14Newsweek, January 27, 1965, p. 5.
15Newsweek, January 13, 1969, p. 60.
Chapter Fourteen:
Collaborative Problem Solving
1William Reddin , Managerial Effectiveness (New York: McGraw-Hill, 1970), p. 170.
2Jeremiah 6:14, 8:11.
3Erich Fromm , Man for Himself: An Inquiry into the Psychology of Ethics (Greenwich, Conn.: Fawcett Publications, 1947), p. 161.
4Clark Moustakas , Loneliness and Love (Englewood Cliffs, N.J.: Prentice-Hall, 1972), p. 27.
5Quoted in John Kennedy, Profiles in Courage (New York: Pocket Books, 1957), p. 4.
6I Kings 3:16-27.
7Robert Townsend , Up the Organization (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1975), p. 35.
8Mary Parker Follett , Freedom and Coordination (London: Management Publications Trust, 1949), pp. 65-66.
9Sidney Verba , in his Small Groups and Political Behavior (Princeton, N.J.: Princeton University Press, 1961), p. 223, raised the same concern in almost the same words.
10John Dewey , Creative Intelligence: Essays in the Pragmatic Attitude (New York: Henry Holt, 1917), p. 65.
11Lewis Hahn , in Guide to the Works of John Dewey , edited by Jo Ann Boydston (Carbondale: Southern Illinois University Press, 1970), p. 31.
12The guidelines John Dewey advocated for problem solving were set forth in many books and articles. His How We Think , rev. ed. (Boston: D. C. Heath, 1933; originally published 1910) provides a simpler statement of his method. A more sophisticated treatment may be found in Dewey’s Studies in Logical Theory (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1903), which he revised, expanded, and brought out under a new title: Essays in Experimental Logic (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1916). Applications of this method are found in many of Dewey’s books, including Democracy and Education: An Introduction to the Philosophy of Education (New York: Macmillan, 1916), pp. 163f.
13Thomas Gordon with Noel Burch , T.E.T.: Teacher Effectiveness Training (New York: Peter H. Wyden, 1974), pp. 217f.
14Gordon, T.E.T., pp. 229-30, makes the very useful distinction between stating a problem in terms of needs and stating it in terms of solutions.
15Thomas Gordon , Leader Effectiveness Training (L.E.T.): The No-Lose Way to Release the Productive Potential of People (New York: Wyden Books, 1977), p. 195. This step of stating the problem in terms of competing needs rather than colliding solutions, which I learned from Dr. Gordon and his associate Ralph Jones, is one of the most important keys to the successful use of the collaborative problem-solving method.
16Ross Stagner (ed.), The Dimensions of Human Conflict (Detroit: Wayne State University Press, 1967), p. 136.
17Daniel Druckman , “Dogmatism, Prenegotiation Experience, and Stimulated Group Representation as Determinents of Dyadic Behavior in a Bargaining Situation,” in Conflict Resolution through Communication, edited by Fred Jandt (New York: Harper & Row, 1973), p. 123.
18Rensis Likert and Jane Likert , New Ways of Managing Conflict (New York: McGraw-Hill, 1976), p. 146.
19Peter Lawson developed this idea in an unpublished manuscript. Much of the wording is his, but some is mine, as I have adapted Peter’s ideas to my usage.
20George Prince , The Practice of Creativity: A Manual for Dynamic Group Problem Solving (New York: Harper & Row, 1970), p. 171.
Chapter Fifteen:
Three Essentials
for Effective Communication
1Proverbs 4:23.
2Carl Rogers , “The Necessary and Sufficient Conditions of Personality Change,” Journal of Consulting Psychology 22 (1957); 95-110.
3John O. Stevens , Awareness: Exploring, Experimenting, Experiencing (New York: Bantam Books, 1973).
4David Duncombe, The Shape of the Christian Life (New York: Abingdon Press, 1969).
5Margery Williams , The Velveteen Rabbit, or How Toys Become Real (New York: Avon, 1975), pp. 16-17.
6Carl Rogers , On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy (Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1961). Copyright © 1961 by Carl R. Rogers. Reprinted by permission of Houghton Mifflin Co., and that of Constable Publishers, London.
7Karl Menninger , Theories of Psychoanalytic Technique (New York: Basic Books, 1958).
8An interesting discussion of philia is found in C. S. Lewis’s The Four Loves (London: Geoffrey Bles, 1960), pp. 69-70.
9Waldo Beach and Richard H. Niebuhr (eds.), Christian Ethics: Sources of the Living Tradition (New York: Ronald Press, 1955).
10Millar Burrows , Outline of Biblical Theology (Philadelphia: Westminster Press, 1946), p. 163.
11Martin Buber , I and Thou (New York: Charles Scribner’s Sons, 1958), p. 14. See also Buber’s Two Types of Faith (New York: Macmillan, 1952), pp. 66ff.
12Paul Ramsey , Basic Christian Ethics (New York: Charles Scribner’s Sons, 1950), pp. 99-100.
13Lorraine Hansberry , A Raisin in the Sun (New York: Signet Books, 1959), p. 121.
14Thomas Gordon , Parent Effectiveness Training: The “No-Lose” Program for Raising Responsible Children (New York: Peter H. Wyden, 1970), pp. 15ff.
15Paul Tournier , Secrets (Richmond, Va.: John Knox Press, 1965), pp. 9, 23, 28.
16Carl Rogers , Client-centered Therapy (Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1951), p. 20.
17David Deitch , “The Role of the Ex-addict in Treatment of Addiction,” Federal Probation, December 1967.
18H. Richard Niebuhr , The Purpose of the Church and Its Ministry: Reflections on the Aims of Theological Education (New York: Harper and Brothers, 1956), p. 35.
19Milton Mayeroff , On Caring (New York: Harper & Row, 1971), pp. 41-42.
20William Lewis and Wayne Wigel , “Interpersonal Understanding and Assumed Similarity,” Personnel and Guidance Journal 43, no. 2 (1964): 155-58.
21Rogers, On Becoming a Person , p. 332. Copyright © 1961 by Carl R. Rogers . Reprinted by permission of Houghton Mifflin Co., and that of Constable Publishers, London.
Afterword:
Four Steps to Improved Communication
1 Robert Carkhuff , Helping & Human Relations: A Primer for Lay and Professional Helpers Volume II, Practice and Research (New York: Holt, Rinehart & Winston, Inc., 1969), p. 6.
2 Allen Ivey , Microcounseling: Innovations in Interviewing Training (Springfield, Ill.: Charles C. Thomas, Publishers, 1971), p. 117.
Index
A
Adler, Alfred, 274
Advice, giving, 16, 22, 97-98
Agape, 263-65
Aggressiveness, 123-28(See also Domination)
advantages and disadvantages of, 131-35
Alberti, Robert, 166
Allshorn, Florence, 206
Anthony, Mark, 224-25
Apathy, 270-72
Ashcroft, Norman, 34, 120
Assertion messages, 142-56, 162-75(See also Assertiveness)
Assertion Training (A.T.), 119
Assertiveness, 12, 117-19, 123-28(See also Assertion messages)
advantages and disadvantages of, 135-37
in relationships, 184-87
methods of, 178-91
possible excesses of, 200-01
Augsburger, David, 20, 89
B
Bach, George, 134, 212, 227
Bacon, Francis, 133
Baer, Jean, 177
Bandler, Richard, 64
Basic Christian Ethics (Ramsey), 264
Basil of Caesarea, 180
Baum, Gregory, 160
Beach, Waldo, 263
Becket, Samuel, 47
Benchley, Robert, 48
Benedict, Ruth, 209
Bill of Rights, The, 196
Blake, Robert, 209
Blood, Robert, 213-14
Body language, 34-36, 78(See also Feelings; Words)
expressing emotions through, 79, 152
interpreting, 80-86
sending assertion messages with, 164-66
Boulding, Kenneth, 214
Brainstorming, 243-45
Buber, Martin, 218-19, 220,
264, 267
Burrows, Millar, 264
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, 180
Butler, Nicholas Murray, 10
C
Cabot, Dr. Richard, 220
Calvin, John, 108
Carkhuff, Robert, 58
Carlyle, Thomas, 46, 76
Casals, Pablo, 181-82
Children:
confrontation with, 143-44
expressing feelings, 194-95
raising, 6, 30-31, 191-94
Churchill, Winston, 63
Civil War, American, 270
Clay, Henry, 237
Clinebell, Charlotte, 135
Clinebell, Howard, Jr., 135, 203
Collaborative problem solving, 12, 239-56
alternatives to, 233-38
Colson, Charles, 133
Communication(See also Body language; Words)
barriers to, 15-25, 71-75
improving skills in, 12, 63-65, 275-79
Communication (cont’d.)
ineffective, 4, 7-9, 15
methods of training in, 8-11, 26
peculiarities of human, 4, 64-75, 140
Compromise, 236-38
Conditioned Reflex Therapy (Salter), 150
Conditioning, 137
Conflict, 206-10, 217, 233(See also Confrontation)
evaluating, 228-29
methods of preventing, 210-15
method of resolving, 12, 217-31
Confrontation, 105, 143-44, 154-55(See also Conflict)
Coopersmith, Stanley, 207
Cotler, Sherwin, 117
D
Darwin, Charles, 81
David, King, 180
and Jonathan, 263
Defensiveness, 11-12, 160, 167-69(See also Protecting oneself)
Deitch, David, 268
Deutsch, Ronald, 134
Dewey, John, 207, 239
Domination, 235-36(See also Aggressiveness)
Drakeford, John, 32, 72-73
Dreikurs, Rudolph, 191-94
Duncombe, David, 261
E
Ecclesiastes, 47
Egan, Gerard, 9, 60-61, 79, 104
Eisenberg, Abne, 85
Eisenhower, Dwight, D., 34
Ekman, Paul, 79
Eliot, T. S., 5, 65-66, 179, 274
Emerson, Ralph Waldo, 37, 46
Emmons, Michel, 166
“Emotional plague,” 214
Emotions(See Feelings)
Empathy, 93-95, 269-73
Environment, modifying the, 200
Erikson, Erik, 10, 207
Ernst, Franklin, Jr., 30-31, 36
Eros, 263
Esther, Book of, 133
The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals (Darwin), 81
F
Fast, Julius, 77
Feelings, 150-52, 194-96
discernment of, 52-57
nonverbal communication of, 79-88, 152
repression of, 70-71, 131
vocabulary to express, 92-93
Fensterheim, Herbert, 135, 177
First and Last Freedom, The (Krishnamurti), 75
Fisher, Roger, 211, 212
Flattery(See Praise, evaluative)
Follet, Mary Parker, 238-39
Fosdick, Henry Emerson, 137
Frank, Allan, 174
Frederick, Holy Roman Emperor, 8
Frederick the Great, 134
Freud, Sigmund, 5, 55, 59-60, 80, 86, 260
Friesen, Wallace, 79
Fromm, Erich, 236
Fromm-Reichman, Frieda, 86
G
Gandhi, Mahatma, 199
Gardner, Erle Stanley, 83
Gazda, George, 1, 112
Gendlin, Eugene, 220
Genuineness, 259-62
Gibb, Dr. Jack, 15, 161
Ginott, Haim, 15, 20, 24, 70-71, 181
Goldberg, Herb, 227
Gordon, Thomas, 15-16, 143, 168
fig., 200, 239, 266
Grieg, Edvard, 93
Grinder, John, 64
Guerra, Julio, 117
Guilder, Richard Watson, 269-70
H
Haman, 133
Hammarskjold, Dag, 22
Hansberry, Lorraine, 265
Harlow, Dr. Harry, 207
Havighurst, Robert, 10
Hawthorne, Nathaniel, 260
Heidegger, Martin, 7
Hein, Piet, 65
Heraclitus, 51
Herrigel, Eugene, 46
Hicks, Louise Day, 231
Hillel, 115
Hinkle, John, 33
Hitler, Adolf, 134
Hopkins, Harry, 19
Horney, Karen, 5
Hosea, 195
Howe, Reuel, 14, 15, 158
Hugo, Victor, 82
Human Territories: How We Behave in Space-Time (Scheflen and Ashcroft), 34, 120
Huxley, Thomas Henry, 132
I
Ibsen, Henrik, 93
Impacting, 122
Inattention, selective, 189-87
In Memoriam (Tennyson), 263
Institut de Development Humain, 22
International Conflict and Behavioral Sciences (Fisher), 211
Intimate Marriage, The (Clinebell), 135
Isaiah, 78
Ivey, Allen, 33, 39
J
James, William, 53
Jaspers, Karl, 4
Jesus, 195, 199, 214
Job, 180
Jourard, Sidney, 179
Journal of John Woolman, The, 82
Judging others, 17-20, 25
Julius Caesar (Shakespeare), 224-25
Jung, Carl, 59-60
K
Kagan, Norman, 22, 54-55
Kennedy, David, 102
Kennedy, John F., 120
Kennedy, Robert, 102
Knowledge of Man, The (Buber), 219
Krishnamurti, Jiddu, 75
L
Lalanne, Jacques, 22
Landers, Ann, 6
Language(See Words)
Lassen, C. L., 35
Lawson, Peter, 248
Lewis, William, 272
Likert, Jane, 246
Likert, Rensis, 213, 246
Lincoln, Abraham, 270
Listening, 30-32, 118(See also Listening skills; Silence)
Listening skills, 12
attending, 33-39
following, 40-48
guidelines for improving, 90-100
reflecting, 50-61, 66-69, 106-12, 167-69
Litwak, Eugene, 212-13
Lockhart, Jeff, 45
Logic, use of, 16, 23-24, 108
Loneliness, 5
Lorenz, Konrad, 207
Love, nonpossessive, 262-69
Love and Conflict (Winter), 207
Lowen, Alexander, 78
Luccock, Halford, 46
Luther, Martin, 199
M
Madison, James, 206
Making of The President 1960, The (White), 120
Management by Objectives (MBO), 255
Marcel, Gabriel, 7
Maria de Jesus, Carolina, 125
Maslow, Abraham, 122, 209-10
May, Rollo, 82, 180
Mayeroff, Milton, 272
Mayo, Dr. Elton, 27
Mehrabian, Albert, 78
Menninger, Karl, 263
Menninger Foundation, 6
Miller, Nathan, 4
Mitchell, John, 132
Moralizing, 16, 21
Mordecai, 133
Moreland, John, 45
Moriarty, Thomas, 124
Moustakas, Clark, 19, 110, 218, 236
Mouton, Jane, 209
Mystery of Being, The (Marcel), 7
N
Name-calling, 16, 19
Nast, Thomas, 260
Nichols, Dr. Ralph G., 30
Niebuhr, H. Richard, 11, 263, 268
Nietzsche, Friedrich, 192
Nixon, Richard M., 132-33
“No,” saying, 196-99
Odiorne, George, 217
Outline of Biblical Theology (Burrows), 264
Outsider, The (Wright), 3
P
Papunehang, Chief, 82
Perls, Fritz, 129-30
Philia, 263
Phillips, Jeanne, 45
Piatigorsky, Gregor, 182
Powell, John, 49, 152, 180-81, 216
Praise, evaluative, 16, 20, 181
Prince, George, 189-90, 257
Protecting oneself, 11, 119-22, 140(See also Defensiveness)
“Push-push back phenomenon,” 160
R
Raisin in the Sun, A (Hansberry), 265
Ramsey, Dr. Paul, 264
Rational Emotive Therapy, 211
Razran, Gregory, 73
Reassurance, 16, 24-25
Reddin, William, 232
Reich, Wilhelm, 214
Relationships, interpersonal, 184-89
Riesman, David, 5
Rockwell, Norman, 34
Rogers, Carl, 7, 15, 17-18, 101-02, 220, 229, 230, 259, 262, 268, 272
Roth, Philip, 222
Ruskin, John, 136
S
Sabath, Joseph, 148
Salter, Andrew, 150, 152
Sapir, Edward, 88
Satir, Virginia, 6
Scheflen, Dr. Albert, 34, 120
Seabury, David, 139
Second Chance, 8
Secrets (Tournier), 267
Sehdev, Dr. Harcharan, 6
Seifert, Harvey, 203
Seldman, Dr. Martin, 188
Self-acceptance, 261
Self-awareness, 260-61
Self-expression, 261-62(See also Body language; Feelings)
in children, 194-95
Shakespeare, William, 224-25
Shaw, George Bernard, 122, 130
Sherif, Muzafer, 209
Shlien, J. M., 62
Silence, 46-48, 167(See also Listening)
Simmel, Georg, 120
Smith, Dr. Manuel, 140-41
Smith, Ralph, Jr., 85
Solomon, King, 237-38
Speer, Albert, 134
Sperry, Dr. Len, 82-83
Stagner, Ross, 241
Submissiveness, 123-28, 234-35
advantages and disadvantages of, 129-31
Success, job, 7
Sullivan, Harry Stack, 5
Sympathy, 270-72
Synectics, Inc., 189-90
T
Tennyson, Alfred Lord, 263
Timmons, Lois, 122
Toffler, Alvin, 10
Tolstoy, Leo, 271
Tournier, Paul, 267
People Skills_How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts Page 39