Santa Claus Is Missing: A Christmas Harem Gamelit

by Sean Shake

  It pulls moisture from the air, so it won’t work too well in deserts.

  May you never find yourself in a desert.

  All the others were still unknown to me.

  These were seeming more and more like Rue.

  If so, she had written them up quickly.

  Maybe this was a test? Maybe I was supposed to figure out how to get back on my own?

  If that were the case, I wish they’d told me. Or at least Rue didn’t have to lie to me and say they’d be right behind me.

  I looked through the contacts’ HUD some more.

  I noticed there were some changes on the STATS screen.

  STATS

  Points

  Available: 125

  Generation rate: 10 per Earth hour while sleeping

  Max capacity: 125

  Energy

  Fire: 15%

  Ice: 0%

  Progress

  Unique Gifts: 0 created, 0 planned

  Total Gifts: 0 created

  Households Remaining: 2.1 billion

  Percent Complete: 0%

  Resources

  Sleigh: N/A

  Reindeer: 1

  Elves: 0

  Workshops: 0

  Headquarters: 1, hidden

  Spirits

  Spirit of Christmas: 1

  Spirit of Ice: 7

  Spirit of Fire: 8

  Spirit of Air: 0

  Spirit of Joy: 0

  Spirit of Time: 0

  My spirits had gone up, and there was now an energy listing. Ice being at zero percent explained why it didn’t work when I’d tried to give that demon a hardcore brain freeze.

  I wondered how I was supposed to recharge those.

  And I thought my joy might have gone up. Though I still felt more joyful than zero.

  There was nothing else new that I noticed, so I closed out of the screens and looked around this empty realm, trying to figure out what to do next.

  I had discovered two abilities already in just that one fight, so perhaps it wouldn’t take that long.

  Or perhaps I was supposed to try to leave this realm, reopen the portal—if it indeed had closed and wasn’t just hidden from me.

  The portal I came through to get here wasn’t invisible, and neither were the four others we took to get to that one, but the portal in Miami Alexa and I took, the one she had me drive my truck through, had been invisible, only some stones indicating its existence.

  So maybe there was something like that here? Some external indicator that wasn’t obvious unless you were specifically looking for it.

  But what kind of indicator would be in the sky? All I could think of were constellations, but the constellations I saw were constantly moving, and I somehow doubted they were actually stars.

  And if I moved from here I might never find the spot again.

  Besides the volcanic mountains and the forest, there were long stretches of darkness on either side, and then opposite the direction of the mountains and forests was a vague dark shape that gave me an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach simply looking at it.

  It seemed as though the distance in that direction were far, but it also seemed as though that were a trick of the light, or a trick of the shadow, which hazed over everything, distorting my vision and making distance hard to judge.

  Yes, a trick of the shadow, because I felt that shadowy apparition was closer than it appeared to be.

  So what to do then? Stay here, go into the forest, or go into the dark shadow?

  If I stayed here, Alexa and Rue might find me once they came through the portal.

  But what if something had happened to them?

  Hadn’t Rue been worried about something stumbling upon us at the crossroads?

  What if that had happened?

  It seemed unlikely, that something would swoop in just moments after I leapt through the portal and seconds before they were able to.

  But not impossible.

  If that were the case, I might be waiting here forever.

  I could go into the woods, but I felt as though I was not ready for that.

  As though the ancient creatures that lurked there were more than my match in wits, raw power, and many other ways I couldn’t even fathom.

  I turned away from the forest, and the mountains, past the black expanse on either side of me, and faced that dark, looming shape.

  In my mind it simultaneously seemed as though it could be a castle and a giant monster. A golem that wanted to eat me whole. Or worse.

  But something about its ominousness seemed forced. Like the Wizard of Oz, trying to seem bigger than he was.

  I didn’t know whether this was a test. Alexa and Rue had specifically chosen this place for me, and so maybe it was.

  But whatever the case may be, I felt that this was the direction to go, into the darkness.

  Not running away from my fears, but instead going toward them.

  19

  I walked.

  And I walked, and I walked. I walked for what felt like hours. Days.

  Time blurred together, and I had the sense that even though I felt time was passing, none was passing whatsoever in other realms. Or even in this realm, outside of the little bubble I walked in, the little bubble of shadow.

  I seemed to grow closer and farther away from the looming tower as I walked, the shape lurching forward, growing in size, and then retreating, shrinking.

  There seemed to be no connection to my walking toward it and its change in size or distance.

  It wasn’t as though it was moving, but rather as though it were changing its distance, like some variable in a videogame.

  Suddenly my helmet and armor retreated, startling me. Scaring the shit out of me, to be honest.

  I felt naked now, despite the Santa bodysuit I was wearing.

  I also felt a sickly cool-yet-warm breeze on my face, as though there were two competing spirits, one blowing an icy breeze, the other a stifling heat.

  I continued on for another eternity and then suddenly I was in a bright white field.

  Just as quickly as it had appeared, it disappeared and suddenly there was snow all around me, and a great white beast bearing down upon me, snarling and growling, its fangs dripping blood and thick saliva.

  And then I was back in the dark and in front of me was the looming tower.

  I looked around for the other places, took several steps backward and forward, but they didn’t reappear.

  I faced the tower again, looked up its looming height, its massive wooden doors, then tried the door handle.

  It opened, revealing darkness.

  It seemed to me that whatever malevolent presence was the proprietor of this dark place would have only one reason for leaving the door unlocked.

  And that was if whatever this presence was wanted to lead someone in, and into its waiting trap.

  But I didn’t have much of a choice, and so, drawing the North Pole and activating it, wishing my armor would come back, missing that annoying helmet, I stepped inside.

  20

  I was greeted with a draft of strangely pleasant-smelling air.

  This fact was somehow more unnerving than anything I’d yet faced, even the demons trying to gnaw my arm off.

  It was pitch black inside and I couldn’t see anything.

  Anything except for the HUD interface from my contacts.

  I held out my hand in front of me, palm up, and tried to summon a ball of fire.

  To my surprise one appeared, but then quickly flamed out.

  The North Pole did cast its own glow, but it was nowhere near enough to see by.

  That brief flash of flame, however, had been.

  And what I saw was enough to make my heart speed up, and make me want to run out the door.

  The door which I heard now slam behind me.

  There was a clop, clop, clop sound, as though I was being circled. My saber, while not enough to see by, was a beacon for whatever this presence was to locate me. But i
t was also my defense.

  Not my only defense—as I’d learned with the demons, my ability to control fire and ice—but the most reliable one so far. I should have checked to see if my fire and ice energy had regenerated during my long timeless walk.

  I tried to keep facing the presence as it walked around me, not allowing it to get behind me.

  I tried to form another fireball, but this time there was not even the briefest of flashes.

  I had to admit, I was scared. Frightened even.

  I was in a completely dark place, in an entirely different world, one which I knew for a fact had actual demons.

  And now I was here, in this dark shadowed castle, with an unknown presence.

  A presence that was circling me, sizing me up.

  Perhaps deciding whether to eat me now, or later.

  I stood, saber at the ready, waiting for attack.

  “Why are you here?” a deep gravelly voice said.

  The voice was quiet, nearly a whisper, were it not for the weight, the gravity of that voice.

  Out of all the things I was expecting, having it ask me what I was doing here was not one of them.

  This simple question shocked me so much that I didn’t at first respond.

  “Do you speak?”

  “Yes,” I replied, and was surprised at the hardness and certainty in my voice. “Who are you? What is this place?”

  “You come to my home, and ask me those questions? I should be the one asking you what you are doing here.”

  “I didn’t want to come here. It was the only place I could go.”

  “You are not of here?”

  “No.”

  Suddenly light flooded the room.

  It wasn’t bright light, but it was light nonetheless, and I finally got a full glimpse of what I had only briefly seen.

  The sight was horrifying.

  The creature that stood before me, only ten feet away, was large, horned, and, where fur didn’t cover it, had hideous bluish-yellow pockmarked skin.

  The clopping I had heard had been its cloven feet, which were larger than a horse’s, perhaps the size of a small elephant’s.

  It was tall, seven or eight feet, and its face— good lord, its face was the worst of all.

  “No,” it said, “you are certainly not from here. And yet you wear the suit.” Its already hideous face became more hideous as it scowled.

  My heart, which had been calming down, now raced again, and I tensed ready for an attack that I expected to come at any moment.

  “What is it you seek?”

  “I need a way out of here.”

  “The door is still behind you, the way you came in. It shuts by itself, but will open if you want it to.”

  “No, I mean out of this realm. I need to get back to my friends.”

  “Oh friends. Those must be nice to have.”

  It seemed almost sad as it said this, though I was sure it was some kind of trick.

  “So do you know how to get out of here?”

  The monster stared at me, not answering. “Where did you get that suit?”

  I wasn’t sure how to respond, whether to lie to it, or tell it the truth. Or something in between.

  I had absolutely nothing to base it on, nothing to help me decide.

  It was interested in the suit, so that told me it knew at least something about it, and so if I lied about the wrong thing, perhaps it would know. Perhaps it already knew where the suit came from.

  My mother’s father’s father lived a very long time, until he was 118 years old. There were many things he told me, but a few he repeated and thus have stuck with me all these years.

  One, which was something I’ve heard many times, is that you regret the things you don’t do, far more than the things you do.

  His amendment was that, while that was true, that didn’t mean you couldn’t regret the things you did.

  The other that stuck with me, was to always tell the truth. Not because it was the right thing to do, but simply because as humans we’re generally not smart and clever enough to keep up a lie for any length of time, and having someone else know you’re being deceitful, while you yourself do not know if they know that you’re being deceitful, is in itself a weakness.

  And so with that in mind, I replied, “I am the Santa Claus.”

  The creature roared, and I readied my saber, tensing the stab it into the beast.

  But after a second I realized it wasn’t a roar, or not an angry roar anyway, but a roar of laughter.

  This was the most frightening thing yet.

  It was like clowns.

  They weren’t meant to be horrifying, or at least not generally, but somehow they just were terrifying, and the more normal they tried to be, the more terrifying they became.

  And so seeing this large horrific creature laughing, instilled more fear in me that I’d previously felt.

  I held my ground however, and waited for him to finish.

  “You are the Santa Claus?” he finally said, still making odd sounds that I supposed were the demonic monster equivalent of giggles.

  “Yes. I am the Santa Claus.”

  “And how did you become the Santa Claus?”

  Well, I’d already told him this much…

  But that much he could see. I should be careful what else I told him.

  “It was bestowed upon me.”

  His humor immediately evaporated, and suddenly he was right next to me, massive demonic hand wrapped around my throat and lifting me off the ground.

  I tried to swing my saber at him, but his large hand wrapped around my forearm and froze it in place.

  Literally froze it, my suit turning to ice and my arm actually feeling cold.

  The ragdoll in my HUD flashed red over my entire forearm, and a warning popped up.

  Warning

  Critically low temperature: 2 kelvins.

  Increase temperature to 100 kelvins at once to maintain suit integrity.

  Crap, that seemed cold. If only it was in Fahrenheit, I would know for sure.

  But maybe I didn’t want to.

  “Do not try to lie to me,” he growled in a low voice.

  Well great, I guess the truth wasn’t always going to set you free.

  “I’m not,” I managed to get out, deciding it couldn’t hurt, and that convincing him I wasn’t lying was my only chance of survival. Unless I could get my magic to work.

  I quickly checked my STATS screen. Fire was at zero percent, and ice was at one. Damn. My walk hadn’t recharged them. Not only that, but my pathetic attempts at a torch had drained my remaining fire energy. I hoped my energy levels would improve at some point.

  What about the other spirits? Air, time. Joy didn’t seem particularly useful. Time though…

  I tried focusing on freezing time or slowing it down.

  Nothing happened.

  Maybe air could—

  “Well?” he roared, shaking me by the neck, my body dangling like an actual ragdoll, and I felt like I was in a videogame where the NPCs say something every once in a while if you don’t select a dialog or perform an action. “Explain yourself.”

  So, not having any magic to fall back on, I decided to tell him everything. “I met a girl, and she needed my help, and she gave me these powers. Made me the Santa Claus.”

  “What girl?”

  I didn’t want to get Alexa involved in this. I wanted to protect her.

  But saying her name seemed like it would be safe.

  I hoped.

  Though I’d heard enough tales of demons to know having one know your name was not good.

  Would it be better if I told him it was Santa Claus’s daughter?

  Instead I settled for a more vague description: “We married, and then I became the Santa Claus.”

  He suddenly dropped me to the ground.

  I fell in a heap, landing on what I discovered was stone tile as my frozen forearm slammed into it. The ice from the demon’s grasp shattered and sent sharp agony
radiating out into the rest my body.

  My heads-up display flashed another warning about critical damage and I clutched my numb-yet-painful arm to me.

  “Married her,” the monster said, more to himself than to me. The room was still dimly lit, and I could see he wasn’t looking at me now, but over my head. “Then she must’ve come back.” He looked down at me. “Why would she choose you?”

  I shrugged. “You’d have to ask her that.”

  “She’s the one you want to save? His daughter.”

  So maybe he did know who she was. “Yes. I don’t know if she needs saving, but we were separated. They were supposed to follow me here.”

  “They? Who’s with her? No, don’t tell me. The little red one? Is she still hanging out with that creature?”

  “You’d have to ask her that,” I repeated.

  The demon huffed and sat down, a chair materializing into existence below him as he lowered his bulk onto it.

  Things seemed to shift, and suddenly it was as though he was sitting on a throne on a dais above me, steps leading up to him.

  Shifting just like when I was walking toward the castle and saw it grow and shrink out of time with my approach.

  “So where are you from, little hairless one?”

  This was the first time anyone had called me little since… well since I was a little kid. It was odd.

  Taking a risk, I said, “From Earth.”

  He sat up slightly at this, but then immediately relaxed, as though he was trying to hide his reaction. “Is that so?” he said calmly.

  “Yes.”

  “So that’s where she’s been going.” He narrowed his monstrous eyes at me. “If she did give you these powers, made you the Santa Claus, then what is her name?”

  “Why do you want to know her name?”

  “I just said, to know if you know her. You don’t listen very well.”

  Great, now I had my new wife, Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer, and a demon telling me I didn’t listen.

  I listened very well, goddammit, I just had questions sometimes. “It starts with an A,” I said.

  The creature seemed to sigh. “And what does it end with?”

  “Another A.”

  He sighed again. “Fine. Your kind always were superstitious. It’s not as though I can do much with a name. I mean sure, I could take their soul. But why would I want that?”