A Beautiful Song: A Musical Soul Story

by Michael Cantwell

  After some thought and many phone calls on my part and Carl’s, it was decided we would take a huge risk but one that seemed to make sense. We would get the Overture back together with some guests, and record the 1812 Overture, as well as some other songs more suited for the music Elise enjoyed. Duke was always pressing me to add strings to our music. This would be his chance to do it. We would not make the recording in the traditional pure classical sense. There would be strings added and in some of the songs we would add vocals. Some of the musicians from the New York area orchestra volunteered to join us, as well as a few members from other bands who Elise and I had met over the years. All the proceeds would go to a trust set up for Elise. I convinced Mr. Altos to have his record company distribute the disk. I had to make him a promise that if the Overture recorded again that his company would be the one we would sign with, as well as play at his upcoming retirement dinner. We all have to do what we have to do at times to make a deal. The project came together very quickly. Within six months it was completed. It was a mix of a rock and classical sound with the aid of people who knew what they were doing in arranging music to make it sound like I wanted. I really didn’t have that ability and relied heavily on others to shape the classical sound.

  After the disk was pressed, I took the first copy to my dad. I showed him that I was now really a musician since I was playing a guitar solo on a commercially released recording of The 1812 Overture. He had a way of masking his appreciation for my music, even if I knew he had a copy of every recording I was ever on, including the movie soundtracks I had written, sitting in his private office. Mind you I am not sure some were even out of the wrappers, but I did take notice that he had a collection in his room. I left the disk on his desk with a short note to let him know how much I loved him.

  Sales went well considering it was a charity disk and it was not our usual sound. To help with the sales, there were five hundred disks autographed by several members, who played on the recordings including yours truly. You of course had to purchase and open the disk to see if you were one of the lucky winners. We ended up raising over three hundred thousand dollars from the disk sales in the first few weeks of it being released. The other thing that developed, over the course of recording, was that the old members of the Overture were all hungry to play a few shows as a band again. Other than Billy, I don’t think anyone really was doing it for the money as much as we had enjoyed playing together as a band again. We missed being in front of a large audience.

  It was decided that we would play ten shows mostly on the east coast, with one show’s proceeds all going towards the trust. Our band would play The 1812 Overture as part of the show in New York City with an orchestra. We would compensate the members of the orchestra and the venue but any of the bands proceeds would go to the trust fund. The last performance would be for the veteran’s charities. We decided on Radio City Music Hall in New York for the performance with the orchestra. I was really going to be playing at least in part the 1812 Overture in a live performance with my dad sitting in the front row. We had three weeks to practice as a band and had to remember how to play some of our older songs. We also had scheduled two practices with the members of the orchestra. The orchestra also played on some of the songs from our bands catalog to really make the night unique and special for the fans which were able to obtain tickets.

  When opening night arrived, there were a few surprises for me in the audience. As well as my parents in the front row, sat Gordy and Sue the waitress, I had met at the coffee shop. It was one of the rare times that Gordy had seen us play. However the bigger shock was Lorenza standing offstage just after the show started. My sneaky daughters had arranged for her to come for the opening night. They had her hidden away for two days in New York without my knowledge. I almost messed up the opening song as I stood stunned not believing it was really her standing next to my girls. Her silky black hair matched beautifully with the radiant red dress she was wearing. Her still curvy shape seemed to be fitted perfectly in the attire so that even Sasha was envious of her look. Lorenza’s eyes were burning into my brain as I tried to concentrate on my duties as lead guitarist and band leader. It took me several minutes before my hands would stop sweating and I could collect my wits to get ready to focus on the task at hand. Her smiles off stage made my heart pound like it had not for many years. It was very difficult in some ways since really the night was for Elise but my heart now belonged to Lorenza. I could not let this moment fade into a distant memory yet again.

  The night moved on with only the regular band until we introduced the orchestra during the fourth song. We had played three of our previous hits until it was time for the 1812 Overture. I positioned myself on stage to be directly in front of my dad. Before we started to play I made the announcement to the crowd that my parents were joining us for the show and that “Tonight I would graduate and become a real musician. Sit back and watch the transformation”. The crowd of course was lost to the inside joke but a few of us got a chuckle as we started to play the number. I even did my best impression of Lawrence Welk to introduce the song with a machine blowing bubbles into the crowd. I am not sure how many understood the meaning of the bubbles. It really was all about me teasing my dad on stage. I had a feeling this would be the last time he would ever see me perform. I wanted to make sure I got all the frustrations out of my system once and for all.

  About half way through the set, I realized that a large part of my life was looking back at me. The two men who shaped my life were sitting next to each other. For the most part strangers to each other yet, neither knew how close they were in so many ways. The woman who helped me smile again was there just feet from the only woman other than my wife who knew me intimately. My beautiful daughters were also standing just off stage to my right. We were doing a concert in tribute to the only woman who saw me at my best and my worst on a regular basis, who I loved more than I knew till her death. Everyone who really meant anything to me was onstage with me, or looking back at me. The show ended up being a huge success. I think because we had not performed together for many years the entire band was happy to be as a unit, even if for a short time. There was a live recording made of the evening but it was never initially released to the public, due to difficulties with royalties.

  After the show ended, I ran off stage to hug Lorenza. My daughters stood there beaming as if they had just cured cancer. I gave them each a hug and quizzed them about how they got Lorenza to come to town. Diana had secretly asked for Lorenza’s email and contact info when we were in Italy. She had been updating her over time about how I was doing. When it became obvious we would be performing a special show, she arranged for Lorenza to make the journey. I begged her to stay longer but she had to return to Italy for school. She did stay for the next show in Boston but flew home from there. I was heartbroken but we both promised to join up again as soon as her school year was over.

  The tour ended in Los Angeles, California with the band playing a few nights later at the retirement party for Mr. Altos as promised. It was a grand evening with many celebrities in the crowd, as well as a few bands that were on the record label, each performing a few songs. It was a good night to catch up with some old friends, as well as join in with performers I had never been with onstage.

  As most were starting to file out of the building, a young punk looking kid dressed in an Armani suit asked to have a few words with me. I stopped out of courtesy. He introduced himself as Mr. Altos’ replacement, as if anyone could replace him, but I listened with half an ear. I am sure he told me his name but after the first few utterances, I could only remember his name as Mr. Idiot and that was being kind. “Dylan I hear you have a new disk almost completed with your band? I would like to hear it and make some suggestions and offer you my ideas before it’s a wrap.” I stopped him in his tracks to inform him that no such disk or recording was in existence. “Well I was informed by Mr. Altos that you both had an agreement to continue on with our label, is that not true?” I inform
ed him again that “No such disk was in the works and our agreement was only if we did make one, then the label would have first chance at signing us again.” Then Mr. Idiot made a few remarks that changed my entire line of thinking about the music business as well as signing with a company where he was employed. “Well Dylan as you are aware, hip hop is a very popular genre of music now. I would like you to record a song or two that sounds closer to Snoop Dog than some of your old music. That’s so 70’s and we would like to hear a more updated sound from your band. Guitar dominated music with a rock edge died decades ago, it’s time you realize that and show us what you can do now.” I stood there not knowing if I should punch the smarmy little ass in the mouth or walk away.

  I am sure anyone within ten feet could see the steam radiating from my ears. I do believe I started to rock my arm back when Duke grabbed my hand long enough to slow it down and direct me to shake the idiot’s hand. I was once told that “Clothes don’t make the man” never was that more true than at that very moment. I regrouped myself and started to think that maybe just maybe his humor was more finely tuned than mine. That quickly evaporated when he informed me that he would have Jay Z call me to offer some advice. I knew instantly that my time with that company was finished despite any previous arrangements. The end of an era had arrived.

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  Chapter 28

  An old teacher once told me “Chose a job you love and you will never work a day in your life.” I find that rings only somewhat true. Yes, no question, I loved what I had done over my career but to think I didn’t work to earn what I had enjoyed would be silly. Only a few saw the hours I would spend on a daily basis practicing my craft of mastering the guitar, as well as creating songs. I know what the quote is intended to mean, and for sure I was much happier with my life than I would have been in a retail management position somewhere. I needed and thrived with an audience. It was something I was not sure I would continue in the future.

  Linda was so terrified to fly, she was not willing to make long tours a reality, unless we traveled mostly by bus. After the terrorists attacks her aversion to flying only increased. Duke was semi retired, however still producing a band here or there when asked. He was not actively looking for new bands to assist in the studio. He was willing to record with our band but he too no longer wanted long tours to promote a new recording. Debby was working part time as a nurse raising her kids and had a new boy friend. Sasha was expanding her fashion lines back home in Russia with her sister now working with her. She too would record but a tour was out of the question for more than a few weeks at a time. Billy was willing to record, tour and work at just about anything. He had wasted most of his money on two ex wives, as well as ruining his relationships with his old band mates from the now defunct blues band. He never totally eliminated his wild streak but the guy still loved life and playing drums. If I wanted to start a new band, I think he would be the only one really up for playing with me again long term.

  On the home front, both daughters were now in college, so I was home alone most days. My life had evolved from playing for thousands of adoring fans, to the few deer feeding in my back yard. The girls would come home occasionally to appease dear old dad but they had moved on with their lives as well. Diana would soon graduate with a degree in physical therapy. Deborah was limping along as a business major, not really sure of her future. She had grown into a respectable guitarist and was in a band with some college mates. She wanted to have a future in music but the industry had changed so much. No matter how hard I tried to convince her of those facts, she was not going to listen. I would beg her to complete her studies in business until I realized that I had become my father in my sermons. Who was I to tell her not to reach for her own goals? Well I was her father who knew it was going to be very difficult to make a dent in the music business that’s who, but it really didn’t matter. She was always the stubborn one in the family. All I could do was be there for support and help should she fall. The more the years passed by, the more it was evident that my girls were very different people. I was proud of both. It was never more evident when they would come home on breaks with one being a student at Duke University and one attending the University of North Carolina. For anyone who does not understand the consternation of having that mix in the household, have mercy on me. It didn’t help that my father in law George was a lifelong diehard Carolina fan, who chided Diana about her choice of schools at every turn. I did my best to stay out of it and keep the peace.

  It was really time to move on with my life. I think I had done all the trust work for Elise to attempt to remove my guilt for not being stronger when she needed me. I sat at her grave and we prayed together that the answer would come. Not only did I want to make peace with Elise, I wanted to make peace in my own soul with my God. I needed that once for all. It was time not to forget my past but to realize my life was only moving into a new phase. I was not sure where it would lead me but I knew in my heart for the first time sitting at her grave site she would never want me to carry on this guilt.

  We had made a wonderful life together, seeing the world and bringing two wonderful beings into the world. I was never a perfect person. It was time to accept that fact and forgive my shortcomings. It was time to be a better person in the future. I knew for years, I had been trying to do just that, but I had to learn not to constantly rip myself at every turn, when I did fail. Failure is a part of life and I needed to accept that concept. The Bible taught me that I was made in God’s image but I am not sure it ever read that I was perfect. I am not. I had to stop assuming I had all the answers and that I could control all aspects in life. I could only do my best to control me and be thankful for all I had in my life.

  I called Carl and asked him to sell my apartment in New York. The market for real estate was starting to return in that area. It was a luxury I no longer needed. He informed me that his clients were always looking for that type of space, so it would be easy to sell for a fair price. I asked him to handle it for me. I also knew there was a huge hole in my heart. Deep down I recognized the real reason I never attempted to make a life with Lorenza was because of my guilt over Elise. I felt it would have only made it worse in thinking I could leave Elise behind after her death. I had to take solace that Elise was with God in heaven and it was ok for me to make a new life here on earth. Who knows if Lorenza would continue her life with me but it was time to find out. There were places around the globe I could walk onto a stage and people would not only surround me but stand and cheer, yet I was incredibly lonely. The time had come to see if Lorenza could remove the loneliness from my heart. Maybe in life when your heart and your soul are both at peace, so are you.

  Within a few hours, I was on a plane with the final destination of Rome. There was a sudden sense of urgency in my step. During the entire trip, I was arranging my words to let Lorenza know that time had arrived for our lives to continue as one. I wanted this to be a special moment for the two of us. Also for the first time lyrics to a song jumped onto a paper napkin provided by the stewardess. Not only was I at peace with my decision, it seemed my inspiration to make music again had returned. I was giddy with anticipation for the moment we would lock eyes once again. This time it would be the last time we would part for any length of time.

  I reached Rome in the dark of night and checked into a local hotel. I could barely close my eyes due to anticipation of seeing Lorenza. At the crack of dawn I set out to wrap my arms around my beauty. I went to her home and no one responded. The house seemed empty somehow. I peeked into the windows and could hardly see anything inside, just a few scant chairs and one small table. I knocked again till finally the neighbor started to talk to me but my Italian was not good enough to understand. No one was home. I wandered down the street to the school where Lorenza worked but school did not seem to be in session. The doors were locked and there was no sign of children or teachers anywhere. I walked around the school a few times looking for someone who could tell me where I might fi
nd Lorenza. There was no one. I sat on the hard stone steps leading up to the main entrance of the school till finally and older looking woman appeared. “Ciao” she said. I asked if she spoke English and she responded with a polite “Very small”.

  “Do you know Lorenza and where I can find her” I asked. “Lorenza, si, she not here, uhm, moved to America.” After the blood finished draining from my brain, I asked her slowly, “She left for America?” “Si, school done two days ago, she go too.” I was not sure how much she understood, so I started to ramble on about why and where her family had gone and if they had all gone to America and so on and well, I am not sure with all my hysterics if she really understood all I was asking. All I got was “Her mamma and papa go to another town, Lorenza to America to see boyfriend.” I was not sure anyone could go from pure peace to total devastation within seconds, but I did. For a moment, it almost seemed worse to me than watching the plane hit the World Trade Center in my gut. What was I going to do now? I walked back to her parents home to confirm what I had heard was all true but no one was around who could speak English. I thought about buying a book to translate my words but I was too down to want to try.

  I quickly headed back to the airport and took the first available flight back home. When I landed back in New York, I had a few hours to make my connection back to North Carolina. I called Carl to get an update on my apartment. He informed me that he had been trying to reach me but since my cell phone didn’t have service in Europe, I was not getting my messages. He had an offer and after one call with a counter offer we had a contract. I decided to stay in town over night to sign the papers the next morning; then fly home. I was no longer sure of my future again. For a brief moment I thought about selling my home in North Carolina and keeping the one in New York. I guess that’s called sellers remorse. Diana called frantically letting me know that she too had been trying to reach me. I realized I only told Rose I would be away for a few days. School was on summer break and the girls were home, something I had totally forgotten about. In my thinking it was not for another week or more until they would be home on break. It’s why I had a manager all these years. “Dad where are you and when will you be home, we need you home.” Now I knew that was not really true since my cooking was not the best and they pretty much ignored me when they were home anyways. What could all the urgency be I wondered? “I have some papers to sign in the morning then I’ll come home” I told her. She didn’t like my answer but that’s the way it was going to be. I signed the contract and left the next afternoon for home. I was still in shock over Lorenza. I wanted to go home and shut myself off from the world.