by JL Madore
"No. I'm not and I don't. Nothing is settled."
Jade took a moment and waved her palm over the three votive candles sitting on the little coffee table in front of us. As her hand swept through the air, the wicks burst to life. Apparently, Blaze being her call-sign wasn't just about her fiery red hair. She caught my surprise and smiled.
"Being a Were isn't like being a human with extra senses and strength. It's a constant balance between two entities sharing the same space—the man's soul and the animal's instinct. As a dominant, Bruin's bear is as strong as they come and its primary instinct is to protect. Protect you . . . his mate. Even as Bruin struggles to give you time and space, his bear fights to never let you come to harm."
"So, where's my choice?" The traitorous burn of unwelcome tears returned.
Jade handed me a tissue. "Aside from the physical changes, bonding brings mood swings and emotional extremes. I know you're confused, but it will continue to build until you claim him, compelling you to accept your destiny."
"What if I don't want this destiny? I had my own plans. What if I want my life back?"
"Bonding is tough for those who grow up with it, but for a Mundie—" Jade blushed as her words cut off. "Sorry. For a human from the Modern Realm, I imagine it's horribly upsetting."
I sighed. "Start with upsetting, then add two different attacks where people shoot at me, my house being trashed and being forced to move to a fantasy world because I'm mated to a man I just met . . . and he turns into a bear . . . and I'm supposed to start popping out bear cubs to save a species on the brink of extinction."
No stopping the tears this time. They rolled in abandon, down my cheeks and dripped onto my shirt. I tasted the salt as a few made it to the corner of my mouth. My head fell loose on my shoulders and I cried until my breathing hitched in sobs and I started to snot.
Jade handed me the whole box of tissues this time. She rubbed my hand, and let me fall apart. After a time, I'm not sure how long, a warm soothing sensation moved up my arm and over my skin. My grief eased, the throbbing of my skull and the ringing in my ears replaced by an odd contentment. I looked up.
Jade shrugged. "I'm a healer, remember?"
I scrubbed my hand across my forehead and sighed again. "God, I need a drink. Do you have a liquor store or something around here?" The clock on the mantel said 3:00 am.
Man, could it really be that late?
"I'll ask Nash to stop by in the morning and find out what you'd like."
"Nash?"
"Yes. You'll see an Inuit kid walking the halls with a tribal tattoo encircling his left eye and earrings pierced all up his ears. He's your man. Toiletries, clothes, arrangements, finding someone, avoiding someone, sharpening weapons, anything. He's a bit of a mischievous pain in the ass, but he's the best squire we could ask for. He's a fifth-year wizardry student and he's yours to call on if you need anything.
"Huh. I've never had a beck-and-call-boy before."
"Well you do now." Jade chuckled, her long graceful fingers settling on the silver flower pendant she wore. With delicate silver ribbons wrapped and woven around the stem and teardrop blue-black stones for petals, it was stunning. She noticed me studying it and smiled. "It was a mating gift from Galan. It belonged to his ancestral grandmother, Castian's half-sister, the exiled Queen Rheagan. An ominous source, but I love it."
"It's beautiful."
Her smile faded as she wiped her brow. She swayed a little then straightened.
"Jade, are you all right?"
"I must be coming down with something. My whole system is off." She waved away my concern and took my hands in hers. "Mika, may I ask you a personal question? I swear I'm not being nosy, but why did you say you were mated to a man you just met?"
"That's obvious, isn't it?"
She flipped my hand up and studied my palm. "You haven't mated. You've only been branded. What gave you the idea you had?"
I tried to shake the hubba-wha from my head while I processed that one. "Well, other than the fact that I don't understand any of it, this afternoon, after the Scourge or whoever tried to assassinate me were contained, Bruin and I . . . I mean—" My cheeks flamed.
"You had sex with Bruin?"
I nodded. "Afterward, he was so upset. He said he was sorry, he never should have taken away my choice and he'd never forgive himself."
Jade frowned and brushed her curls out of her face. "That doesn't make sense. He couldn't mate you without consent. You have to recite a ritual while pressing your mark against his. Did he hold your brands together while you made love?"
My blush deepened as I remember being pinned up against that tree. "Uh . . . no."
"Then what choice did he—" Her eyes grew wide. "Mika, what happened? I know this may be wicked TMI, but it's important. Start at the beginning."
I tried to piece it together, breathing through the ache in my chest. "After the snipers were taken out, Bruin was agitated. Cowboy said he needed to be in bear form when he's upset."
Jade's gaze remained sharp. "And it was probably worse with his bonding hormones raging and you hurt."
"Well, when he changed back he was . . . well he was naked and—"
"Ready for you?"
"Right. He said something about not wanting to lose his mate. And when I said I wasn't his mate, his bear got really pissed. He sort of tried to . . . prove me wrong. Physically. It wasn't that I wasn't into it, I totally was. He was just rough and very . . . possessive."
Jade cursed and I understood. He hadn't apologized for mating me at all. "He thinks he raped me. He didn't. I was shaken, yes, but I didn't fight him. I never told him to stop. I consented. He wasn't in control."
"No, he wasn't. Bonding stress is volatile, especially with a dominant creature like an Alpha bear. Mika, I have to track him down. You don't understand what this will do to him. With his past—" She shook her head and let the words fall. "He would never take advantage of a woman and if that's what he thinks happened, he will be devastated."
"How will you get in touch with him? His phone is off."
Jade smiled and brushed her hand down my shoulder. "I can reach him."
I followed Jade to the door. "Please tell him I'm not angry. Well I am, but for a million other reasons. Tell him to come back. I don't care what time it is. Tell him I need him here."
CHAPTER NINETEEN
I woke the next morning afraid to open my eyes. Yesterday had been a disaster, and if today was meant to repeat it, I'd rather play sloth and lay around all day moping. I pulled the covers over my head and hid from the world. Every now and then the dull thud of men in boots trudging heel-toe down the hall stirred me from the depths of exhaustion.
In the end, Orville's raspy snore from the end of the bed teased me from my sleep.
"Orville. What time is it?" I yawned and lifted my quilted shield enough to look at the alarm clock. "Shit buddy, it's almost ten-thirty. Why didn't you wake me up?" Orville grumbled and stretched but didn't rouse. "If you peed on Jade's beautiful bed I am so going to smack you."
I breathed in. Lilacs. "What the—"
The whole suite was filled with vases. Lilacs. Pink ones, mauve ones, deep purple ones and white. "Orville, wake up. A florist shop exploded and we've been hit by floral fire."
A deep resonant chuckle sounded from the chair in the corner. Bruin.
I flew off the bed and across the room before he had a chance to stand. A moment before I jumped into his lap, I skidded to a halt and regained my senses. My fist hit hard and fast, a good one square in the chest. "You asshole. Don't you ever disappear on me again. I didn't know what happened. I spent the whole day thinking I'd been mated and you were so repulsed you couldn't even look at me."
He stood in a surge. Man, he really was a big boy.
And beautiful—those wide muscled shoulders looming over me, the deep rumble of his voice. My skin prickled in awakening, my nipples tweaked and my breath caught. Jade said the pull of the Bonding Brand would grow and it was far
worse this morning . . . and him looking all apologetic and wounded wasn't helping.
Get a grip. I swallowed. "When you said you took my choice away I thought you meant we were mated. Then you poofed off and I was left crying like an idiot surrounded by warriors who hate my guts." I punched him again, but didn't put much into it. "Not cool."
His leaned down and pressed his lips against my forehead. "I'm sorry. My bear, my animal side, has basic impulses. Food, fight, fuck. He doesn't reason, he feels, he acts. It's worse when the moon is close to full and with the bonding raging through me—"
I squeezed his shoulder aware that just yesterday there had been a bullet hole where my fingers pressed. "You and I have two different takes on what went down on that plateau. It was consensual—at least on my side."
He barked a harsh laugh and crossed his arms over his chest. "No, it wasn't."
"Yes, it was."
He shook his head.
I nodded and grabbed his jaw. "Hey. Could you not try to be the boss of me for one minute and listen? The sex was off the hook, true, rougher than I'm used to, but I didn't complain. The thing that upset me was being trapped in a marriage I hadn't agreed to. And you regretting it so much you abandoned me to deal with it."
Bruin's lips tilted with gentle sensuality. "How could I regret mating you? I know you don't think so, but being branded to you is a miracle. Every female of my species is dead. I never thought I could have a mate."
Those turquoise eyes were too damned hypnotic as he pulled me against his chest. He cleared his throat, but his voice remained husky. "I want this, Mika. And after the way I handled you yesterday, I figured you'd want nothing to do with me."
I glanced around at all the vases of lilacs and stepped away. "I told you before, I'm not that fragile. I decide things for myself. Where'd you bugger off to anyway?"
"I rode my bike 'till I hit the end of the world. When I couldn't go any further, I turned around and headed back."
"Did Jade tell you I wasn't mad?"
He nodded. "I drove like a demon to get back to you."
"You could have poofed and saved us both a night of worry."
"Yeah, but I had my bike and still needed to sort out my head."
His heavy-lidded stare had my stomach tightening. Whatever it was between us expanded inside me every time I looked at him. "Mika, I would never force myself on you. It's these damned mating hormones. They're making me crazy."
"I get that, and just so we're clear, Cowboy warned me to back off until you regained control. I didn't. I pushed. The hunger of your bear had me undone. I am, however, royally pissed about a few dozen other things, so you better suck it up until I get a handle on what's going on. I'm sick of losing my shit every ten minutes and I need answers."
Bruin's mouth turned up at the corners. Sexy bastard.
I glared and continued. "And if you ever bite me again, bear or man, you'd better be ready to be bitten back. I don't mind a little kink, but that hurt."
I ran my fingers over the scabs on my collarbone.
Bruin's fingers met mine as he traced the four puncture marks. "I'm trying to control the bonding urges, honestly, but every time you deny I'm your mate, it cuts me to my marrow. I ache with a need to claim you. And even more, to have you claim me. The extra adrenaline and aggression from the attempt on you knocked me for a header."
The pain in his timbre broke my heart. "I don't want to hurt you. Honestly. But at least you understand what us being branded is about. I'd never heard of it. Never wanted it."
He turned and strode to the window. "What about having a family?"
"Why do we have to talk family? I've only known you a few days. Can't we slow things down a little? It's overwhelming."
"What's so overwhelming about how you feel about family?"
I crossed my arms and exhaled. "Well, family didn't work out so well for me. It's not really part of my plan. Men are supposed to be kept at arm's length. Career over marriage. I enjoy working late, sleeping late and sneaking around in people's secrets."
Bruin scrubbed his palm over his cleanly shaven jaw. "You're so focused on what you think you'll give up if you accept me. What about what this could add to our lives?"
My face got hot with that one. "Don't say our lives because I have nothing to do with it."
"Excuse me?"
"Everywhere I go someone is congratulating me or bowing to me because I'm the new Were Queen. No one cares who I am. I'm just a warm body for the Alpha to knock up. A vessel to save your species."
"That's not fair."
"No? Do you consider me your miracle or is it that you have a chance to plant your seed and procreate? Any womb would do." The stricken look on his face made me want to stop, but my frustrations of the past few days were escaping faster than I could stop them. "Like you said, feed, fight and fuck, right?"
Bruin's sharp intake of breath broke my fervour. He turned and with long strides ate the distance from my suite to the adjoining door to his. "I'm more than my animal, Mika. What a shame you think so little of the man."
Shit. I launched after him and got to the door just as it was about to slam in my face. "Bruin, wait. Can we back up? Bruin." He turned and I sighed. "Sorry. I’ve never been a relationship person and I suck at it. I didn’t mean to lash out. I just need to catch my breath."
After a long moment, Bruin exhaled. "Okay. You catch your breath and I'll check in with some of the Weres about missing members. Maybe we can meet up in a few hours and grab a late lunch?"
I nodded. "That sounds good."
An hour later I had showered, dressed and was just pulling my hair back in a ponytail when someone in the hall knocked on my door.
"Good morning," Aust said, holding a small breakfast tray. "Bruin, came to the kitchen and asked my mother to send some nourishment for you. I volunteered to bring it up. I hope I am not intruding."
"Not at all." I opened the door wide and he glided in with his wolf at his heels. He set the tray down at the little table and I took a look at the spread.
Though I was generally a bagel and coffee girl, after smelling the egg and pepper casserole thingy Elora prepared, I scooped up the little ceramic dish and settled into one of the two chairs. "Wow, your mom’s a talented lady. This is delicious."
Aust nodded, his smile sad. "She is a marvel. Having so many mouths to feed keeps her very . . . occupied. Which is good. But I worry for her." Aust went on to explain briefly that his father had recently passed Behind the Veil and that Elora was grieving in the only way she knew how—losing herself in the needs of others. When Aust finished his story, Faolan laid her head on his lap and whined.
I could feel the depths of their sadness, but only time and distraction would ease their mourning. I knew that first hand. "Hey, how about we go stretch our legs? Last night, I believe you made me an offer to show me the castle."
Aust bowed his head and stood and Faolan bounded for the door, tail wagging. I put my dirty dishes back onto the tray and Aust collected the tray and followed me into the hall and toward the grand staircase.
It was nearly noon by this time and with the sun straight overhead, a kaleidoscope of light streamed from the stained-glass ceiling positioned above the great foyer. I stopped at the balustrade at the top of the stairs and cast an upward glance. There was an intricate depiction of a battle between a man and some sort of ugly Orc guy. If I wasn't mistaken the man bleeding violet blood into the soil was Castian.
Movement three stories below caught our attention as we began our decent.
"Is that Nash?" I asked Aust as a young man with a tribal tattoo and a mohawk jogged across the foyer and retrieved a football from beside the front door.
Aust nodded and Faolan ran down ahead of us.
When the wolf reached the bottom, Nash looked up at us and smiled. "Hey Aust. Good morning, Mika. Welcome to Haven."
How the hell does everyone know who I am? We continued to wind our way down the steps, passing the landing for the second floor
. "Thank you . . . Nash, right?"
He nodded and crossed his arm in front of his belly for a bow. Cowboy barrelled out of nowhere and linebacker-tackled him backward into the lounge. The two of them slammed onto the carpet in a tangle of arms and legs, grunts and curses.
Nash coughed, laughing as he swore. "Can you say personal foul, Wolf?"
"Nobody dropped a flag."
The two continued to grapple at the ball, one liners and insults filling the foyer.
I stood, watching them wrestle while Aust stepped away to dispose of the tray of dishes.
"Your stomach is growling again, Mika," Aust said right beside me.
I pressed my hand over my rapidly thrumming heart. I hadn't even noticed him return. "Aren't you a quiet one?"
He chuckled and turned me toward the double doors. That's when a poem mounted on the wall of the foyer caught my attention. "What’s this?"
"A prophesy made a few months ago about the Scourge uprising. No one seems to agree on the meaning, but there is no shortage of theories." Once I had read it through a second time, I let him lead me out onto the front porch of Jade’s mansion.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Standing outside the Hearthstone tavern I wasn't sure what to think. It was the kind of place you'd expect bikers to frequent, leathered-up men with chains wrapped around their fists and barmaids named Candy. In my world, off the rails was fine, bring it—Spankz, after all, was a favorite haunt of mine—but in this world . . . I just didn't have my bearings.
Faolan whined at Aust's side and rubbed against his leg.
"I'm with you girl. I'm not so sure either."
Aust knelt on one knee and kissed Faolan's muzzle. "She wishes to run with the wolves. She said nothing about eating at the Hearthstone." The wolf's head turned, her gaze locked on the rooftop of a building down the clearing. He nodded and patted her side, then gestured to the forest. "Enjoy yourself, girl. I shall meet you back here when you return."
Faolan bounded off to the tree line, her tail up and wagging.
"This world is unbelievable. I'm still not so sure about your choice of restaurants."