Destroyer of Planets: Book 1 of the Neon Octopus Overlord Series

by L. A. Johnson

In fact, hers was one of the last classes to do so, if she were graduating just two years later, she'd be able to investigate something normal, like local politicians or criminals or something useful.

  "Trish?"

  "Oh, yeah. I'm investigating Celestial. Crazy stuff. It's the weirdest of online conspiracy theories about secret government projects, brainwashing, and planetary destruction. I would give anything to have picked the mythical sea monsters on the beach planet of Grenadine. But no, now I'm having to stay up late every night scaring the stars out of myself on the dark net."

  "Sounds rough. I'm already done."

  "Bite me."

  "You sound cranky. Wanna go get something to eat?"

  Trisha checked her watch. Four a.m. There was no way she was getting to sleep anytime soon with all of the stuff she had just read. "I'm game if you are. If you're already done with your thesis, then why are you up this late?"

  "Gaming. Just got killed. I have to go blow off some steam. Hang on, let me grab my purse."

  Trisha followed Jen to her room. The television showed a neon blue octopus. Trisha ducked in to read the text at the bottom of the screen since the volume was turned down.

  The text said: First ever board meeting with the Galactic Octopus Overseer to happen soon in Arcturis City.

  "I've got my purse," Jen announced.

  "Hey,” said Trisha, pointing at the tv, “have you seen this news story about the Neon Octopus Overlord? Fascinating. I'd love to meet her."

  Trisha pointed at the screen and thought about how very little ever happened in this town and how cool it would be to interview the famous and powerful. "Is this meeting open to the public? Just one official rebuttal by her would give me enough points to finish my thesis early."

  "Yeah, right," Jen answered. "No way they're letting you within a light year of that meeting. You ready to go eat?"

  "I'm ready," Tricia answered. This was the reason Trisha got into journalism in the first place. To fight for answers, confront the powerful and all that stuff. Plus, she was overdue for some shopping in the capital. She knew the chance of meeting the Overseer, even for a moment, was worth fighting for.

  Chapter 14

  "Not kill you, darling,” Kracken said, “just stop you. You Celestials need to be stopped. I'm still holding out hope that we can turn you to our side."

  "No thanks. No conspiracy crackpots for me." Kirian risked raising one hand and twirled a finger near her ear, making the intergalactic sign of crazy for Ari's benefit.

  "How is this anti-Celestial guy a crackpot?” Ari butted in, unable to help it. “You’re literally right here. Right now. Checking to see if this planet is going to be deleted.”

  “Ari, is it?” Kracken asked, still not lowering the gun.

  Ari studied Kracken. When he turned his head, she thought she might have seen gills. And he was easy on the eyes. “Yes, nice to meet you. And by the way, she said the planet’s not going to be deleted.”

  “No?” Kracken sounded disappointed.

  "See?" Kirian said to Ari. "Crazy."

  "Alright then," said Kracken, "I guess we'll just fast forward to standard procedures, then."

  "What are the standard procedures?" Ari asked.

  "Getting plastered at the nearest pub," Kirian answered.

  "I thought we were in a terrible hurry," Ari countered. “And he just had a gun to your head.”

  "Well, I turned in my paperwork, and for once the planet's not going to be destroyed. Besides, not my choice," replied Kirian, pointing to Kracken. "Gun to my head and all. Am I right, Kracken?"

  "True that, missy." He put his gun in his pocket and led the way. "And don't you go running off or I'll kill you deader than a sand flea on Bora Tora in the Garb system and—"

  "She gets the point, Kracken."

  "So Kirian," said Kracken as they sat at a bar down the street, "what in the stars re-aligning allowed you to get a friend?"

  He looked appraisingly at Ari.

  Kirian laughed. "Ari's great. You're going to like her."

  "Oh, I already do," he said, throwing his head back and downing an enormous foamy beverage.

  Ari watched him. Kracken was tall, as tall as Kirian. He did have gills, and he gave off a pirate-y vibe. He also had a mischievous grin that made him handsome in a roguish way. Ari decided she liked him. He winked at her.

  "So, you guys are basically just drinking buddies?" Ari looked from Kirian to Kracken. "What is it that you do, exactly, Kracken?"

  "Well," he said, giving a quick nod to the bartender, who refilled his glass, confirming to Ari that he was nobody to be trifled with. Her small glass had been empty for the last couple of minutes with no refill in sight. "I follow her around and try to get in her way a little. See if I can't save a planet or two from Kirian-Destroyer of Planets."

  That made Kirian laugh again. "Hey Ari, does that sound familiar?"

  Kirian's drink was blue, and also on fire.

  "Did you ever succeed?" Ari asked. "At saving any planets?"

  "No, love. Not yet."

  "I don't understand. Then why do it in the first place? Especially since you've never been successful?"

  "Success doesn't always mean victory, love," Kracken said.

  Ari watched him finish off another giant glass. She frowned at him, how could he drink that much? What was he made of? And Kirian seemed to be keeping pace.

  "And it's not Kirian or the other Celestials that we are really trying to stop," Kracken continued, "it's that Octopus Overseer, the Being in charge of the Galaxy. We're pretty sure the conspiracy goes all the way to the top. Nobody else could get away with it. And I'm the one who gets to shadow Kirian because I'm the best."

  Ari swallowed hard. As far as she knew, that was where the Official Intergalactic Inquiries end up. At the top. With the Overseer.

  In her defense, Ari was merely using the correct channels to properly report a question or concern in the form of an Inquiry. Something that any brilliant and concerned citizen should do under the circumstances, but the possibilities hit her all at once. If the Overseer was doing illegal or improper things on purpose, then calling attention to it could be bad.

  "Oh yeah," Kirian said, putting her empty glass down with emphasis, "that reminds me. And you are going to love this Kracken. Ari, tell him what you did today. I mean, it'll probably get me killed, but in some ways, for the galaxy, I guess it's progress."

  Kracken put down the glass and turned his full attention to Ari. "What is Kirian going on about, then?"

  "Um," said Ari and looked at Kirian, who didn't help at all. She simply lifted her eyebrows a little in anticipation. A wave of uneasiness and regret washed over Ari. She didn't want to get anyone killed, much less Kirian, who had saved her life. Twice. And now she knew that Kirian was only doing what she had to do as a prisoner herself.

  "Um, I filed a report today."

  "Wait for it," said Kirian, and gave Ari a get-on-with-it look.

  Ari decided it was best to just blurt it out. Plus, her tiny drinks were starting to kick in. "I filed an Official Intergalactic Inquiry."

  Kracken's eyes got wide. "You did what?"

  He clapped his hands together, stood up, and started dancing. He was surprisingly good. He caught the bartender's attention again with barely a wave. "Another round," he said, indicating the three of them, and then thought better of it. "In fact, drinks for everybody. On me!"

  The few dozen patrons roared in approval.

  Kracken caught Ari by the hand and pulled her onto the dance floor. Ari was nowhere near drunk enough for this type of thing, but he was very charming and persuasive.

  "Why are you so happy about the report?" Ari asked.

  He kept dancing and whirled her around, ignoring her question.

  "Pardon me, love, but you don't seem the kind to file ground-breaking Intergalactic Overseer-antagonizing forms without dotting the 'I's and crossing the 'T's and making sure you have the proper standing and all that sort of thing, am I ri
ght?"

  Ari stopped dancing. "I don't know what you're implying, but I had absolute proper standing and raised significant and acceptable questions in an accurate and legal way."

  Kracken stopped dancing too. An alarming, vicious smile crawled across his face. He exchanged glances with Kirian. Then he turned back to Ari and leaned in. "Good. Now that's what I'm talking about. Why is it that you have no idea what you've just done?"

  "I found significant mathematical anomalies where none should exist. I did something about it. I filed a form. I don't understand why it's such a big deal."

  She was starting to understand, but decided denial was the way to go for now.

  "What you've just done is forever alter the contract of the Overseer. Things may go really good or bad from now on, but they'll never be the same. You’ve punched a hole in the contract."

  He began dancing again, and she played along. Thinking. The situation required a lot of thinking. The Overseer and the contract? Getting Kirian killed? Changing the Galaxy as everybody knew it? What in all of the pretty stars did any of this have to do with math oddities?

  "How do you know so much about the Overseer and her contract?" Ari demanded.

  Kracken didn't answer.

  "Wait," she said after being twirled. "That's what we're doing here, right? We're waiting for something."

  "You're pretty smart, just like Kirian said."

  Ari unwrapped herself from Kracken’s arms, returned to the bar and sat next to Kirian. "What exactly are we waiting for?"

  "A reaction," Kirian said, smiling. Then she put her emptied glass down and wiped her face. "You asked why I saved you."

  "Yes, I did."

  "Well," said Kirian, looking at her black gadget watch, "I may not have saved you for very long, depending on what happens next, but I may as well tell you the honest reason. You're the smartest being I have ever come across. I thought if I lived long enough, well, maybe you could figure out a way. To help me."

  "To free you. From the bracelets."

  "That would be nice," Kirian replied, "but mostly, so I can kill the Overseer."

  Ari looked at Kracken, who had followed her back to eavesdrop. "The other reason you're not mad at her. You're using her."

  Kracken shrugged.

  "Well," said Ari, "for my part, I'm sorry. I wasn’t trying to make your life more difficult, Kirian.”

  It was nearly impossible to wrap her head around. A being as powerful as Kirian being held prisoner. Especially with the fancy ship and the money and the whole idea of Celestial itself being so preposterous.

  “So, what are we really waiting for here, then?” Ari asked.

  "For a response. I told you. My boss, the Overseer, is very passive-aggressive. And she doesn't know you're here. You're supposed to be dead, remember? I assume the rest of the people on this planet are idiots, I always do. When the Overseer receives your Inquiry, who do you think she's going to suspect sent it?"

  "Kirian, we should get out of here right now. Back to the ship."

  At that moment, the ground began to shake. The entire bar lurched forward, toward the middle of the room, taking all of the glasses and a couple of patrons with it. At the same time, the back of the room tilted in on itself.

  Then, as quickly as it began, it ended. The floor straightened back out.

  "What was that?" Ari asked.

  "The answer we were waiting for," Kracken answered. "It's sort of a 'good news and bad news' type of thing."

  "How's that again?"

  "Well," he answered, "the good news is that your little Intergalactic Inquiry thing must have gone all the way to the top. The bad news is, the Overseer's probably going to destroy this planet now. And she thinks it was Kirian who filed the report."

  The bar emptied quickly. And soon, only Ari, Kracken, and Kirian remained.

  "Kirian's the only person on the planet who has a clue, as far as the Overseer knows."

  "But it wasn't Kirian, obviously. It was me. There's no way she could have done the math for this." Ari indicated Kirian. “No offense.”

  “None taken,” Kirian answered. “But as far as the Overseer knows, you're dead, aren't you?"

  "The thing is,” Kracken said, “I've been tracking Celestial for a long time now, love, and most of the time it's carbon-based life forms and non-precious metals that are being eradicated. What the Overseer is mostly destroying appears to be intelligence. We don't know why. It's atypical, even for a politician. That's why it’s been so damn hard to figure out. Usually these things, conspiracies I mean, are just about money or power."

  "And the Overseer already has both." Ari shook her head. "You're saying that the planet I was on was destroyed because of me?"

  Kracken smiled at her. "If you're capable of filing an Intergalactic Inquiry that rattled the cage of the most powerful being in the galaxy, then yes. I can guarantee the planet you were on was destroyed because of you."

  "Can you two wrap it up?" Kirian said, butting in. "We should probably get back to the ship. I've seen this happen a hundred times and this planet isn't going to last much longer."

  What is wrong with that Octopus?

  Floyd brooded. How dare she kill the secret army he wasn't finished stealing from her yet? Floyd tried frowning, but it never worked. Not with his underlying bone structure, not even with the species-hiding avatar projection software he had pioneered since his species was strictly forbidden in this galaxy.

  Time to do something about it. He closed and locked the door to his office and dialed the octopus in her lair. The pretty-boy showed up on the screen first.

  "Soda, it's Floyd," he called.

  "What does he want?" she yelled back. "Tell him I'm not here."

  At that moment, Floyd wished he was capable of rolling his eyes. She never left the lair, she never went anywhere. If anything, she was lazier than he was, and it bothered him a lot. She was beating him at his own game.

  "I know you're there," Floyd said. "This is important, uh, Soda. I'll be quick." The octopus had a lot of titles that Floyd knew of, but Soda was a new one to him.

  She entered the screen and stood, uninterested, inspecting her tentacles.

  "What is it, Floyd? I'm busy."

  "So I see," Floyd retorted. "Hey, I read a very disturbing update on the Celestial program. Something about two more missions and then the whole thing being dissolved? That can't possibly be right."

  She glared at him. "No. That's correct."

  Floyd could blink, so he did. "Think about what you're throwing away here. You have to know what these Celestials are capable of. And the work I was doing with them…well, in my opinion, you should reconsider."

  "What time is it, Drexyl?" she shouted to pretty-boy off screen, ignoring Floyd’s advice.

  "You've got six minutes until All My Nebulae starts," he shouted back.

  Soda returned her attention to Floyd.

  "For stars' sake, Floyd, it's sweeps week. There are still two more missions left, and the last one is in Vega of all places, which is going to be a big headache. So just do your job. And I know exactly what the Celestials are capable of doing, I built them. And I'll rebuild them again, eventually… Drexyl, make the popcorn."

  "Maybe you could extend the time line, then, for six months or so. What I'm trying to tell you here is that I'm making wonderful progress as the Head Brainwashing Coordinator. I’m way better than the last guy and if you will just give me some more time-"

  “Look, Floyd. You're great and all." Unlike Floyd, Soda could, and did, roll her eyes.

  A quiver of rage trembled in his thorax. He had to fight to keep it under control. "But you're an intern. You're here to make my life easier, and right now you're not. You've got two more missions. Deal with it. Then find something else to do. When I put another round of Celestials together, I'll give you a call, okay?"

  Soda shot her pretty-boy a look that Floyd was pretty sure meant she had no intention of ever calling him back. Then she hung up on him.
<
br />   Floyd sat in the silence that followed. He shivered with rage. He couldn't remember the last time he’d been as angry. Now he would have to figure out a way to stop her. Ugh, actual work.

  He decided to stalk and kill something; that always made him feel better. Then he'd know what to do next.

  Fleek sat with his feet up on the bridge console. He checked his appearance in the shiny metallic finish. Carpe sat in a chair nearby, eyeing him suspiciously. It made him nervous.

  Blond longish Mohawk, blue lipstick, guy-liner. He smiled. In every way, he looked the role of a rock star. The best part was that he looked nothing like the dark haired, clean cut, suit wearing guy he had been before he faked his death.

  Carpe cleared his throat. "You told me you lived with a Celestial."

  "And so I do."

  "Look, Fleek. If you were lying to me, about a single thing you said on the phone, I will gut you like a fish." Carpe pulled a large, curved blade out of his clothing with one of his four arms. The double set of arms and the fin on top of his head only added to his menacing look. "And I will take your head back to Regal to explain why I left."

  Carpe sat quietly cursing his instincts, stars, black holes, and those little cinnamon rolls that never have enough icing.

  "Patience," Fleek said.

  Judging by Carpe's reaction, it was the wrong thing to say.

  Carpe advanced, curved sword gripped tightly.

  Fleek jumped to his feet and held up his hands. "Hey, man. It's about the music, remember? Besides, every single thing I told you is one hundred percent true. Everything. I promise."

  Carpe stopped advancing and stood still for a moment. He sat back down heavily. "Okay," he said. "You have ten minutes. Then I’ll gut you. Unless, of course, a Celestial comes through that portal."

  "Don't worry," said Fleek, although, truth be told, Carpe didn't look at all worried. Fleek was the one who was starting to worry. Kirian was way overdue. "Where was I?"

  Carpe gave him a hungry, feral grin. "You were telling me not to worry."

  "Right.” Fleek regained a little self-control. The fractals gave him courage; the music was his strength. "Just saying though, once Kirian, Destroyer of Planets comes through that portal, you have to trust me. No more threats, no more second guessing. You'll be a member of the band. Don't get me wrong, you were chosen because of your background, and it’s going to come in handy. You just can't aim it at me anymore. Got it?"