Riding Solo

by Woods, Karen

  Morgan looked at her mother and stood to her feet. “Dad, I’ll go back to bed, but if you lay one finger on her I’ll phone the police.”

  “I won’t,” he whispered as he stroked his fingertips across her face. Jenny scrambled to her feet, bright red blood trickled down her chin, he’d busted her lip. “I’m sorry Jenny, I just lost it. You know what I’m like when I lose my temper.”

  She wiped her lip with a single finger and looked at the blood on the end of it. “You can hurt me all you want Harry, but I’m still leaving.” There was silence in the room and none of them spoke for a few seconds.

  “Are you seeing someone else?” Harry asked, eyes fixed on her face, he was ready to pounce. Jenny closed her eyes slowly and blew a laboured breath.

  “Why would there be anyone else? I would never cheat on you, you know that,” she was lying; you could see it in her eyes.

  Harry sat down and his hands ragged through his hair in desperation. “The lads said you were seen on Tuesday with another man in town?”

  Jenny swallowed hard, she was gobsmacked. Fidgeting, she tried to stand her ground. “What, me with another man? When do I get the chance for that? Ignore them two shit-stirrers; you know what they’re like for chatting shit. Trust me, I’ve not been seeing anyone else.”

  Harry looked relieved and played with the cuff of his shirt. “Jenny, you can’t just say it’s over. We’ve had some great years together. I thought you loved me?”

  “I did love you Harry, but things change. I’ve changed.”

  “What, so all of a sudden, just at the drop of a hat you decide that you hate me?”

  Jenny spoke in a calm voice. “I never said that I hated you, so stop trying to put words in my mouth. I just said I’ve changed.”

  Harry’s mind was working overtime. “Are you a lesbian then? I read it in a magazine the other day, something about a woman leaving her husband for another woman. Go on you can tell me if you are?”

  “Harry, stop looking for excuses,” she yelled. “We haven’t been happy for a long time.” He jumped in and he was having none of it. “We have been happy Jenny. Go on, name when we’ve not been happy. Fuck me we were having sex the other night and you were telling me how much you loved me, so what was that, lies?”

  “It was just something I said in the moment Harry.”

  He snapped again and ran at her; she cowered away from him and held her hands over her head trying to protect herself. “Harry, stop it will you? This isn’t the answer.”

  “You better start giving me some fucking answers then Jenny, this doesn’t add up. It’s another man isn’t it? I swear to you, if you’re seeing someone else, I’ll do you both in. Come on, you better get talking.”

  Jenny stood to her feet; she dropped her hands from her face and looked straight into his eyes. “Do what you’ve got to do to me Harry. I’m not scared anymore. If I’ve got to take a beating from you to end it all, so be it. Come on, do what you have to do.” Harry’s expression was vacant, she’d called his bluff. Staring at him for a while she headed towards the door, he didn’t move an inch. He watched her leave. Jenny walked up the stairs to bed and you could see he was debating his next move. The clock on the wall ticking away was the only sound that could be heard. His heart was beating at speed and it felt like it was going to burst out from his ribcage. Harry was a broken man; he just sat sobbing, twiddling his thumbs staring at the four walls.

  The next morning the kitchen was filled with smoke as Harry Bailey stood at the stove cooking; there was no way he was taking this on the chin. He was going to fight to win his woman back. Jenny loved him, and there was no way she was serious about leaving him, she was just proving a point. Morgan walked into the kitchen followed by her younger brother Mickey. She darted her eyes at her father and let him know she wasn’t happy. “Where’s your mam kids? Is she getting up or what? Mickey run back upstairs and tell your mother that I’ve made her a full breakfast. Tell her the bacon is crispy just how she likes it.”

  Mickey skipped to the bottom of the stairs and relayed the message to his mother. You could hear Jenny coming down the stairs. She stood at the kitchen door looking shocked. Harry smiled and said. “There you go my princess, park your arse down there. Breakfast will be served shortly.” Jenny growled at him, he just wasn’t getting the message. Morgan’s eyes danced from one to the other and she knew it was all a big cover- up, something was definitely going on. Her parents were still at war. Morgan sat down at the table and kept Mickey occupied, he was still oblivious to it all. “Do you want your egg runny love, or hard?”

  Jenny sipped her coffee. Her eyes shot at him and she snarled. “I’m not hungry Harry, can you put mine in the oven until later?”

  Harry placed his hand on her shoulder and squeezed her softly. “Orr don’t be like that, come on, just get it. It will be cold if you don’t eat it now.” Harry gave the children their meals first and finally passed Jenny her breakfast. Sitting down at the table with them he rubbed his hands together with excitement. “Right kids, who says we all go to Blackpool today. We can go to the pleasure beach and have a great time?”

  Mickey was jumping for joy and he was shouting at the top of his voice. “Dad, can we go on the go-karts. You know I love them?” Mickey was a typical lad and he loved anything to do with speed.

  Harry rubbed the top of his head with his flat palm and answered him. “Eat all your breakfast and we’ll see. What do you say love? Shall we let him go on the go-karts or what?” Jenny was holding back her emotions you could see her eyes filling up. Morgan reached over and touched the top of her hand trying to comfort her. Harry was pressing his partner for an answer. “Well Jenny, shall we go to the beach or not?”

  Jenny knew World War Three was just around the corner but she was determined to stick to her guns, she’d come too far this time just to back down, she coughed and cleared her throat. “You can take the kids if you want. I’m not in the mood and I’ve got loads of things to sort out.” Mickey jumped from the table and ran out of the room. “I’m going to get ready now dad. Can I bring my cars to play with too?” Harry wasn’t listening to him he was staring at Jenny. Morgan followed her brother out of the room and left her parents to sort things out. She always knew when they needed time alone, and this was one of them. “Jenny, don’t tell me you were serious about last night love. Let’s go to Blackpool and forget all about it. It’s my treat.”

  Jenny reached for her fags from the black granite worktop and lit one. Her voice was stern. “I’m going nowhere with you Harry. What I said last night still stands. If you want to take the kids, then that’s fine. I’m going nowhere with you.”

  Harry leant over and dragged a cig out from the packet. This was serious and he wasn’t coping. “Babes, for fuck’s sake. We can work this out. I’m even willing to give my Friday nights up for you. See, you know how much that means to me don’t you? Doesn’t that prove how much I love you?”

  Jenny grinded her white teeth together, it was time to put her cards on the table. Stroking her finger over her busted lip she replied to him. “I’m leaving Harry. It’s not you, it’s me. You had your chance and you fucked it up. For years you’ve just done what you wanted. Did you ever give a toss about me then, no?”

  Harry sat down and looked her in the eyes. “You didn’t mind me going out with the lads, you said so yourself.”

  “You thought I didn’t mind a lot of things Harry. Did you ever think to ask me?”

  He shook his head and raised his eyes to the ceiling. “How am I supposed to know if you don’t tell me? I’m not a bleeding mind reader you know.”

  “Harry, calm down will you? I don’t want to leave on bad terms, we can still be friends.”

  “Friends! Are you having a fucking laugh or what? You can’t just say you’re leaving me and expect me to take it on the chin. Is there someone else? There must be.”

  Jenny played with her fingers and kept her head low, she was anxious. “Yes,” she whispered as
she closed her eyes. “I met him at a friend’s house last year. We just clicked straight away and he loves me.”

  Harry blew his breath, he was suffocating. Falling to his knees he held his hand up to her in desperation. “No Jenny, please no.” She tried picking him up from the floor but he was a dead weight. Grabbing her hand he looked at her. “Do you love him?”

  She paused; you could see the answer in her eyes before she even spoke. “Yes, I love him.” Harry was like a wild man, he’d flipped. Pots and pans clashed against the wall and he was going mental. Running from the room Jenny headed upstairs in a panic.

  Harry was ranting and raving as he pummelled his fists into the wall. “Don’t think you can do this to me Jenny. I’m not giving up that easy. The best years of my life you’ve had and two kids and you think you can just throw it all away from some random guy.” Cups smashed against the walls, Harry had lost the plot.

  Jenny left the family home with the children for her parent’s house and told Harry she would get her stuff sorted out when he’d calmed down. Looking at him, that wouldn’t be any day soon, he was devastated. Sat wearing only his boxers he stared at the living room walls. The ashtray around him was overflowing with cigarette butts. Unshaven and heartbroken he locked himself away from the world that lay beyond his front door, his head was in bits. He hadn’t answered the phone or eaten properly in days.

  Kerry hammered her clenched fist on her brother’s front door. “Harry,” she ranted at the top of her voice. She knew he was inside; his car was parked on the driveway. Face squashed up against the living room window she could see her brother’s feet sticking out from the chair. “Harry, I know you’re in. I can see your feet, you lunatic. Just open the bleeding door will you before I kick it down.” Harry ignored her and sat playing with his fingers, a vacant look on his face. Kerry wasn’t giving up that easily and she walked around to the back of the house. She knew where the spare key was and she was hoping it was still there. Harry sparked a cig up and inhaled deeply. The front door swung open and Kerry ran into the front room to see her brother for the first time since the break up with Jenny. “For crying out loud Harry, why didn’t you open the door?” Harry made no reply. He just sat twiddling his thumbs. She walked inside the living room and her eyes shot to the floor where her brother was sat. Near his feet she could see a selection of tablets. In a panic she ran at him and started shaking his body. “Harry, have you taken any of these tablets? Come on, speak to me will you?” Still there was no reply. Kerry paced the room. Running back to her brother she shook him vigorously. “You barmy bastard, just answer me will you. Harry, just fucking answer me?”

  As if he was in a trance he raised a half-hearted smile. “Stop stressing will you. I haven’t taken any tablets.”

  Kerry sighed and grabbed his cheeks in her hands. “Our kid, Jenny has told me what’s happened. I’m gutted for you. Honest, from the bottom of my heart, I’m so sorry.”

  He licked his dry cracked lips; his breath was stale and stank of desperation. “What am I going to do Kerry? Jenny was my life. She’s took the kids. What do I have to live for without them? I may as well be dead?”

  Kerry sat thinking for a few seconds, she didn’t have the answers he needed to hear, he was right though, he’d lost everything. Kerry was a lively character and in the past the siblings had had some great laughs together. Seeing her brother this way cut her in two. “Our kid, I know it’s hard, but you can’t just sit here moping about. Life goes on you know. Look at me when Kenny Jones left me. You saw me didn’t you? I was a pill away from a breakdown.”

  Harry played with his fingers. “I’ll never get over this Kerry. I’m dead inside. I’ve got no fight left in me. I was going to take the tablets you know, but I couldn’t be arsed to go in the kitchen to get a drink to take them. Sad isn’t it. I’m just a washed up lonely man like my dad is.”

  “Shut up chatting shit Harry. You might not believe me now, but honest, you’ll get over this. It’s early days yet; you just need to take things day by day.”

  Harry let rip, his head was spinning, and he wasn’t thinking straight. He’d not slept for days and his head was all over the place. “Fuck off out of here will you. I don’t need your advice. Go on, fuck off you nosey bitch. I don’t need anyone.”

  Kerry wasn’t the type of woman to give up that easily. He would have to come up with something better than this if he wanted to offend her, she was thick skinned and she just laughed at him. “Harry you can say what you want to me. I’m going nowhere. You need me at the moment and I never leave a sinking ship.”

  Harry ragged her about by her denim jacket, they were scuffling. Kerry was as hard as nails and she was giving as good as she got. As if the plug had been pulled Harry fell to the floor and curled up in a tiny ball, his shoulders were shaking and he was sobbing his heart out. “I said just go,” he snivelled.

  Kerry sat on the floor next to him and stroked his head softly, he was inconsolable. Giving him a few minutes she pulled her cigs from her pocket and lit two of them up. “Here, get a blast of nicotine, it will help calm you down.”

  Harry lifted his head slowly as he smelt the smoke near his face. Taking the fag from her hand he sat up and pulled his knees up to his chest. Even though it had only been a few days since Jenny had left him he’d already lost a lot of weight, his face was thin and his legs were all skin and bone. Blowing the smoke out in front of him he wiped his eyes. “How can I tell everyone she’s left me? I’ve lost all my pride and I never want to see anyone again. You know they will be laughing at me don’t you? I can see them all now sat in the boozer. ‘Oh, he deserves it’ and all that. Honest, I can see it.”

  Kerry stopped him dead in his tracks. “You’re not the first person to have a broken heart and you won’t be the last.”

  “Jenny’s met someone else Kerry. I’m going to have to do him in. How can I walk around here with my head held high when that cunt is still breathing? The lads will think I’ve gone soft or something. I need to destroy him Kerry. He’s took my kids, my woman. I’m never going to let him get away with that. I’m going to do him in big time, trust me.”

  Kerry knew exactly where he was coming from, she’d been through heartache herself and knew every single emotion that he was going through, she sat back and listened to him. “Do Mark and Jack know what’s happened?” asked Harry.

  Kerry nodded her head slowly. Everyone knew that Jenny had left him; it was the talk of the estate. “Yeah, they’ve been worried about you too. They’ve been around here a few times but you’ve just ignored them.”

  Harry blew his breath and sunk his head low. “I’m not ready to see anyone yet. I need to phone in work and let them know what’s going on. Fuck me, Jenny works with me too, how am I supposed to face her each day. Is she in work today?”

  “Don’t mention that slapper’s name to me,” Kerry snapped, “does she think she’s smart doing what she’s done? Her time will come, trust me. Don’t you worry about that? I’ve heard that she’s in work and acting like nothing has happened. I’ll tell you what Harry, just give me the nod and I’ll be down there ripping her fucking head off. Just say the word and the job’s a good un. I’ll wipe her from the face of the earth trust me.”

  Harry shook his head. “Leave it Kerry, just leave her for now ay? Things like this need thinking through. She’ll get her comeuppance. It’s only a matter of time before she’s on her knees begging for me to have her back. Do you know who her new geezer is?”

  Kerry took her time to answer, she wasn’t sure if she should spill the beans or not. Twiddling her bright ginger hair she let the cat out of the bag. “He’s called Colin; he’s an old school friend of hers. She met him at her last school reunion.”

  Harry cringed with the pain he felt in his heart. “How do you know this Kerry, who’s told you?”

  She became defensive; there was no way she was telling him who her contact was. Harry would have been around there at the drop of a hat quizzing them. No,
she kept her cards close to her chest. “It’s just what I’ve heard Harry. Anyway, forget about her for now, go and get in the bath, you stink mate, seriously,” she sniffed at his body. “You smell like an old turd.”

  Harry smiled softly and sniffed at his armpits. “Fuck me, you’re right. I’ll go and run a bath.”

  “Yeah, you get a bath and I’ll try and sort this place out, it’s a right shit tip. I’ll Make you something to eat too, you’ll need some strength trust me.”

  “Nar, I don’t want fuck all to eat. My mouth feels like sandpaper. I swear if I ate anything I would spew my ring up.”

  Kerry giggled and pushed Harry out of the living room door. “You just go and get a bath before I spew my bleeding ring up. I swear Harry you’re hanging.” He was gone and Kerry set about cleaning the house. Picking up all the broken plates and cups in the kitchen she shed a tear. The road that lay ahead for her brother was going to be hard for sure she just hoped he would be strong enough to pull through it.

  A few days later, Mark and Jack stood at Harry’s front door with a plastic bag full of booze. It was going to be a long night and they both made sure they were prepared for it. Harry opened the front door and Jack and Mark both looked at each other. Harry had aged at least ten years in just a few weeks. Dark circles were present under his eyes and his body looked weak and frail. He looked like he’d just come out of hospital after illness. “Alright matey,” Mark chuckled. There was no way he was going to be all doom and gloom, it wasn’t his way. Jack shook hands with Harry and they all walked into the front room. Mark threw a can of Stella over to Harry. “Here, get some wife beating juice down the hatch.” Jack just looked at him and shook his head in disbelief. Mark realising what he’d just said covered his mouth with his hands. “Fucking hell, trust me to drop a bollock. No harm meant Harry. It’s just me and my big mouth. I don’t think before I put my mouth in gear, do I?”

  Harry shook the comment off, he knew there was no malice meant by Mark. The man was just a dick-head and never knew when to keep his mouth shut. Jack punched Mark in the ribs. “Trust you to put your big foot in it. I swear Harry, I can’t take him anywhere.”