I could smell her too, a mixture of shampoo and the soft, sweet scent she always had. When she fell into silence, I could hear her heavy sighs as she looked out the window at the passing landscape. I hated that I was making her withdraw, but I couldn’t trust myself if I softened towards even for a minute. I would lose control and take advantage of her drunken state.
I truly believed we would have time to rekindle our fire, and I would drink her sweet juices again, have them running down my face and fingers as I climbed on top of her and buried every inch of myself inside of her. I couldn’t wait to see her eyes widen as I hit the end of her depth with the head of my cock and felt her pussy clench around my shaft as I fucked her until I brought us to climax together.
I shifted uncomfortably again and tried to control my urges the best I could, even if it meant shutting down from her completely. We would have our time together again, but not like this.
I could feel her anger radiating off of her by the time we got to her place, but I was certain I had made the right choice by driving her home. She was wobbly up the stairs, and almost pitched forward when she turned to watch me drive away. She’d been in no state to drive. I’d rather have an angry Alex than a dead Alex.
I caught her still watching me in the rear view mirror and fought the urge to turn around and bring her home with me. It was damned hard, but I knew I had to give myself more time to ease into it, to find ourselves back together again and to be certain she wasn’t going to break my heart.
And that I wasn’t going to break hers. My original plan had seemed so simple, get her to love me and shut it down, hurting her as she’d hurt me. After being around her, that didn’t seem so simple after all. As much as she terrified me, my body wanted her with a primal urge that was too strong to deny.
I went home and lay in bed, unable to sleep until I stroked myself to orgasm and let myself think about Alex again.
And how she’d be mine, sooner or later, I’d have her again.
Alex
That morning I woke with a pounding headache and a room full of brilliant sunshine. I pulled on my robe and shuffled down for breakfast. It was Saturday; both my parents were at the table reading quietly, enjoying the comfortable silence you have with your one true love.
“How nice of you to join us,” Dad chuckled, putting his paper down.
“Where do you keep the Tylenol?” I asked.
“In the medicine cabinet dear,” Mom replied as she poured me a cup of strong black coffee. After downing a couple pills I settled in at the table and began devouring pancakes drowned in butter and maple syrup.
“It’s nice to see you with an appetite, sweetie,” Mom said approvingly.
“Well, I kinda had a little too much to drink last night, and I think I’m paying for it today,” I said with a wince as the pancakes hit my stomach like lead bricks. I needed to eat and drink some more before I felt even close to normal.
“We know dear,” Dad said, “Ryder and his father brought your car back this morning.” He leaned back with his coffee and a smug look on his face.
“That was so nice of him to drive you home, wasn’t it John?” Mom said, looking at Dad with a big grin on her face.
“Nothing happened mom, don’t get your hopes up, he barely talked to me,” I grumbled and sipped more coffee, feeling ever so slightly more human.
“So you do admit you wanted him to talk to you! We’re making progress,” Mom laughed.
“He’s been through a lot the last couple of years Alex, you have to remember that,” Dad told me. “Go easy on him if you’re planning on starting anything up again.”
“I heard from Lee, but I don’t think that means he can treat me like crap because of it,” I snapped at him, instantly regretting it. The hangover or my own guilt was making me extra sensitive this morning.
“He did ask about you this morning though, he wanted to make sure you made it up to your room okay, and he left you a note,” Mom said in a gentle tone. I think she understood what was making me testy and felt sorry for me because of it.
“A note? Where is it?” I asked, my tone betraying my excitement.
Dad reached behind him and picked up a small envelope off the counter and handed it to me. I tore it open and read, “Thank you for your thoughtful gift and presence at our thirtieth wedding anniversary. With love and respect, D. and V. Harris.”
I slumped forward in disappointment. A thank you card from his parents, not exactly the declaration of undying love I’d been hoping for. It seemed like I’d have a lot more work to do in order to convince Ryder that I was sorry and that I regretted my choice now more than ever.
And to let him know I would never hurt him again.
The rest of the weekend passed uneventfully. Saturday I spent most of it riding Rio, Saturday night found me curled up in bed with a trashy romance novel, I helped Lee in her garden on Sunday and had a great dinner with my parents and their neighbors on Sunday evening.
Monday morning, right at eight, I pulled into the driveway at the Harris Ranch. I got out and quickly scanned for signs of Ryder, but he was nowhere to be seen.
Half relieved, and half disappointed, I walked up the front walk to knock on the door and start my day. Mr. Harris — Henry — gave me a few boxes of papers, pointed to several old filing cabinets and set me up with access to their books online.
After that, he left me on my own as he went out to finish up his daily ranch duties in the fields. I quickly got the hang of things and realized it was mostly about recording and updating cattle sales, horse breeding records, land use, taxes, the kind of boring number crunching I actually loved. I smiled every time she saw Ryder’s name, a horse he sold or pay outs for his veterinary services, it all made me realize how much of his life I’d missed.
I found one photo of him at his college graduation and was struck with how much he’d matured and how good he looked with a few years on him.
I hadn’t realized how much time had passed until Sophia came to get me for lunch. We walked out onto the deck by the pool to eat sandwiches in the sunshine and my heart nearly jumped right out of my throat when I saw Ryder and his dad already seated.
“Hey Alex, how’s it going? Are you ready to run screaming back to the city yet?” Henry asked me light heartedly.
“It’s actually not that bad, I think I’m making some progress. What can I say, I love numbers,” I laughed and sat down with the family like I belonged.
“As you know, Alex is getting the books ready for us to sell off the south section of land. I don’t know how much your father has told you, we’re just thinking about it at the moment,” Sophia said to Ryder, seeming to want to draw him into the conversation.
“He’s filled me in. I don’t love the idea, but we do have to face reality, I can’t run this place on my own.” Ryder spoke, his voice deep and melodic. I felt a shiver go through my body; I quickly took a bite of my sandwich and looked for any excuse not to talk until I could move my lips without my voice cracking.
The four of us ate in silence for a few moments, I wasn’t sure if it was comfortable or awkward but I wasn’t able to trust my voice enough to break it.
“Oh honey, I just remembered I need you to help me in the kitchen,” Sophia suddenly said to Henry as she stood up from the table. “That dishwasher is acting up again.”
“No problem dear, please excuse us you two,” Henry said, brushing crumbs off his pants and following his wife.
That left Ryder and me alone at last and all at once I had a million thoughts racing through my head, things I wanted to say to him, needed to say to him, but nothing came to the surface.
Finally Ryder looked directly at me and said, “Alex, I’m sorry I was so abrupt with you on Friday. I have so much I want to say to you, but none of it seems to come forward with any clarity. I guess I just shut down when I saw you.”
I exhaled and felt all the tension drain from my body with his kind words and affirmation that he’d been as twisted up as I�
��d been.
“It’s fine. I completely know how you feel,” I smiled and reached across the table for his hand. He flinched slightly, but let me put mine on his.
We sat this way for a few moments, each in our own private world, when Ryder said, “I should get going, I have an appointment out at the Smith place. I’m glad we had lunch though, I’m glad you’re back.”
He pulled his hand away, stood up, put his hat on and walked to his truck before I had a chance to reply. Not that I even knew what I would have said.
I sighed heavily and watched him drive off amazed at how I was continually struck dumb in his presence. How would I ever draw him out if I sounded like a frog every time I tried to croak something out?
I looked back towards the house when he was out of sight and noticed his parents watching me through the kitchen window. They looked embarrassed to be caught, and waved through the glass. I waved back and turned to my sandwich, eating it in silence and feeling more confused than ever.
Ryder
I made damned sure I was at the ranch for lunch on Monday. I had to be certain I hadn’t burned any bridges with Alex when I’d dumped her off at her place on Friday night.
I’d spent the rest of the weekend practically pacing over my own stupidity and regretting the decision to not drag her home and fuck her until she was my woman again.
God damned my good manners; I almost cursed my parents for raising me to respect women.
Lunch was… shit, it wasn’t exactly how I’d planned it to go. From being a charming heart breaker with every other woman on the planet, I managed to go to a wordless brute around Alex.
I’d managed to blurt out an apology, almost jerk my hand away from hers when she touched me, and sported a raging hard-on from the moment I saw her to the moment I slunk out of there to get to my afternoon appointment.
In short, it had been a total disaster.
I went home that night and drank maybe a little too much to try and forget about her. I was sitting on the couch when I got a text, I jumped for my phone thinking it would be Alex, but it wasn’t.
It was Brittany.
Again.
I’d been trying to get her to come back to town to clear some shit up, but she’d been playing hard to get ever since she found some new guy to fuck her silly and pay for things.
She needed money and dared to try and bribe me, saying she’d give me what I wanted if I gave her what she wanted.
She was a sneaky bitch, I’d give her that, and if only I’d believed Alex all those years ago I never would have ended up in such a ridiculous situation. I wondered if Brittany would ever get the hell out of my life, texted back a resounding, “Fuck off,” and slid my phone shut.
I decided to drink a little more and head to bed. Tomorrow was a new day and a new attempt to talk to Alex. Hopefully I’d man up and grab my balls long enough to string two sentences together.
At this rate it would be years before I managed to get her naked again, if I didn’t want to die of blue balls, I’d better get talking to her as soon as possible.
I crawled under the covers and realized that I had spent so many years feeling nothing but hurt and sadness when I thought of Alex, that I was almost startling to to warm up to the idea of making her mine.
Part of my problem was getting over the idea that she was the enemy and tearing down the wall I’d built between us.
The bed felt miles too big for me without her in my arms. I rolled around, unable to sleep, and plotted my move. I had had a deep ache that wouldn’t let me live without her now, and I finally fell asleep with dreams of her tight, hot pussy racing through my mind.
I was seriously going to fucking explode if I didn’t get inside Alex soon.
Alex
Tuesday morning I almost skipped up to the front door of Red Rock Ranch. I was sure the morning would race by as it had the day before, and soon I’d be chatting with Ryder again.
I thought it was sweet that he came home for lunch every day, it showed his family loyalty and that meant so much to me now.
I worked for about an hour before Sophia came in with a mug of tea for each of us. “Let’s catch up, I’ve been dying to know where you were and what brought you back,” she said and patted the couch next to her.
I sat down, took a cup of tea and said, “Well, as you know I ran away right after graduation.” I regretted being so blunt the moment I saw Sophia’s eyes narrow, as though remembering the devastation I had left in my wake. I hoped against the odds that Sophia would have forgiven me by now. I continued, “I’m not sure why I took off to be honest, I just felt like I needed to see if I could make it out there in the world on my own.”
“That’s understandable, I did the same thing,” Sophia replied, surprising me.
“You did? I had no idea,” I replied.
“I have a Masters in Art History and was enrolled in a PhD program back east when I came to visit an aunt here in Red Valley. I met Henry and I was hooked and the rest is history,” she explained. “Don’t look so shocked! I wasn’t always a rancher’s wife. I still travel as you might remember. I get away at least once a year to explore and visit museums that pique my interest. I always come back here though, there really is no place like home.”
“Oh that sounds exciting, I worked too much to get away anywhere. I went to Mexico a couple times, but that doesn’t really count,” I told her, happy that she seemed to be sharing with me.
“Were you happy in the city? Did you like your job?” she asked unexpectedly.
“I was, but I actually got fired. It was called downsizing, but I knew what it meant.” I left out the reason why.
“Oh no, I didn’t realize that. So do you feel like you’ve come home because there’s nothing else for you? Or are you here because you want to be?” Sophia looked concerned and I couldn’t help but feel guilty for making her worry about Ryder’s heart again.
“I’m here because I want to be, there really is no place like home,” I reassured her.
“That’s good because I would hate for you to pull a repeat performance with Ryder,” Sophia came right out and said it. “He’s been through hell and back since you left, and I don’t think any of us want to see him hurt again. So if you’re chasing after my son without care, please do me a favor and leave him alone.”
Her words hurt me, but mostly because they were true and I knew I had been the cause of a great deal of his pain. I took a long breath, composed myself and said, “I have no intentions of hurting him again. I promise. I regret deeply what I did and hadn’t realized how much he meant to me until I saw him again. If I’m being completely honest, I love your son and need to see if we can make a life together.”
All my words felt like they tumbled out at once, but Sophia visibly relaxed when I said them. “Excellent, that’s all I needed to hear. I will hold you to it though, so don’t mess things up,” she said sternly but her tone had completely changed. She believed me.
We chatted a little more, me mostly asking questions about balancing household duties with travel and taking care of oneself. I eventually got back to work after Sophia left, and was called when lunch had been set out on the table.
Ryder was already sitting down sipping an iced tea so I took a spot next to him and smiled. He smiled back and I felt my stomach clench and my knees tremble. It was a good thing I was already sitting down or I might have toppled over like an idiot.
Sophia and Henry sat close to each other, talking in low voices about an upcoming vacation they were planning. I sipped my iced tea and decided to take a leap and talk to Ryder.
“So how’s the animal business today, Dr. Harris?” I asked, smiling at him. I was starting to feel like I should force the grin off my face before it started to hurt and Ryder thought I was mocking him. I was just so happy to be around him.
“It’s good, lots of babies this time of year, lots of mommas needing help,” he replied casually but he was still smiling too which was surely a good sign.
“It’s amazing the work you’re doing. I can’t imagine feeling so good at the end of the day. Being in money doesn’t make you feel like you’re doing great things for anybody but the super-rich,” I said, loving how our conversation started to feel normal again.
“I’m sure there was some satisfaction though, you were gone a long time,” he said and his smile disappeared. My stomach dropped with a dull thud and I worried that he was about to retreat back into himself again.
“Which has more trouble giving birth, horses or cows?” I asked in an attempt to distract him from anything to do with my time away.
“Well, that depends I suppose. Range cattle usually don’t have much trouble at all, but the fancier breeds will run into complications every once in a while. Horses, however, always seem to have some kind of problem. Maybe it’s because horses are monitored closely and people worry about them more. They become more like family because we don’t eat them,” he said, his smile was back, a small, almost shy one this time.
“That’s a good thing, can you imagine eating Rio? Or your old saddle horse? That would be awful!” I laughed.
“You’re right, we’d be crying as we ate our burgers,” he said, joining her laughter. “You wanted to be a vegetarian for a while in school, remember that?”
“Oh god, don’t remind me. I was so pretentious about it at school and then I’d rush home and eat a steak. I still don’t like the way we manage our meat supply, so I try and buy organic products from local farmers.”
“Well, you can’t get any more local than us!” he said proudly. I nodded in agreement and took a bite of the sandwich Sophia had set out.
Henry jumped in just then and said, “You should really join us on our next sorting day, Alex. It’s like a mini cattle drive. Then you could get a look at steak on the hoof.”
Cowboy Page 7