by Sybil Smith
I go in and slowly swipe my tongue across the length of her. Her hips jerk at the contact and her hands tighten their grip in my hair. It's the best thing I've ever fucking tasted, hands down. I push my tongue harder against her as I flick at her clit. Her hands pull me closer to her, her hips rolling against me.
"Ah, that's…ahh…Roma."
I don't want her fun to be over just yet, so I run my tongue back down the length of her and dip inside as far as I can. I wish I didn't have a broken hand; I'd love to push my fingers inside of her and feel her soft heat clench around them. It doesn't seem to bother her, though, 'cause she's moaning and panting and digging her nails in my scalp every time my tongue goes in and out of her. She's starting to ride my face, so I push back against her with both hands. It will be so much better for her if she lets me do the work. And like I said, I want this to be about her. I pull back just enough so I know she'll feel the vibrations of my words against her.
"Uh, uh, Harper. Hold still."
She answers me with a moan that I guess is an understanding, so I push my tongue back against her and hold completely still—teasing her –just to see what she'll do. Sometimes I can act like a fucking teenager, I know. Other that the slight tremble in the leg holding her up, she doesn't fucking move an inch. Which is pretty fucking noteworthy. I smile against her before I take her clit in my mouth and start sucking, gently at first. But she starts moaning in ways that I know mean she's so fucking close, I can't even help myself. I suck against it harder, using my tongue to flick against it every so often. I finally let my teeth barely run across it, and it's her breaking point.
"Fuu.." she gasped, fingers digging into my scalp as she finally comes. I keep going until she's ridden it out and is about to collapse onto the floor. I softly let her leg down off my arm and pull her dress back down. I stand up and press my lips against hers, waiting on her to open her eyes. She moans at the taste of herself, using her tongue to get every last bit of herself off her lips. Holy fucking shit. She never ceases to amaze me. I pull back and look into her eyes. I'll be damned if she isn't already eye-fucking me all over again; silently begging me for her turn.
But that brings a whole other set of implications that I should probably have let her know before all of this happened. Not that I would've taken any of it back. Hell no, abso-fucking-lutely not. And I know she wouldn't either. But I'm not like everyone else—like how I used to be—when it comes to my own damn body. Thanks to him, I don't like to be touched unless I'm in control of how people are touching me. It's fucked up and I know it. But, I just can't surrender myself to anyone like that. Not unless I'm being the one in charge of how they're doing it. And I don't want to bring Harper into my bossy fucked up side.
She's still looking at me, waiting for the go ahead. But I can't. I just can't give myself over to her like she thinks it will be. And I certainly hate that I have to let her know how fucked up I am about it.
"Harper…" I look away as I say her name. Hoping she understands. But when I look back at her face, I can tell she really doesn't.
"Let's go sit on the couch." It's not even my house, but I don't even care. I lead her over to it and sit down. She sits down to where she's facing me, her legs pressed up against me. I can see the confusion and concern all over her face. I really don't like that look on her. I'd much rather see a smile any fucking day. And what I tell her isn't going to make her smile. I'm sure of it. Shit.
"Harper, I…it won't be how you think it will be." I can see the wheels turning as she tries to think of all the possibilities of what I might actually be implying.
"What do you mean?" Never the guesser, she's going to make me say it outright.
"I uh, hmm…" I pause as I try to figure out exactly how I'm going to say this. I've never had to say it before because everyone else just let me boss them around with no questions asked. But Harper's different. She doesn't deserve just being told what to do because I feel uncomfortable of some things.
"There are...I can only be touched in certain ways. If that makes sense?" Hell. Even I know that doesn't even make any fucking sense. But her eyes light up like she's on to something.
"Yes, I know that, Roma. You don't like anyone touching your hands or your back. I certainly think I can remember that as I—"
"No, Harper. That's not what I mean."
She has no idea what I'm talking about. No fucking idea, I can tell. Great. I pinch the bridge of my nose between my finger and thumb, willing the headache that's forming to go away.
"Harper, ever since him I've liked to be in control." I look over at her and she just nods her head to let me know she's following me.
"And ever since then, I've needed control in these types of situations when it…comes down to me the most. You know what I mean?'' She furrows her brow and I can tell what she's thinking and what I'm thinking are two totally different things.
"Are you saying you like to be sexually dominant because you were forced to be dominated?" What the fuck. No, that's definitely not what I'm saying. Is it? I certainly don't force people to do anything, if that's what she means. I'm not into BSDM or whatever the fuck it is. I just like telling them where they can touch me. I guess what I mean isn't really all that bad compared to all the scenarios she's probably thinking up.
"Uh, no. Not what I mean, Harp. I'm just…bossy. I like to tell people what they can and can't do to me. I'm not a sadist or anything, Jesus Christ."
"Actually, Roma, sadist refers to—"
"Not the point, Harper. I just don't want to boss you around. You deserve more than that."
And she does. She deserves someone who can let her do whatever the fuck she wants with them. But I can't. I can't give her that. I haven't let anyone touch me with anything other than their mouth in five years. Anything other than that reminds me too much of him. She deserves more than only being able to do that with me.
I guess I'm looking pretty distraught and torn about this because she reaches over and pulls me into a kiss. I feel her every emotion being poured into it. I feel comforted. At peace. Like I belong right here next to her every day for the rest of my damn life. She slowly pulls back just far enough to be able to look me into the eye.
"Roma, you can't change your past. But, you can let go and start your future," she rubs her thumbs across my cheeks, "I want to be in your future, Roma. I want to help you let go and start again. It won't be today, tomorrow, or even next week. It won't be easy, Roma. But that's okay, because I'll be here. I'll be here to help you every step of the way if you'll let me."
And oddly enough, I know she's right. She will be here. Through every single thing I throw at her—even something as fucked up as this. Hell, she's stuck with me so far and that's monumental. Most people would've run away as soon as they found out the half of my story. But not Harper. She's stronger than I give her credit for.
"I'll let you be there for me, Harper. Just like I'm here for you." I pull her in and give her a quick kiss. I'll never tire of feeling her lips against me. I slowly pull back and rest my forehead against hers.
"I should go," I whisper it. I don't want to go, but I should. I feel her tighten her grip on my biceps without pulling her face back away from mine.
"Why? I understand if you don't want to do anything else tonight, Roma. But you could sleep here again like last night...Please?" The 'please' almost has me. She says it so quietly that I know I wouldn't have heard it if I wasn't so close to her. But I really can't and it's killing me.
"I can't, Harper. This conversation has dredged up more things than I'd like to remember. I have to go home tonight."
I feel her slight nod against me as she understands what I'm saying. I don't have to tell her about my nightmares to let her know they exist. She just knows. I was lucky I didn't have one last night. Two nights here would be pushing it, especially after this fucked up conversation and the memories it brings.
"Okay." She lets go of my arms as I stand up and walk to the door. I want to walk out and not l
ook back, but I can't. I turn back around to face her and I know I shouldn't have. I feel the lump rise in my throat. I hate him for what he did to me. I hate how much he's fucked up my life. But most of all, I hate how he's keeping me from staying here with her. The one good thing I've finally found. I fight the tightness of my throat so I can tell her how much I want to stay, how much she means to me, how I won't leave her like everyone else has.
"Make sure you lock the door, Harper."
That's all I'm capable of getting out before I turn back around and leave.
Chapter 12
My wrists are bound to the arms of a chair with zip ties, my ankles bound to it with rope. I'm gagged with a thick cloth that tastes of strongly of sweat and blood. I try to fight against my binds before slowly opening my eyes. What I see makes me involuntarily heave, my heartbeat race. A sheet of sweat covers my body as I start to panic. This fucking can't be happening.
Harper is lying on her stomach across a table, her bare back exposed. Her wrists and legs are bound to all four corners making her body resemble an X. This is all too familiar, this fucking can't be happening. I try to scream, but the gag causes it to barely be a groan. But, it's enough to get Harper's attention because she turns her head to face me. There's a gash on her forehead and blood is running down her nose. My body is shaking from how hard I'm trying to get to her. To save her. It isn't supposed to be like this. But I can't move, the ties are too strong. Tears start streaming down my face.
"Roma, I'm okay. Don't worry."
I try to yell out and tell her she isn't okay. To tell her that what's about to happen will change her for the rest of her life. To tell her that I'm sorry that I can't save her from this. But all that comes out are stifled whimpers. This can't be real. Dear fucking God, don't let this be real.
I hear the heavy metal door bang shut. It's a sound I know all too fucking well. My heart is about to burst out of my chest. I need to save her. I need to get to her before he does. But, it's too late.
I see him walk up to far side of the table Harper is lying on. He looks over her body with a smirk on his face before glancing back up at me. Those same cold, gray eyes. The same sickening grin plastered on his face. I'm breathing harder and faster now. Harper's eyes have never left my face. They're glazed over, like she's already accepted her fate. This can't be happening. But it is.
"It's nice to see you again, Roma.” He rasps. “You’ve always been my favorite.”
I want to tell him to fuck off, to leave her alone. But I'm paralyzed with fear and not even a stifled yell comes out. He trails his hand up the expanse of her back. I feel my throat constrict as I realize what's coming. If there is anything good left in this fucking world, come save her. She doesn't deserve this. No one does.
Harper doesn't even flinch as he roams his hand across her back. She's just staring at me. Expecting me to save her, but I can't. I can't and it's killing me.
"Are you glad you could join us, Ms. Rose?" I wait for her to answer, but she doesn't.
"Cat got your tongue,” he teases. “Let's see if we can change that."
I see him raise the black whip up above his head and I try to yell, to escape. But I can't stop him and he knows it. He brings it down against her as hard as he can. Marring the perfect ivory skin of her back with a deep gash. Her hands ball up and her knuckles turn white, but she doesn't make a single sound. Tears are running down her face. I would do anything to just be able to wipe them away. Anything. This is killing me and he knows it. It's all just some twisted sick fuck game to him and he loves it. I pull so hard against the chair trying to get to her that I feel the scars on my wrists reopen.
"Still not talking?” He pauses, waiting for an answer. “We'll see about that.”
He cracks the whip against her two more times before she finally screams out and pulls hard against her restraints. He laughs this god awful laugh that makes me want to fucking puke. He's loving how much this is hurting me. He doesn't even care about Harper. He just wants to see how much more he can destroy me.
"That's not nearly good enough, Ms. Rose." One more slash against her back and she finally breaks down.
"Roma, help me." I'm pulling so hard against the zip ties my wrists are bleeding. I'm screaming so hard against the cloth gag that I can no longer breathe. He cackles at my struggle and brings it down across her again.
"Please, Roma. Please help me."
I keep crying and pulling at my ties as she begs me to please help her after every crack of the whip. He's relentless, six more come down across her. She's covered in blood and her face is so pale I know she's about to pass out from the pain. I wish she would. Anything to save her from this.
"I will ruin you for the next person, and the next, and the next,” He chants. “I will be all there is, and all there can be. Just ask Roma, she'll tell you."
One more crack of the whip and she finally loses consciousness, but he doesn't stop. Not until he gets to that number that I know all too well.
"That's seventeen,” he says, looking to me. “Now you match. A constant reminder of how you brought her into this…how you failed to protect her."
He slowly walks over to stand right in front of me, knife in hand. My breath catches as he dauntingly brings it up to my neck. I feel the cold metal press into my skin and warm blood ooze down my throat. He leans in and looks into my eyes.
"No one's here to save you this time."
….
I jerk awake in a panic, my clothes soaked through with sweat. I jump out of my bed and run into the bathroom, barely making it in time to retch in the toilet. I heave until there's nothing left and my abs are aching. I scoot backward until I'm sitting against the cold wall.
I've had nightmares before, but nothing compared to that fucking shit. The ones where he came for me, hurt me, and even killed me had nothing on this. He came for Harper. Harper fucking Rose. The one person on this earth that absolutely doesn't deserve experiencing his torture and the toll it brings.
How could I be so fucking stupid. How could I bring her into the fucked up world I live in. She shouldn't have to deal with any of my shit. She shouldn't have to deal with someone as broken and damaged as me. Work gives us enough grief. She doesn’t need me to deal with too.
And that's when it hits me in the face like a ton of fucking bricks. I need her as much as she needs me. I need her to pick up my pieces and glue them all back together. I need her to fill the void that he left me with. And she needs me to protect her. To make sure she never has to go through even a fraction of what I've experienced. She's saving me just like I'm saving her. It may be a fucked up thought, but it helps me cope. A smile cracks through the tears streaming down my face. If I didn't believe in fate, I sure as hell do now.
Chapter 13
I'm sitting at a picnic table in a not very well-known part of the park waiting on Harper to meet me here. I haven't seen her in the past four days because she had to go to a spur of the moment conference in Idaho the morning after I did her against her door. I don't even know what the fuck is in Idaho that's so important, but whatever. She's coming back today and I told her I want to see her. She seemed pretty fucking happy to get to see me, too. Which is fucking good because my nightmares have only gotten worse. I suspect it's from me wanting to physically see her and make sure she's okay.
I hear a car door shut and I look over to the parking lot. Harper walks towards me with a huge smile plastered on her face. She's wearing a Henley type shirt with a pair of skin tight jeans and boots that go to her knees. She looks fucking amazing. Even better than I remember. I get up and meet her halfway, pulling her into the tightest hug I can manage. I feel her breath tickle my neck as she lets out a small laugh.
"Missed me, Roma?" I pull back and smile.
"Yeah, I guess I have." I wrap my arm around her waist and start walking over toward the table where I was sitting.
"For the record, I've missed you, too." It's like a smile has taken permanent residency on my face. I can't
stop looking at her. I'm just so glad she's here and okay.
We sit down and I pull off two sheets of aluminum foil from the roll I had sitting on the table. I put one in front of her and one in front of myself. She looks down at it and then around the table. She has no idea what to do with it and the face she's making is cracking me up.
"What’s this?" I start folding mine in different places as I talk.
"When I was little, my dadwould bring us kids down here to the park to make aluminum boats. When we were done, we'd go down to the river and race them." She looks over at me briefly—debating on whether or not to ask a question—before deciding to give in and start making hers.
"We'd make bets on what we wanted to do if we won. Small stuff. You know, like who could get out of doing the dishes after dinner or whatever." She's intently making the worst fucking boat I've ever seen. All I do is smile and go back to making mine.
"What would you like to do if you win, Roma?" I start laughing as I finish mine up. It's the same design I've used for years and I've never lost. I almost feel kind of bad for conning her into this. Almost.
"Hmm. If I win…I get to drive your car to work tomorrow." She drives a 2018 Benz for Christ's sake. Who wouldn't want to get a piece of that action? I look over at her and she just smiles.
"That's all? I would've let you driven it already if you'd have asked." Of fucking course, she would've. She's just perfectly nice like that. Too late to change my wager now.
"What about if you win, Harper?" I see her furrow her brow as she thinks about it and finishes the last fold of her horrible little boat. Her eyes light up as she figures out what she wants.
"If I win, I want to hold your hand. No gloves."