Addicted to Love

by Deborah Cooke

  It wasn’t until the repairs had been managed and lunch was eaten, that Trixie got a familiar gleam in her eye. “I was talking to your mother last night.”

  Lauren smiled. “Are you supposed to find me a date for Ty’s wedding?”

  Her grandmother waved off the suggestion. “If I am, I’m not taking the assignment. We find the people we need when it’s time for us to find them, and no one can rush that along.” She fixed Lauren with a look. “I want to know how you’re doing.”

  “Fine. Why?”

  “Because you’ve recently had a shock, or you’ve been compelled to publically acknowledge something that you’ve known for a while but kept private. That’s a shock, too.” Trixie glanced toward the kettle and Lauren got up to fill it and turn it on. In her grandmother’s world, when it was time to talk, it was time for instant coffee. “Thank you, dear. Either way, you might be feeling a little disappointed right now.”

  Lauren made the coffee and put milk in her grandmother’s, then set the mug in front of her and sat down again. “I’m okay, but thanks for asking.”

  “And do you have a plan?”

  “A plan?”

  “You were always the most organized child. You always had a plan, no matter what happened, which probably meant you had a dozen plans, depending upon what happened to trigger the selection of a plan.”

  Lauren smiled. “Guilty as charged.” She thought about calling Kyle, then suggesting they meet a second time, and recognized her own habitual planning.

  “And the plan now?”

  She shrugged. “I guess I’ll think about dating and getting married again, then starting a family.”

  “Could you be any less enthusiastic?” Trixie teased.

  “Well, my first try at marriage didn’t go that well.”

  “And not for lack of trying on your part.” Trixie put down her mug. “And that’s what I can’t help thinking, dear. You’re always trying and always striving. You have the distinction of being the one child who never disappointed Colleen.”

  “What about Ty?”

  “Colleen was very taken with Giselle,” her grandmother said, referring to the stewardess that Ty had only dated once.

  Lauren smiled. “I’m not the oldest, but am the oldest girl. I guess it’s natural that I’m an achiever.”

  “But what are you achieving? Colleen is my daughter and I love her very much, but she has very firm ideas of what should make people happy. Essentially, she believes that what makes her happy should work for everyone else. The world, unfortunately, isn’t nearly that simple.”

  Lauren began to lay out her chemicals and tools. She was listening and uncertain what to say.

  “I’m quite sure Mark’s activities weren’t a complete surprise to you. You lack your mother’s ability to ignore the signs of what you don’t want to know.”

  “Is that a good thing?”

  “I think so. I also think you had a feeling about him, even before you married him,” Trixie said and Lauren glanced up. “You’re too perceptive to have missed the way his gaze roves. I certainly didn’t miss it.”

  Lauren turned and leaned against the counter. It was intriguing that she hadn’t been the only one to wonder. “You weren’t surprised?”

  “Of course not. I don’t think you were, either, but that’s neither here nor there. My point is simply that Colleen wanted very much for all of her daughters to marry and then have families because those choices gave her such joy. And so I have to wonder, given what an achiever you are, if you married Mark more to make Colleen happy than to make yourself happy.” Her grandmother’s clear gaze was steady as she waited for an answer.

  Lauren opened her mouth, then closed it again.

  She felt exposed.

  But in another way, she was glad her grandmother had guessed the truth. It made her feel less alone. Less of an island, which seemed to work for Kyle but worked less well for her.

  “I have wondered that myself,” she admitted.

  Trixie was watching her with bright eyes. “Maybe this is an excellent opportunity to think about what you want, and to do what you want instead of what you think you should do to make other people happy.” She shook her head. “You were always such a good girl, Lauren, but you need to find your own happiness in your own way.”

  “You saw it?”

  Her grandmother nodded, her gaze unswerving. “You can’t ‘fix’ Mark, Lauren, much less change him. He is how he is. He’s not the kind of man who will ever be faithful to one woman. If you love him, as I thought you did, that might not matter to you. The fact that you threw him out, though, indicates that it did matter and that maybe, just maybe, you didn’t love him as much as everyone assumed you did.”

  “Maybe that’s a good thing.”

  “If he couldn’t make you happy, it’s a very good thing,” Trixie said firmly. “Find someone who makes you happy, dear. I don’t care who he is and what he does, but I know you’ll be happier with a partner than you will be alone.”

  “Isn’t that like Mom’s expectation?” Lauren asked with a smile.

  “No, because it’s an observation about you, not about me or anyone else. There are people who don’t need anyone, but you aren’t one of them.”

  She’d just been having sex with one of them. Lauren took that as a warning.

  “You thrive on social interaction and companionship, Lauren. Maybe it’s time to explore some new options and opportunities. If you love what you’re doing, you’re more likely to find people who contribute to your happiness.”

  It was a good idea. Cleaning out her apartment was just the first step. She needed to try some new things, too—more adventurous than seducing Kyle, although that had been a good first step. “You don’t usually give so much advice.”

  “Maybe I should have spoken up before.” Trixie patted Lauren’s hand. “I don’t want to see you hurt, dear. I love you too much for that.” She smiled. “But I’m reassured to see you today. There’s a sparkle in your eye that I haven’t seen for a long time.” She finished her coffee. “Unless I miss my guess, you’re having better sex.”

  “Grandma!”

  “Oh, for goodness’ sake, every generation thinks they discovered sex and that it’s a big secret they have to keep from older people. Where do you all think you came from? No one believes that nonsense about babies being found under cabbage leaves.” Grandma Trixie smiled. “If you’re having sex and you’re enjoying it, I think that’s wonderful.”

  Lauren laughed despite herself. “Mom wouldn’t approve.”

  “But we’re not talking about Colleen anymore. We’re talking about you, dear, and what makes you happy. Sex is making you happy, and so I approve.” She waved a hand. “Be sure to have lots.”

  Lauren laughed again.

  Her grandmother fixed her with a look. “The world would be a much more serene place if more people were having good sex. I’ve been convinced of it for a long time, long enough that you won’t change my thinking.”

  “And what about you? Are you having good sex?”

  Grandma Trixie sighed. “Not since your grandfather died. It’s so much more complicated when you’re older. Trust me and get as much as possible now. But there is a lovely gentleman who seems to be at the grocery store at the exact same time as me on many days. He recommends the cabbage rolls at the deli and I suspect that we may agree to share a meal of them one day soon.” She ran a hand through her hair. “I just want to be sure he knows what he’s getting into,” she said playfully. “Let’s get started. I’m old enough to know that it’s easy to let opportunity pass you by.”

  Lauren nodded and pulled up some pictures on her phone, showing Grandma Trixie some different options for placing the color. Her grandmother immediately pointed out a cut with a lot of layers, kind of a sexy pixie cut, and Lauren knew it would be perfect.

  * * *

  On Saturday night, Kyle stood in his apartment and stared at the colors streaking the sky as the sun set over New Je
rsey. That sky made it all too easy to remember an evening on the beach in Santa Cruz, an evening when the sunset had been even more spectacular than this one.

  It had been a good day and it would be a perfect night, although he hadn’t known that right away.

  The sun was setting as magnificently as it could only in California, streaking the sky with orange and purple, and there was a wind off the ocean. He was sitting at the beach bar with a shot of tequila. He hadn’t ordered two, although he hoped Lauren would show up. He hadn’t come to the beach for two days and it was only after he was there that he wondered if she might have already left California.

  That worried him.

  Kyle felt a surge of relief when she stepped into the bar, and a jolt when she smiled at him.

  He blinked when he saw that she was wearing a sweeping white dress. It made her look feminine and highlighted her tan in a way that made him wonder why their relationship was platonic.

  It wasn’t the first time he’d wondered that over the course of the week, but he enjoyed her company so much that he didn’t want to spoil any of it. Kyle suspected that her confidence in his presence was because he wasn’t hitting on her, and he didn’t want to risk losing that.

  She abandoned her so-called friends and headed right for him, apparently as relieved as he was.

  “Hi!” She cast him a breezy smile and stole the lime wedge beside his glass, something that had become a habit. Her eyes sparkled as she bit into it and he knew she didn’t miss how he shivered.

  “How can you do that?”

  “Easily.” She spoke slowly as if he was a dope, just the way she always did when she was teasing him. “I take it in one hand, just like this, then I bite...”

  “No, I mean how can you just bite into a lime? They’re so sour.”

  She gave him a wry look. “I was taught to take the sour with the sweet. Can you really get through life on just the good bits?”

  “I don’t know. I’m sure going to try. Call me in thirty years and we’ll compare notes.”

  She laughed. They hadn’t even exchanged surnames and he thought the chances of them ever seeing each other again were so small as to be non-existent. It seemed she’d come to the same conclusion.

  Did it bother her at all?

  It niggled at Kyle.

  “The lime’s the best part of drinking tequila,” she said.

  “No way. It’s the salt.” Kyle licked some off his glass, then finished his tequila. He made a face, not because it burned all the way down but because that always made Lauren laugh at him. “Want one?”

  She shook her head and he pushed away his glass, too. “I went scuba diving again today,” she said, and her smile turned shy in a very interesting way. Kyle had been unable to avoid admiring how she looked in a wetsuit and he was pretty sure she’d noticed. “Thanks for taking me the first time.”

  “No problem. I thought you might like it. It’s a nice break from surfing.”

  “I missed you being there,” she admitted. “How was the wedding?”

  “The way they always are.”

  Her eyes narrowed a little as she studied him. “What’s it like to have your mom marry someone other than your dad?”

  “Routine,” Kyle said. “This is the third time.”

  Lauren didn’t appear to believe him.

  “And that doesn’t count the guys in between, the ones she doesn’t marry.”

  “But your dad...”

  “Is exactly the same. They’re two of a kind. Which is kind of funny, if you think about it.”

  She looked astonished, which was a good reminder of how different their expectations had to be. “Doesn’t sound funny to me.”

  “But that’s the way it is.” Unable to resist touching her—and wanting to change the subject—Kyle pressed a finger to the tip of her nose, which was still a bit pink. “You’ll have to stay out of the sun again tomorrow. What do you want to do?”

  She shrugged. “I’m going to be heading to the airport first thing. We go home tomorrow.”

  Kyle tried to hide his disappointment, even though he was heading back east in two days himself. “How did I forget that?”

  “Maybe you were having fun.” She challenged him a little, confident enough to push him but still wanting some reassurance. He wondered how many hearts she’d break in what was left of the college term.

  Plenty.

  “I was having fun,” he said. “You?”

  She nodded. “Definitely.”

  “Then my work here is done.” He shook his head, pretending to be dismayed. “And you’ll go back to the cold northeast, just when your tattoo is healing and you could show it off.”

  She poked his shoulder. “Don’t razz me about the holly. I know it’s dumb.”

  “No,” he said, his voice dropping low. “It’s really cute.”

  “Cute? I don’t want to be cute.” She glanced over the bar and the beach, then eased closer to Kyle. Her arm was bumping against his as she leaned on the bar beside him. He could smell her body lotion, something flowery, and beneath it a musky scent that was all her. He caught his breath, aroused, and struggled to hide his reaction. It felt like a breach of trust.

  She was watching him closely, her expression serious. “Is that why you haven’t come on to me this week? Because I’m cute, like a puppy dog?”

  Kyle shook his head. He’d always believed honesty was the best policy and he wasn’t going to lie to the most intriguing girl he’d met in a long time. “No. You’re way more than cute. You’re gorgeous and you’re funny and you’re smart.”

  She frowned just a little. “But I don’t understand...”

  He dropped a finger to her mouth to silence her, heat stirring inside him at the softness of her lip. “I thought you wanted to have a kind of big brother.”

  “I already have a big brother, thanks.”

  “I didn’t know that. I didn’t want to spook you.”

  “Why not?” Her eyes were wide, a million shades of green, and the movement of her mouth under his hand was electrifying. There was no doubting her awareness of him, not when he could see the heat in her expression.

  Time for some honesty.

  “Because then there’d be no chance of this,” Kyle admitted, then slowly replaced his fingertip with his mouth.

  Lauren gasped in surprise, but not shock, then her hand landed on his shoulder. He tasted the lime juice on her lips, but oddly enough it seemed sweet instead of sour. He felt her fingers clench on his shirt then she opened her mouth to him, inviting his touch in a way that was irresistible.

  An innocent seductress.

  And she was all his.

  Kyle slanted his mouth over hers, moving slowly because he still thought she might push him away. He deepened his kiss, smiling against her mouth when she made a little incoherent sound of capitulation and moved into his arms.

  He turned, still perched on the bar stool, and she leaned against him, twining her arms around his neck and leaning her belly against his erection. Then Kyle was the one to catch his breath, because it was perfect and he wanted her so much. She chuckled a little, a very feminine gleam of satisfaction in her eyes when she pulled back to look at him.

  “You do like me.”

  “Oh, yeah,” Kyle murmured. “How could I not?”

  She smiled then, casting a glance over him that made her blush just a little when she saw her effect on him. “I’m glad,” she admitted, her voice husky. “Look, you, um, said when we met that if sex wasn’t any fun, I must be doing it wrong.”

  “I believe I did.”

  Her eyes sparkled. Her smile teased. He waited, letting her ask the question he most wanted to hear. She took a breath and her next words fell out so quickly that he knew she was being uncharacteristically impulsive. “Want to show me how to do it right?”

  “You bet.” He laced their fingers together and paid for the tequila, then led her away from the bar.

  “I thought you were going to say it would
be your pleasure,” she said.

  Kyle laughed. “No, the point is that I’m going to make sure it’s yours.”

  She laughed with him, so full of trust and vivacity that his heart squeezed. It would be one night, but he would make it one to remember.

  Kyle had done just that. The memory had haunted him at intervals over the years, as a kind of a touchstone of how good sex could be. Slow and sweet. As if the rest of the world had disappeared and time was standing still. As if they’d never get enough of each other.

  He’d never expected to have a second night years later, much less a third, but now that he had, he couldn’t help feeling that he’d screwed up and let something really special slip away.

  But that was crazy. Lauren was right that tigers didn’t change their stripes.

  Kyle was pretty sure he had some tequila left. He hadn’t drunk any in years, but it didn’t go bad, and tonight it was the only thing he wanted.

  Well, not the only thing, but he could have the tequila.

  Lauren was gone for good.

  Kyle reminded himself that it was better this way, then went looking for the tequila.

  Seven

  Ty phoned Lauren bright and early on Sunday morning.

  Lauren thought her brother would just repeat his dinner invitation, but it was a rainy day and perfect weather to continue her decluttering plan. She was already working on the closet. The red dress was hanging in the bathroom, in the Undecided zone.

  It did matter that Kyle liked it, even though it shouldn’t.

  “Hi,” she said by way of answer. “I haven’t changed my mind about coming out today. Thanks for the invite, but I have a lot to do.”

  “That’s not why I’m calling.”

  Lauren frowned at his serious tone. “What’s wrong?”

  “Maybe nothing.” Ty was being cautious, which was never a good sign. “I just wanted to see if you were okay.”

  “Fine. Great. Grandma Trixie has mermaid hair and it looks awesome on her. Alfred will either be dazzled or he’ll run, which is pretty much her plan.”