Ayrie: An Auxem Novel

by Lisa Lace

  I whipped my head around to look at him. “You don’t know anything about it.”

  “If you’re telling the truth, you don’t need to convince me.” He looked in my direction. It felt like he could see right through me. I felt both relieved and disappointed when he changed the topic. “I’m glad you didn’t bond with her. You’re smarter than I thought.”

  “Was that supposed to be a compliment?” Arnon never gave anyone credit for having sense and morals.

  “Well, you misled me about the nature of your relationship with Elle. And you haven’t answered my question. Why did you invite Elle to go down with you, anyway? Don’t pretend it wasn’t a big deal. We all knew it was unusual as soon as you said it.”

  I tried to blow it off. “Elle will keep me company, and we’ll have a chance to talk with each other.”

  Arnon didn’t say anything.

  I stared up at the ceiling and dropped the mask. “I just wanted to. Is that a crime? She never had a real date with me. We didn’t marry for love. I always see resentment in her eyes.” I looked away from him and started to pace. “In the beginning, she thought I was going to be her knight in shining armor. In a way, I think I was. I saved her from a terrible life.”

  “Of course you did.” Arnon knew about Elle’s history.

  “But the more we learned about each other, the feeling started to disappear. We both realized I wasn’t that guy. I’m just me.”

  “Are you saying that you don’t think you’re enough for Elle?”

  I dropped my eyes. “Let’s just say Elle doesn’t trust me and she never will. Her boyfriend traumatized her. I don’t know how to prove to her that she can trust me.”

  “How can you expect her to do that if you don’t make the first move? There are two people involved in every relationship. Do you think you can trust her with your heart?”

  I felt like I was walking on the shifting sands of Auxem, deadly to anyone ignorant enough to step on them. “I don’t want to love Elle.”

  “I’m afraid it might be too late.” Arnon patted me on the shoulder, leaving me feeling exposed and uncomfortable.

  Love would only end badly for both of us.

  Chapter Four

  ELLE

  The next morning, I walked down the hallway to the shuttle bay. Ayrie’s tall, strong form was next to me. I tried not to feel nervous. He was my husband, and we were taking a little trip to a planet. It wasn’t a big deal, right?

  But something about all of this felt significant, and I didn’t know exactly why. Ayrie had avoided my gaze all morning, answering all my questions in monosyllables. Once in a while, I caught him staring at me when he thought I wasn’t paying attention. The look in his eyes made my breath catch.

  I could hardly believe things were going to be different between us. But what if this was the beginning of a change? I didn’t want to get my hopes up only to have them dashed. With luck, this trip would be a chance for us to get to know each other. Alone.

  Even though the Auxem had designed our mothership for giving couples time by themselves, it was still a hive of activity, with people practically living on top of each other. I was from the Districts, but I was still used to having more space to myself. The starship could make people claustrophobic.

  The respite of going to the surface would be wonderful no matter how long it was. I couldn’t wait to breathe fresh air that hadn’t been recycled from hundreds of different mouths.

  Ayrie glanced over at me. A light sparkled in his eyes. “You seem cheerful today.”

  “Shouldn’t I be?” I felt defensive right away. “Would you prefer it if I were sad?” The last sentence popped out my mouth before I could stop it. It was almost like I knew he wouldn’t hit me for being irritating, and I bugged him on purpose. On some level, I wanted to prove to myself that no matter how mad he got at me, he wouldn’t hurt me.

  His face fell, and he turned his empty eyes forward again. Ayrie seemed so strong and aloof that I thought he couldn’t be hurt.

  “That didn’t come out quite right.” I put my hand on his arm and looked up at him earnestly. “I meant to say that I’m looking forward to breathing fresh air again. I am cheerful. You’re right.” I hoped he wouldn’t turn away again, and that he would see I was trying.

  Then he gave me a grin that made my heart skip. “Me too.” His eyes grew warm. “That’s one of the worst things about spending all this time on a starship. The air tastes horrible in here.”

  “I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you. I think this voyage has been long enough already.”

  “You’ll probably like Auxem. There’s plenty of fresh air there, and the wind never stops blowing in the winter season.”

  “I don’t know if it matters whether I like it or not. They won’t let me stay there.”

  “What do you mean?” Ayrie stopped walking and stared at me.

  “Well, the women coming to Auxem have to have babies. From what I heard, if they can’t reproduce, they’re going to be replaced with people who can.”

  “I wasn’t aware of anything like that.”

  “Maybe they only mentioned it to the women. I assumed that since I wouldn’t be getting pregnant, I couldn’t stay on the planet.”

  “I understand.” We entered the shuttle bay, and Ayrie led the way to our spaceship. “You might not even want to when you consider who your husband is, right?”

  I knew he was trying to make a joke, but his words twisted my heart. Why would he care if I stayed or not? “Are you asking me if I want to leave you?”

  I couldn’t help being brutally honest.

  He kept walking and didn’t meet my eye. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

  I thought about my answer quickly. “No. I think I would prefer to stay here.”

  “Because you have everything you need.” He said it like a statement, but I knew he was asking me a question.

  “No.”

  “Because he can’t get to you anymore and no one else will hurt you here.”

  “No, that’s not why.”

  I climbed into the small shuttlecraft. Ayrie did a quick check of the exterior before taking the pilot’s seat and starting a systems check. The seats were stiff but covered with a soft material. The spaceship reminded me of an earlier, happier time when I was learning to fix vessels like this one.

  “So why would you want to stay here?” He focused on the console. “You seem a little unhappy.”

  I wanted to answer him truthfully, but I didn’t want to lay my heart on the line either. I couldn’t confess that I loved him. That would just be asking to get hurt. “I guess there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” That thought felt honest and safe.

  He continued preparing for take-off, letting a gentle smile play on his lips. I strapped myself into the seat, putting the restraints in an X across my chest while humming Daisy Bell, an old song that had been a favorite of mine back on Earth.

  Ayrie looked away from his work. “Are you singing a song?” It almost sounded like an accusation.

  “Yeah. Is that illegal?”

  “I’ve never heard you do that before.”

  “Well, maybe I’m feeling good today.” I gave him a saucy look. “It must be the promise of all that fresh air.”

  “I suppose you’re right.” A look of amusement crossed Ayrie’s face as he ignited the engine. “Prepare for take-off.”

  I sat back and closed my eyes. Maybe today would be a good day after all.

  AYRIE

  We flew out of the docking bay and made a wide loop before heading for the planet. Our mothership was too large to orbit Vandwa and would remain a good distance away. It would take a few minutes for us to reach Vandwa.

  It had been a long time since I had flown a shuttlecraft, but I could still do it. A while back, Arnon and I had chased down Jayne when she tried to leave him. I had wanted to fly again ever since.

  I had spent time practicing in a shuttle before, but today would be my first chance at doing a live la
nding in years. Even though I had reviewed all of the safety protocols and was as ready as I could be, I still felt anxious.

  I wasn’t as good at flying as my brother, Anders. He had reflexes like an android and held the record for a couple of flight tests. He could be faster than the autopilot. Lately, he had been a bit of an idiot. Once he figured out his life, he was going to be unstoppable.

  Kind of like me.

  I had started out my studies by getting into an elite university on Susohn. I was intelligent and incredibly gorgeous. Most women swooned over me. I glanced over at my wife. Most women, not all of them.

  Strangely enough, Susohn had an oceanography program, but there wasn’t a lot of ocean on the planet. Vandwa had plenty of water for everyone and field studies classes I used to finish my degree.

  To please my father, I started with a double degree in oceanography and business. I don’t know why he thought I needed to do that. Arnon was the one who had to worry about politics, not me. Still, Dad didn’t ask much of me, and I was willing to play along.

  I had loved going to school and was fascinated by the ocean. But my studies came to a halt when my father had the idea to look for women around the galaxy. I only needed one more year to finish, but he insisted I complete the remainder by distance and graduate with a degree in business.

  I didn’t want to quit and leave my oceanography degree unfinished, but I did it for my family. A refusal to go would have jeopardized our trip. I wondered if I would ever go back and finish the degree.

  “Is everything okay?” Elle sounded tentative.

  I snapped out of my reverie and back into the present. Our trip was redefining the roles we had been in since leaving Earth. We were freed to behave more like ourselves instead of two people trapped in a relationship that felt like a prison. At least, that was how I felt.

  I answered honestly, telling her what I was thinking, just like I would have if Arnon had asked me.

  “Sorry about zoning out like that. I was remembering the time I spent here during school.”

  “You went to school here?”

  “Not exactly. I went to the University of Susohn, but I did my field studies here.”

  “That’s quite a prestigious institution.” She stared at me like I had sprouted a third eye. “You’re changing my perception of you.” Elle trailed off, not finishing her thought.

  “You didn’t think I was smart?” She looked lovely when she blushed.

  “I didn’t mean to imply that at all. I’m sorry. You must feel insulted.”

  “So you think that because I’m devastatingly handsome, I can’t be intelligent, too? That seems a little sexist, Elle.” She smiled, seeing I was joking. And her eyes looked different from before. I wasn’t sure what she was trying to convey, but it wasn’t resentment. “Before we crashed, I was hoping a friend could take us out on his sailing vessel, but I couldn’t get a hold of him. He’s out on the sea in a communications dead zone right now doing research.”

  “It would have been fun to go on a real ship in the ocean.” Elle sighed. “I used to love reading about sea voyages when I was younger.”

  “He and his wife were the ones who came up with the idea for building cities on the water and under it. They managed to save the planet.”

  Elle gazed at me curiously. “Aren’t you doing that too? Your family is saving Auxem.”

  “That’s not me. That’s my father and Arnon. I don’t have anything to do with that.”

  “I don’t think you give yourself enough credit.” I felt an electric thrum go through me at her words and I froze, not sure what to say.

  “Maybe not. But someone like me doesn’t have many accomplishments. Good looking, but only average intelligence. Doesn’t contribute much to society and hasn’t figured out what he wants to do yet. Not much of a husband.”

  “Is that really how you see yourself?”

  “Of course. Why would I lie?” After a moment’s thought, I asked the obvious question. “How do you see me?”

  “Well, good looking doesn’t cover it.”

  “I think it’s a pretty accurate description.” I felt my mouth going dry.

  “How did you describe yourself before? Devastatingly handsome? I’ll give you that.”

  Did she really think I was handsome?

  “What was next? Right, average intelligence. Well, you’ve just told me that you went to U of S, so there must be something going on up there.”

  “What if I got in on a paraball scholarship?” I tried to put an innocent look on my face.

  She tilted her head to one side and a glint of mischief appeared in her eyes. “I guess that would be different. Did you?”

  “No.”

  “Too bad,” she pretended to pout. “Paraballers are sexy.”

  “I played paraball when I was younger.”

  She laughed, and I loved the happy look on her face. “Well, you get points for trying. Never mind about paraballers for now.” She put her finger on her lips, looking like she was considering something. “Anyways, my taste runs more to...”

  “What?” We had never had a conversation like this before.

  “Royalty.”

  Her confession was so surprising to me that I couldn’t help laughing. She looked shocked for a moment. It was like she had never heard the sound before. Was it possible that we had never laughed together? I thought back over the last ten months and had to admit that it could be true.

  As we approached Vandwa, I prepared the ship for entry. Elle was still talking. “I think your two problems are connected. Once you figure out what you want to do, then you’ll become a giver instead of a taker. Don’t you think?”

  “You might be right.”

  We braced for impact as the shuttle entered the atmosphere and began a free fall. I glanced at the console. Everything looked healthy. I realized she hadn’t said anything for a while, and she hadn’t addressed what kind of a husband I had been to her. She was silent for so long that I thought she might have forgotten that part.

  “The last one was…”

  She interrupted me. “I remember what the last one was.”

  “And?” I hadn’t been a good husband. I knew that, but I couldn’t meet her eyes. I didn’t want to see derision, scorn, or disgust in them.

  “Maybe you haven’t been in the best situation.” She put her hand on my chin and made me look at her. “What if the reason you’re having problems being a husband is that I’m having issues being a wife?”

  “This isn’t your fault.” I took her hand.

  “It’s not yours, either. There are always two people in a relationship.”

  Her hand felt warm, soft, and small in mine. Touching her made my arm shiver.

  “What if...” An alarm sounded, interrupting Elle. Red lights started flashing. “Is something wrong?”

  I stared at the console, unable to believe what I was seeing. “It looks like a converter’s malfunctioning.”

  Her eyes went wide with fright. “Which one? Maybe I can replace it from inside the ship.” She started unstrapping herself.

  “The paralytic.”

  She froze, then buckled up again.

  “I can’t get to that one.” Her face looked dismayed but resolute. “And I doubt there’s a spare onboard, even if I could. I hope you know the safety protocols for this type of shuttlecraft, Ayrie. We need that part to land.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “If it’s malfunctioning, we’re going to crash. Is there a boat on the spaceship?”

  Chapter Five

  ELLE

  Since I was sitting in the co-pilot seat, I pulled my console over and checked on all the systems I was familiar with. I tried rerouting the power through a couple of different paths, but none of them would bypass the malfunctioning converter. I glanced at the viewscreen. The blue planet was approaching us way too quickly.

  “Those converters are supposed to be replaced every fifty parsecs.” I was furious that a lazy mechanic h
adn’t done their job. We were going to crash.

  “I never thought about it. I should have had you check over the shuttle before we launched.”

  I shook my head. “It wouldn’t have made any difference. It’s supposed to be part of routine maintenance and inspected monthly. They hardly ever blow, they’re one of the most stable parts on a shuttlecraft.”

  “It doesn’t matter now.” Ayrie shrugged and worked at his console. He had a determined look on his face as he began to explain the emergency equipment. “Our shuttle is equipped with some parachutes that will deploy every few seconds.”

  A jarring bump shook the deck.

  “That’s the first set. There’s also the air bag, which will deploy when we hit.”

  I thought Ayrie was moving pretty frantically considering we were about to make an amphibious landing. “Are you worried about running into the water? Can we reduce our speed so we’re not crashing into it?”

  The ship shuddered as it released a second set of parachutes.

  “Where we hit is still important. The depth of the ocean is different everywhere. You don’t want to smash into shoals that are only eight feet deep, do you?”

  I started to tremble. “No, I suppose I don’t.”

  “I think this place will do just fine.” He pointed at a map on his screen. “The location is reachable given our current flight path, and the computer says the depth will let us have an emergency landing we can walk away from. I think I can steer us there in time.”

  “Sounds great if we need to select a crash landing site.”

  “Exactly.” He took the controls and began gently guiding the shuttle on a new course. “There’s only one problem. It’s in a communications dead zone. Once we land, we’ll have no way to signal for help.”

  Our speed was staying constant. The parachutes only provided enough drag to stop us from further acceleration. If the ship were working properly, we would be moving much more slowly than now.

  “Haven’t you sent our coordinates back to the ship?”

  “I tried, but I don’t know what our signal strength is like.”

  I shook my head. “If the converter is malfunctioning, it’s probably messing up the power of the communications unit, too.” We were going to be in trouble even if we survived. The planet was moving toward us way too quickly for comfort.