Everything Between Us

by Harper Bliss

  She still hasn’t forgiven me for bringing Caitlin here last Sunday while she wasn’t home.

  “Don’t worry, next time she comes over, you’ll be the first to know.”

  “So it’s turning into a thing then?”

  “Define thing.” I sit next to her and take a sip from her wine.

  “Let me get you a glass,” Eva says, displaying much more courtesy than I’m used to from my housemate. “Is it getting more serious between you two?”

  I have to stop myself from being snarky and asking Eva to define serious. “It’s very early days. But, yeah, it feels great.”

  “So you’re in a good place right now?” Eva pours me a large glass of wine.

  “Yeah, I guess.” I angle my body toward her so I can get a better look at her face. Something is going on here.

  “I have to tell you something, Jo. I’ve been meaning to for a while, but it’s hard.”

  A lightbulb goes off in my head. “You and Declan want to move in together.”

  Her mouth falls open. “Yes. How did you know?”

  “I’m not stupid. I was just talking to Caitlin about it the other night. Micky just asked Robin to move in with her and they haven’t been seeing each other for nearly as long as you and Declan have been together. Our lease is coming up at the end of the term. Declan is here all the time. It was fully in the line of expectations.”

  “I just feel so bad. We’ve been in this flat for two years and it’s been so great living together.”

  “Because I’m the easiest person to live with you’ll ever find.” I gulp down a big mouthful of wine. “Are you sure you want to live with a man? Does he put the seat down?” For all the nights Declan has spent here, he has never left any common areas less than pristine.

  “Yes, I’m sure.” She cocks her head. “We’ve seen some apartments in the area and kind of have our eye on one. It’s just down the road. We’d still see each other loads.”

  “I’m happy that you’re taking this next step in your relationship. It’s a big deal.” In the back of my mind, I’m already starting to figure out what to put in my “Roommate wanted” ad.

  “It’ll only be as of July. And I’ll help you audition for a new roommate,” Eva says.

  “It’ll be so strange to live here without you.”

  “I know. We’ll find you someone amazing to take my place. Not as amazing as me, naturally.”

  “Naturally.”

  “Maybe you can move into Caitlin’s penthouse soon,” she says.

  I shake my head. “Let’s not get too carried away.”

  She twirls her wine glass between her fingers. “Have you and her, you know?”

  “Slept together, you mean?” I give her a wide smile.

  “Oh my God, Jo. I promise you, I’d go gay for Caitlin. For one night, oh yes.” She’s almost bouncing in her seat.

  “You know that’s a very offensive thing to say, right?”

  “Not for a Gender Studies grad student,” she says, chuckling. “Did she knock your socks off?”

  I’m not one to tell my best friend the tiny details of my love life. Eva had no problem telling me all about her first time with Declan, but I’ve never told her the real reason why my previous attempts at relationships were always dead in the water before they had a chance to turn into something real.

  “She’s pretty amazing.” That about covers it. I might not have been so enthusiastic had she asked me a few days earlier.

  “As your best friend, you have to give me perks, okay?”

  “You just told me you’re leaving our cozy living arrangement. I don’t think I have to give you anything at all.”

  “I’m sorry, Jo. I really am. But we can’t keep living together until we’re two old spinsters, so creepily close that no one will touch us.”

  “I’m just kidding. It’s really not a big surprise.”

  “Are you going to be all right?” There’s genuine worry on Eva’s face.

  “Why did you ask me if I was in a good place earlier? Did I look like I was in a bad place before?”

  “You can never really tell with you. And I wasn’t going to say I want to move out if things were going awry with you and Caitlin, was I?”

  “I appreciate that.”

  “I’ll make sure Declan and I have a proper dining table in our new flat so you and Caitlin can come over for intellectually-pleasing dinner parties.”

  “I’m sure Declan will love that.”

  “I made him read one of her books and he was thoroughly impressed.”

  “He’s a good guy. I approve of him.”

  “He makes me happy.” Eva’s face goes all mushy.

  I’m glad for her. It’s good that she has found this sort of love. Will it ever be in the cards for me?

  “My powers of prediction are just out of this world,” I tell Caitlin the next day. “Last night, Eva told me she wants to move out so she and Declan can live together.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry.” Caitlin has only just ushered me into her apartment. Because tomorrow is Sunday, I haven’t even bothered to bring my running gear. I’d rather stay in bed with her all day.

  “It’s fine. I’m happy for her. It’s just annoying that I’ll have to find a new roommate. I really can’t afford the place on my own.” It feels a bit ludicrous to say this while I’m standing in Caitlin’s luxurious digs.

  “We’ll figure something out.” She takes my hands and pulls me into the living room. “Co-write that book with me and you’ll get half the advance.”

  I chuckle. “I have a dissertation to write first.”

  “I get the feeling you’re not taking my offer entirely seriously.” She pushes me down into the sofa. “I am being deadly serious. I truly believe that if we write that book together, it would be so much better than if I wrote it alone. So much more inclusive of very important topics.”

  She’s right. I haven’t taken any of this seriously at all. How could I? She’s Caitlin James and I’m only two years into getting my PhD. Maybe because we haven’t had the official meeting in my office about it yet.

  “I think you’re the one who hasn’t really thought this through,” I say.

  “We need to talk about it.” She kisses my neck.

  “We really do.” I clasp my arms around her and pull her close, breathe her in.

  “Are you staying?” she asks.

  “If you’ll let me.” My breath has become choppy already.

  “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Her tongue sneaks past my lips and is lost in my mouth for long minutes. “I was so bummed I couldn’t make it to your Friday afternoon class yesterday.”

  “Nicole was very disappointed. I’m not good enough for them anymore now that they’ve had a taste of you.”

  We lose ourselves in a kiss again. I slip my hands underneath Caitlin’s blouse. Will tonight be the night? And if so, will I be able to come at her hands? Even though I have felt more confident since last Wednesday, I know full well it was only a baby step.

  “I’ll be there next Friday.”

  “Great, then I can take the afternoon off.”

  “If you’re going to make me work for you, I will need to be paid in kind.” She sinks her teeth into my earlobe.

  “Ask and ye shall receive.”

  “How about we skip dinner and go to bed now?”

  I fake a confidence I don’t fully have yet. “You’re asking for payment in advance?”

  “I’m Caitlin James. You know I will do a good job.” Her playful arrogance turns me on.

  “Let’s go then.”

  “What are you going to do to me?” Her lips are close to my ear again. Her breath on my neck.

  “You’ll see.” I push her off me and we make our way into the bedroom. I hope she isn’t expecting me to fully take charge of this. And I equally hope my payment isn’t supposed to be an easy orgasm on my part. But I know Caitlin better now. I know what she expects of me is far less than what I expect of myself.
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br />   From the second we lie naked in bed, all I want is to delve my fingers inside of her. I want to feel her there, then use my finger on myself—if it comes to that. I want her so badly, my desire seems to be winning from my self-consciousness.

  “There’s no pressure in this bed,” Caitlin whispers in my ear.

  “I know.” And I do know. Much more than the first time, when I let my fear get the upper hand so easily. “What do you want me to do?”

  Caitlin is lying half on top of me, her knee pressed between my legs. Her soft skin on mine feels divine.

  She pushes herself up on her elbows and stares down at me. “I want you to fuck me and look at me when you do. I don’t want your face between my legs. I want it up here with me.”

  “That can be arranged.” I smile up at her, my entire core going liquid and warm. I had no idea talking in the bedroom could have this effect—could be so easy. Perhaps it’s just the effect Caitlin has on me. The effect of this journey she has taken me on.

  I throw my arms around her, pull her in for a long kiss, our tongues slipping into each other’s mouth, our teeth sucking at each other’s lips. Even kissing feels different with her. Not that I have much experience, but either she’s the world’s best kisser or our lips just fit really well together.

  “I might already be addicted to your breasts,” she says when we break from our kiss. She’s had a hand on one of them since we’ve landed in bed.

  She takes my wrist and pushes one arm over my head, so that my right breast juts out. She then trails one fingertip all the way from my arm down to my breast, circling my nipple.

  “They feel so good in my hand.” There’s only sincerity in her voice, as though she’s worshipping my body—my body.

  She cups her hand fully around my breast, squeezing my nipple between two fingers. I’ve yet to come across a hand that can gather all of my breast in it and, for once, the sight of my flesh spilling over something doesn’t mortify me. It arouses me.

  “Your hand feels really good there,” I say, seeing as we’re in a communicative mood.

  Caitlin slips off me so she can bestow attention on my other breast; she repeats the process of pushing up my arm and skimming my skin with a fingertip, leaving every spot she touches with goosebumps.

  When she proceeds to take a nipple between her lips and sucks it hard into her mouth, my fingers reach for the railing of her bed, holding on.

  After circling my nipple with her tongue for long, delicious minutes, she looks up at me. “What do you want me to do to you?”

  Oh. What do I want?

  I’m beginning to think talking like this and giving voice to our desires might be the only way to get me where I want to be—panting at Caitlin’s fingertips. And Caitlin knows. She knows so much more than I do, has lived so much more life than I have—has had so many more lovers.

  When I don’t immediately reply, she asks, “Can I make a suggestion?”

  “I know what I want,” I say.

  “Okay.” Her smile is wide and encouraging. “Tell me.”

  “Touch me while I touch myself.” It comes out a bit funny, but the thing with Caitlin is that I trust her to understand and to read me in a way I can’t even read myself. Because getting over myself to achieve orgasm in her bed might be a task for my mind only, but we’re in this together. It’s only because of her that I’m experiencing all of this, that this newfound me is even able to lie here in bed with her naked, talking about what I want. I’ve only known her for a few weeks and she’s already got me this far. Who knows where we’ll end up?

  “Okay.” She nods, all the while keeping a finger darting over the skin of my breasts, lightly brushing against my nipples, increasing my arousal. “Can I touch you everywhere, or just here?” She pinches a nipple between her fingers.

  A moan escapes me and my lips break into an involuntary smile. “Everywhere,” I say on an exhale.

  She licks her lips. “You got it.” Her voice is smooth as dripping honey and her whole demeanor radiates the sort of confidence that picks me up and drags me along in its slipstream, effortlessly making me believe that things I never thought were possible are.

  If she hadn’t just pinched my nipple, I’d have to pinch myself to believe this is real. That I’m in bed with this amazingly sexy woman, who doesn’t give a damn about the patch of cellulite on her hip or the wrinkles on her face. Maybe because she’s older, I feel I can let go with her more. Because if I have nothing else on her, at least I have my youth. Which isn’t only lack of experience compared to her, but carries promise and things to come, wonderful, breathtaking things I don’t yet know about, but that being with her can give me an inkling of.

  Caitlin kisses me on the lips, while she brushes a thumb over my nipple. I feel it everywhere.

  “Here I go,” she whispers in my ear, a smile in her voice.

  She peppers a trail of moist kisses down my cheek, my neck, my breasts, where she predictably lingers, and down to my belly-button. The action might be much the same as last time, but the effect is unmistakably different. Because I’ve had her eyes on me once before when I came, a lot of the pressure I put on myself the first time has been relieved. The only pressure I feel is the one building in my clit as warm blood travels toward it. It doesn’t fill me with unspeakable fear this time, only with a desire I have, at last, found a voice for.

  Caitlin shifts beside me and kneels between my legs. Before she can touch me again, I bring my hands down and stroke myself, my fingertips light on my wet, wet lips. She is so much closer to me than last time. I can hear her breath. I can feel the heat of her body where her legs touch mine.

  I start circling my clit slowly, but I don’t close my eyes. I keep them open and look at her.

  “Fuck me,” I whisper.

  She gives a nod, shuffles closer, and skates a finger along my lips. Our hands bump into each other in a surprisingly exhilarating crash. The effect of both our hands down there, working in tandem for my pleasure, lifts me to a higher plane of arousal. I can’t really see what our hands are doing, so I focus my gaze on Caitlin’s face. She’s looking at me, touching me, her eyes narrowed, her lips pursed. I catalog the image in my mind as the very picture of desire.

  When Caitlin pushes a fingertip inside of me, I pause the motion of my own hand. I let her enter and have the sensation swoop over me. That first breach, that split second when a finger goes from outside to inside of me, has always been a huge thrill for me. Perhaps, before, because I knew it was all downhill from there. But not anymore.

  To my surprise, Caitlin retracts her finger as soon as she has let it slip in.

  “Let’s do this a little differently,” she says. She drapes her body next to mine, gluing her skin to my side, her lips close to my cheek. “I want to be here with you.”

  Her finger starts slipping in again, insistent from the start. I turn my head to look at her, wanting to see her face again.

  “Is that good?” she asks, her voice breathy.

  “Yeah.” My own voice is barely audible. I bring my fingers back into the action. I touch my clit while Caitlin fucks me and it’s about the most glorious sensation I’ve ever experienced. It feels like a double act that can only have one possible ending. Such energy geared toward only one thing: my pleasure. It’s comparable to when I use my vibrator. Not so much in sensation, but in intent. When I deploy it, I know for a fact I will always come. I know it now too. There’s just no other way. And I don’t even need to screw my eyes shut to disappear into my mind, to conjure up images because that’s what I’m used to. For the very first time, I’m so aroused that intimacy entices me more than it detracts from my pleasure.

  Caitlin inches her head forward and kisses me, lets her tongue slip deep into my mouth. Her warm body is pressed hard against me, her finger is doing its work inside of me. I ratchet up the intensity of the circling motion around my clit. I buck against the movement of her hand a little, but not too much that I lose control of what my own hands are
doing.

  Caitlin inside of me, is what I think, on repeat, when I let go and let my climax roll over me. I stop touching myself and it’s only her finger left in me, her lips lazily on mine, and my pussy contracts hard around her. The sensation intensifies my orgasm and I hear myself crying out her name.

  When I come to, she’s smiling broadly. Her finger is no longer inside of me and she has draped more of her body on top of me.

  “Oh, damn.” I break into a chuckle. “I can’t believe it.”

  “Believe it.” Her voice is soft and warm.

  I want to lie here and listen to her voice forever. I want to stay in this bed with her forever. I want her to make me into a better version of me for as long as it’s possible. Because that’s how I feel. As though I’ve reached yet another new level in the game that is life. All because of her.

  “Thank you.” I sling an arm over her shoulder.

  “I know a way for you to thank me.” Her smile grows a little wicked. “I have a bit of a flooding situation going on down here.”

  “I’m good with those. I think I can help.” I turn on my side and wrap my limbs around her.

  “I can’t believe how much you’ve given me already,” she whispers when I put my head on her chest for a brief moment.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  On Monday, at the Pink Bean, I don’t care about Micky’s jabs. I barely hear what she has to say all morning because my mind is off to a land of its own. Caitlin James Land.

  “Kristin, I think you’re going to have to give Jo medical leave. She’s just not functioning properly today.”

  As soon as she involves Kristin in the conversation, I’m snapped out of my thoughts of Caitlin. I know she’s only kidding, and Kristin will surely get the joke, but I’m so used to taking my job seriously. I can’t afford to lose the money it brings in—especially not now that Eva will be moving out.

  “She’s in love,” Kristin says in that matter-of-fact tone she has. “We can cut her some slack.”

  This takes me aback. Am I in love?

  “Did you hear that, Jo? Kristin has you all sussed out.”