bedeviled & beyond 05 - bedeviled & besmirched

by Sam Cheever

  “Cut to the chase. How would the actual change happen?”

  His gaze slipped away and I knew his response wasn’t going to take me to my happy place. “Just spit it out, Ralph.”

  He sighed, tugged at a hole in his jeans, and scratched his chin.

  “Ralph.”

  “The magic is passed on through the carnal act.”

  I blinked. Frowned. Swallowed. “By carnal you mean what exactly?”

  “Sex, Astra. The old horizontal two step. The hubba hubba rumba. The delicious dance of decadence—”

  “Okay. I got it.” Shaking my head, I stood up. “Thanks for the offer, Ralph. I can’t go there.”

  He stood too and nodded. “I figured that was what you’d say but I wanted to make the offer. You could do it with Bob instead if that would make you happier.”

  The absurdity of the thing suddenly washed over me, spurring a strange sort of mania. I started to laugh, feeling my face heat in an embarrassed blush. “It’s not you. I’m... I just can’t go there. I’m not sure I could do my job in that form anyway...” My voice trailed away as hysteria bubbled in my throat. “I’m sorry.”

  He shook his head. “It’s fine, Astra. I understand. I just want to help.” He stepped close. “You’ll ask, right? If there’s some way I can help?”

  I nodded and he reached out, touching my cheek with an impossibly warm finger. He held my gaze for a long moment and then turned away, pain etched deep into his handsome face.

  I watched him leave, feeling responsible for that pain and for the pain of everyone around me. It was exactly what I didn’t need. More pressure. More guilt. More reason to succumb to bone-deep sadness.

  It worried me how comfortable I was becoming with that sadness.

  Not for the first time it occurred to me that I should just leave. Go away. And let the people I loved go on with their lives. It was nearly impossible for them to heal with me hanging around. A constant reminder of what we’d all lost when the evil bitch Crisanne had magic-raped me.

  Expelling a breath in frustration, I dropped back into my chair and considered where I could go if I left. Olympus was a possibility. The dragons would welcome me there. And I could still function as a warrior if I had dragon brawn to help me fight.

  Then I thought of Slayer and that option slipped away. He used to live on Olympus. For all I knew he still did. I knew he wouldn’t let me hide out. He’d pester me.

  I couldn’t go to another dimension without the help of someone with the power to shift. Maybe off planet somewhere. That thought had possibilities.

  Sighing, I reached for my ankle-length leather coat, preparing to leave. The air thickened a few feet away and two forms shimmered directly into my office. My aunt Myra and my new guardian Aubrey. I cringed when I saw them. No two creatures had ever been better equipped or more motivated to piss me off.

  Adding to my discomfort was the fear that they were there to give me news on how Emo’s Settling had turned out. I had a very bad feeling about my friend and former partner and I was uncharacteristically reluctant to face the bad news. So much so that I was considering making a run for it before either of the two bossy guardians opened their mouths and rained on my day...maybe even my life.

  Despite my fears, however, they didn’t launch right into the ruination of my life. In fact, my aunt Myra looked just a little too pink cheeked and smiley for my comfort. I hoped like hell it didn’t have anything to do with the tall, sexy blond god of a guardian angel standing next to her. The thought made me grimace. I mean, really, clocking in at a couple thousand years between them, weren’t they just a little too old to be doing the nasty together?

  Bleurgh.

  “Hello, Aubrey. Auntie. To what do I owe the...erm...pleasure?”

  Aubrey lifted a sculpted white-blond eyebrow and gave me the once over. I stood my ground, refusing to look down to see if my inadequacies were hanging out or my ineptitude was unbuttoned. I already knew they were. Instead, I lifted an eyebrow right back at him.

  Tit for tat.

  “We came to see how you fare, Astra.”

  Sexy Aubrey might be—and a truly fine guardian for a girl who finds trouble more easily than the Plutonian Star Polo team on vacation on sunny Mercury—I was beginning to suspect he had even a longer stick up his ass than my aunt Myra.

  “I fare just about as well as could be expected.”

  My non-answer brought clouds to Auntie Myra’s sunny skies. “There’s no need to be flip, Astra.”

  I shrugged. “I’m not trying to be flip, Auntie. Just honest. My life pretty much sucks without a straw these days. I’m barely surviving from day to day.”

  Aubrey frowned. “Straw? What is this?”

  I grinned. “I guess you’ve been skipping your Human Pop Culture Orientation workshops?”

  Aubrey’s fine, straight nose lifted a notch and his celestial arrogance came out to play. “I can’t possibly keep up with all the human weirdisms, past and present. I’ll let you focus on that since you live down here among them.”

  I grabbed the small bag I’d started carrying since I’d lost my ability to shift from place to place. Turns out magic comes in handy for lots of things besides kicking demon ass. Who knew? “Yeah, and besides, now I’m one of them, so...” I threw him a glare and started out the door.

  I could almost hear the double-barreled air-sucking as the two snotty celestials realized Aubrey’s mistake. The air shifted and Myra was suddenly standing directly in front of me, blocking my exit.

  “Get out of the way, angel. I’m going home to drown my sorrows in a hot shower and as much frozen milk sugar as I can stuff down.”

  She glared down at me. Funny, I would have thought contrition and apology would have looked a lot less hostile. “Astra, stop being such a baby. We’re going to find a way around this little problem, and until we do, we need you to stay positive.”

  “Good, because I’m positive there’s no way I’ll get my magic back.”

  Myra crossed her arms over her chest and her face pinkened with pique. I was pretty sure she grew an inch or two, as warrior angels tended to do when they were pissed off. “Despite your defeatist attitude, Aubrey and I have come to make you a proposition. Are you going to listen to us or not?”

  I groaned. “Not. I’m full up on propositions today, angel. How about we pick this up again tomorrow...or next millennia?”

  Queue the good cop-angel. Aubrey touched my arm. “Astra, I’m sorry. My remark was insensitive and—”

  “Insufferably snotty?”

  His frown slipped away and he actually smiled. It was one of Aubrey’s better things...his ability to laugh at himself. It was a trait Auntie Myra didn’t share. “Yes. That too. But none of us think of you as a human. You’re a magical creature of great power. You’re just currently a little low on voltage.” His smile widened.

  Despite my foul humor I couldn’t help smiling back. “Okay. Got it. You haven’t given up on me. I appreciate that. I really do. But you need to understand that this is really hard and I’m dealing with it as best I can.”

  “We do understand that,” Aubrey said. He even seemed sincere. “Which is why we’re offering you some help.”

  Uh oh. “What kind of help...exactly?”

  “We want you to come up for some celestial counseling.”

  My shocked gaze flew to my aunt. “You what?”

  “Our trainers have actually had considerable success helping magic users through their rough spots,” Aubrey assured me.

  “Hello. Earth to angels. This isn’t a rough spot folks, this is a dead zone.”

  “We don’t actually know what’s going on,” Myra informed me. “For all we know your magic is still in there, hidden behind some kind of wall—”

  “That would be a hell of a wall, Auntie.”

  “Yes. It would. But...” Her pretty face finally softened and she reached to touch my arm. I flinched, scarred from years of being force-shifted all over the place by my pushy gu
ardians. She sighed, letting her hand drop without touching me. “We think it’s worth a try. Will you let us help you?”

  “Worst case is that we can help you figure out how to deal emotionally with this issue, Astra. That’s not all bad, is it?” Aubrey’s impossibly handsome face clearly showed his concern.

  My mind raced. Heaven. Ugh. I was pretty much allergic to white. Even the silver and gold of the higher angels’ wings couldn’t do much to take the sting out of a world that was almost entirely white. I wondered if I could smuggle some red or blue into the place. On the other hand... I had been considering going away for a while. The Celestial Realm was definitely away. “It’s worth thinking about,” I finally allowed.

  I was rewarded for this reasonableness by being the unlucky recipient of two wide, happy, angel smiles. “Good.” Myra nodded as if it was decided.

  “I said I’d think, Auntie.”

  Myra opened her mouth to argue but Aubrey reached out and gently clasped her arm. “We’ll give you time then, child.” He fixed my aunt with a look that took the militant starch right out of her wings.

  I wondered if he could bottle that look and sell me a case of it. I’d been trying to introduce my aunt to the concept of capitulation for almost two decades.

  She finally nodded. “We’ll check back tomorrow and get your response.”

  I was on the verge of asking for more time but then decided I’d pushed her enough. “Tomorrow works.”

  Aubrey nodded and stepped back. “Good. We’ll see you then, Astra.”

  Myra stared at me for a long moment and then, seemingly on impulse, stepped in and gave me a hug. I almost swallowed my tongue.

  First Darma was nice and now my acid-tongued aunt was going all mushy on me. I figured I only had a few hours to live.

  “Please let us do this, Astra. I think we can help.”

  I was too shocked even to say something snarky. So I just watched them blip away. I stood there for several moments before I found the energy to move again. Then I went in search of Bob and Ralph. Maybe Bob could do an empathic read on me and discover if I’d lost my mind or something. The Big Guy knew I must be in dire straits if my family was being nice to me.

  Visit Sam’s website for buy links and excerpts for all the Bedeviled & Beyond books! http://www.samcheever.com/series.html

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  Also by Sam Cheever

  ALPHAS OF THE BLOOD

  Sangui

  Mavim

  APOCALYPTIC SERIES

  Apocolyptic Mojo

  Tall Dark and Apocalyptic

  An Apocalyptic Need

  BEDEVILED & BEYOND

  Bedeviled & Belittled

  Bedeviled & Besmirched

  HONEYBUN HEAT

  A Honeybun and Coffee

  Life, Liberty and Pursuit of a Honeybun

  Fast Track to a Honeybun

  A Honeybun in Hell

  Honeybun in a Loin Cloth

  Honeybun at a Dude Ranch

  Honeybun on the Run

  Honeybun, One and Done

  Honeybun Heat Box Set Volume 1

  Honeybun Heat Box Set Volume 2

  YESTERDAY'S MYSTERIES

  Yesterday's News

  Threads of Yesterday

  Standalone

  Guardian

  Blue Screened

  Watch for more at Sam Cheever’s site.

  About the Author

  USA Today Bestselling Author Sam Cheever writes romantic paranormal/fantasy and mystery/suspense, creating stories that celebrate the joy of love in all its forms. Known for writing great characters, snappy dialogue, and unique and exhilarating stories, Sam is the award-winning author of 50+ books and has been writing for over a decade under several noms de plume.

  Read more at Sam Cheever’s site.