Unorthodox Chemistry

by Lilah E. Noir

  "Of course..." His smile faded. The haunted look returned to his face. "I've never felt as lost and lonely as during my first semester. Whenever I called home, I always tried to make it sound like I was having the best time but in reality, I was struggling. Everything was too much for me. I failed to make the best of the school's resources. There was a time when I could swear everyone looked at me with contempt as if I could read the same message on their faces."

  Nate changed his voice to a much grimmer tone.

  "Go home. You don't belong here. You'll never be one of us."

  He bent over to take off his shoes and the white fabric of the boxers stretched, enhancing his firm ass. I was torn between my desire to tie and whip him or learn more details of his life.

  "Being home for the holidays was supposed to cheer me up, make me feel better." He kicked his shoes off. "But it made it all worse. No one said it directly but there was a barrier between my family and me. My brothers had no idea how to talk to me. One of them was even openly hostile and... I was always the smart one and my mum's favorite, but then I felt like an outsider. They had no idea what to make of me, how to act around me. I was on the frontier and not sure if my place was in that new world I was striving for. At the same time, it was too late to go back to how things were. The loneliness was crushing and..."

  He paused and went silent for a long time, his hands on his boxers. After a long, awkward moment of silence, I cleared my throat and lashed the whip in the air to attract his attention.

  "Keep undressing, Nate. I want you naked, remember? So... who was she?"

  "What?" He looked up at me with shock and his hands froze. "H-how..."

  "You were lonely, fragile, desperate to fit in in your new environment. I can imagine how vulnerable you were. Let me guess. Someone noticed. It was a person in a position of authority. Did some stern teacher take you as her pet after classes to help you cope with your new environment?"

  Nate sighed with strange relief. He pulled his boxers down and revealed he was semi-hard.

  "It was a man... well, a boy."

  I knew how to predict people's emotions, how to make sense of their reactions. Very few things surprised me but when Nate said that simple sentence, he knocked me down. I could see him trembling over some female teacher's lap, getting his ass tanned with a thick ruler. The thought he might have knelt for another man had never crossed my mind.

  "Keep talking..." I cracked a wide grin. It was too early to know if he'd tell me what I was thinking but I liked where this was going.

  "It wasn't a teacher or any of the adults on campus." He rubbed his neck hard. His face was turning red and he was growing harder with each word. He no longer tried to cover himself. "It was my roommate. He...he was a year older than me but looked so much more mature. I felt so inadequate around him and always acted like a blubbering mess."

  I always thought bisexual men were hot as hell. The thought of young, impressionable Nate giving in to the authority of a fellow student sent a shiver through my already aroused body.

  "Were you attracted to him? Or did you just think him superior?" I got up, strolled to him and stopped just inches away. He shuddered at my proximity and moaned when I stroked his shoulder.

  "I'm not sure," he whispered. "I mean, he both scared and fascinated me. He was everything I wasn't--strong, smart, confident. There was something about him." He pressed his chin against his chest and stared at the ground. "It's just... I can't believe I allowed him... You must think I'm so weak and useless."

  "Don't waste your energy on assuming you know what I think, Nate." I ran the thick end of the whip along his backside. "What did he do to you?"

  "It was simple things at first." He gasped when I cupped his balls and squeezed them lightly. "He wanted me to clean his shoes down on my knees. When I asked him why I would do that, he got angry. According to him, one of the core values of the school was teamwork and brotherhood. If I wanted to belong, I had to contribute. I fell for that trick every time and never stopped to think that he never returned the favor."

  Pieces of the puzzle were beginning to click into place. I moved my hand away, stood before him and lifted his chin.

  "I bet he didn't. I can picture you back then. Shy. Trembling. Endlessly eager to please." My grip on his chin grew stronger. I wasn't supposed to touch him but I indulged myself. "Continue."

  "I had to service him on my knees and never look up so I'd learn humility," Nate said and pressed his face into my fingers. "Soon, he turned me into his servant. I made his bed and washed his clothes. He even had me write his homework. Well, he dictated it and I had to write it all down. My handwriting was pretty and clean while his was messy."

  "Wait." I frowned and raised my hand. "How come no one found it suspicious that he turned in homework in your handwriting?"

  Nate chuckled.

  "I was an expert at forging handwriting and I could write in different styles. That was the only thing I was better at than he was. If anyone questioned the change in his handwriting, he'd simply say he went to a calligraphy class over the summer."

  "That seems like too much effort," I said.

  "What can I say? He loved using his resources and wanted to capitalize on my talent. So, each time I did something for him, he patted me on the head and told me what a good boy I was. If I did something wrong or displeased him, he'd go into fits of anger and hit me. Sometimes he did it for no reason."

  Oh no. My wet fantasies and lady boner were about to get crushed. If I had to be honest, my methods weren't always ethical. Still, abuse and angry domination were a huge no in my moral code.

  "You never told anyone?"

  "No," he mumbled and looked down in shame. His body was beginning to shake the way it had at The Fortress. "I was afraid no one would believe me, and besides, he was great at making me feel like it was all my fault, that he wouldn't have hit me if I was trying harder."

  Something told me I'd have fun if I could get his anonymous roommate into my dungeon and teach him some manners.

  "So, he was physically abusive," I stated with a neutral voice as if I was a doctor announcing a diagnoses. "Did he ever try anything sexual?"

  "Hitting me out of anger wasn't really abuse. It was just short and pretty painless smacks across the face. It was more of a humiliation thing."

  "Arms above your head," I ordered him out of the blue. He blinked in surprise but obeyed before I had the time to utter the next command. "Wrists together. Put them behind your neck and straighten your posture."

  "Yes, Ma'am," he said quietly and assumed the position. I ran the edge of the whip across his hardening dick. The sight of the throbbing veins under his smooth skin and the contrast to the black leather were fascinating. I took my time to admire it.

  "So, what happened after that?" I asked in a warm voice and pinched his nipple. My nails dug deeper into the soft flesh until it turned bright red and I let go. Nate groaned out but hurried to answer my question.

  "One day, I had the room to myself because he had fencing practice. It was a huge relief as I rarely had time to just be by myself." He swallowed before he went on. "It was a good time to catch up on some homework. I had no classes until late in the afternoon and... he came back earlier than planned. He burst through the door and slammed it so hard it nearly fell off its hinges."

  His face contorted and he gritted his teeth hard. His forearms tensed and the veins popped so hard I feared they'd break. He hissed and looked at me pleadingly, probably not even sure what he was asking for.

  I sighed, turned my back on him and walked slowly to the chair. It was time for a different strategy. He still looked strained and on the verge of tears with red eyes and a painfully strained body.

  "Come here," I commanded in a soft, comforting voice, and smiled reassuringly. Nate hesitated, his eyes filled with confusion and self-loathing. He took a few careful steps like a guy walking through a minefield.

  "Faster." My voice cut like the whip I planned to thoroughly use
on him. "Kneel at my feet. Put your head in my lap."

  "Is this some trick?" he asked, taking a few more hesitant steps towards me.

  "Nate, you're really beginning to test my patience. Do as I say. That's what you're paying me for. Trust me, you'll feel better."

  He complied and dropped to his knees, his cheek pressing against my stockings. I ran my fingers through his hair and caressed his scalp with soothing movements.

  "I'd never have thought you had a tender side." He chuckled while I petted and massaged his neck. The strain in it slowly began to ease and he rubbed his cheek against my knee. For a guy who got off on severe pain, he was strangely affectionate. He behaved as if he was starved for physical intimacy and care.

  "Just keep that bit of information to yourself, would you?" I smirked and scratched his cheek. "I have a reputation to maintain. Now, what did your charming roommate do when he came back early that day?"

  "He was furious." He closed his eyes. "He walked in, grabbed the chair next to his desk and slammed it so hard he broke one of the feet. They'd kicked him out of the fencing team because he got too aggressive with another student and nearly wounded him. He was also suspended for the several days. When he was done yelling, he just sat on his bed, buried his face in his palms and... It was the first time I'd seen him so... vulnerable. When I tried to comfort him, it just made things worse."

  Oh fuck, this would get ugly. My heart was already breaking for him. It angered me that some inconsiderate asshat had tainted him from such an early age. It was a policy of mine not to deal with fragile and broken people who needed professional help. Yet this time I didn't have the heart to tell him to take his problems somewhere else.

  Was that Thomas' influence? Over the years, he had become something of a white knight. He always ended up in relationships with troubled women. Maybe he was bad for my health.

  I stroked Nate's cheek and spoke with a soft voice.

  "Relax. He can't hurt you. Just tell me what happened."

  "He said his father would murder him, that he was under so much pressure." Nate laughed bitterly and rubbed his cheek against my thigh. "I was so stupid. I thought he was opening up and we could find common ground. I went to him, put my hand on his shoulder and told him I understood. I told him how I felt all the time. So fucking naive. I even said he was the most amazing person I'd ever met. When he looked up at me... it was the scariest sight I've seen in my life," he whispered, staring ahead and shaking with the aftershock.

  "His eyes were bloodshot and he asked me if I was a fag, and if I was hitting on him. He yelled that he'd never touch me, that I was disgusting and to stop trying to turn him into a fag. Then he pushed me hard. I couldn't reply out of shock. I... I just wanted us to be friends. I never even thought he might take it that way. He took my silence as confirmation I was gay and yanked me by the hair. Then he said that if I didn't want everyone to learn what a disgusting perv I was, I'd better do as I was told."

  He looked up at me with eyes swimming with tears and made a weak attempt at a smile.

  "It's ridiculous, I know. It was my word against his. I could've asked for a transfer to another room. There's something deeply wrong with me, isn't there?"

  "Wipe your tears and finish your story." I narrowed my eyes at him and kept caressing his neck.

  "He ordered me to strip and lie down on my stomach. That's how he wanted to find me once he came out of the bathroom." He kept talking with a shaking voice. "So that's exactly what I did, and I lay there waiting, not even knowing what for. I was sure he'd kill me and I was paralyzed with fear. Next thing I knew, he'd shoved my balled up underwear in my mouth. Then there was the pain..."

  Nate shut his eyes, breathed out and pressed his face to my knee, trying not to sob.

  "He laid his belt all over my back and thighs. Sometimes I dream about it." He was panting hard, choking on tears. "It's like I can still smell the leather, I can feel the welts rising and... I wish I could go back and stop it."

  For the first time since our first meeting, crippling doubts began to surface in me. My clients' emotional problems didn't concern me but this was different. It was I who had extended the invitation to this world and accidentally opened his old wounds.

  Was Nate a true sub or had he been damaged and conditioned to love humiliation?

  There was no time to give in to those doubts. I ran a hand through his hair and spoke in a comforting voice. "It's okay. Cry as much as you need. Don't hold back." The next words sounded strange to my own ears. "Let me hold you for a little while. You're safe here."

  I never allowed anyone such freedom while I was Mistress Sheila. My role was that of an aloof Domme. All touches were off limits unless they wanted to lick my boots. Nonetheless, a strange warmth was rising inside me.

  Nate didn't need a second invitation. His strong arms wrapped around my waist and he buried his head in my shoulder. I whispered soft words to him while he cried without a sound. I'd never have known he was crying if it hadn't been for the wetness on my shoulder and the vibrations of his back muscles.

  The habit of crying as quietly as possible never goes away.

  When Nate calmed down, his face was red and swollen, with a strange, slightly insane smile.

  "I've never said any of that out loud to anyone. It feels strange to talk about it. You know what's the most messed up? I get paranoid he can hear me."

  "How long did that go on?" I asked.

  "Too long. Until the end of my sophomore year. Whenever he was upset, he'd take it out on me, sometimes with a stick, other times with a belt." Nate rested his head on my shoulder and closed his eyes. "There were days when he hurt me just for kicks, for no fault of mine. He loved seeing me broken and humiliated, and I didn't hate it as much as I thought I should have. Sometimes, when he whipped me, I'd get hard and he'd be even more vicious."

  "Why did you stop after all that time?" I asked and rested my hands on his shoulders.

  "There were many reasons. My grades were slipping. I risked losing my scholarship. It was difficult to hide the bruises. Then one night he made me sleep on the floor by his bed. Dogs didn't deserve beds. The next day, I couldn't handle it anymore and went straight to the school office to ask for a transfer."

  We stayed silent for some time and I simply caressed his back and hair, lost in thought. Nate wiped his face. When he finally spoke, his voice was no longer shaking.

  "My life got better once I was away from him. I went back to having stellar grades. I got involved in more clubs and joined the school's volleyball team. That's how I found new friends and even met my first girlfriend. He tried to go after me and threatened to tell everyone what a disgusting whore I was. That time I stood up to him and he backed away. They expelled him a few weeks later."

  I nodded and pointed at the floor. He took the cue and dropped to his knees again. Despite the horror story he'd told me, it still thrilled me to see him like this. The urge to kiss him and promise him everything would be fine made me feel warmer on the inside.

  But there was no time for that.

  "Am I completely fucked up?" He looked up at me with fear. "I love everything you do to me, and I know I shouldn't after all he put me through."

  "Get up," I commanded and rose. He complied and stared at me expectantly. "Follow me."

  I led him to the adjacent room where I kept all my bondage furniture. We'd spent most of his previous session here. His wrists had been tied behind his back, his body caught in a harness, and he'd taken every lash of the whip and the crop with joy.

  After a moment of hesitation, I strapped his body to the nearby St. Andrew's cross. When he tried to speak, I raised my hand and gave him a sign to stay silent. His eyes were wide and his body was trembling with emotions.

  Did this man even realize what easy prey he was? No wonder everyone who entered his life took advantage of him.

  The black leather cuffs around his wrists suited him, and there was a growing fondness in his gaze that tightened the knot inside m
e.

  Once he was safely bound and helpless, I took a step back and reached out for my favorite riding crop.

  "Now listen to me. Don't try to argue. You were a victim. He was a predator and you were easy prey. I..." Insecurity got to me when I tried to figure out my next words. How was I going to make it out of this mess? I cleared my throat and went on. "I still think you are a fine submissive with wonderful instincts."

  I ran the crop down his chest and slapped his thigh. He cried out with pain when I repeated my hit across his legs. He was groaning and writhing in the restraints but once I gave him a chance to rest, his face looked peaceful.

  Don't let that fool you.

  "You're also a first class masochist. If you were a pro sub, you'd be in demand all the time." I smiled at him playfully but quickly went back to a serious tone. "However, I can't tell you if that's who you really are or simply a product of your roommate's abuse."

  "I hoped that's what you'd do." He responded to my smile and gasped once I ran the crop along his balls. "You always know what to do and how everyone around you should act."

  "You overestimate me." I rolled my eyes and couldn't help but grin. "Maybe you always had it in you and you were unlucky to fall into the hands of an abusive sadist. Perhaps he used your shyness and fish out of water situation to condition you. You're the only one who can figure that out."

  "I'm not sure I can. It's been more than twenty years. No matter how much I think it over, I can't figure it out." He sighed and looked down at the leather crop.

  "Maybe you'll never know. At least now you understand your needs a little better. Either way, Nate..." I grabbed him firmly by the chin. "I'm not a healer and I won't pretend to magically cure your trauma and problems. However..."

  My breath caressed his face and I felt how his entire body shivered.

  "If you choose to come back to me, you'll learn to accept your sexuality. You shouldn't be ashamed of what happened to you." I hovered my lips over his but I didn't kiss him even if I saw how thirsty he was, how he struggled to touch me in any way. "Any Mistress would be proud to claim you as hers."