HONORED: The Mountain Man's Babies

by Frankie Love

  Because I’ve known him for one single day, but my feelings are deep and wide.

  “I see you as a gentle woman, wise beyond your years. I watched you tonight, cradling your babies in your arms, soothing them with your words. Patience pouring out of you. But you let all that goodness drain you until there was nothing left.”

  “You don’t understand, Hawk. It’s not that I don’t want to keep some of that for myself, but I’m alone in this world. And no one is here to help pick up the pieces of my broken life. I have to give everything I’ve got to my sons because no one else is here to help me.”

  Hawk’s jaw tenses, he looks at me with intention, desire. Truth.

  “Let me help you. For as long as we have. Let me help you.”

  I shake my head, wanting him so badly, but not wanting to take more than I ought. Scared to death that he is going to hurt me like Luke did.

  I protect myself with my words, “I don’t know anything about you.”

  He scoffs immediately as if my words are ridiculous. “Does that matter right now?” he asks.

  He says it so plainly, I’m forced to respond. Forced to answer in truth.

  And the truth is, it doesn’t matter. I don’t care about Hawk’s past—and not in a dismissive way. In an accepting way.

  I want his help.

  And what is that? Accepting someone’s grace, when you don’t even know them? And more than that—what does it say about Hawk, being so willing to offer it?

  I swallow because deep down I know exactly what that is.

  It is love.

  I blink, feeling like that word is ridiculous in this moment. A man like Hawk can’t love a woman like me. But oh, how my heart is pulled toward him.

  My own feelings seem so reckless. How can I consider love when my life is in such a state of disrepair?

  Harper seemed to hit the nail on the head earlier today. I’m in no place to start something with a man.

  But then I look up at Hawk’s cloudy gray eyes; he’s waiting for an answer. “I’ll ask you again, Angel,” he says. “You don’t know much about me, but does that matter right now?”

  I shake my head and I wrap my arms around his neck. “Right now, all that matters is this.”

  And I press my mouth against his, his soft lips somehow firm against mine. This kiss steadies me, holds me in place.

  And yet, manages to take my breath away; manages to let my fears float into the oblivion.

  In place of the fear, all that is left in this candlelit bathroom is a flicker of love.

  13

  It doesn’t take long to get her out of her clothes, and when she pulls her tank top off over her head, I see her beautiful breasts for the first time.

  Damn, looking at her topless, I know she is more than a woman. She is a mother. And her breasts, the ones that give life to her babies, are full and gorgeous, generous globes of pure pleasure.

  She covers herself with her palms, her fingers brushing against her hard nipples, then letting her fingers roam lower, grazing down toward her beautiful pussy.

  “You don’t need to be embarrassed around me, remember?” I tell her. “I thought we just covered that.”

  In the soft candlelit glow of the bathroom, I see her cheeks flush pale pink and she bites her bottom lip, having no idea how fucking hot she looks right now.

  A real woman before me, her body has been given as an offering of love to her sons. Still, no matter how much of a woman she is, I know her heart is still so fragile and I don’t fucking take that lightly. I take it like the gift it is.

  Honor has been through way too much and the last thing I’m going to do is hurt her. Honor deserves a life full of bubble baths and candlelight and romance.

  “If you’re telling me to not be embarrassed, I’m wondering why your boxers are still on?” She raises an eyebrow toward me and moves her hands to her hips, and when she does her body is revealed in all its glory.

  “You know the moment I take these boxers off my cock is going to jump out and scare you.” I laugh softly and she just shakes her head.

  Her lips turn to a smile. “I don’t scare easily.”

  I take a step toward her, I’m not going to hold back if she gives me the go-ahead.

  I drop my boxers and start stroking my long, hard shaft.

  “Last night was so fucking hot,” I tell her. I remember fucking her in the back of my truck, filling her up with my length, and damn I’m hard as a rock thinking about it again.

  “I’ve obviously had sex, more than I would have liked, but Hawk, what you did to me last night...” She stops, and I see tears in her eyes. I brush one away with my thumb. “When you touched me last night,” she says, “it made me feel so beautiful.”

  “Good. That’s how you deserve to feel. Forever.”

  Honor laughs quietly. “You’ve known me a day and already telling me how I should feel forever?” She closes her eyes and exhales. “This all feels like a dream, Hawk. Like, it’s too good to be true.”

  I know I need to tell her why I ended up here. I need to explain my past and let her know that I may see her as the most beautiful thing in the world, but I’ve got a dark past; have a track record that isn’t anything I’m proud of. I don’t want to tell her that tonight because it will fill her heart with worry, it will cause her brows to crease, a frown to form, and right now this woman doesn’t need to feel anything but blissed out.

  I pull her toward me, my cock hard against her belly, and I kiss her harder, more deeply, my hands are in her hair, and her arms are around my neck. I just want to be closer, closer. Close enough to devour her.

  She’s whimpering against my mouth, so desperate for pleasure.

  “Do you think Harper will hear?” she asks, pulling away mid-kiss.

  I shake my head. “Jaxon and Harper are busy watching a show about fucking zombies. They’re in their own world. And we are in ours.”

  She looks at the bathroom door, leading to her bedroom. It’s open a crack, and there isn’t a single noise from inside.

  “You sure you’re okay with this?” I ask.

  Her eyes brighten, reassuring me that she wants this as badly as I do.

  “Make love to me in the bathtub,” she says, running her finger down my chest. “I’ve never done that before.”

  I grin, loving the fact that Harper and Jaxon put in a Jacuzzi tub here. It’s big enough for the two of us.

  As we step into the hot water, Honor’s shoulders relax instantly, and she sinks down into the bubbles.

  “Oh, this feels so good,” she says.

  I pull her toward me and she lies against my chest. Having her close like this is more than I ever imagined for myself. With this woman, here in my arms, I want to be a better man.

  “I’ve never taken a bath with a woman, so this is a first for both of us.”

  She laughs. “That surprises me, that we found a first to share. It seems like... with my story and... whatever your story is... I was kind of thinking that between the two of us we’ve seen it all.”

  “I have a feeling there’s a lot of firsts we could share.”

  I swallow, feeling her soft skin against mine.

  Sure, I slept with a bunch of women, but I never made love to anyone but her. And yes, I’ve been through the wringer with the law, but I’ve never had a reason to be a real man. To step up and create a life that mattered.

  “Is it crazy?” she asks. “That I want to have a lot of firsts with you?”

  “It’s not crazy at all,” I tell her. I press my fingers to her pussy and as I touch her, her soft folds open to me. And when she slides over my cock, rocking against me, it’s like she is ready to be filled up completely. I run my hands over her ass and pull her closer still. She sinks down on my cock, eyes closed as she does. Her breasts are round, her ass is perfect, her body made to bring forth life. To give pleasure. I don’t want her to experience any more pain.

  I make love to Honor, my cock deep inside of her and she pants abo
ve me, her breasts bouncing slowly as she moves over me, grinding against me until she’s tipping over into an orgasm.

  “Oh Hawk, oh, I’m so close,” she moans.

  I fill her up, thrusting deep inside of her, exploding in her pussy the way she wants, the way I need.

  “Oh, baby,” I manage, catching my breath, my cock still pounding inside of her, our bodies hot and full of passion. “Angel, this is everything.”

  She nods wordlessly because she knows that’s the absolute truth. She smiles then as if she has something to say that’s going to make me happy.

  “It was good, right?” I ask.

  She nods, pulling from me and sitting opposite me in the tub. Our bodies are red from the hot water, and she twists her hair up on her head, wrapping an elastic band around it. “I’m so hot. Literally. Could use a cool shower.” She smiles. “So... I was thinking.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “Well, I’ve never taken a shower with a man either. I think we should have another first.”

  I grin, loving the way this woman thinks. I stand and take her hand. I may have showered with a woman before, but never with Honor. Never with the woman, I’m going to make my wife.

  14

  For the next week, I’m in a blissed-out state of euphoria.

  Suddenly taking care of these children isn’t anywhere near as demanding... because after they go to sleep each night I sneak away into the bathroom or into Hawk’s bedroom and we talk for hours. We make love for hours.

  In doing so, we learn the hard facts about our pasts, but somehow, they’re made lighter because they have been shared with someone else.

  When Hawk tells me about his track record, about being in jail half a dozen times, for getting arrested for breaking and entering, for the bar fights and the stolen cars... about his mom killing an innocent person, and how it messed with his head. There are a lot of tears on my part.

  But there is a lot of forgiveness too.

  I can see that beneath the list of crimes, they were all committed as acts of love.

  The stolen car was really just a case of being at the wrong place at the wrong time. His buddy had bought the car—not knowing it was stolen. When they found out, Hawk attempted to return it to its rightful owner—which is when he was pulled over by the cops.

  And the breaking and entering? His buddy had split up with his girlfriend, and the ex refused to give him back his toolbox. Something essential for a man like Hawk and his friends, who work on cars day and night. Hawk went with his buddy to the girl’s place, to get back the toolbox from her garage.

  And the cops were called.

  The bar fight, that makes make sense, too. Hawk was sticking up for people who were getting messed with. And Hawk, being tall and strong and capable didn’t seem to want to watch his friends being beat to a pulp. So, he stepped in. He took hits, he rolled with the punches.

  I’m not an idiot, I can see how someone could hear these facts, and think I am justifying, or making excuses for Hawk. But I was lying beside him in his bed as he recounted the stories with honesty and integrity. I can’t help but feel that he is a misunderstood man.

  And maybe it’s crazy, to think I am the woman who can understand him... But I do. I am.

  In the same way, he lets my tears fall against his chest as I tell him the painful facts of my fake marriage. The condemnation, and the judgment I felt every day.

  He asks, “But do you believe in a God that would let this happen? Do you believe in God at all?” His room is dark, the lights are off, and there is nothing to see but the truth.

  “I believe in love,” I tell him. “I believe in hope. I believe in the promise of a better life.”

  “It sounds like you’re avoiding the question.” Hawk doesn’t beat around the bush, he wants to understand things completely before he gives his opinion. I love that about him: he doesn’t jump to conclusions about people—the exact opposite of my ex.

  “Hawk, I believe in God, but not the kind of God Luke forced me to pray to. I believe in something eternal; I believe in destiny. I believe that because I found you, we were brought together. This has to be divine intervention.”

  Hawk kisses my forehead, his arms wrap around me, pulling me closer. “I don’t know if it was God, but I think it was certainly fate.”

  It’s always like this with Hawk. For the last eight days, we’ve spent hours upon hours hashing out what we want, what we believe, who we are... Who we wish to be.

  But I know disappearing into his arms and body every night isn’t everything. The nighttime hours feel like I’m dreaming, and when I wake each morning and have Harper and Jaxon gently pressuring me to call Luke, I know I can’t stave them off forever. They deserve more than that. They deserve to have my situation with Luke taking care of.

  Today, I’m going to call him. I don’t tell Hawk this because part of me is so ashamed of the marriage I had with Luke that I don’t want anyone else to hear our conversation. Even if I trust Hawk–and I do–it doesn’t take away the reality that this is a mess I made. Hawk shouldn’t have to clean it up.

  The babies are napping and Harper and I are cleaning up lunch. Rosie and Stella’s families are coming over tonight for dinner, we’re having a big barbecue outside. We have a big list of things to do before the babies wake up and the others arrive. There are baked beans in the crockpot, but we need to finish the sides and make the hamburger patties.

  “So, I’m gonna start with the coleslaw, do you want to do the potato salad?” Harper asks.

  “Yeah, of course. But first I’m gonna make a phone call. The one I’ve been putting off for a while.”

  Harper raises an eyebrow. “Are you gonna call Luke?”

  I nod. “I know I’ve been putting it off all week, and it’s not fair to you or anybody really. So, I need to call him, and at least try to convince them to stop harassing you guys.”

  “Do you want to talk on speakerphone, so someone else hears...”

  I shake my head. “I need to do this myself. I need to figure out a way to be strong with him. Because all I’ve ever been is weak.”

  Harper nods and I know she understands this. It took strength for her to walk away from her family, stay away from Luke. She knows that this isn’t easy.

  “Okay sweetie,” she says, squeezing my shoulder. “I’m here for you. Whatever you need. We’re all here for you.”

  I nod, appreciating how understanding she is. I step out to the back porch. The deck is beautiful, huge and plenty of space for all the tables that will be set out tonight.

  I take a seat in an Adirondack chair and pull the flip phone from my pocket. Pressing Luke’s number into it, I hold the phone to my ear, steeling myself for whatever comes next.

  “Hello? Who is this?” Luke asks into the phone.

  I take a deep breath. “It’s me. Honor.”

  “It about time, you little heathen.”

  “Don’t, please. Don’t start like that,”

  “How would you like me to start, Honor? You ran away from everything you know is true and right. The church. And you left with my children.”

  “You don’t care about the boys, you only care about yourself.”

  “Don’t get short with me. How dare you run off to a place like Jaxon and Harper’s? You know how evil they are.”

  I look around Jaxon and Harper’s beautiful property. Acres and acres of forests, wildflowers growing in their lawn, a gorgeous swing set situated to the left, and a fire pit on the right. It’s an idyllic place, a place full of love and companionship. A place a family belongs.

  “I don’t want to talk about Jaxon and Harper. I want to talk about us.”

  “Oh, that’s rich, Honor. I don’t want to talk to you at all. I want you to get yourself in the van and bring home my children. I need you here where you belong.”

  My fingers wrap tight around the phone, my knuckles white. My blood thick. “I’m not coming home, Luke. I’m not coming back to you. We’re done.”
r />   “Like hell we are. You’re my wife, and I can’t have my congregation see that you left me.”

  “Where do they think I am right now?”

  “You are visiting a suffering cousin.”

  “Oh, and Harper is the suffering cousin? It’s ridiculous. I came here because she was the only—person—who would accept me.”

  “You need to get home.”

  “Or what? What are you gonna do? You want me to go to the police?”

  “I know you won’t go to the police. Because you have a bleeding heart; because you know what that will mean for your family, for True and for Kind—and their children. You’re not going to let them be split apart, their homes to be ruined.”

  “You don’t know anything about me or what I’m capable of,” I tell him.

  “I’m coming for you in a week. You don’t want to come back? Fine, I’ll drive to that place myself and I’ll put those children into the van and I will drive you home. Do you understand?”

  Tears stream down my face, he knows me all too well. I don’t want him to know me at all. “You won’t, you won’t really come here.”

  “Yes, I will. And I know you won’t really go to the cops.”

  “Jaxon needs you to stop calling him. You need you to stop it, Luke, please.” I know I’m trying to reason with a madman, but I have no other choice. I don’t want to go to the cops. It’s the last thing I want. It would ruin so much for the people I still love. People who don’t seem strong enough to leave yet.

  I’d rather slowly help Kind and True find a new life for themselves, not rip their children from their arms and be sent to child protective services. That’s what would happen if I called the cops right now, and they broke up this church that Luke has created.

  Luke knows that.

  “Luke, just give me two weeks. Two weeks where you promise you won’t call Jaxon. I can’t have you coming yet. I need more time... Please?”

  I can practically hear Luke’s fury over the phone call. “Two weeks. Two weeks and that’s it. You’ve had your time off playing, tramping around like a little whore. But you know where you belong. Here with your children and sister-wives. Who are you to take our boys from their father? You don’t have it in you. Two weeks. That’s it. And then I’m coming and I’m getting you. And you’re coming home where you belong.”