“Oh my God,” Randy said, closing her eyes.
Joe nodded, his look grave. “My parents had a party to go to, my dad sucked at driving at night, so I offered to drive them,” he said, his voice breaking. Randy reached out touching his cheek, her eyes reflecting sympathy. “We went over a cliff. I was pinned against the wheel. I lay there for hours. I kept listening for some sound from them, praying that they were just unconscious. I never knew if they died on impact or if they laid there and died, and I couldn’t …” His voice broke again and he closed his eyes, willing his own tears back.
“You couldn’t get to them, right?” Randy asked, her voice shaking a little.
Joe shook his head in response.
“And you still feel guilty about that, don’t you?” she said. It was more of a statement than a question.
He made a noise in the back of his throat, kind of a sardonic laugh. “Yeah.”
“But why, Joe?”
“Why? What do you mean why?” He was shocked; he couldn’t believe she had just heard the story and still wanted to know why he felt guilty.
“Why do you feel guilty, Joe? Do you really think you should have known that gang leader would do that? That you could have changed anything?” she asked, her eyes searching his.
“Yeah, I could have changed something” he said, his eyes flashing with anger, but the anger wasn’t directed at Randy, it was directed inward. “I could have never started the fucking gang in the first place, then it wouldn’t have happened. There wouldn’t have been someone like Jake who would want to hurt me or my family. I could have done a lot Randy. I could have tried harder to get to them. I might have been able to save them, something! Damn it!” Randy could see him tensing and it wasn’t good for his back or him.
“Joe!” she exclaimed, trying to get through to him. “You couldn’t have done anything. Nothing, except maybe have died in that accident like he meant you to. How were you supposed to know that anyone would be such a bastard? And besides, if it wasn’t for your affiliation with your gang, you wouldn’t be here, and you wouldn’t have done all the good you’ve done here. Doesn’t that count for anything, Joe? All you’ve done here? The lives you’ve saved? I know that they’re not your parents, but they’re lives and if it wasn’t for you where would those people be?”
Randy’s eyes flashed angrily. She felt that if she couldn’t make him understand and agree with what she was saying, it would negate everything. Everything that she felt for him was because of who he was right then, who he had become after the accident, his determination, his drive, his passion, everything. Joe understanding how important he was in her life, and how much being with him meant to her, was key to everything. He’d changed her world, like he’d changed others and she needed to make him understand that.
“Damn it, Joe! You mean a lot to a lot of people and you’ve changed lives and made them better. You can’t hold on to the past forever. Did you ever think that there was a reason for all of this to happen? If your parents hadn’t been killed, or had died because of something else, you may never have come here. You wouldn’t have been so mad about the whole gang thing that you joined something like FORS to do some good. Would you have done all you have, would you be who you are? Doesn’t that matter to you?” Randy’s voice pleaded with him. He had to understand; he had to agree with her.
She felt like her heart was in a vice and what he said would either tighten the vice and kill her or loosen it and save her. As she stared down at him, her eyes were filled with tears.
Joe must have seen the hurt in her eyes, because suddenly he was looking at her, seeing her. He was no longer in England with that haunting memory. For a few moments, he just looked into her eyes, then suddenly his breath caught in his throat and the tears that he’d been holding back came flooding out. All the years of guilt and anger. He had always felt so cheated and hated by the fates, but she was right. If his life hadn’t taken such a dramatic turn, he wouldn’t be here now, he wouldn’t have met Midnight and all the members of FORS, and most importantly he wouldn’t have met Randy. Joe found himself hugging her to him, holding on to her as if he were drowning. She was holding him too with her head bent next to his, stroking his hair and rocking him back and forth as he cried.
She cried too, praying that she understood what was happening, and that he had really just come to grips with his parents’ death, and his role in it. Joe could feel that she was crying, and he realized that she was crying for him. Suddenly, like some blinding flash of light, his life was restored to him. It was his again, not haunted by some terrible shadow of a memory. He felt the weight of years of guilt drop off his shoulders. And it was Randy’s words that had done it.
“I love you,” he told her. He felt exhausted by what they’d just gone through, but he needed to tell her.
“I love you,” Randy repeated, touching his cheek. She, too, felt drained.
They fell into an exhausted sleep. Joe hadn’t slept better in years.
The following day, Joe slept in late. The guilt being off his shoulders seemed to lighten everything and let him rest finally. Randy let him sleep, knowing he probably needed it. She busied herself straightening up his house, and even decided to run out to the market to buy the makings for dinner that night. She borrowed the keys to Joe’s Jaguar, and left a note on the nightstand in the event that Joe woke before she got back.
She was driving up the driveway, returning to Joe’s house, when she saw Darrell’s Camaro.
“Oh God,” she said out loud, terrified of what might have transpired while she was gone.
She wasn’t sure if she had more reason to be relieved or nervous when she saw Darrell just getting out of his car. He stood gawking at his sister as she drove up in the late model black Jaguar.
“Where the hell did you get this?” Darrell asked, narrowing his eyes at Randy. “Did Sinclair buy it?” He didn’t like the idea of Sinclair buying his sister anything.
“Yes, Darrell he bought it,” Randy said, her voice flip and casual. “About four years ago, for himself. God! What kind of man do you think he is? You thought he bought it for me, you thought he was trying to buy me didn’t you?” Her voice was angry, and harsh.
Darrell looked at her for a long minute. She looked different, but he couldn’t tell what was different about her. Now here she was getting pissed at him because he had made what he considered a natural assumption.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought, so what?” he answered her, as he straightened, automatically moving to help her with the groceries she was taking out of the trunk.
Much to Randy’s dismay, they were inside Joe’s house before she realized that Darrell was still with her. She was brought back to reality when Darrell stood stock still staring wide-eyed at Joe’s house.
“Jesus, this guy is really loaded, isn’t he?” he asked in awe.
“Darrell,” Randy warned. “Please don’t fucking start,” she said tiredly.
“Nice, you learn that from Sinclair?” Darrell asked angrily.
“No I learned words like that from your friends, Darrell. I also learned pussy, bitch, cunt, and a few other choice phrases, would you like to hear them?” Randy’s eyes blazed at him now.
“I see,” Darrell said, his eyes blazing right back at her. “You’re telling me that cop doesn’t say anything crude in front of you? Bullshit!”
“Yeah, Darrell? Well you don’t know him like I do. He says nice things to me, things like how beautiful I am, and he’s nice to me but you wouldn’t understand that.”
Darrell’s grin was malicious. “Yeah, I bet he’ll say anything to get you into bed.”
“Well, I have news for you, Darrell,” Randy said, her face a mask of superiority. “He’s already gotten me into bed, and before you say anything”—she held her hands up in a defensive angry gesture—“I wanted him to. I asked him. In fact, he didn’t want to because he wanted me to be totally sure. But you know what, Darrell? I was sure, because I love him.” Her breath
was coming in quick short gasps by the end of her tirade.
She hadn’t meant to tell Darrell what had happened between her and Joe, but she had gotten so angry at his insinuations that her temper had gotten the better of her. Darrell was staring at her in total shock. After a few moments, Darrell’s eyes grew wary and doubtful.
“Yeah, and he probably told you how he loves you too, and he’ll marry you if you’ll just go to bed with him,” his voice was full of derision.
“As a matter of fact, Darrell,” Randy said, her hands on her hips, her eyes staring directly into his, “he did tell me he loves me, but it wasn’t until after we had made love, so I guess that screws up your little theory doesn’t it?”
Once again, she had stunned Darrell into silence.
Randy was busying herself putting things away in the refrigerator, so she didn’t notice Joe walk in. Darrell did.
All Randy heard was, “Son of a bitch!” She turned in time to see Darrell lunge at Joe.
Joe wasn’t as fast as he usually would have been, so he didn’t side step quickly enough and Darrell slammed into him. They hit the wall together. Randy screamed.
Joe recovered quickly enough to shove Darrell away from him. Darrell went to punch Joe in the face, but Joe was faster, blocking the punch, and hitting Darrell in the stomach. Darrell stumbled back, his eyes blazing. Randy put herself between Darrell and Joe, facing her brother.
“Darrell, stop it!” she screamed as he pushed her out of the way.
Once again, Joe was faster. He grabbed Randy by the waist, taking her out of Darrell’s path, in time to catch Darrell’s head in his mid-section. Both men fell to the floor. Joe managed to get from under Darrell, shoving him back with his foot. Darrell got to his feet, swinging at Joe, but not connecting. Joe’s swing, however, connected solidly, stunning Darrell with its force.
“Stop it!” Randy screamed, seeing that Joe was bleeding, and wincing in pain when he moved.
“He’s just using you like any other piece of ass—”Darrell began.
Joe didn’t wait for the rest, he lunged at Darrell again, catching him in the stomach and knocking him back against the wall.
“Joe!” Randy screamed. “Please!” she pleaded, grabbing his arm.
Joe stopped instantly, afraid he’d hurt Randy by mistake.
She pulled him away from Darrell, eyeing her brother nastily.
“Just leave, Darrell,” Randy said.
“I don’t know what you’re fantasizing about, Randy,” Darrell said, his voice derisive, his breath coming in gasps. “But don’t be dreaming of wedding bells or anything. Don’t get your hopes up. And when he’s done using you, don’t think you can just come back home, I’m warning you.”
Joe stood breathing heavily, his light blue eyes watching Darrell. To Randy’s surprise, he smiled.
“Guess you don’t know everything, do ya?” Joe said sarcastically to Darrell.
Darrell just stared back at Joe. His mouth dropped open as Joe went down to one knee in front of Randy and took her hand.
“I was gonna wait,” he said, still sounding slightly out of breath, “till I could get something a little more official but,” he said, taking off his signet ring, “this’ll have to do for now.” With that, he slid it onto Randy’s left ring finger. “Will you marry me, Randy?”
Randy stood staring at him for a full minute, her mouth open in shock.
“Silence is not an appropriate response to this type of question, you know,” Joe said, his smile growing wider. He stood up still holding her hands.
“I … I,” Randy stammered. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Well, ‘yes’ suits me perfectly,” Joe said, his eyes still on hers.
“Can’t disappoint the boss, can I?” Randy said finally regaining her wits. “Yes,” she said then, her eyes glowing with happiness.
He kissed her, while Darrell stared at them in shock. They didn’t even notice when he walked out of the house. Neither of them cared.
Later, when Randy had gotten Joe painkillers and settled him back in bed she couldn’t help but ask about the proposal.
“When did you decide to ask me to marry you?”
Joe grinned, wondering when that question would come up. “I dunno,” he said, “somewhere between you telling Taylor off and last night when you saved my life.”
“I didn’t save your life,” she said, shaking her head.
“Yes, Randy, you did,” he told her. “You gave me back my life.”
“But,” Randy began, looking confused, “why me? I mean, I’m just,” she said, shaking her head and shrugging, “plain.”
“You’re far from plain, Randy,” Joe said, his look shocked. “Why are you so down on yourself?” He pulled her closer to him.
“I’m not, I’m just realistic. I mean, people like you don’t fall in love with people like me, no one loves me like that …” Her voice trailed off, as she looked down.
“Randy, this is about your parents isn’t it?” he asked gently.
“No,” she said, not sounding very convincing.
“I think it is,” he said, his voice sure. “I think that you think that if your own parents didn’t love you enough to stick around, then there must be something wrong with you.” He brought her face back to his with his hand.
She looked at him for a long moment, as if trying to figure out how he knew that. She had never even really admitted it to herself, but here he was telling her what her deepest darkest fear was. She knew he was right, that was what she thought.
“Isn’t that true though?” she asked, her voice taking on a harsh tone. “I mean your parents are supposed to love you unconditionally.” She laughed a short harsh laugh. “Mine didn’t even bother to look back.” She looked devastated and Joe pulled her into a tight embrace, kissing the top of her head. “Doesn’t that mean that there’s something wrong with the kids?” she asked. Her voice was muffled because her face was against his chest.
“No, Randy, that means there’s something wrong with the parents,” Joe said then. His voice was a little sharp as he tried to get through to her. “There’s nothing wrong with you, Randy. You are a fantastic person, who had shits for parents. I’m surprised you didn’t end up in a gang like Midnight, her parents are no winners either. But you didn’t, you hung in there, and you’re stronger for it.” His voice was very sure.
He looked down at her. He sincerely hoped that he was getting through. He had meant what he had said about her saving his life, and he wanted to do the same for her, if she’d only let him.
“I’m just not strong like Midnight. She’s accomplished so much, overcome such odds.”
“So have you, Randy,” Joe said, his voice strident. “You’ve taken care of things at home, you’ve stayed straight, you went to school and even to college. Midnight’s life is different, but you think she would have done so much, if her brother hadn’t been killed? She wouldn’t have. But just like you pointed out to me last night, everything has its meaning. Maybe if your parents hadn’t left, you wouldn’t be so shy, maybe you wouldn’t have this vulnerability about you that drew me to you. I fell in love with that, Randy, and your sincerity, your loyalty, your faith in me. Everything that you are now, Randy. You may not have been that if your parents had been around.” His eyes were watching her, and he could see her mind working over what he was saying.
After a few minutes she nodded, and looked up at him.
“My words are coming back to haunt me,” she said smiling.
“Yeah, I know that feeling,” Joe said, smiling back.
Randy began to believe that maybe he was right. Maybe she’d believed people who weren’t worth believing. It was definitely something to think about.
****
It was another week before Joe was ready to go back to the office. By the time he returned, Midnight had already been in touch with another department, the Department of Justice to work with them on the case. In her absence, Spider had found out about a uni
t called the Violence Suppression Unit that DOJ had to track parolees. Although Daniel Robbins wasn’t a parolee, many of the members of the Scorpions were. So it was hopeful they’d find Robbins via the connection with DOJ.
Things between Rick and Midnight were smooth. Rick knew she wasn’t in love with him, but he was holding out that she at least cared about him.
Joe, on the other hand was on top of the world when he walked into the office, his hand in Randy’s. He walked over to Rick’s desk first, kicking the desk to get Rick’s attention. Rick looked up, and was surprised to see that Joe was back.
“Hey, man!” Rick said, standing up and putting his hand out to Joe. “You’re back this soon?”
“Probably too soon,” Randy said, rolling her eyes.
“Uh-huh,” Rick said, grinning.
“Come into Midnight’s office with me,” Joe said, nodding his head toward Midnight’s office.
“Okay,” Rick said, looking mystified.
He followed Joe and Randy into Midnight’s office. Midnight looked up from her desk, shocked by Joe being there, and also by the elated smile on his face.
“What’s going on?” she asked as Joe closed the door behind Rick.
“Not much,” Joe said, sitting in the chair in front of Midnight’s desk. He pulled Randy down on his lap.
Rick caught the glint of the diamonds on Randy’s left hand, and stepped closer to examine the ring. He looked at Joe then, recognizing the ring well.
“You didn’t …” Rick began.
“Didn’t what?” Midnight asked, trying to catch up.
Rick just looked back at Joe, his smile widening.
“Didn’t what?” Midnight repeated.
Joe looked at Midnight, smiling. “Randy and I are engaged,” he told her.
Empires Fall (MidKnight Blue Book 2) Page 4