IF I WERE YOUR WOMAN

by LaConnie Taylor-Jones

  The youth shrugged. “Three…maybe four days a week.”

  “That’s your problem right there. You need to be practicing eight or nine hours a day, every day. Feel me?” Ray let his gaze scan over the other two youths. “In this business, microwave careers don’t exist. If you want to make it to the top, you’ve got to be better than good.”

  The youth’s tone was somber. “Well, can you hook a brother up?”

  “I can teach what you don’t know, but the rest is up to you. You’ve got to think of your career in music as you would any other gig. If you don’t know your stuff, think the boss man is going to keep you around long? Preparation is the foundation to your success.”

  “Okay, okay, man. Feelin’ ya on point one. Huh, this preparation? How long we talkin’?”

  Ray chuckled. “Well, you can’t really go by me. After I graduated from college, I went to law school. So, all totaled…eight years.”

  Silence.

  The first youth leaned over with his elbows on his knees. “Dang, man. Why so long?”

  Ray shifted in his seat and let his gaze volley between the young men. “I wanted control over my career, so I sat back, took the time to learn the industry and hooked up with the best of the best. I’ve seen too many artists get scammed by a shady agent or record label because they signed off on a contract that wasn’t legit. You can’t trust everyone in this business, young bloods. The best advice I can give you is to know the industry so you can handle your business tight. Feel me?”

  At the end of the meeting, T. J. walked up to Ray, Laney, and the other members of Les Croisés. “I can’t thank y’all enough for sharing. See this is exactly what these little brothers needed.” He rubbed his chin. “Before it gets too late, I need to head down to the jailhouse and check in on Scott.”

  Ray rushed over to the youth who’d told them about Javon. They talked briefly and afterwards, exchanged a fist pound.

  Laney noticed Ray fishing his keys from his pants pocket. “Darling, are we leaving now?”

  Ray nodded. “Mind taking a detour before we head back home?”

  Laney smiled. “Of course not.”

  “T. J., hold up,” Ray called out from behind. “Red and I are going with.”

  ~ ~ ~

  After Ray and Laney checked in on Scott, they headed over to the housing project located in North Memphis where Javon Timmons was staying. Ray parked, got out and walked around the front of the car. He opened the passenger door and helped Laney out.

  Laney spotted Javon talking with another boy a short distance away and headed toward him. “Hello, Javon.”

  Javon turned around, flashing a nervous grin. “S-sister Houston…” Looking at the ground, he shuffled his feet. “Huh…who told you I was here?”

  Laney patted the youth’s shoulder. “That’s not important. My concern is for you. We missed you at the meeting today.”

  The youth shrugged, his gaze narrowed on Ray. “Man, I swear I don’ seen you before.”

  “You might have.” Ray extended his hand. “Name’s Ray LaSalle.”

  Javon jumped back and spun around. He threw his head back, releasing an exultant scream at being in the presence of a celebrity. A broad smile surfaced as he exchanged a fist pound with Ray then pointed at his head. “Almost didn’t recognize you without your dreads. Why you cut ‘em off? That’s your signature look, man.”

  “Long story,” Ray answered, running a hand across his the smooth surface of his bald head. “I’ll explain it to you one day. We just came from seeing your boy Scott. He told us to tell you hello.”

  A confused looked fanned over Javon’s face. “Where is he?”

  Ray crossed his arms over his chest. “Jail.”

  Javon let his breath out hard. First, he glimpsed Laney before his eyes settled on Ray. “Why y’all tellin’ me this?”

  “From what we’re seeing right now, you might be locked up with him real soon.”

  Javon shook his head sideways. “Won’t happen.”

  Ray nodded. “Word on the streets is you quit school. That true?”

  “Yeah. Wasn’t learning nothin’ no way.” Javon shrugged. “Why bother?”

  Ray sucked his teeth. “How do you expect to support yourself if you’re dumber than a doorknob?”

  “Hollywood, player, Hollywood,” Javon answered, grinning proudly. “Just as soon as I hookup with a label, the cash will start rolling in. And when it does, gonna have me some fine honeys knocking at my door.”

  “Uh-uh.” Ray glanced over at Laney and gave her a knowing look. Smiling, he knew she got the silent message that this conversation was headed toward a man-to-man discussion. He waited until she’d settled inside his car, then motioned for Javon to follow him over to the stairwell for privacy. “Sit your behind down and let me talk to you.”

  “C’mon, man. Why you comin’ at me like that?” Javon protested.

  They sat on the bottom step of the stairwell. This was a perfect example of why he’d wanted to start the academy. The title of celebrity meant every aspect of a person’s life came under intense scrutiny, which was the one thing most newcomers to the music industry failed to realize. He’d seen too many young artist get caught in the trap. All of them craved fame and fortune and everything that went with it, including women. What they didn’t realize was that it came with a hefty price. He glanced over at Javon’s profile. How could he connect with this man-child? There was only one way. He had to venture into Javon’s world and hold nothing back.

  “I don’t care what your partners tell you,” Ray whispered, “or what you read about in the tabloids, everything that sparkles ain’t gold.”

  They held each other’s gaze for a moment until Ray spoke again.

  “You know, I’ve seen a lot of men this industry hook up with the wrong sista for the wrong reasons. Before they could blink, she and their money booked right out the door.”

  “For real?”

  “For real.” Ray relaxed on his elbows, stretching his legs out in front of him. “You need to remember, a woman is a precious gift. So as a man, you need to be selective. Plus, you’re too young to be a baby’s daddy.”

  “That’s for sho.”

  “Yeah, but babies and baby mama drama aren’t the only things you got to worry about these days.”

  “What else is out there?”

  “AIDS and STDs. Watch what you jump off into. It might look clean on the outside, but… Feel where I’m coming from?”

  “I’m feelin’ ya.”

  “I’ve been with a lot of women,” Ray admitted and paused, giving the statement time to sink in.

  “Bet you have, player,” Javon said, grinning. “Bet you have.”

  “Man to man,” Ray said, his voice dipping to a low, conspiratorial tone. “Nothing was ever so good that I didn’t use protection.” Ray looked over at the youth. “Got a sister?”

  Javon nodded.

  “Your sister’s a woman—”

  “C’mon man, don’t take it there.”

  “Aaaw, you’ve finally got my point. You wouldn’t want your sister in every Tom, Dick, and Harry’s bed, right?”

  “Naw.”

  “Good. Then the same thing applies to you.”

  Javon nodded. “I hear ya, dawg.”

  “Now let me ask you this? You want everybody off in your business 24/7?”

  Javon stared at the cement sidewalk in silence.

  “Yeah… that’s what I thought. And I haven’t got to the good stuff.”

  “Whatcha talkin’ about?”

  “Listen up. There are a lot of celebrities who end up either strung out on drugs or at an extended stay at the looney farm. Do you want to be in that mix?”

  “Naw. I can stay in the hood and do that.”

  “Now we talkin.”

  “Ray, how you make it to the top?”

  “It’s like a told your boys at the meeting earlier, I stayed my behind in school. I didn’t want to be at someone else’s mercy when
it came to my career. Let me tell you, it’s some crooks in the music industry. They’ll steal from their own mama, so you know they won’t have a problem stealing from you. Now if you’re sitting there fat, dumb, and happy and can’t read a contract, who loses out?”

  “Dang,” Javon murmured in disbelief.

  Ray held up his hands. “See these? Got these puppies insured for millions because it’s how I make my living. Now if something went down and I couldn’t play, I’d still be able to hit the streets tomorrow and land a gig. Why? Because I can always fall back on the book sense I got by staying in school. Javon, I’m not trying to mess up your dream. Everybody doesn’t hit the lotto in the music industry. Just be sure you got a little somethin’ somethin’ to catch your back.”

  “I hear whatcha saying.”

  Ray straightened. “Last question. Know how to read music?”

  Javon hung his head and shook it sideways.

  “Now see there. You already jacked up coming out the gate. A good musician not only plays what he hears, but can read what he plays.” Ray drew to his feet. “The only reason I’m coming at you like this is because I don’t want to see you get caught up. If things don’t work out, I don’t want you to end up without an education and selling a little illegal product on the side. Feeling me?”

  “Yeah, I feel ya. Don’t wanna go down like that.”

  Ray grinned. “Keep it that way.” He pulled the man-child in a brotherly embrace and released him. “I expect to see you at the academy next week. We’ll work on teaching you how to read that music. All right?”

  Javon grinned back. “I’ll be there. For sho’.”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Alone with the coolness of the night air at his face, Ray stood on the balcony of his bedroom suite at Olivia with his arms draped over the rail. At that moment, solitude was what he sought. He glanced up and studied the stars. They were crystal clear against the velvet black skies. Four grueling months of chemo were behind him. Yet, he couldn’t proclaim victory. He still faced the RPLND, which was a month away. Strangely, he was happy Laney disturbed his peace.

  “Would you care for some company?” Laney asked in a soft tone.

  “Sure.”

  “Darling, is everything okay?”

  Smiling, Ray kept his gaze on the sky. “You know Red, if a man doesn’t learn from his mistakes, he’s a damn fool.”

  Laney had a puzzled expression on her face. “What do you mean?”

  Ray rubbed his jaw and glanced up at the stars, again. “It took a bout with cancer for me to realize how caught up I’d gotten in my public image.”

  Laney stood motionless. Although she and Raphael were closer now than ever, she realized the man before her wasn’t the same man who’d walked through the doors of Olivia four months ago. She wasn’t sure if it was his relaxed composure or the honesty in his voice, but he had changed. His smile was easy and his purpose in life was somehow different.

  This time, Ray braced his back against the balcony, his gaze dead set on a face of sheer beauty. “I’m not sure where to begin. There’s a lot running through my head.” He stopped talking and hoped she could relate. “Has that ever happen to you?”

  “Yes.” Laney braced her back to the balcony beside him. “Sometimes, my thought process goes so fast it gets overloaded.” She laughed. “Maybe that’s one of the traits of a child prodigy.”

  “You know, Red, I came here to chill out while I went through chemo because I didn’t want to be under the microscope of the media during the process.” He ran his hand over the smoothness of his bare head. “I was trying to protect my image.” He paused and shook his head. “Truth be told, I was scared shitless about what the industry would say if they found out I had cancer. But in the last four months, I’ve learned a lot about me.” He blew out a hard breath. “God forgive me, but I’m a fake.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  Ray chuckled sadly and closed his eyes. “Les Croisés came up with the idea for the academy because we wanted kids to understand that making it to the top and being able to land a music contract wasn’t what it was all about. We wanted them to truly experience the passion for the art of music.” He shrugged. “If they made it to the big league, so be it. Then T.J. introduced me to five young cats. Week after week, I’ve been telling them to stay focus on their music. Been telling them not to hook up with every sista who passes their way because that’s not what it’s all about. It’s getting a little hard to lay my head down on the pillow at night when I’m telling them not to hoe around and I’ve been one of the biggest hoes that’s ever walked the face of the earth.”

  “Oh…my…God, Raphael.”

  “Think about it, Red. I’ve jumped in and out of women’s beds because I could. It was easy because I had the label of celebrity attached to my name. I talked a little smack and feasted at the feeding trough. Now if that isn’t being a hoe, tell me what is?”

  Laney covered her mouth with her hand.

  “Listen, baby, I’m not trying to rock your world. I’m calling it like I see. If a man can’t be honest and admit the truth about himself, then he’s the biggest coward that’s ever walked the face of the earth. Now I realize there’s a double standard between men and women. If a woman had done the same thing I did, that’s how she’d be labeled, right?”

  Laney hadn’t quite expected Raphael’s honest assessment of himself. In fact, it floored her. Yet, it was an indication he’d finally allowed her inside the one place she wanted to touch more than anything in the world—his heart. His gaze was so intense, it made her body temperature spike, but she never looked away. “Raphael, sometimes in life, we all stumble and lose our way.”

  Ray touched her cheek with his knuckle as a pained expression fanned across her face. “Not you, Red. You’re solid.”

  “Not always.” She slowly let out the breath she’d been holding. “I was in my freshman year at MIT,” she whispered softly. “I didn’t have a problem academically, but I did socially. I was only fourteen when I went off to college and no doubt the only female in my class who hadn’t started her period. I was too young to really hang out with my classmates, so I pretty much stayed to myself. Since I was an only child, it didn’t bother me because I was accustomed to being alone. One evening, I called my mother and asked if she’d come up and spend Spring Break with me. We had a wonderful time. She flew back a week later to attend a medical conference in Atlanta.” Shaking, her voice vanished momentarily. “She was less than a mile away from her hotel. That’s when it happened. A drunk teenager was speeding and didn’t bother to slow down as she approached a four-way stop. My mother’s car was broadsided and she was killed instantly.”

  Ray winced. At least he’d known the end was near for his mother and as difficult as it had been, was able to brace for the final day. Laney hadn’t. At the drop of a dime, her world spun into darkness, pretty much the way his had the day he’d been diagnosed with cancer. He pulled her into his embrace and kissed the top of her head, his words filled with sincerity. “Red…I’m so sorry.”

  “Although it was an accident, I think it would’ve been easier to accept my mother’s death if racism hadn’t reared its ugly head.”

  “Racism?” Ray stared, confused. “What role did racism play in the accident?”

  “Plenty,” Laney said flatly as she looked away. “Although I grew up in a home where race didn’t matter, my mother’s death taught me the harsh reality of racism and helped me understand that it truly exists.”

  “Did the driver do any jail time?”

  “Not one day,” Laney uttered through clenched teeth. “I later learned the judge was affiliated with a white supremacist group. He argued that since the driver didn’t have a criminal record, she be given a year’s probation even though there were other cases with the exact same circumstances and the responsible party served time.” She shook her head in disgust. “Some might argue that racism didn’t play a role in this case, but I’d go to my grave believing it d
id. My mother’s life was only worth three hundred and sixty-five days of probation, Raphael. Three hundred and sixty-five days lousy days.”

  “Did you ever learn the identity of the driver?”

  “At first, I didn’t want to know because knowing wouldn’t have brought my mother back to me. Eventually, I found out her name was Candice Parker.”

  Ray waited for her to look up at him and offered a tender smile. “You made it through it. That’s all that matters.”

  Laney shook her head sideways. “Not at first. I blamed myself for my mother’s death. If only I hadn’t asked her to come…” Her voice dropped to a mere whisper as the painful memories took over her thoughts. “I was so distraught, I suffered a breakdown. It took me almost two years to recover with the help of intense therapy.”

  Ray stared, shock. “Red, I-I didn’t know.”

  “Most people don’t. When I applied to Harvard, the review committee almost denied my application because some of the members weren’t convinced I was stable enough to handle the challenges of medical school.”

  “What made them change their minds?”

  “God allowed the chair of the committee to find favor in me. He fought tooth and nail for me to be admitted. I’ll never ever forget his kindness. From that day to this one, I vowed to fight racism with every fiber of my being and somehow help someone else as a way of repaying the kindness shown to me.” Laney lifted a hand to the side of his face. “Raphael, when you found out you had cancer, I knew how you felt because I’ve lived through the horror of someone discovering you’ve suffered from an illness you have no control over. That’s the reason I extended the offer for you to come to Olivia. Most people don’t understand mental illness the same way they don’t understand cancer. Nor do they understand it’s not something we want to have. I’ve live through that fear. I know what it’s like to be unfairly scrutinized because you’ve suffered from what society still considers taboo. I knew you’d be safe at Olivia. I also knew no one in my family would judge you because you had cancer. They’d judge you for who you are, not for what you have. I hope my family has proven me right.”