The Secret Catamite Bk 1, The Book of Daniel
Page 26
"Come on then, let's go and face the world," said Daniel, brave Daniel, and unlocked the door. He led the way down. Simon was all for grabbing his jacket from the hall and going, but Daniel took Simon's hand and they went into the sitting room. Mrs Gray stood up, expressions running across her face in rapid succession as thoughts raced through her mind. Louise sat in the chair, looking at Daniel, with a quizzical gaze.
"Here we are, Mum," said Daniel.
"I don't know what to say, to either of you," said Mrs Gray. "You were both naked? I don't understand."
"Oh Mum," said Louise, despairingly. "They've been at it for years."
"What!" said Daniel, turning to his sister. For once, Daniel was lost for words.
"Well, look at you, it's obvious you two are in love, and knowing boys, the rest was pretty obvious too."
Simon flushed red and shook, looking down at the floor. But Daniel continued to hold his hand tightly.
"You mean Daniel's a … and Simon too?" Mrs Gray said, but looking at her son, standing quietly and defiantly before her. "What will your father say?"
"If he doesn't know now, don't tell him," suggested Louise, pragmatically. "And Simon goes north tomorrow, so what's the point?"
"Is there anybody else?" Mrs Gray abruptly demanded of Daniel. "Now or in the past? Am I going to get more surprises?"
"No," said Daniel. "Simon has only ever been the one, and only ever will be. He's so special."
"That's what you call it, special. I think it's…" and then Mrs Gray stopped, unable to say how she felt; to voice the feelings would be to commit, and she didn't want to commit. "Simon, have you anything to say?"
But Daniel spoke first. "Mum, leave Simon out of it. It's not his fault and anyway, as Louise says, what's the point now?"
"I'm sorry … "began Simon, unable to meet Mrs Gray's eyes, but Daniel cut in.
"Simon, don't be sorry," he said turning to his friend. "You've nothing to be sorry about and I'm not sorry," he finished with emphasis, turning back to his mother and sister.
"I just don't feel I can just leave it at that, Daniel. We need to sort this out. We have to talk," said Mrs Gray.
"Not now, Mum. Not tonight of all nights. Tomorrow. Please," Daniel pleaded.
Mrs Gray hesitated, looked at Louise who was nodding.
"Very well, but I think it's time for Simon to leave."
"Come on," said Daniel, drawing Simon away.
"Good bye," said Simon, "Thank …" He was going automatically to say 'Thank you for having me', but somehow, he just could not.
"Come on," said Daniel again, and the two went out into the hallway.
"Simon!" Mrs Gray was calling after him. "I hope it works out for you all up there." Simon turned and just nodded. Louise was smiling and nodding also. Then they turned and closed the sitting room door, leaving the two alone in the hall.
"Your jacket," said Daniel, helping Simon on with it.
"Why did it have to end like this?" said Simon, bitterly.
"What did you want? 'They all lived happily ever after'? You're such an idiot," said Daniel, smiling through the tears in his eyes. "Louise is right. I love you. I have loved you for as many years as I can remember. I don't regret a single thing and I never will. Remember that Doris Day song?
Once I had a secret love
That lived within the heart of me
Maybe one day this bloody country will wake up to the truth."
Simon looked at Daniel, waves of emotion released. "Oh God. I love you too. I don't regret it either. I'm going to miss you. I love you so much."
"We'll meet again."
"In all the old familiar places?"
"Different song, idiot. But I expect so," said Daniel, managing a smile, "just don't know where, don't know when."
"Promise? Scout's Honour?"
"Promise. Scout's Honour."
In that hallway, the two hugged tightly and kissed, a kiss that summed up all the years of closeness, of shared childhood and youth, of sexual exploration, passion and deep, abiding love. They drew apart, and Daniel opened the front door to the cold, wet late November night.
"Write," said Simon. Daniel nodded. And Simon left, stopping at the gate to look back at Daniel, silhouetted against the light from the hallway. Then he turned and ran home.
He ran in through the back door, and hung up his wet jacket. Mum called from the sitting room.
"That you Simon? Say goodbye to Daniel?" The word – goodbye – cut Simon deep inside. He didn't answer. "Are you all right, love?" called Mum.
"No, not really," said Simon. "I'm going to bed. 'Night."
"Leave him, Mum," he heard Frances say. "He'll be OK. It must be hard, he and Daniel have been friends for years. It's like me saying goodbye to Jennifer."
But by then he was upstairs in his room, lying on the temporary airbed, weeping uncontrollably. Mourning the loss of all he knew, his whole world, but specially, hugely and overwhelmingly, the loss of Daniel. Why had it taken so long for them to say it? Why wait until now to say just how much they loved each other? Why did it take Louise of all people? What is wrong with this bloody world? The love that dare not speak its name. Well, it had now, but it was Daniel who would bear the brunt of it.
The next morning was cold, now December, and showing it. But it was dry. Mum had got them up early, it was a long way to go. Bilthaven. Simon had this image of a grim and grimy place, heavy industry. A long way. It was a Thursday, but no school now for Simon. After breakfast, still dark outside, they packed their last things and put them in the little Ford. It was crammed and Simon was to share the back seat with an assortment of effects that had not gone on ahead. A last look at his room, a few things remaining, and round the house. Would Dad be OK when he came back, he wondered.
As it grew light, it was time to go. They climbed in the car. Mum was pale and quiet, determination and resolve on her face, Frances quiet too, lost in her thoughts. They backed out of the drive for the last time and turned towards the corner.
There he was, leaning with his consuming elegance in Hooray Henrys uniform against the corner fence. Seeing the car, Daniel stood up.
"Oh, there's Daniel, Simon," said Mum. "That's nice." Simon looked at his love as the car drew level. Their eyes met, those wonderful blue eyes. Mum looked and then the car moved round the corner, turning away from Daniel.
"I love you, Simon!" shouted Daniel.
"What did he say?" asked Mum. Nobody replied. Simon looked out of the back window as the car went down the hill to the main road until Daniel was gone from sight. Gone.
# # END # #
If you would like to know the rest of Simon’s story, you can read the entire trilogy “The Clouds Still Hang”.
Details at:
http://www.thecloudsstillhang.com/
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