Places I Never Meant To Go

by Shay Lynam

  I shook my head. “Nah,” I said. “I'm just getting my AA for now.”

  “No plans for a future career?” Alex asked me.

  “I'm not sure yet,” I replied with a shrug. “Nothing really stands out to me yet.”

  Judy smiled. “You'll get there,” she said. “It took me a while to figure out that I wanted to be a lawyer when I was younger.”

  “That sounds cool enough,” I said. “Maybe I'll become a lawyer.” Paul chuckled from in front of me. I kicked him in the back of the leg jokingly. “Don't think I could do it?”

  “I don't think you want to do it.”

  “I object!” I called dramatically. “Ooh,” I turned to his mom. “That feels good. It feels right.”

  Judy and Alex laughed as Paul rubbed the back of his leg. “You could be a professional soccer player with a kick like that.”

  “Think I could pull off those short shorts and high socks they wear?”

  “You could pull off anything, honey,” Paul joked.

  I'm pretty sure I saw his parents share a look before leading us back out the door of the art building and into the courtyard. “So, all joking aside,” his dad continued. “What would you be interested in doing, Tyler?”

  I smiled thinking for a second. “I always thought it would be cool to be a teacher, I suppose,” I replied stopping a stray soccer ball with my foot. I kicked it back to the guy waving his arms at me.

  “Thanks!” he called.

  I raised my hand in a “you're welcome” sort of way.

  “What would you want to teach?” Judy asked me.

  We were almost to the cafe by then and the sun was starting to feel a bit hotter to me. It was weird having someone I barely even knew take such an interest in me. Or maybe this was how normal people were. Maybe my mom's and my relationship really was a freak of nature.

  “I'm not really sure,” I finally replied remembering I had been asked a question, “I was always thinking it would be fun to be one of those moody college professors who comes in late and drinks gin out of a coffee mug. Other than that, I don't really have a preference.”

  The two of them laughed making me feel, again, a stab of jealousy in the pit of my stomach. Paul was keeping quiet, holding the door open for the three of us. When I got to him, I narrowed my eyes and leaned in. “I hate you,” I whispered.

  “They weren't always like this,” he replied and pushed me in after them.

  The cafe wasn't much more than a glorified school cafeteria. I mean, sure there were a few more choices. Instead of mystery meat chili and crusty mashed potatoes, we got decent cheeseburgers, sandwiches, and pretty much anything else you could dream of. The place was pretty packed as always at this time of day but the four of us managed to get what we wanted and went into the sitting area, taking an empty booth on one of the walls. From there, I could see out at some of the campus.

  I won't lie, going to New York University had definitely been one of the few rebellious choices I actually enjoyed. Even the black spider tattoo I had gotten on my shoulder at sixteen wasn't something I would have gotten if not for my mother telling me that I was forbidden to ever get one. Of course it had to be a spider when I saw her flinch after seeing one one day.

  Now, I sat there across from Paul's parents, seeing them smiling, happy together and happy for their son and wished I could do something to make them proud of me too.

  “So, Tyler, what are your plans after college?” Alex asked me, spearing a piece of lettuce and a crouton with his fork.

  I shrugged. “I'm not sure yet,” I replied. “Paul and I have talked about getting our own place together in the city”

  “Yeah,” Paul added, his mouth full of food. “It's pretty expensive to live here. Luckily we're already used to sharing a room so it shouldn't be too hard to find a smallish place that's comfortable.”

  Alex cleared his throat. “Yes, I see. Very good.” With that, he turned his attention back to his salad.

  I looked over at Paul who just shrugged and continued eating his sandwich. Judy leaned in over her food and stared at me intently. I stared back not really sure if I was supposed to say something or wait for her to say something. After a few seconds, neither of us had said a word and I felt my stomach churning with uneasiness.

  “Mom?” Paul finally broke the silence. “I think you're freaking him out a bit.”

  She straightened back up and looked at her son. “Sorry,” she smiled. “sorry, never mind.” I tried to shrug it off and smiled back, finally taking the last bite of the burger I had in my hands. It was weird but I felt like there was something going on with the two of them.

  That evening, Paul and I stood with his parents outside of their car in the parking lot. I watched as they gave their son a hug and then Alex shook my hand and started getting in the car. Before Judy went around to her side, she took my face in her hands and looked me in the eyes. “I am glad Paul has found someone he can be truly happy with,” she said, her eyes filled with sincerity. My eyes shifted over to Paul who was bent down talking to his dad through the window and had not heard what his mom had said. I looked back at her. Finally, I just gave her a nod and a smile then stepped back and waved. Paul helped her in her side then came to stand beside me. Alex was staring, giving us the most weirded out look I had ever seen, so I put my arm around Paul's shoulders and pulled him in close, waving and grinning my widest grin. His dad just nodded at us, the look not leaving his face, and pulled away from the curb. I didn't stop waving until the car had turned the corner and disappeared down the street.

  Once they were gone, I let go of Paul. “Your parents think we're gay,” I said and patted him once on the butt before heading for the dorms.

  “Sir?” I jerked my head up. Apparently, I had fallen asleep and now I looked around the bright diner with fuzzy eyes. I had to rub them hard and blink a few times before the waitress standing in front of my table came in clear. The girl looked to be just a bit younger than me. Her hair was dark and pulled back in a low ponytail. Her teeth were whiter than normal and her eyes were big, almost scared looking. “Do you want to order anything?”

  I grabbed the menu in front of me and looked at it for a second before turning to face her again. “Could you just give me another minute?” I asked with a sigh.

  The girl smiled shyly. “Sure,” she said with a nod and walked away.

  With another sigh, I looked back down at the menu. The words were still all blurring together making my head pound. Giving up, I crawled out of the booth and headed for the bathroom, brushing past the cute waitress in the process. “I'll be right back,” I muttered to her then pushed the restroom door in.

  It was pretty grubby looking, though I guess it looked pretty good for being a diner bathroom. I couldn't tell if the walls really were the color green I was seeing or if the lighting was just so poor it made everything look like the bathroom scene from a horror movie. The mirror was cracked and had little black specks all over it but I didn't really care. I turned on the faucet and splashed water onto my face, holding my wet, cold hands against my cheeks for a few seconds before going back under to make them cold again. By the third or fourth time, my headache was finally going away so I grabbed some paper towels to dry my face and neck off and went back out into the diner. I was surprised to see the wide eyed waitress sitting at my table seemingly waiting for me. When I sat down, she straightened up, her eyes looking even more wide than before.

  “I put in an order for you,” she said as I sat down across from her.

  I looked at her for a second. “Thanks,” I finally said. “What am I having?”

  “It's a surprise.”

  As I took a bottle of ibuprofen out of my pocket, I couldn't help but chuckle. After swallowing five and washing them down with water, I looked back up at the girl. “Well, thanks,” I said. “I can't wait.”

  The girl smiled a small smile at me. I shifted in my seat, wondering to myself why she decided to sit down with me at my booth. “So,” I sta
rted after a few moments of silence. “Do you always join your customers at their tables?”

  She shook her head. “No,” she said nervously. “I just got off work and...I just thought you looked a bit lonely.”

  I couldn't help but smile at this girl's sincerity. “Well, thanks,” I uttered as the food came to the table. Steam rose up from the hot turkey sandwich and mashed potatoes on my plate. Looking up at the girl sitting across from me, I saw her eyes shine when she saw the expression on my face.

  “It's not on the menu,” she shrugged with a smile.

  “Thanks,” I said and dug right in. The sweet taste of cranberry sauce made my mouth water and the turkey was salty, hot and delicious. “This is amazing,” I finally said after scarfing down almost half of it. I paused mid bite and stared at the girl. “What's your name?” I asked her.

  She dipped her head shyly and looked down at her hands, lacing her fingers together nervously. “Ruby,” she replied quietly.

  “I'm Tyler,” I said holding my hand out to her. Ruby put her tiny hand in mine and shook it. Her hand was warm and fragile like I was holding a humming bird in my palm. I let go again and smiled at her. “and thanks for keeping me company,” I added. “It has been a long day.”

  “Where are you headed?” Ruby asked me.

  I dipped my spoon in my mashed potatoes and turned it over in front of my eyes. “I'm trying to get to Portland,” I replied.

  “Oregon?”

  “Yeah, I'm looking for somebody.”

  Ruby's eyes fell just barely enough for me to notice. “A girl?” she asked me.

  “A friend,” I said meeting her eyes. “She's missing so I'm just trying to find her.”

  “I see. So, where are you coming from?”

  “New York.”

  “Wow,” Ruby whispered. “This must be an important friend.”

  I finally put the spoon in my mouth. The mashed potatoes were smooth and buttery. “Well, when you don't have many friends, they're all important.”

  Again she smiled, the timid look slowly fading from her big eyes. “Well,” she said. “That's really cool of you. I wish a guy would save me from this sink hole.”

  I looked around. “Oh come on, you're living the dream.” My eyes settled on a man coming out of the kitchen, his apron stained with grease, his belly hanging out from under his shirt. I could feel my gut clench. “See there?” I swallowed as I watched the guy stick his finger in his mouth and pick something out of his teeth with his fingernail. “He looks like a real...”

  “That's Marty,” Ruby said sighing. “He's the epitome of this place.”

  “Just don't tell me that he's the one that made this meal for me,” I said and dropped my spoon onto my plate.

  “Oh, no he didn't.”

  I sighed with relief.

  “His brother, Otto, did,” she finished nodding toward the door again.

  This time I turned around and about lost my lunch. The doors swung open again and out came an absolute ogre. He had a beard that reached down to his belly button and it was caked and crusted with something unrecognizable and gut wrenching. The teeth he still had were black as well as the stubs on the ends of his fingers. I couldn't even call them nails. His face was covered with sores and his shirt front looked even worse than his brother's. I could feel that turkey sandwich rolling around in my stomach and something was coming quickly up my throat.

  “I need air,” I croaked then got up and ran out of there as fast as I could.

  Outside, I gulped in as much of the clean, frigid air as I could. I sat down against the building and put my head in my hands trying to suppress the nausea.

  I lit my cigarette and leaned my head back, blowing smoke up into the black, starless sky. The moon was hidden behind some clouds, illuminating them and making them look ghostly and haunted. I wondered if Emily could see the same thing I was seeing from where she was. Maybe she was looking out the window of whatever apartment or house she was being held up in and wondering the same thing as me. Or maybe she was tied up in a forest, completely alone looking up at the sky and hoping whatever noise she had just heard was the wind. I shook my head trying to get the image of a wolf attack out of my mind. I couldn't think like that. Emily was fine, I was sure of it. I took another drag from my cigarette. Almost sure of it. Closing my eyes, I couldn't help but see images of a scared blonde girl running through the woods, her hair flying back from her face while branches tore at her cheeks and clothes. The sound of animalistic breathing, running footsteps.

  “Can I join you?”

  My eyes snapped open again and I found Ruby standing there shivering in her skirt and black hoodie. I nodded and scooted over a bit so she could sit beside me. When I held out a cigarette to her, she took it between two of her tiny fingers and pulled a lighter out of her pocket.

  “I'm sorry I rushed out of there so fast,” I said shoving one of my hands in my pockets in hopes of getting some feeling back in my fingers.

  “It's okay,” she replied and blew out smoke. “It sounds like you've had a rough few days.”

  I chuckled pathetically. “Try a rough life,” I muttered and put my head back against the building. “I feel like if I don't do this, then what's the point, ya know?” I shifted my eyes to look at her.

  She shrugged. “I suppose,” she said and brought the cigarette up to her lips again. “I don't think everyone has to do something remarkable to make their lives worth it. Living a crappy life and being willing to get up day after day is remarkable enough for me.”

  The cigarette stub slipped from between my fingers and I used my shoe to snub it out. I looked over at Ruby. She was staring up at the sky, her big eyes reflecting the moonlit clouds making them glow. “As long as this isn't crossing a line, I would say you're pretty remarkable,” I said. “Ya know, even though I only met you about an hour ago.”

  Ruby turned her head to look at me, surprise filling her eyes and a smile hinting at the corners of her mouth. “You might be crossing the line just a bit,” she joked.

  I smiled looking down at my frozen fingers. Hers landed on top of mine, warming them immediately. “How are your hands not ice cubes?” I asked using one of my own to play with a ring nestled on her middle finger. It had a brilliant red stone that flashed like cold fire.

  Ruby shrugged. “I guess I'm just warm blooded.”

  “I'm pretty sure it's going to take me a few days to thaw out after being in this cold for so long.” I muttered flexing my aching hands. Ruby scooted just a little closer to me and looked me in the eyes.

  “Mind if I cross a line?” she asked me.

  I felt my heart hammering in my chest at this point and somehow whatever heat was left in my body flooded to my ears making them burn. “It'll make us even, I suppose,” I replied under my breath.

  Any trace of the timid girl I had met only an hour before completely disappeared as she leaned in close, her breath warming my face before her mouth touched mine. Almost like magic, her lips sent warmth shooting through my body, reaching into my fingers and toes and causing the ice in my veins to melt and my lungs to thaw. The kiss was deep and burrowed down into my bones, radiating heat into them. When she pulled away again, I just stared at her. Our cigarettes were laying on the ground, cold and dead. So then why could I see smoke curling out from behind her teeth.

  My lips were still tingling, even four hours after leaving Davenport, Iowa and Ruby behind and entering Nebraska. That kiss, more likely the food, had given me energy to keep driving through then night.

  I hit Grand Island, Nebraska by six in the morning and pulled over as the effects of Ruby's kiss wore off. By now I was so tired I was feeling sick. I put the car in park and leaned my seat back. The sky was beginning to lighten to an orange color as I gazed dizzily up at it. As I stared, my eyelids too tired to close, the clouds began to swirl around, folding in on themselves like they were in a mixer. I watched them mold into a devilish image of my mom's face. Her chin was pointy and looked sharp, her
eyes were hollow and dark and her tongue darted in and out of her toothy mouth like in the dream I had had a few days before.

  Before I could react, not that I could what with how tired I was, the clouds started collapsing in on themselves again and shaping into two figures. One was a girl running with her arms shielding her face from tree branches threatening to tear her skin while the other was a giant wolf, closing in on her with every bound. Run, Emily! I thought to myself then watched in horror as the wolf began morphing again, never losing speed. Now, it was a huge slinky dragon blowing cloudy fire and smoke from its mouth only missing Emily by centimeters. The girl then disappeared into thin air and the dragon turned to look at me now. Its eyes burned with red fire, and its scales gleamed white like ice. It spread its mouth open into a wide, evil grin as smoke curled out from behind its teeth. Ruby?

  I sat up with a start, breathing hard. Sweat glazed my forehead and above my lip. Had I been dreaming? Looking up at the blue sky and then down at the clock, I saw I had been out for a good five hours.

  “Crap,” I muttered as I turned the engine over. It took a few extra seconds to warm itself back up then it roared to life, making my head pound. I needed to get something to eat. I was done wasting time at crappy diners and risking eating vomit inducing food. Instead I hit the drive thru of a fast food burger place. Sure, it wasn't much better but at least I knew what I was getting.

  Not long after I had finished eating, I was back on the freeway, gas tank and belly full. This CD I was listening to was already on its eighth or ninth run through and I decided it was time for another one. I pulled it out of the CD player and tossed it in the backseat then went back into the glove box and took out the first one I grabbed. The album cover had a picture of a girl cutting the head off of a doll. Sure why not, I thought to myself and put it in.

  About an hour into this CD, a loud crack interrupted the song and I felt the whole car shift. Slamming the brakes, I squealed to a stop on the side of the freeway. When I came to a stop, I sat there for a second trying to comprehend what had just happened. After the dust settled, I got out of the car and around to the other side. I groaned when I saw that my front tire was completely flat and shredded. Good thing the kid I had bought the car from had mentioned there was a spare tire. I went around to the back and opened the trunk. Lifting up the piece of plywood, I felt a bit of my anger evaporate. Then pulling the tire out and seeing that it was flat as well made the anger come back and rise in my throat. Cursing loudly, I threw the tire down the embankment next to the freeway and watched it roll a few yards then fall over into the dirt.