace. There were not even side effects of destruction to be seen; that a battle had even taken place seemed like nothing but a dream.
—With a rasping sound, Reinhard sheathed the Dragon Sword within its white scabbard once more.
As the passing breeze rustled through his red hair, Reinhard narrowed his eyes at the sunlight and lifted his face to the sky. His lips faintly stiffened, and as he exhaled, he whispered too faintly for any to hear—
“—Lady Felt shall surely…be sad.”
The Sword Saint closed his eyes with a final whisper.
12
“—Behold the unknowable present.”
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“—Behold the unknowable present.”
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“—Behold the unknowable present.”
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“—Behold the unknowable present.”
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“—Behold the unknowable present.”
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“—Behold the unknowable present.”
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“—Behold the unknowable present.”
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“—Behold the unknowable present.”
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—He beheld the unknowable presents.
Shown one finished world after the next, Subaru could do nothing but lie flat upon the floor.
He did not know at that moment where he was.
Was he in reality? Was he within the dream? Was he consciousness alone? Did he have a body? Having repeated those nightmares… Was it right to even call them nightmares? Or was this his crime, the reality he had to accept?
Were they mere hallucinations of possibilities? Or had he truly seen a Hell beyond Hell itself?
Or maybe convenient worlds had been created from Subaru’s memories once again? Then how had information from after Subaru’s death, which Subaru clearly did not know, trickled into them?
Were they really false worlds borne from delusions? Or was his reality being consumed by a different reality?
No matter what the answer might be, Subaru had taken a tremendous blow to his psyche—enough that he was unable to face it head-on, to stand, to even lift his head.
That was why—
“—Goodness, can you even stand anymore? Subaru.”
He heard someone standing beside him, someone gently trying to rescue his battered mind.
It felt like a lovely voice, one that belonged to someone precious to him.
“—Ah.”
Subaru’s cheek felt a hot teardrop, one that should never have flowed, trickling down his cheek.
—How long had it been since he had heard that voice ring in his ears?
In terms of actual days, the time that she had been asleep was not truly so great. At most, it had been a week’s time since acquaintances and family had laid eyes upon her face.
—And yet, it did not seem that way to Subaru. It felt like they had parted eons ago.
To Subaru, who had gone back at the cost of his life over and over, the actual passage of time held no meaning. What was important was the moments experienced by his soul.
And it had truly been a great deal of time since his soul had heard her voice.
“Subaru, are you all right?”
The voice whispered lovingly, consolingly, compassionately.
The familial love, the passion w
ith which her call was infused, quickly quenched Subaru’s parched heart.
The vessel of his heart, empty and surely sinking into the void, became filled with warmth.
All it had taken was a single sentence—just how much strength did she grant him?
“—It’s a lie.”
“No, it is not a lie.”
“You can’t be here.”
“If you want me to be, I will always be at your side, Subaru.”
“As if, just when I most think, I want someone to do something, anything…as if you’d always be there for me… Things aren’t convenient like…!”
“Because I am always thinking, I want to be the most convenient woman of all for Subaru.”
With a sobbing voice and unsightly, weak sounds, he fell to pieces.
And yet, even with his hollowness laid bare, that voice would never look down on Subaru, never lose faith in him.
Because she knew.
She knew that Subaru was weak, helpless; so fragile and lacking in confidence that he had to cling to something just to get by; someone who continued to hesitate.
For she was the girl who knew Subaru was not strong yet had said to him anyway, “I love you.”
“—Rem.”
“Yes. I am Subaru’s Rem.”
He lifted his face. In his tear-blurred vision, the color blue filtered in. Violently rubbing his eyes with his dirty sleeve, wiping away his tears, Subaru saw perfectly clearly.
He saw, standing before his eyes—the sight of Rem that he had yearned for so desperately.
“Remmm…”
“Yes, I am Rem. Subaru’s personal, dutiful, all-purpose maid.”
“Why, you…”
With a little tilt of her head, Rem’s playful manner blindsided Subaru.
Faced with such behavior from her, before Subaru could say anything, he felt something heavy fall out from inside his chest. His breathing eased, and the pessimistic voice inside of him vanished.
Subaru was dumbfounded at how easily—so easily indeed—he had been saved.
His mind, battered and broken down, thinking that he was at a dead end, had been freed of its bonds with such ease from nothing more than one girl’s smile.
“Rem, you’re incredible…”
“Thank you very much. You are wonderful too, Subaru.”
With that smiling reply, the way she spoke out of sync was so familiar that it was if she was perfectly in tune, just like always.
That nostalgic exchange left Subaru near tears, seemingly unable to hold them back no matter how hard he tried.
Still lying flat on the floor, Subaru’s cheeks twitched as Rem knelt before him.
“Are you all right? Are you tired?”
“I wonder…am I tired…? Even though…I still haven’t…accomplished anything yet…”
He had accomplished nothing. He had done nothing. He had no right to say he was tired.
Everyone was suffering more. Everyone was going through more agony. Why did everyone have to suffer like that? —The answer was clear.
“It’s because I’m weak.”
“”
“Because I don’t have enough strength.”
“”
“If I was stronger, if I was wiser, if I was a man who could do more…no one would have to suffer, to be sad, to go through hard times like that…”
It would have been so much better if Subaru had been strong enough to do everything, all of it, alone.
Emilia’s sadness, Beatrice’s loneliness, the calamity befalling Petra and Frederica, the menace of the Great Rabbit, Garfiel, who was desperately protecting something… He should have been able to do…something.
Everything, all of it, every last bit of it was Subaru’s fault.
That was why, to balance out his weakness, Subaru had to pay by shaving away his life. —That was what he’d thought, and yet…
“Have I saved…anyone…?”
“Subaru.”
“If those worlds continued after my death, how many times I have I abandoned everyone to die?”
“Subaru.”
“How many times…did I make you die? How many times…do I have to kill you?”
With rapid words, with fear from the depths of his body making him tremble, Subaru confessed his crimes.
He wanted to vent it all, to lay everything bare that very moment. Before he whittled away his mind, he wanted someone at his side—someone qualified to do so—to pass judgment on his crime.
Deciding in his heart, no more mistakes he’d marched off on his path mistaken from the very first step. He wanted that great and foolish bastard, that fool beyond redemption, to get a walloping. “—Subaru.”
“—Ah.”
—And yet, Subaru, seeking punishment, was granted a gentle embrace of forgiveness.
“Re…m.”
“It’s all right. It’s all right, Subaru.”
“What is…? What’s all right…? No way, it’s…!”
Subaru had accomplished nothing. Not one single thing.
There were many people who could not be saved unless Subaru saved them. There were many with terrible ends awaiting them. Even Rem was someone Subaru had to save.
It was she who had the right to blame Subaru Natsuki—that insufficient, weak fool—for falling short.
“You’re…you should be…!”
“—I love you.”
Touching their foreheads together, she simply whispered her love.
“”
It sealed his words away. He could say…nothing.
From very close, those light blue eyes, those eyes filled with benevolent love, seemed to be trying to drown Subaru in kindness.
“I love you, Subaru. —That’s why everything is all right.”
“That’s not…an answer…”
“Yes, it is. Why is Rem here? Why does Rem forgive Subaru? Why does Rem embrace Subaru? —It is the answer to everything.”
With firm arms, the charmingly smiling Rem held Subaru tight, close enough to feel her breath.
He could not move. He could not even twitch. Rem’s arms were strong, so strong that he could do nothing.
“You’ve had a really hard time, huh, Subaru?”
“”
“For one person to be hurt this much…it must have been hard, Subaru.”
“”
“It’s all right. You don’t need to go through only sad things anymore.”
Desperately working to hold out, Subaru was unable to reply as the sweet sound of Rem’s voice continued, as if trying to gently unravel the chains around Subaru’s heart, to dissolve the hardened emotions within.
“Rem will take the place of all Subaru’s feelings.”
“”
“There is no reason anywhere for you to bear anything and everything on your shoulders, Subaru. —Leave all of them to Rem. Rest well now. It is all right to sleep. And then…”
“…I—I…”
“Show Rem the Subaru she loves so much one more time.”
Placing a hand on Subaru’s forehead, Rem peered right into his black eyes from up close.
There was a momentary hesitation, and then Rem’s face slowly drew closer.
Even Subaru’s sluggish consciousness could understand what she was trying to do. He wondered if it would be right to let her do it, to let her fasten him, laden him, for him to drown, to dissolve, to sink…
—Whether it was right or wrong, Rem would forgive it, wouldn’t she?
His emotions were frayed, his confused soul wanted someone to reach out to him, and in that moment, Rem, who understood everything about Subaru, was saving him once more.
To Subaru the powerless, Subaru the fragile, Subaru the foolish, Rem was lending her strength.
If by indulging in that, clinging to that, nestling against that, he arrived at the correct answer, then…
He’d been worn away, no longer knowing which path to walk, not even knowing which way to turn. So he’d yield; he’d give up on an
ything and everything—
“It is easy to give up.”
“However…”
“—It does not suit you, Subaru.”
He heard a voice.
“—Subaru?”
He heard Rem’s coming from the front, seemingly questioning him.
In addition, her face, presumably on the verge of closing the gap between their lips so that they might touch, was being obstructed by Subaru’s hand.
Gazing at the flicker in her wavering, light blue eyes between the gaps of his fingers, Subaru spoke.
“—Who are you?”
“…Eh?”
“I’m asking you, who are you?”
“S-Subaru, what are…? Who, that’s just…”
When Subaru asked that in a low voice, Rem shook her head defensively, seemingly out of fear.
The hurt look that had floated into her eyes thickened, and she clutched at Subaru’s chest with a pained expression.
As if to twist that pain deeper, Subaru put a hand to his own chest, baring his fangs.
With a fleeting encounter that should never have been, rescue that should never have been granted, the entirety of Subaru Natsuki’s soul was—
“If ever I…got in a jam I couldn’t get out of, if I seriously wanted someone to do something, anything for me, when I wanted to give up… From the bottom of my heart, I thought that you would be there for me.”
“”
“I figured, when I was in a dead end like this, when I kept on hugging my knees worrying about the past, I thought, you’d cuddle up and be nice to me.”
“”
“And then you’d listen to me talking weak, make me spit out my tearful words, wring out every tear and everything else out of me till I run dry…”
“”
“—And then you’d say stand up.”
Under that clear blue sky, those were the words she had spoken to Subaru Natsuki, who had been crushed by despair.