“You mean, as compared to the last time we were together?” he asked.
She nodded.
“I don’t know, really,” he said. “I think you were too hard for me to take before, because I hadn’t seen you vulnerable. But when all that shit with Joe happened, and then Tim, I found myself wanting to drop everything for you. Believe me, it was a totally new feeling for me. Usually when a woman gets needy I run in the other direction.”
He stared down at her face. He could see that she was confused and upset, but he knew that he needed to tell her. He didn’t want her to think that he was hanging around waiting until he could jump in the sack with her again. Besides, he thought to himself, she had the right to know that he loved her.
“You know, when they had me,” she said, sounding very far away, “I think the thing that I hated the most was that I had no control over what was happening to me.” She looked up at him then, her eyes haunted.
“I know, and I promise I’ll never let anything like that happen to you again.”
Midnight shook her head. “Rick, you can’t protect me from everything. I just don’t like feeling vulnerable, I don’t like feeling out of control you know?” She looked up at him, pleading with him to understand.
“Yeah, I know, but babe, you’ve got to let someone in sometime.”
“Do I?” she asked, doubtful.
“Midnight, no one can survive in a vacuum, not even you.” He smiled at her then.
“I’ve done a pretty good job so far,” she said, a smile tugging at her lips.
He looked at her for a long moment, hoping that he was in some way getting through to her. She reached up, touching his cheek, her eyes worried.
“What is it, babe?” he asked.
“I, well,” she stammered, “I just hope you understand.”
“Understand what?” he asked softly.
“That, loving someone isn’t in the cards for me right now. I’m just not capable of it. I’m sorry …” Her voice trailed off, her eyes looking pained.
“Midnight,” Rick said, his eyes searching hers. “I told you, I don’t expect you to love me back. I know that’s too much to ask from you, especially right now. It’s okay, I just hope you’ll let me be here for you.” He smiled. “Even though I had the nerve to go and fall in love with you.”
She laughed, then her look turned serious. “I want you here with me, I guess that’s what makes it worse, the fact that I’m using you and now …” She shrugged helplessly.
“You’re not using me, Midnight. I want to be here, I’m glad you’re willing to lean on me.” He shook his head in wonder. “It’s probably really dumb, but I feel pretty damn lucky.”
“Lucky?” Midnight repeated, her tone mockingly cynical.
Rick laughed, nodding his head. “How many guys have you let this close to you?”
“Two,” Midnight said, her look somewhat sad, “unless you count Thomas, then three.”
“Joe and Tom Ryan?” Rick asked.
“You got it,” Midnight said, nodding.
“That’s why I feel lucky,” he said, smiling softly.
To his complete surprise, she reached her hand up to touch his cheek and then kissed him. Her lips were soft against his and her hand moved through his hair. Rick’s arms tightened around her as they continued to kiss with increasing passion. Her hands started to unbutton his shirt. When her hands touched his chest he groaned against her lips. She smiled, moving her hands over his chest and inciting more response from him. Rick’s hands caressed her back, touching her gently, but with the intensity born of the passion they were sharing. Midnight pulled away from his lips to kiss his neck.
“Make love to me,” she whispered into his ear, her voice deepened by passion.
Rick pulled away, looking down at her, concern clear in his eyes. “Are you sure?”
She touched his face at the temple with her fingertips, and traced them down his cheek to his lips, her eyes staring into his. “Rick, you can’t erase what he did to me,” she said softly, “but you can give me something to put it farther away.” She kissed his lips softly. “Please, make love to me.”
He kissed her, his lips were soft and gentle, as were his hands as they touched her. They made love, but it wasn’t with the usual fervor of their past love making. Rick took his time, touching her as if it were her first time, and Midnight found herself responding as if it were. He kissed her and caressed her, stroking her skin with gentle hands, treating her as if she were fragile, because as far as he was concerned she was. There was no pain when his body moved into hers, and she was grateful to him for the care he had taken to make this a beautiful contrast to the horror of the rape.
Afterwards, she lay in his arms, feeling very safe and comfortable. It did bother her that he said he loved her; she didn’t want to hurt him, but she knew she just couldn’t love him back. Not right now, maybe not ever. She didn’t want to think about that, she was feeling too good just then. She hadn’t known how sweet and gentle Rick could be during lovemaking until that night. This side of him surprised her, although she realized that it shouldn’t. He had been so gentle with her during the fight with Joe and after Tim’s death. But they hadn’t made love then. She figured that a man made love the way he did, no matter what the situation, but tonight had been almost a complete contrast to their previous times. It was something to think about.
Midnight looked up at him, seeing that he was staring down at her. He leaned down and kissed her forehead.
She smiled, looking at him for a few long moments, then laying her hand on his cheek softly she said, “Thank you.”
Her eyes saying everything her words didn’t.
“Anything for you,” he replied, his eyes staring into hers.
She laid her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes, a smile still on her face. She fell asleep and slept until late the next day. The cycle of working herself half-sick was broken.
Chapter 2
When Joe was released from the hospital, Randy went home with him. She was staying at his house to keep an eye on him. She’d had to make a deal with Joe’s doctor, since Joe was threatening to leave either way. Joe was doing a lot better, but the doctor would not release him unless he had someone with him twenty-four hours a day to keep an eye on him.
Shortly after getting back to Joe’s house, Midnight and Rick came by to check on him. Randy busied herself getting Joe settled, while Midnight, Rick, and Joe visited. They made a point of keeping it short, because Midnight was still tired. Rick wanted to get her home so she could rest more. Her body had been craving sleep for the last week and a half, and now it was demanding it. When Midnight left the room for a few minutes to talk to Randy, Joe took the opportunity to talk to Rick about Midnight.
“Obviously you talked to her,” Joe said, smiling.
“Yeah, it wasn’t fun but I think she’s okay now. I’m going to keep a close eye on her though, just to make sure,” Rick said. “So far she’s letting me.”
“You told her, didn’t you?” Joe said, sensing it without Rick having said anything pertaining to his feelings for Midnight.
Rick looked at Joe for a long moment, then he nodded, looking chagrinned.
“What’d she say?” Joe asked.
“Well, she said that she couldn’t love me back right now.”
“And that felt, how?” Joe asked.
Rick shrugged. “What choice do I have, man? I love her. I can’t just stop, but at least I told her.” Rick looked unhappy. “Joe, she means too damn much to me.”
“Yeah, I know where you’re coming from, but don’t push her, it’s like backing a cat into a corner, she’ll come out fighting.”
“Yeah, I know, I’m not pushing. She said she felt guilty for using me though.” Rick shook his head once again at the thought.
“She’s used to only using me for that,” Joe said, his smile slightly melancholy.
“Joe,” Rick said, looking at Joe with concern, “you’re not mad that …
” Rick made a gesture to indicate himself and Midnight.
Joe shook his head, waving his hand. “No, man, I’m not mad. I love her too, and I want her to be happy. I can’t do that for her. I just wish she’d wise up and grab you while she can.”
Rick grinned as Midnight came into the room, looking at both men suspiciously.
“Grab who while who can?” she asked, her eyes narrowing at Joe.
“Nothing,” Joe said, trying to look innocent and only partially succeeding.
“I see,” Midnight said. She walked over and stood in front of Rick, leaning back against him.
He put his arms around her, hugging her to him, and kissing the top of her head.
Randy walked in, seeing Rick’s arms around Midnight, and smiled. She was glad that things seemed to have smoothed out for them. She had been worried about Midnight. Unlike Joe, Randy had realized that Midnight was overdoing it. She had seen her in the lighted corridor outside of Joe’s room a couple of times, and Midnight hadn’t looked good at all. She had lost weight and looked exhausted. Now as she looked at Midnight, she saw that the dark closed look was gone from her eyes, and she looked content.
After Rick and Midnight left, Randy and Joe watched some TV. Joe slept off and on, but Randy stayed in the room to keep an eye on him. She cooked them dinner, but could see that Joe was still too tired to really eat. He took a few bites and lay back down. He was lying mostly on his side to keep his weight off his still-healing back.
In the end, Randy ended up sleeping behind him, keeping a foot of distance between them, so as not to put pressure on the mattress under him. Her hand was on his shoulder so she could keep contact with him. All in all, the first day home had been easy.
The next morning, Randy woke to feel a hand on her cheek. Opening her eyes, she was staring into Joe’s light blue eyes.
“Good morning,” she said, smiling.
Joe smiled tiredly.
“You’re awake early,” she said, “are you okay? Do you need anything?” she asked, worried suddenly that he was in pain.
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “I don’t need anything.” He grinned. “’Cept maybe you.”
Randy looked back at him for a long moment, then smiled at the sweet comment.
“Thank you for being here,” he told her, his tone sincere. “I don’t know what I would have done if I’d had to stay in that place much longer.”
“You don’t like hospitals much, do you?” she asked, her eyes searching his.
“Spent too much time in one … after the accident.”
Randy nodded, having guessed it had to do with the accident.
“Well, I’m glad you’re letting me take care of you,” she said, reaching out to touch his cheek.
Joe smiled in response, closing his eyes again.
****
Later that day they were watching a movie when Joe’s doorbell rang. Randy got up to answer it. She was stunned to see Taylor standing there.
“I,” Randy stammered, not even sure what to say to the other woman. “What are you doing here?” she finally asked, knowing how rude it sounded, but not caring.
Taylor stared back at Randy as if she’d just come upon a trespasser in Joe’s house. “I could ask the same of you,” Taylor said, brushing by Randy as if she lived there. “I understand my nephew has been shot,” she went on, her manicured hands grasping elegant silk driving gloves. “I’m here to see him.” She said the last looking at Randy challengingly.
Randy stared back at the woman, unable to formulate a reply. Since she said nothing, Taylor took that as acquiescence and headed back toward Joe’s room. Suddenly regaining her sense, Randy hurried after Taylor, wanting to say the right thing to stop her, but it was too late.
“I see I was right,” Taylor announced to Joe as she walked into his room.
Joe glanced at her, shock written on his features. “What the—” he began, but Taylor steamrolled him too.
“You simply must come back to England now,” she said, her tone no nonsense. “It’s obvious to me that you’re only going to languish in this atrocious place if I don’t insist.”
“Taylor—” Joe began, only to be cut off once again.
“Joseph Michael, it’s for the best, I’ve arranged for you to fly back with me. I can’t have this,” she said, gesturing to Randy, her look condescending, “be what you come to.”
“Okay, that’s fucking it,” Joe snapped, levering himself up from the bed. He moved too quickly and a shooting pain ran up his back. He gasped at the sudden intense pain.
That was when Randy had it.
“Joe!” Randy exclaimed, moving to his side instantly. “Stay down,” she ordered him. “I’ll take care of this,” she said, looking at Taylor with fire in her eyes. “I don’t care what you say about me Taylor, because it’s obvious to me that you have absolutely no sense whatsoever. But I will not have you coming in here and upsetting Joe again. You’ve done enough damage with your condescension and accusations. Now,” she said, once Joe was settled back on the bed. She moved toward Taylor with menace. “You get out of here! Out!” she said, pointing toward the door, her eyes shooting sparks, “or I swear to God, I’ll call San Diego PD, who by the way think Joseph Michael Sinclair is the best cop they’ve ever known, and they’ll haul your sorry ass downtown and throw you into jail for trespassing! You got that, you heinous bitch?”
Taylor stood stock still, unable to believe she what she was hearing. Randy stood waiting for Taylor to do or say something else. Taylor glanced to Joe, who was lying watching the scene unfold with a most puzzled smile on his face.
“You heard her,” Joe said simply to Taylor. “Go.”
Taylor drew in a deep breath, drawing herself up, then turned and walked out of the room with as much dignity as she could muster. Joe and Randy heard the front door slam shortly after that.
Randy turned back to Joe, half-afraid of what he would say now.
“That,” he said, pointing at the spot where Taylor had stood moments before, “was incredible.”
“Incredible?” Randy repeated, her tone unsure.
“Yeah,” Joe said, smiling brilliantly, “you were incredible. I’ve never seen anyone talk to Taylor like that.”
Randy grimaced.
Joe held his hand out to her. “Come here.”
Randy moved to kneel next to the bed, putting her on eye level with him.
“I love you,” he told her sincerely.
“I love you too,” she said, smiling finally.
“Remind me never to get you riled up,” Joe said, grinning then.
“Oh stop,” she said, swatting his hand.
It turned out to be a good day.
Later that night, they watched movies. Joe’s head lay in Randy’s lap, her hands stroking his hair. She was amazed at how comfortable she felt with him. It amazed her constantly that this handsome, charismatic man loved her. She’d never have believed that this could happen to her.
When she thought back to the time before her parents left, she remembered the feeling of being worthless. She’d heard it so often from her parents when they were fighting. “They’re draining us dry!” her father would scream whenever they needed new shoes, or clothes.
“Darrell is trying to get a job,” her mother would say. “He can help out then.”
“He’ll just spend all his money on booze and women,” her father would snap. “And the other two will be worthless for years to come yet!”
That was the term Randy had held onto for years. “Worthless.” She was worthless to her own parents. Having someone as incredible as Joe Sinclair love her, meant more than she could ever tell him. She had no words to describe the wonder of it.
At one point, she got up to get his pain meds, and when she turned around, she saw that he was watching her. She smiled self-consciously.
“You don’t like people to stare at you do you?” Joe asked. Randy shook her head, sitting back down on the bed next to him. Joe moved his h
ead back into her lap, and looked up at her.
“Why?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” Randy said, shrugging. “I guess I always wonder why they’re staring, and think that something is wrong with me.”
“Couldn’t it just be that you’re beautiful, and people tend to stare at a beautiful woman?” Joe said, looking up at her.
Randy was blushing, averting her eyes from his. He reached up and turned her face back to his. “You are beautiful, Randy, but you don’t believe that do you?”
Randy shook her head, trying to avert her eyes, but Joe’s hand cupped her chin, keeping her facing him.
“Well, you are.” He touched her check softly, his eyes looking into hers. After a few long moments, he smiled at her. He could see he was embarrassing the poor girl. He took her hand again and rested it on his chest, with his hand covering hers.
Later that night, they’d both gone to sleep. Randy was lying facing him on the bed. She was jarred awake by the sound of him gasping for breath. She opened her eyes and sat up to see that Joe was awake, but he looked like he was trying to calm down.
“Joe?” she queried, worried. “Are you okay?”
Joe swallowed a few times, closing his eyes and trying to slow his breathing. He nodded, but Randy wasn’t convinced.
She lay back down, reaching over to touch his cheek.
“Was it a nightmare?” she asked.
Joe closed his eyes again, nodding slowly.
“About the shooting?”
He shook his head. “My parents,” he answered, sounding pained.
“Joe,” Randy said. She wasn’t sure if she should ask the questions she wanted to. But she thought she might understand him better if she knew the answers. “What happened?”
He knew of course what she was asking about, and for once he didn’t feel the reluctance to tell the story.
“It started with this gang leader from a rival gang. He apparently took the gang thing very seriously, whereas I was just playing at it,” he began. His voice was distant almost as if he could tell the story from a remote location where it wouldn’t hurt as much. His eyes were focused on the wall behind Randy as he remembered. “Unfortunately, for me, I didn’t realize how serious he was. We’d fought a few days before the accident. He’d confronted me, and I’d kicked his ass in front of his own gang. Apparently, that didn’t go over well. To get back at me, he decided to cut the brake lines in all the cars in my parents’ garage, including my Porsche.”
Empires Fall (MidKnight Blue Book 2) Page 3