Numb

by Lynn Rider

  “Yes.” I had been childish by assuming, and perhaps I’d made a grave mistake.

  “Are we okay then? I’ve emailed you the link of the original shitty tabloid where it’s dated in 2011.”

  “Okay,” I said solemnly. I was interested in seeing the link, but it didn’t prevent the doubts that circled through my head of our future.

  “Meagan, you don’t sound too happy. Are you sure this was all there was?”

  “Does it bother you that I doubted you? It bothers me, Ashton. I wonder if I’ll ever be strong enough to handle these types of situations maturely or will I always want to run. I feel like I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster since you entered my life. The joy I feel with you is indescribable, but the heartbreak wrecks me. It’s killing me.”

  “Please don’t do what I think you’re trying to do, Meagan. I need you,” he pleaded quietly into the phone. “You’re the glue that’s keeping me together.”

  “I don’t know what to do, Ashton. I love you so much, but I’m confused by all of this.“

  “Go out with me.”

  “What?”

  “Go on a date with me. A real date. The kind where I come to your door, pick you up and take you out.”

  I smiled, imagining it. “Okay.”

  “Okay?”

  “Yes, I’ll go on a date with you.” I laughed softly.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow. And, Meagan, I know I’m not supposed to tell you this before our first date, but I love you.”

  “I love you too,” I replied before hanging up.

  Leah watched me carefully when I surfaced from my room with a wide smile. I found Ashton’s link. He was right; the original story ran several years ago. Leah and I compared the picture and it was definitely the same. Ashton’s warning about the tabloids was being heard louder and louder in my head. They did things to destroy lives. If it had been left up to me, I would have walked away from the best thing in my life.

  Leah left with a satisfied grin on her face and a tentative acceptance to dinner the night after tomorrow. I wanted her to spend more time with him. She was pretty well grounded and had a keen sense of character.

  Dave drove me to and from work again. Unlike last night, I had no desire to go anywhere without him. I came home and went right to bed.

  I was just finishing my morning coffee when the front desk called to tell me Ashton was downstairs. My heart rate accelerated with excitement. I ran to my bathroom to check my clothes and makeup. I hadn’t heard from him since yesterday afternoon, but I hadn’t expected a date to start this early in the day.

  My breath hitched when I opened the door and took in the sight. Ashton stood there in his khaki cargo shorts, fitted white tee and sneakers. His short dark hair, deep brown eyes and dimpled smile made him appear more like the boy next door than the mega celebrity rocker. He was mine.

  His hand unwrapped from behind his back and he held out a bouquet of flowers as he stepped closer. “Hi,” he said as he closed the distance between us.

  I could feel each beat of my heart as he got close enough for me to smell his wonderful scent. He stopped just shy of intruding on my personal space. I wanted him to intrude; I longed for his touch.

  “Do you want to put these in water?” he asked with a sincere smile while gently swinging the flowers in front of me. I regained my wits and smiled at the arrangement as I took them into the kitchen.

  “You’re earlier than I expected.”

  “I couldn’t wait to see you,” he said from the doorway.

  “I couldn’t wait to see you either,” I replied honestly, looking into his eyes.

  He smiled bashfully. “Are you ready? I have a full day planned. Are you hungry?” he asked as he extended his hand.

  “I can always eat,” I answered just before the shock from his big hand enveloping mine surged through my body.

  “Good, we’re going to pick up some snacks on the way,” he said confidently as we walked from my apartment.

  Ashton didn’t release my hand until he securely planted me on the front seat of his black Cadillac Escalade. He slid behind the wheel, and once we were on the road, he reached for it again. He rubbed his thumb over the delicate skin of my hand over and over as he drove.

  As we neared the supermarket that I visited just a couple of nights before, my heart started to beat erratically. Ashton pulled in and I gave him a puzzled look.

  “Snacks.” He shrugged with a cocky grin before getting out of his big SUV and trotting around the front to open my door. I glanced over to the parking place where I was the other night and clenched Ashton’s hand tighter in mine. He looked down at me as if he could hear my thoughts. “I’ve got you.” He smiled, squeezing me into his side.

  After we’d picked out chips, crackers and visited the bakery, we made our way toward the front of the store. Ashton stopped us before walking up to a register. “So which one is she?” he asked with directness in his tone.

  “Which one is who?” I asked.

  “Which of those cashiers is the one from the other night,” he clarified.

  “Oh …”

  “Which one, Meg?” he asked again.

  “Ashton, what do you have in mind?”

  “Nothing, I just want to go through her line.” He grinned.

  “Line four,” I conceded.

  Ashton started walking in that direction, pulling me swiftly behind. As we stood in line behind the older woman who was busy putting her items on the conveyor belt, Ashton wrapped his arm around my shoulders and kissed my head sweetly. I leaned in, savoring his embrace. I’d needed this from him the moment he showed up at my door.

  I looked up to see that he was looking down at me lovingly. He tilted his head lower and met my lips softly at first then a little less chaste, making my knees go weak. He pulled away slowly and smiled. “I love you, Meagan,” he said before he kissed me once more.

  He flashed his eyes at the cashier who was standing there with her mouth agape, taking us in. “Oh, I’m sorry. I got lost in my girl for a minute.” Ashton laughed and emptied the small shopping basket onto the conveyor belt. The woman’s eyes flashed to me and a look of resignation quickly passed over her features when she realized I was the same person she practically accused of stalking him the other night.

  She rang up our groceries, with only a few quick glances in Ashton’s direction and wished us a good day on our way out of the store.

  “That shit felt good, didn’t it?” Ashton said quietly with a wide grin as he opened the car door for me.

  “Yes. It shouldn’t have mattered, but thank you,” I said sincerely.

  He kissed my nose. “Next stop, Central Park,” he said, closing my door.

  Ashton had thought of everything: a blanket, food, wine, and even a book for our picnic in the park. Aside from his flirty, bad boy exterior, Ashton was proving to be quite the romantic. We enjoyed our lunch then held one another for a long time as he read to me.

  “When are we going to finish our book?” I whined as he sat the book to the side.

  “I’m going to call you every night and read a chapter or two.” He kissed the top of my head. I laughed at the thought of that. “I talked to Kyle and he gave me some pointers on how to make it work,” he said sincerely.

  I pushed up on my elbow and took in his serious expression. “What did he say?” I asked, genuinely curious about his advice. If anyone could understand, it would be Kyle and Kelly.

  “He said I suck at demonstrating how much I love you. If you had known that, you would never have doubted me over that picture.”

  “I’m sorry I did, Ashton. I feel stupid and childish and mostly selfish for doing what I did. I will try really hard to never doubt you again. It’s just so new for me. I hope one day we’ll look back on it and laugh.”

  “I promise we will,” he said earnestly as he hooked my hair behind my ear.

  I noticed a woman walking behind Ashton and was certain I had seen her before. “Ashton, I think peopl
e have noticed who you are,” I said quietly.

  “Yeah, I was gonna tell you that. That woman has walked by at least six times. I think she’s even used her camera phone when she was sitting on the bench over there.” He sat up, collecting the containers and placing them back in the basket. “Good probability you’ll grace another cover of a tabloid tomorrow. Promise me you won’t let it bother you. Meagan, do you feel this?” He asked as he put the palm of my hand to his heart. I nodded. “That’s all you have to know. My heart beats for you. I love you and when we’re together, you know it’s right and real. I’ve never felt for another person what I feel for you. Focus on this the next time you’re letting one of them in your head.”

  I nodded, too choked up to respond.

  As we made our way to Ashton’s SUV, I noticed the heads of mostly women turning in our direction. Ashton didn’t even notice. His arm was tightly wrapped around my shoulders and his focus was on our conversation as if we were the only two people in the park. He opened the back door of his SUV and placed the picnic basket in the back seat before closing and locking the doors.

  “Aren’t we leaving?” I looked up to see a small smile curling the edge of his mouth.

  “We are, but in that.” He pointed in the direction of a horse drawn carriage approaching us.

  “Ashton?”

  He laughed. “Come on, babe.” He led me with his arm still securely around my shoulders. I petted the large brown and white horse as Ashton made small talk with the driver.

  “You ready?” Ashton asked as he joins me where I stand.

  “Yeah.” I gave the animal one last pet before taking Ashton’s hand and climbing into the carriage.

  “Have you ever ridden a horse?”

  “Not since I was a kid,” I said wistfully. “I took lessons and loved it. You?”

  “No, they’re too big for my liking.” He laughed.

  “That’s how Owen felt and wanted no part of it.” I laughed, remembering our first lesson together. “What was your childhood like, Ashton?”

  “Kind of like it is today. I spent a lot of time alone. I studied hard so that I could get out of the old neighborhood. I showed you my old house when we were in St. Louis. That neighborhood was like that growing up. Getting a scholarship was the only way for a kid like me to get away. When I wasn’t busy studying, I was busy taking care of my mom, and then Austin because my mom was incapable.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. It made me who I am today. And I’ll damn sure be a better dad than my old man was. He was only around long enough to donate sperm.”

  “Do you want kids, Ashton?”

  “Yes,” he answered without hesitation. A slow smile spread across my face as I envisioned Ashton holding a baby one day. He pulled away a little, looking down at me. “Do you, Meagan?”

  I looked into his eyes. “Yes, I do.”

  “Good, it’s settled then. We’re having kids,” he said confidently as I lay my head back down on his shoulder with a smile. “I know you don’t see eye to eye with your parents now, but what was your childhood like?”

  “I remember it being happy until Owen disappeared one day. It got really bad after that. Now that I’m an adult, I’ve often wondered if I only got to be a kid because Owen allowed it. They are very demanding and will accept nothing less than perfection.” I frowned as I thought about my parents. “I’d be in medical school right now instead of here with you if Owen hadn’t rescued me.”

  “Well, thank God for Owen,” he said with a solemn smile. “I would be a doctor right now if it hadn’t been for Kyle.”

  “What?” I pulled back to look at him.

  He nodded with a smile. “I wanted to be a doctor. After I graduated with my chemical engineering degree, I decided to take the MCAT and scored fairly well. I was accepted to a few schools, but Austin had his issues and Kyle needed me. The timing wasn’t right.” He shrugged again.

  “I’m sorry, Ashton. Here I have parents that tried pushing me into a field that you wanted to pursue, but didn’t get an opportunity. I guess I shouldn’t complain about my parents for being overkill on their demands.” I tried to lighten the mood.

  “Meg, if you need to complain, yell, whatever, just do it. I want you to come to me. I’ll always be here.” His tone was serious as he tightened his embrace.

  We rode in silence for several minutes.

  “I’ve never been in a horse drawn carriage Ashton, thank you.”

  “Me either. This is the first of many firsts for us, Meagan.” He tilted my head up with a hook of his finger under my chin and gently pressed his lips to mine. He kissed me with such tenderness I felt tears well in my eyes as the emotion rooted. “I love you, Meagan.”

  I smiled and nuzzled into his chest. “I love you,” I replied quietly.

  We got the Bronx Zoo after gorging at a line of food truck vendors in the park. I never ate like that and having memorized every hard plane of Ashton’s body, I know he didn’t either. But it was a lot of fun going from truck to truck picking out new food to try.

  The trick to the paparazzi was not to stay in one place too long. New York was a big city and once people started getting curious, it was time to go because the photographers were sure to show up. We only had one close call when we exited the carriage ride, but managed to escape with only a couple of photos that Ashton graciously gave them.

  We stayed connected to one another as we walked, holding hands or his strong arm wrapped around me. Ashton stopped to mimic some of the animal’s actions along the way, making me love him more.

  “What do you have planned for tomorrow?” I asked.

  “I have a date,” he said matter-of-fact, causing my stomach to roll briefly before he stopped and looked into my eyes. “There’s this beautiful woman who I’m so desperately in love with, and I want to make sure she knows how much I love her before I have to leave her again.” I can’t stop the smile from forming before his lips graze mine softly.

  He pulled away from my lips and rested his forehead against mine. “I’m sorry if that disappoints you.” I shook my head.

  “My friend Leah wants to have us over for dinner.” I smiled.

  “It’s a date.”

  WE ENTERED THE PICTURESQUE Scarsdale neighborhood and I noticed Ashton slow down to take in the colossal sized homes lining the street.

  “Damn, Meg. What did you say this guy did again?”

  “Telecommunications. Honestly, I don’t exactly know what he does, other than make a lot of money.”

  “I’m in the wrong business.” He laughed as he continued taking each sprawling residence in. “It’s nice and peaceful here.” He turned into the long tree-lined driveway that led to their large white colonial.

  “You sure this is a good idea?” he asked as he took in the large house through the car window. He was nervous about not fitting in and pulling into a neighborhood like this one didn’t help.

  “Leah is going to love you. Cliff … well who cares what Cliff thinks.” I smiled and kissed him.

  He slowly pulled away, but held my chin in his hand. “I’ll do it for you, babe.” He hopped from his little sports car and made his way around to open my door.

  “I was wondering if you were going to stay in the car and make out all night or come in and see your nephew,” Leah called out with laughter from the front door.

  “I didn’t know I was past curfew, Mom.” I laughed and hugged her after I climbed the front steps. She giggled before turning her attention to Ashton. “I’m so glad you could make it, Ashton.”

  “Thanks for having me,” he said confidently with a kiss on her cheek. I think she swooned when his lips touched her skin and I wasn’t the only one to notice.

  “Is your boyfriend making a move on my wife?” Cliff called out with a smile.

  “Cliff, this is Ashton Harris. Ashton, this is Leah’s husband, Cliff Morrison.” They shook hands, and I noticed neither made mention of the night over two years ago at Diablo’s
.

  I followed Leah into the kitchen while Cliff gave Ashton a tour of the house.

  “I’ve got to tell you, Meagan, that guy is hot. He just oozes sex appeal.” She waggled her eyebrows at me.

  “Thanks for ogling my boyfriend, Leah,” I said dryly as I made a drink. “So where’s my baby?”

  “He’s over there but don’t you dare wake him. He had shots today and he’s not a happy camper,” she threatened. I found my angel sleeping soundly in a playpen in the living room. I reached down to cover him and brushed the few long wisps of hair he had from his face.

  “God, Leah, he gets cuter and cuter every time I see him.”

  I turned to see Ashton watching me. He had an indescribable look on his face until a slow smile formed.

  Cliff walked into the room. “Ready, Ashton?” he asked as he set his cell phone on the kitchen island. Ashton nodded, holding my gaze captive a few seconds longer before winking and following Cliff out of the room.

  “What was that about?” Leah asked with genuine curiosity lacing her words.

  I turned to look at her. “I don’t know, but I’m glad you saw it because I would have thought I was imagining it. What do you think that meant?”

  “He was making baby eyes at you.” She giggled.

  “Baby eyes?” I asked with a pinch of my brow.

  “Yeah, he was seeing you with his children.”

  “Well, I have established he wants kids, and he’s determined to be a better parent than both his mom and dad when he does.”

  “Damn, he may be able to be domesticated after all.”

  “That is one sweet ride, Ashton. Leah will never let me get one though,” Cliff said as he and Ashton made their way into the kitchen a little while later.

  “There he goes blaming me again,” Leah said, exasperated. “He says shit like that when he really doesn’t want something, but needs an out so he blames me. What won’t I let you get now?” she said lightheartedly.

  Ashton stood behind me, rubbing my shoulders as we watched their bickering like a tennis match.

  “His Maserati. Did you see it? Now that’s a car!” Cliff’s voice was full of awe.

  “That two-seater out front? Yeah, he’s right. I’ll never allow that. If we can’t all go, it’s not happening.” She laughed.