The Out-of-Sync Child

by Carol Kranowitz

Ball Catch—Toss a large beach ball gently to the child from a short distance. As he becomes more competent, use a smaller ball and step farther away.

  Ball Whack—Have the child hold a baseball bat, rolling pin, broomstick, book, cardboard tube, or ruler in both hands. Remind her to keep her feet still. Toss her a big ball. As she swings, her body will rotate, as her arms cross the midline.

  Two-Handed Tetherball—Suspend a sponge ball at the child’s eye level from a string attached to a wide doorframe. Let your child choose different “bats.” Have her count how many hits she makes without missing. Try four-handed tetherball, in which you play, too.

  Balloon Fun—Using both hands together, the child bounces or tosses up a balloon and catches it. He can keep it afloat by whacking it with open hands or batting it repeatedly with hands clasped together in one large “fist.”

  Rolling-Pin Fun—Provide the child with a cylindrical block or a rolling pin without handles, so he presses down with his opened hands. Have him roll real dough, playdough, crackers, clay—or mud!

  Body Rhythms—While you chant or sing, clap, and tap different body parts and have your child imitate your motions. Tip your head from side to side, wave your arms overhead, shake icky sticky glue off your hands, pound your chest, slap your hips, bend from side to side, hunch and relax your shoulders, stamp your feet, and hop from foot to foot. Use both hands together or alternately.

  Eggbeater Fun—Give your child an eggbeater to whip up soapsuds or mix up a bowl of birdseed, or of uncooked beans and rice.

  Marble Painting—Line a tray or cookie sheet with paper. Put a few dabs of finger paint in the center of the paper. Provide a marble to roll through the paint to make a design. Great wrapping paper!

  Ribbon Dancing—Attach ribbons, streamers, or scarves to the ends of a dowel. Holding the dowel with both hands, the child swirls the ribbons overhead, from side to side, and up and down. (No dowel? Give him a ribbon for each hand.) This activity also improves visual-motor coordination.

  Two-Sided Activities—Encourage the child to jump rope, swim, bike, hike, row, paddle, and do morning calisthenics.

  Suggestions to Develop Self-Help Skills

  Self-help skills improve along with sensory processing. The following suggestions may make your child’s life easier—and yours, too!

  DRESSING

  • Buy or make a “dressing board” with a variety of snaps, zippers, buttons and buttonholes, hooks and eyes, buckles and shoelaces.

  • Provide things that are not her own clothes for the child to zip, button, and fasten, such as sleeping bags, backpacks, handbags, coin purses, lunch boxes, doll clothes, suitcases, and cosmetic cases.

  • Provide alluring dress-up clothes with zippers, buttons, buckles, and snaps. Oversized clothes are easiest to put on and take off.

  • Eliminate unnecessary choices in your child’s bureau and closet. Clothes that are inappropriate for the season and that jam the drawers are sources of frustration.

  • Put large hooks inside closet doors at the child’s eye level so he can hang up his own coat and pajamas. (Attach loops to coats and pajamas on the outside so they won’t irritate the skin.)

  • Supply cellophane bags for the child to slip her feet into before pulling on boots. The cellophane prevents shoes from getting stuck and makes the job much easier.

  • Let your child choose what to wear. If she gets overheated easily, let her go outdoors wearing several loose layers rather than a coat. If he complains that new clothes are stiff or scratchy, let him wear soft, worn clothes, even if they’re unfashionable.

  • Comfort is what matters.

  • Set out tomorrow’s clothes the night before.

  Encourage the child to dress himself. Allow for extra time, and be available to help. If necessary, help him into clothes but let him do the finishing touch: Start the coat zipper but let him zip it up, or button all but one of his buttons.

  Keep a stool handy so the child can see herself in the bathroom mirror. On the sink, keep a kid-sized hairbrush and toothbrush within arm’s reach. Even if she resists brushing teeth and hair, be firm. Some things in life are nonnegotiable.

  SNACK AND MEAL TIME

  Provide a chair that allows the child’s elbows to be at table height and feet to be flat on the floor. A stool or pillow may help. (Kids fidget less when they feel grounded.)

  Offer a variety of ways to eat food, e.g., eat pudding with a spoon, or scoop it up with fingers; use a spoon or a fork to eat corn kernels, or use both hands to munch corn on the cob; and spoon chicken broth, or lift the bowl to her mouth.

  Offer a variety of foods with different textures: lumpy, smooth, crunchy, chewy. Keep portions small, especially when introducing new foods.

  Let the child pour juice or milk into a cup. A tipless cup will help prevent accidents. The child who frequently overreaches or spills juice needs much practice.

  Encourage the child to handle snack-time or mealtime objects. Opening cracker packages, spreading peanut butter, and eating with utensils are good for proprioception, bilateral coordination, and fine-motor skills.

  CHORES

  Together, make a list of chores he can do to help around the house: Make his bed, walk the dog, empty wastebaskets, take out trash, pull weeds, rake, shovel, sweep, vacuum, fold laundry, empty the dishwasher, set and clear the table. Let him know you need and appreciate him. Make a routine and stick to it. If the child is forgetful, make a chart and post it on the refrigerator. When he finishes a chore, let him stick a star on the chart. Reward him with a special privilege or outing when he accumulates several stars. Break chores down into small steps. Let her clear the table one plate at a time. (She doesn’t have to clear all the dishes.)

  BATHING

  Let the child help regulate the water temperature. Provide an assortment of bath toys, soaps, and scrubbers. Scrub the child with firm, downward strokes. Provide a large bath sheet for a tight wrap-up.

  SLEEPING

  Give your child notice: “Half an hour until bedtime!” or “You can draw for five more minutes.”

  Stick to a bedtime routine. Include stories and songs, a look at a sticker collection, a chat about today’s events or tomorrow’s plans, a back rub and snug tuck-in.

  Children with tactile defensiveness are very particular about clothing, so provide comfortable pajamas. Some like them loose, some like them tight; some like them silky, some don’t like them at all. Nobody likes them bumpy, scratchy, lacy, or with elasticized cuffs.

  Use percale or silk sheets for a smooth and bumpless bed.

  Let your child sleep with extra pillows and blankets, in a sleeping bag or bed tent, or on a waterbed.

  Life at home can improve with a sensory diet and attention to your child’s special needs, and life at school can improve as well.

  Chapter Ten

  YOUR CHILD AT SCHOOL

  Becoming an advocate for your child, communicating with school personnel, finding a good school-and-child match, and sharing ideas with teachers can all promote your child’s success at school.

  WHAT A DIFFERENCE COMMUNICATION MAKES!

  Last year, Nicky hated fourth grade. Mrs. Colladay, his teacher, was mean. She always scolded him when he was slow, disorganized, or fidgety. She would say, “I wish you’d just try harder.” He was trying.

  This year, Nicky loves fifth grade. Ms. Berry is nice. She makes sure he understands the assignments and shows him how to break them down into manageable parts. She got him a chair that doesn’t wiggle and thick pencils that don’t break. She made him captain of the Flying Aces Math Team. She never makes him miss recess. She likes him.

  * * *

  What a difference a teacher makes! And what a difference a parent makes when she becomes her child’s advocate!

  Nicky is in a classroom that meets his needs because his mother took action. After years of seeking to avoid stigma and labels, she decided to inform the school about his sensory processing problems and about the benefits of therapy
and a sensory diet. If Nicky could function more smoothly at home, surely he could gain confidence and competence at school.

  During the summer, Nicky’s mother met with the principal and Ms. Berry and was relieved to find them eager for information. They wanted to understand Nicky’s strengths and weaknesses, so they could promote his success. They told her they would explain his needs to the art, science, and physical education teachers. They would arrange for special services at school. They would call her with questions and would welcome her calls.

  What a difference communication makes!

  IF ONLY SCHOOL WERE MORE LIKE HOME

  The child with SPD often has enormous difficulty in the classroom. His problem is not a lack of intelligence or willingness to learn. His problem may be dyspraxia, which is difficulty in knowing what to do and how to go about doing it.

  The preschooler who has difficulty stringing beads often becomes the school-age child who can’t organize the parts of a research project. He wants to interact successfully with the world around him, but he can’t easily adapt his behavior to meet increasingly complex demands.

  The out-of-sync child may be unable to settle down to work. Everything may be distracting—the proximity of a classmate, the sound of rustling paper, the movement of children playing outside the window, the scratchy label inside his shirt collar, and even the classroom furniture. He may be disorganized in his movements, verbal responses, and interactions with teachers and classmates.

  For many reasons, school may be grueling:

  1) School puts pressure on children to perform and conform. While the average child buckles down to meet expectations, the out-of-sync child buckles under pressure.

  2) The school milieu is ever-changing. Abrupt transitions from circle time to art projects, from math to reading, or from cafeteria to gymnasium may overwhelm the child who switches gears slowly.

  3) Sensory stimuli may be excessive. People mill around. Lights, sounds, and odors abound. The child may become overloaded easily.

  4) Sensory stimuli may be insufficient. A long stretch of sitting may pose problems for the child who regularly needs short stretch breaks to organize his body. A spoken or written lesson, directed toward aural and visual learners, may not reach the kinesthetic and tactile learner.

  5) School administrators and teachers often misunderstand SPD. They may be truly interested in helping the child, but they can’t accommodate his unique learning style if they don’t know where to begin.

  6) School is not like home. For many children, school is unpredictable and risky, while home is familiar and safe.* The behavior of the child will differ because the environments differ. School can become more like home, however, when parents share information about their child with the adults who can make a difference in the child’s success.

  Years ago, before we became savvy about sensory processing, the St. Columba’s director and I met with Allen’s mother to learn how we could help her boy. At preschool, he hardly spoke, hardly moved. He would park himself in the sandbox corner, behind a barricade of trucks. He had no self-help skills, no playmates, no affect. We described a sad, scared, helpless loner.

  His mother was astonished. “But he isn’t that way at all!” she said. Her description was 180 degrees different from ours. At home, he was a chatterbox. He was lively and cheerful. He jumped on the furniture, dug in the garden, and played with neighborhood kids. True, the kids he played with were all younger. True, he had trouble getting dressed. True, he had definite likes and dislikes in foods and activities. But he wasn’t a problem at home. “If only school were more like home,” she said with a sigh.

  The conference was an eye-opener for everyone. As we talked, his mother realized that Allen functioned well at home because she fulfilled his need for consistent routines, just-right stimulation, physical security, and constant reminders of love. We, the teachers, realized that we could fulfill some of those needs at school, now that we understood what they were.

  We entered a home-and-school partnership to help Allen succeed. The teachers became more sensitive to his cautious behavior and learned to guide him gently into preschool activities. They gave him more structure and protected him from overstimulation. Many small changes had a big, positive effect on his behavior.

  Meanwhile, his mother adapted Allen’s home environment to meet his special needs. She purchased some sensory-motor equipment, such as a trampoline, crawling tunnel, therapy ball, gym mat, beanbag chair, and indoor swing, and turned the basement into a mini-gym. She also became aware of her obligation to share her observations, selectively, with his school and teachers.

  DECIDING WHOM TO TELL

  The out-of-sync child needs an articulate advocate. Usually, it is up to a parent to make teachers and other caregivers aware of his special needs.

  The thought of revealing their child’s difficulties makes many parents anxious. They worry that the child may be stigmatized and labeled, that they may be blamed for the child’s behavior, or that insensitive school personnel may be indiscreet or may use the information in the wrong way. Besides, talking about the child’s inadequacies is painful. Nonetheless, for the child’s sake, communication is essential.

  Why is it necessary to provide information? Adults who work with children, like sculptors who work with clay, must have a feel for the material they shape. With some understanding of Sensory Processing Disorder, they can become more attuned to the child’s differing abilities. Without information, however, they can’t be expected to change their classroom environment, alter their teaching style, or redirect their thinking.

  Who needs to know? Classroom teachers should be informed. The principal; the art, science, music, and physical education teachers; and the computer and media specialists may need to know. School bus and carpool drivers, religious school teachers, scout leaders, coaches, and babysitters also may be more considerate when told.

  What information should be shared? Briefly, tell the teacher what the child’s problem is. (Avoid terms such as “underresponsivity to vestibular sensations,” unless pressed for details.) Then, give specific suggestions about what works at home, so the teacher can consider doing the same at school.

  Examples: “My daughter is very sensitive to being touched or jostled. At home, we’ve noticed she does best when she doesn’t feel crowded. Would you remember her need for space when you plan the seating arrangement?” Or, “My son has difficulty with motor coordination. He is receiving therapy to help him move more smoothly. At home, we find that frequent breaks to move and stretch help him get organized.”

  When you find that the teacher is receptive, you may also choose to share your own documented observations, therapists’ evaluations, sensory diet suggestions, and tips for teachers, included at the end of this chapter.

  How should information be shared? Frame the information positively: “She concentrates beautifully if…,” or “His motor coordination improves when…” Stress the child’s abilities: “She adores art projects,” or “He has a great sense of humor.” Enlist the teacher’s goodwill: “We hope we can work together. Please keep me posted!”

  Where should information be shared? Arrange meetings in advance, so you and the teacher can talk uninterrupted. Confer in the classroom before or after school, in the teachers’ lounge at lunchtime, or by telephone at night.

  When should information be shared? Before the school year starts, anticipate your child’s difficulties and communicate with those who need to know. Help them be proactive, rather than reactive, when problems arise.

  A GOOD SCHOOL-AND-CHILD MATCH

  Communicating regularly with school personnel should make a positive difference for your child. Sometimes, however, the teacher will resist taking suggestions and making accommodations, even if your child is legally entitled to them. You will then have to decide whether to step in or step back.

  For instance, one mother knew that chewing gum helped her son get organized while reading and writing. She asked the teacher
if gum would be permissible. The teacher refused: “He can’t have special privileges, just because he has special needs.” Although the mother was reluctant to go over the teacher’s head and make a fuss, she decided to complain to the principal. The principal intervened, the teacher relented, and the child was allowed to chew (but not crack) gum. His performance improved, and, several months later, the teacher apologized.

  Sometimes, the teacher is willing to make adjustments, but the school resists. The child may benefit from a therapy ball seat instead of a chair, or a desk of his own rather than a shared table, or a locker he can open easily, while the school insists on regulation furnishings. In such cases, pick the most important battles—and keep fighting.

  If goodness-of-fit at school is lacking, you have several options:

  • Ask to move the child to another teacher’s classroom.

  • Investigate special-education programs. Special-education classes are smaller and less distracting than regular classrooms. Special educators are trained to address children’s differing abilities. With an IEP (Individualized Education Program), the out-of-sync child may flourish.

  • Transfer the child from one public school to another. An advantage of public education is the availability of facilities, including OTs, speech therapists, and remedial reading specialists. If the child is eligible for special education, these services are provided during the school day, at no charge.

  • Enroll the child in a private school, with smaller class size and more individualized attention. In a private school the immature child can repeat a grade, if necessary, whereas in a public school the child may not get this chance to “pause” before promotion to a more challenging grade.

  • Homeschool your child. Many children learn best at home, where they can go at their own pace without distractions. Participating in after-school activities is still your child’s right and is also a good idea to encourage social interactions with other children.