How to Be Someone Else

by Rachel Del

  Chapter 9

  Alex

  We drove until we hit the water. When we stopped, the sun was just setting over Windansea Beach.

  Penny was the first one out of the car, pulling off her shoes and digging her toes into the warm sand. We didn’t know what to do. We made no plans beyond filling up the gas tank and hitting the highway, so we walked.

  Penny was quiet, but I had expected that. I knew the way she worked. I knew she had to wrestle with all her emotions in her head and on paper before she could make sense of it all. I knew that when she was ready, she would come to me. And then maybe I could stop her from trying to find herself by sleeping around.

  Talon seemed to make it his personal mission not to allow us a single minute of silence. I zoned in and out of his one sided conversation, knowing that he wouldn’t notice anyway, and kept my mind focused on Penny. I knew her parents were having a rough go, had noticed that Tony seemed to be around less and less, but I never imagined them calling it quits. To be honest, I didn’t think failure was in Tony Williams’ vocabulary. He seemed to be driven solely by success and loyalty. These traits became the yardstick through which he measured everyone he met.

  I’d never admit it to her, but I was often jealous of Penny. Her parents had always supported and encouraged her in everything she did. From a young age, her dad had insisted she join him at his marketing firm after college graduation. It seemed like a hundred years away when he first mentioned it, but now only a summer away from her senior year, it was right around the corner.

  I had two smart and successful parents who were still happily married, but I hadn’t had a cushy job waiting for me after graduation. I had a job that I was not only vastly overqualified for, but vastly underpaid, as well. I never intended to stay. It was only supposed to be temporary. At least that’s what I’d told myself over and over. But then the bills started stacking up. My piece of shit car needed work. Talon wanted to go out. I needed food in the fridge and air conditioning to get through the miserably hot Las Vegas summers. There was always something. And so I couldn’t leave. As bad off as I was now, being unemployed was out of the question.

  On top of all that, I had the seemingly impossible task of living up to my older brother and sister who had become an investment banker and a pediatrician, respectively. My parents reminded me on a weekly basis that I couldn’t possibly achieve the kind of success they had in the design field.

  In the beginning, I spent my days assuring them they were wrong, but time wore me down, Monica wore me down. Now, I knew they were right. Each day that passed by was only a reminder I was running out of time to figure out what the hell I was going to do about it.

  “A road trip was a great idea,” I heard Talon say, and I couldn’t help but agree. With my feet in the California sand and Penny by my side, life couldn’t get much sweeter.

  We spent that first night in La Jolla walking the beach, and then the streets when we’d had enough of the sand beneath our feet. Intent on staying up all night, we drank can after can of Red Bull. But our bodies worked against us, our legs tired and our eyes drooped until, eventually, we trudged our way back to the car and fell asleep, shaking from the cool night air.

  In the morning, when the sun woke us up far earlier than we liked, we climbed out of the car and did our best to shake the lack of sleep from our bones. That failed and we ended up filling our bodies with fatty muffins, bagels and coffee from a tiny shop nearby. Even the coffee shop smelled of salt water, and I knew I was where I was meant to be.

  Penny held the steaming cup of coffee to her lips and blew softly. “I wanted to thank you guys for helping me get the heck out of dodge. It’s pretty cool of you to just drop everything like that for me.”

  Talon kept his eyes locked on the empty plate in front of him. Penny looked back and forth between the two of us.

  “What? What is it?”

  I opened my mouth to speak, but Talon shot me a look.

  “What?” Penny repeated.

  “He doesn’t like to talk about it,” I said, ignoring the imaginary daggers headed my way, “but Talon just got pretty screwed over by this girl…”

  Talon dropped his head into his hands, embarrassed. I could see the wheels turning in Penny’s mind.

  “Here’s the thing about girls our age,” she said.

  She had our attention.

  “We don’t know what we want. We really don’t. We might be madly in love with you one day, and wake up the next only to find we can’t remember what even drew us to you in the first place. As hard as it is, you can’t take it personally. We’re testing the waters, you know? Seeing what fits and doesn’t … and not just when it comes to guys. We’re all just trying to figure out what the hell we want out of life. And sometimes, like in your case, guys can become an unfortunate casualty of it all.”

  Talon slumped forward in his seat. “Really?”

  Penny nodded somberly. “I’m afraid so.”

  He looked defeated, but I was oddly happy.

  “What’s up with you?” he asked.

  “Honestly, what you just said explains so much. I always just thought that all girls eventually turned into bitches.”

  “Except me, of course.”

  “We’re just friends, you don’t count.”

  She let the comment slide off of her. “We’re all just trying to figure out what fits and what doesn’t.”

  But Talon still looked defeated. “That doesn’t help me one bit.”

  “Oh shut up,” I said, “it does too.”

  Penny waited a few beats before turning to Talon. “Can I ask what happened between you two?”

  Talon looked like he was going to be ill. He lifted a shaky hand and ran it through his hair. A few flakes of dandruff fell from his head, but we all said nothing, knowing that we were all thinking the same thing. We needed to find a place to stay. We needed showers.

  Finally, I spoke up. “He’s had a thing for this girl, Jenny, since the tenth grade, but never had enough guts to do anything about it. Our junior year of college comes around and finally he grows some balls and asks her out. It turns out she’d had a thing for him all that time too. So they start dating and everything is going great until he finds a note tucked inside her statistics textbook from some guy named Colin. It turns out that she has some boyfriend who is away studying at USC. What Talon finally got out of her in way of her reasoning was that she was lonely. That was it. She was lonely.”

  “I’m sorry, that really sucks.”

  “We saw her two nights ago … with him.” Talon said.

  “So that’s why you had no problem with getting out of town.” Penny noted.

  Talon lifted his chin. “People always think that we’re running away from our problems, when really we’re just trying to step back and gain some perspective.”

  “We’re all just trying to see what fits and what doesn’t,” I whispered, repeating Penny’s wise words.

  Chapter 10

  Penny

  The dirt swirled around at my feet before finding its way down the drain. Even over the sound of the shower I could hear Alex and Talon bickering in the next room, likely over what to watch on the five channels of TV that we’d been granted. The cheap shampoo we bought made it nearly impossible to comb through my long hair and by the time I was dressed and looking like something that loosely resembled myself, I stepped out of the bathroom to find I was alone in the tiny motel room.

  I reached for my glasses on the dingy nightstand. “Guys?”

  I found them sitting by the pool, which was small and only vaguely clean. They were both un-showered, still.

  “How your skin is not crawling, I’ll never understand.”

  Talon looked up. “Eh, we’ve been through worse.”

  I shuddered, not wanting to think about what that meant. “You guys want to do something? Get some food?” I fiddled with a loose thread on my shorts, waiting for their direction. “Guys? Food?”

  “Sure,” Talon s
aid with a shrug.

  Alex was heading for the edge of the pool. “Bring us something?”

  I pulled my hair up into a loose bun and turned away. “Alright, I’ll be back soon.”

  I walked down La Jolla Blvd, reading off the names of the places I passed. I settled on a small bagel place that smelled like dough and sugar, and ordered three egg, ham and cheese sandwiches and three iced teas.

  “We close in three minutes,” the lady behind the counter said with a sneer.

  “Oh, I’m sorry.”

  She took my money with a sigh and got to work preparing my order. I prayed that she didn’t spit in our sandwiches.

  The sun was pouring down on me when I stepped back outside, the oily paper bag firmly in my right hand. It was impossible not to take notice of how beautiful and peaceful La Jolla was. Vegas had its perks, but this little slice of California was heaven on a budget. What the hell was I going to do when it was time to go back?

  I shook my head roughly, tossing the thought from my mind.

  Alex and Talon ate their food quickly and graciously. We had all eaten far too little over the past thirty-six hours. When their stomachs were happily full they pulled off their sweat stained t-shirts and slipped into the pool. I watched Alex for a moment, allowing my eyes to travel along the V of his upper body, before lying back on the lounge chair and closing my eyes.

  I simply couldn’t imagine going back home.

  Alex

  I wasn’t stupid. I saw the way Penny looked at me; it was the same way I always looked at her. But we had long ago settled into the friend zone, so the fact she was beautiful in an understated kind of way — with her shoulder-length light brown hair and hazel eyes hidden behind black glasses – simply meant that I got to walk around with a beautiful best friend in tow. I’d never seen her wear any makeup other than light mascara, but she didn’t need it. And that goofy smile of hers could make your day. I knew, without a doubt, my life was better because she was in it.

  Just as a friend, of course.

  “Hello, earth to Alex.”

  I blinked slowly and turned to Talon. His red hair was matted to his head in thick, wet chunks.

  “I said I’m going to go grab a shower. I thought the pool might help, but I honestly think it’s only made me feel more disgusting than I already did.”

  “Cool.”

  I was already headed for the ladder next to where Penny was lying. She stirred when I sat down on the lounge chair beside her, opening one eye to study me. “What?”

  “I can smell you from here.”

  I pursed my lips. “You cannot.”

  “I assure you I can. And it is not at all pleasant.”

  She closed her eye and I let my gaze travel down the length of her. She was dressed simply, in a cream colored t-shirt and cutoff jeans, but she looked great. She always looked great.

  “It’s not polite to stare.”

  I smiled and sank back into the chair. In the distance I could just make out the sound of rap music and barking dogs.

  “What the hell am I going to do?” Penny said suddenly.

  I stared straight ahead up at the sky. “You’re a resilient person, you’ll figure it out.”

  “That’s it? That’s your big advice for me?”

  “I don’t know what to say, Pen. It’s such a shitty situation. What I meant is that no matter what comes your way, you’re maddeningly good at rolling with the punches.”

  She sighed, propping herself up on her elbows and squinting up at the sun. “As much as my dad wasn’t around, I always knew he was coming home, you know? All his stuff was there. Now there’s no sign of him at all.”

  “Penny, they’re getting divorced, he’s not dying. You’re going to see him.”

  “How? When? I mean, I’m not a kid; he can’t cart me off to his place every other weekend. And what about Dex? What are they going to do about him? He’s just a kid.”

  I got up from my chair and sat down beside her, nudging her over. “Don’t you think these questions should be directed at your parents?”

  Before she could answer, Talon came sprinting around the corner. “Hurry up and take a shower so we can get the heck out of here. This place is depressing.”

  I shot Penny an apologetic look and jumped to my feet. “Back in ten.”

  When I returned, they were in the same place I had left them, in silence. I wasn’t surprised really. Penny hated small talk, finding it to be a waste of time. I believe her words were something like, “why the hell would I want to talk about something as mundane as the weather? I want to know what makes you tick.” And Talon … well, he was probably incapable of having any kind of a real conversation. “Ready, guys?”

  Talon shoved his iPhone back into his pocket and looked at me. “I don’t care where we go; I just need to get away from this place. I’ve only just showered away the feeling of bed bugs crawling all over me.”

  “It’s not that bad.”

  “Whatever, man. Let’s just go.”

  I stepped aside to allow Talon and Penny to pass me. “Any ideas on what to do, Penny?”

  She looked as though she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. “Actually, if you don’t mind, I think I’m going to wander off on my own. At the risk of sounding like a complete girl, I need time to think. I heard there’s a cool bookstore nearby, I might check that out; get a cup of coffee or something.”

  Talon seemed to inflate. He had admitted to me the night before that it hadn’t exactly been the kind of road trip he’d envisioned. It was obvious to everyone but Penny that he was happy to be getting away from her. I sent a silent ‘thank you’ into thin air.

  “I get it,” I said. “Shoot me a text when you’re ready to meet up again and we can see where everyone’s at. Enjoy the bookstore.” I winked.

  It was in a bookstore that I first saw Penny Williams. Even though it was nine years ago, I still remember it like it was yesterday. She was this mess of a thing, her hair ratty and tangled, and she had round, red glasses back then. The poor thing. But she didn’t care how she looked, and she still didn’t. She was so caught up in the book in her hand to notice anyone else. I hadn’t planned on talking to her, but when she closed her book and reached out for the last copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, the exact title I had come for, my hand was a little forced.

  “Wait,” I said, and then stood back, unsure of what to say next. I had startled her. Her eyes were wide with alarm as she dropped her hand back to her side. I reached past her and pulled the thick book from the shelf.

  “I was going to buy that,” she said, though not unkindly. She seemed more amused than anything.

  “I came here specifically for this one. It’s sold out everywhere else.”

  She cocked her head to the side. “You went to my school.”

  I realized she was right. She didn’t wait for my response. “We’ll share it then. You read it first, and then I will.”

  “Who buys it?”

  She smiled. “You, of course, since you probably have a part-time job. I don’t.” She lifted her index finger to push her glasses up her nose and smiled. “Deal?”

  I knew I was getting the raw end of the deal, but I didn’t care. “I’m so going to tell you what happens to Harry.”

  “You wouldn’t!”

  She was right. Because I knew right then and there that I wanted her to like me.

  Chapter 11

  Penny

  I’d never been one to believe in fate, but sometimes things just fall into place too perfectly that it simply can’t be anything but.

  The bookstore was exactly what I had hoped it would be. The moment I walked through the door I didn’t want to leave. I smiled to myself, thinking about the day Alex and I first met. I felt more at home around books than anywhere else. I’d grown up with them, had lived a hundred lives through them. Because of them I had met Alex. I owed them everything.

  It was about that time I noticed I wasn’t alone
in the aisle. An older woman, likely in her mid-forties, stood a little too close. I turned towards her, my eyes bouncing off her quickly. She was definitely watching me. I tried my best to ignore her, reading the cover jacket of the newest release by Emily Giffin. I knew I would buy it; a little escape from reality was exactly what I needed, and I’d already finished the two Staci Hart titles I’d purchased on my kindle. There was a woman who knew how to write stories that you could disappear into. I could do that, couldn’t I? I mean, I was walking and breathing story in itself - the beginning of adulthood ruined by your parents impending divorce. Check. Secretly lusting after your best friend of nine years, but knowing that he’ll never see you as more than his nerdy friend. Check. Running away from your problems. Check. I could definitely write a story to disappear into.

  I just needed my happy ending.

  I saw movement to the left of me and ventured a second look from the corner of my eye. The woman was still watching me. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I moved to walk away, but she extended her hand towards me where it paused, midair, between us.

  “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to stare. You just looked so happy.” Her hand fell back to her side. “I told myself, I need to figure out what it is making that young girl smile like that.”

  I took a moment to take in the woman before me. She was definitely in her forties, dressed in boyfriend jeans and a simple, loose tee, an outfit I imagined I’d probably be wearing at her age, too. A pair of black-framed glasses sat on top of her flat, dirty blonde hair. Her long, slender fingers were wrapped around a set of hardcover books and despite the heat she wore a thin, orange scarf looped around her neck.

  I still didn’t know what to say.

  “Are you from here?” she asked and I shook my head quickly.

  “You?”

  She smiled down at her hands. “I’m from all over the place really. I go wherever my muse carries me.”

  It was such a strange and yet intriguing thing for her to say. My interest was immediately piqued. “Your muse? Are you an artist?”