All In

by Marta Brown

  “That’s cool,” I say, shoving the cash in my wallet. I finish the interior of a ridiculously nice Audi A8, that still has its new car scent, then toss the rag on the counter and admire my work. Damn. The car looks awesome.

  I’ve been pulling double shifts at the club all week trying to figure out what in the hell I’m gonna do now that Yale is a no go, and it’s helped keep my mind off how long it’s been since I’ve seen my girl.

  Ashley’s parents haven’t let her out of their sight since that giant disaster of a night that was meeting the folks.

  We’ve managed to sneak in a few late night conversations when Andrew’s been home and loaned her his phone, but it’s been killing me not to see her, or hold her, or kiss her for so long.

  I can’t believe how different my life was just a couple of weeks ago and how quickly it all can change. I didn’t even realize she was what was missing in my life. Now, she’s like air to me and the absence of her is suffocating.

  “Hey ,Vic,” I call out over the noise of vacuums and music filling the garage.

  “Yeah, man?”

  “I’m outta here. Thanks again for switching my schedule around,” I say, clocking out and feeling excited for the first time in almost two weeks.

  “No problem. Have fun in the city, man.”

  As I run to my car, I pull out my cell to finish up some last minute preparations for my trip to Boston in the morning.

  “We’re golden. See you at eight am sharp, brother,” Andrew says before hanging up.

  Perfect.

  …

  Squinting against the bright morning sun, I sip my coffee and wait for Andrew. The ferry line is filling up quickly which doesn’t surprise me. The Fourth of July weekend always makes for high traffic on and off the island.

  Andrew honks his horn as he pulls in line next to me, but the only thing I can focus on is the way Ashley’s face lights up when she sees me.

  “What’s going on?” she asks after throwing open her door and practically flinging herself into my arms. I hold her tight as I stumble backwards and for the first time in what feels like forever I can breathe.

  “What’s going on is mom and dad think you and I are going to the city for the fireworks show, but really I’m meeting up with some friends, and we’re taking Chad’s parent’s jet to Atlantic City while you two love birds hang in Boston for the next two days,” Andrew says with a wink.

  Ashley looks back and forth between us like she’s still trying to wrap her mind around what Andrew’s just said.

  “Really?”

  “Really,” I say, picking her up and spinning her around in a circle while she squeals so loud it makes me flinch and laugh simultaneously.

  The sun washes over her face and makes her eyes sparkle while we wait on the mainland dock for Andrew to disembark after the short ferry ride from Martha’s Vineyard to Woods Hole.

  “I still can’t believe you two did this,” Ashley says, smiling up at me as the wind whips her hair and sugary scent all around me. It reminds me of being on the carousel on our second first date when I buried my hands in her hair and kissed her for the first time. I lean down and kiss her again feeling my heart race the same way it did the first time and every time I’ve kissed her since.

  “Alright. Alright. Can you two at least wait until I’m outta here? You’re still my little sister, ya know,” Andrew says, grinning at Ashley.

  Ashley throws her arms around Andrew’s neck. “Thank you so much, Andrew. You have no idea how much this means to me.”

  He looks at her smiling face when she lets go then playfully messes up her hair. “Yeah, I think I do.”

  “Thanks again, man,” I say, wrapping Ashley back under my arm and kissing the top of her head.

  “Dude. No prob. I’d do just about anything to make Ashley happy, and it seems like I’m not the only one these days.”

  I give Andrew a nod. He’s right. I’d do anything for my girl.

  “So I’ll see you two back here the day after tomorrow to catch the last ferry back to the Vine. Cool?”

  “Sounds good.” I grab Ashley’s waist, making her giggle as I walk behind her to the passenger side of my car. Andrew shakes his head smiling at us as we get in, and then peel out onto the road.

  Almost three days with Ashley all to myself. After being apart so long, I want to soak up every single minute we can get together, well, except for the few hours later today that we’ll be separated, that is if she doesn’t kill me for what I have planned. It’s still early, so I decide telling her why exactly I planned this trip, other than to get a few uninterrupted days with her, can wait just a little longer. Instead, I reach my hand over and entwine it with hers and soak in every second of her smiling face.

  …

  “Where are we?” Ashley asks as I pull into the tight parking spot behind an old brick building in the heart of the city.

  I circle in my seat to face her and hope this surprise will be a happy one, considering for the last hour of the drive I’ve been rethinking the whole damn thing. She might not be happy about this. At all.

  “Ummm,” I say, fidgeting with my car keys. The sound of them clinking against one another covers up the sound of my foot nervously tapping against the floor.

  Ashley reaches out and takes a hold of my hands, stilling the keys and my nerves. She just has that way about her.

  “Okay.” I start again. “I have a surprise for you.”

  “Lane, this trip, time with you, is the best surprise ever. I can’t imagine more,” she says with a twinkle in her eyes.

  Okay, Lane. It’s like a band aid. Rip it off quick. Just tell her what you’ve done and pray she doesn’t get mad.

  “Baby, remember at the pool when you danced for me?”

  “Yeah…” Ashley says, making it sound more like a question than a statement.

  “Well…” I let out a huge breath. “I’m sorry I keep stalling, I’m just starting to think maybe this wasn’t the most thought out plan.”

  “Lane, you’re starting to make me nervous,” Ashley says, scrunching her eyebrows.

  I run my hands through my hair making me look as frantic on the outside as I’m suddenly feeling on the inside. “Last spring, just in case I didn’t get into Yale, I applied to a few back up schools.”

  “Of course. That’s smart.”

  “I also applied to a few back up schools for my back up schools, because ya never know, right?”

  “Okaaay,” Ashley says, dragging it out, clearly ready for me to get to the point which I’m rambling my way to.

  “Well, Boston Community College was one of them, a back up to my back up schools, and it’s not too late to accept their offer of admissions. I’ve done the math, and with what I have saved up and what I can earn if I get a job, tuition along with room and board should be doable.”

  Ashley gives me an encouraging smile, but I can tell she’s not giving up hope I can still make Yale work, even though I’ve spent countless hours on the phone with the school trying to rectify the situation to no avail. She thinks a family friend, who’s on Yale’s admissions board, might be able to help, and wants me to speak with them next week at the new student alumni cocktail party, but Yale admittance or not, her parents are hosting the event and there’s no doubt in my mind I am not welcome.

  “Lane, that’s great, but I still think we can get your scholarship reinstated, so no giving up yet. Okay?” she says optimistically and I know she just wants to help make my dreams come true, and I’m hoping this trip just might make hers come true too. “I don’t understand what any of this has to do with my dancing though.”

  “Well, I was thinking maybe we could be in Boston… together,” I say, gesturing to the brick wall we’re parked in front of. Ashley’s eyes go wide with shock.

  “The Boston Contemporary Dance Company,” she reads off the brick wall so quietly I can barely hear her before her face goes pale white. I no longer have to wonder if I made a mistake.

  I hav
e.

  Chapter 20

  Ashley

  I blink trying to clear my eyes as they slowly lose their focus on the faded white washed words painted against the red brick wall. The Boston Contemporary Dance Company.

  I know exactly who they are.

  I look at Lane through the blur of tears pooling in my eyes and can make out the distinct look of fear on this face. He looks like I feel.

  “Baby.” He cups his hands around my face. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I’m so stupid… I wasn’t thinking,” he says, wiping the tears away that are now running down my cheeks.

  “Lane—” I start, but he cuts me off before I can finish.

  “I’m so selfish.” He drops his hands to his lap and hangs his head. “I thought you could dance and I could go to school here in Boston, and we could still be together. I feel like an idiot. Like anyone would willingly give up going to Yale, it was a stupid idea. I’m so sorry.” He runs his hands through his hair. “Please don’t cry, baby, we can go.”

  “Are you done?” I ask, waiting to see if he has anything else to say for himself.

  “I’m just sorry,” he says one last time, looking dejected.

  “I’m not,” I say, letting a slow smile spread across my face. I can’t believe he did this. For me. I throw my arms around his neck and bury my face into his shoulder. Fresh tears fill my eyes and spill over, leaving tiny wet spots on his tee shirt as he wraps his arms around me.

  “You’re… not mad?” Lane asks, uncertainty written on his face when I pull away from his hold.

  “I am the complete opposite of mad, Lane.” I wipe away the happy tears. “No one apart from my grandfather has ever encouraged my dream of dancing. It’s always been a means to an end as far as my parents were concerned.” I sniffle. “They would have preferred I play the violin, but he convinced them dance would be equally well received as an extracurricular for college applications,” I explain, reaching out and taking Lane’s hands in mine. “I could never be mad at you, and how you could worry that you’re being selfish is beyond me. You’re the one who’s struggling right now about how to achieve your dream of going to Yale, and you do all of this,” I gesture around us, “to help me achieve mine. Lane, that’s not selfish, that’s…” I trail off. Love.

  “Baby I—” Lane starts to whisper, all the worry gone from his face, but I interrupt him with a kiss when I feel the words bubbling to the surface. I want to tell him how much I love him.

  “Lane…I’m in—”

  “You’re in?” Lane asks before I can finish, a hopeful smile on his face.

  In?

  Oh. The audition.

  I’d let the reality of the actual audition slip away, overwhelmed by Lane’s gesture and my feelings for him.

  I whip back in my seat, my eyes wide. I have no routine; no clothes, no music and I’ve had no practice. As reality fully sets in, I feel my heart start to race, my hands start to tremble, and it’s hard to catch my breath. I’m on the edge of a full blown panic attack.

  No. I am not in.

  “I can’t do this,” I say, making Lane’s smile fall flat. “I can’t. I can’t,” I murmur as my mind races with all the reasons this is going to turn into an undeniable disaster. I just can’t.

  “Wanna bet?” Lane says, taking my hands in his. “Baby, listen to me, you can do this. This is your dream and you’re going to be great.” His soft reassuring tone keeps me from falling over the edge completely.

  I shake my head. “I’ve never danced contemporary for anyone before.”

  “You danced for me,” Lane says like it’s the same thing. It’s not.

  “This is different…these are professionals. I can’t just wing it.”

  “Yes, you can, Ash. I’ve never seen you more beautiful and alive than when you danced for me. I may not be a professional, but I know what I saw. You were amazing.”

  I let the new tears, pooling in my eyes from his kind words, fall. “But…”

  “Baby, it’s your call, but what’s your dream worth if you aren’t willing to put it all on the line and take a risk? It might just be a gamble you win.”

  I stare at Lane, letting his words wash over me like the waves over the sand. Are my dreams worth it? Worth the risk? Worth the reward? And worth the regret if I don’t try?

  They are. And I am. This is my dream.

  I kiss Lane and pour every ounce of my love into it. “I’m all in,” I say, smiling against his lips.

  “Now, that’s my girl,” he says before kissing me back, hard.

  “Wait,” I say, halting our kiss, reluctantly. “I’m sure they have a dress code. I know the conservatories do when you audition, and even if they don’t, I can’t go in there in jean shorts and flip-flops. They’d laugh me right off the stage.”

  I glance around, searching for anywhere that might sell something that even closely resembles dance attire. Coffee shop, bookstore, Mexican restaurant. Damn. Maybe my pajamas could pass? When I turn and face Lane, he’s smiling. How can he be smiling when I’m considering wearing my pj’s to the biggest audition of my life?

  “Would this help?” Lane reaches into the back seat and lifts up a black bag I hadn’t noticed was there, his smile even bigger than before, if that’s possible.

  “But how…?” I ask as he hands me the bag I keep tucked in the back of my closet full of my dance gear.

  “Andrew,” Lane says, proud of himself for thinking of everything. “I didn’t want you to have to dance in your underwear again, at least not for anyone but me.” Lane winks making me laugh.

  I pull out the contents of my bag and ruffle through a sea of white, pink and black leotards and tights. There is no way around it; I’m going to look like a ballerina. I grab a pair of white tights and my favorite black leo that’s mostly backless except for a thin black cord that cuts across the middle. It’ll do.

  “So, how much time do I have?” I ask, not entirely sure I really want to know the answer.

  Lane glances at the time on his phone. “Twenty minutes.”

  “Twenty minutes? That’s hardly enough time to change and stretch, let alone try and come up with a dance.” I take a deep breath to calm my nerves. I’m just going to have to make it up as I go along. I can do this. It’s worth it.

  My whole life has been practiced up until the day I met Lane. He has brought out in me a girl who is allowed to be free and open and perfectly imperfect. A girl capable of making it up as she goes along. Be it dancing or life.

  “Well, then I better hurry.” I lean over and give him a kiss, wondering if he purposely cut it close so I didn’t have time to chicken out. Smart.

  I change quickly, opting to keep my hair down instead of putting it up in a bun so I look less like a ballerina. I stare at myself in the mirror, and I know there’s one last thing I need to do. I grab the spray bottle from my bag that I use to spritz my Pointe shoes when there’s no rosin around, and start to spray my hair. When I finish, I can’t help but smile. My mother would hate the sight of me in my ballet outfit with my curls let loose. But today isn’t about her, and letting my hair be natural is my outward expression of my inward hopes and dreams. To just be me.

  “You look beautiful,” Lane says as I step out of the changing room. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me tight against his body. My cheeks flush at the feel of him through my thin leotard.

  “Ashley Whitmore,” a woman at the auditorium doors says, startling me. It’s my turn. Already.

  Lane gives me a quick hug before letting me out of his embrace.

  “Yes, ma’am, that’s me.” I answer, walking towards her, but silently wishing I was still in Lane’s arms since my legs are shaking so bad it’s hard to stand.

  “Hey,” Lane says from behind me, causing me to glance at him over my shoulder. “Break a leg.” He winks, and I’m not sure he has to worry. At this rate, I just might. My legs feel more unstable by the second, but I try to give Lane a reassuring smile before the woman clea
rs her throat.

  I turn back around, feeling my palms start to sweat. I take a deep breath before stepping into the auditorium.

  “Oh and Ash?” Lane calls out, getting my attention once more and making the woman beside me huff with impatience.

  “Yeah?” I ask, turning towards him again.

  “I love you.”

  And all at once my nerves are gone.

  Chapter 21

  Lane

  An indescribable energy zips through my body the moment the words leave my mouth. My heart doesn’t pound out of my chest, and my palms don’t sweat like I’d imagine they would when I finally told Ashley how I feel. Instead, when I say the words out loud, I’m certain nothing I have ever said or felt has ever been truer. I love this girl.

  I watch as her body responds to my declaration by going perfectly still, her eyes lock with mine, and her smile tells me everything I need to know. She loves me too.

  She turns back without a trace of fear and disappears into the auditorium.

  I glance at the clock on my phone and know from the dance company’s website I have at least an hour to kill while Ashley goes through the audition process. I’m practically walking on air and decide that pacing back and forth outside the auditorium with a crazy ass grin on my face might freak out the other dancers. I grab Ashley’s bag, toss it my trunk then scan the nearby storefronts for something to do while I wait.

  I’m immediately assaulted by the smell of chocolate, coffee and books as I push open the door to the small coffee shop right across the street from the dance studio. It appears less like a Starbucks and more like a library with a spiral staircase that leads to a second story landing with floor to ceiling shelves overflowing with books. It’s aptly named Books and Biscotti.

  A girl with bright pink hair and several piercings in her face takes my order and despite her hard exterior she has a warm inviting smile, and makes one hell of an iced coffee.

  I take a sip of the cool drink and take in my surroundings. “This is amazing.” I gesture to the coffee first and then to the upstairs.