by Anna Sugden
Thunder snorted and Jackson urged him forward again.
Kayla had barely looked at him when she’d gotten into the Volvo. Her lack of response had stung, but was hardly surprising. And maybe it was too much to expect since she’d also been saying goodbye to her grandparents.
As he reached the top of a rise, his smartphone alerted him to an incoming text; it was from Alex.
How is the new foal doing?
Grateful Alex had taken the time to type out the words, since he wasn’t adept at deciphering texting language, Jackson carefully answered.
Great. Ruby is taking good care of him now.
A couple of hours later, another text arrived, this one from DeeDee.
Thx 4 Y 4 hrs 4 gr8 bbQs DD
The barbecue part of the message wasn’t too difficult, but it took a while to figure out that the rest was probably a thank-you for the camping trip and teaching her to ride.
U R welcome. Glad U were here, he typed back.
The contact with the kids heartened him. But otherwise, the long hours in the saddle provided little of their usual solace.
He ached for Kayla.
It wasn’t the sex, good as that had been. It was the longing for everything that made up a couple’s life together. He kept imagining little moments, such as sitting on the porch as he held her hand. Riding together. Nights when they sent the kids to the Garrisons or his parents so they could be alone.
They’d eat dinner as a family, with DeeDee devising a ridiculous word to describe her day, Morgan blooming with both a father and mother to support her and Alex outlining a project he was doing at school. Knowing Kayla had wanted more children enlivened Jackson’s imagination further. They could marvel together at a kicking foot and at the first cry of a new son or daughter. There would be all sorts of things to share—settling sibling squabbles, waking the kids up to see a foal being born, dealing with college applications, worrying over their decisions...countless moments.
Together.
He finally got it. When you truly loved someone, you loved each other through the good times and bad. And even when you argued, you knew at the end you’d make up and learn from it and love even more. Of course, Kayla hadn’t said she loved him, but he doubted she would have been that upset by his proposal if she didn’t have strong feelings for him.
After the long day, Jackson returned to the house and checked for voice mail on the landline phone, then checked his emails and double-checked his texts to be sure he hadn’t missed any possible word from Kayla. Not surprisingly, there was nothing from her aside from the one email saying they’d arrived safely.
“Do you want me to take you shopping for school clothes?” he asked Morgan as they ate dinner, trying to inject a note of normality. They’d shared so many meals with a group it seemed unusually quiet, especially since Flora had gone into town to see the latest Bruce Willis flick.
Morgan shrugged. “Whatever.”
A couple of months earlier, that “whatever” would have frustrated the hell out of him. Now he simply nodded.
“We can do it however way you like. If you’d prefer, we could even drive to Billings or Helena and see what they’ve got there.”
She seemed to brighten. “Um...that might be nice.”
“I’m sure we’ll have a good time as long as you don’t expect me to understand anything about women’s fashion.”
A tiny smile curved her mouth. “Okay.”
“How about watching a movie?” he suggested.
They went into the family room and wrangled good-naturedly over what film to watch, finally settling on the stylish Agatha Christie classic Death on the Nile. They popped a bowl of popcorn and sat sipping sodas, trading comments on the scenery.
“Some of the costumes are pretty, but I wouldn’t like wearing them,” Morgan said at one point. “And most of the wife’s evening dresses look stupid, even though they’re supposed to be sexy.”
Sexy?
Jackson tried not to get uncomfortable. “The character is too obnoxious to be sexy.”
“Yeah. It’s like, who cares if she’s toast?”
He grinned, thinking it was a good thing he knew the movie since his mind really wasn’t on the plot. Instead, images of Kayla kept flitting through his head, and he hoped that she was thinking about him, as well. There was nothing else he could do.
Except...it wasn’t the only thing he could do. He could go to Seattle and show Kayla that he was completely committed to a life together.
* * *
AT TEN O’CLOCK that night Kayla almost wished she hadn’t suggested going to Safeco Field. The teams were tied and the game was going into extra innings. Everyone around them was excited, but she wanted to go home and crawl into bed. Or maybe it was just the depression talking.
On the other hand, being at the ball game seemed to have perked up Alex and DeeDee, along with the hot dogs, garlic fries and ice cream sundaes they’d eaten.
During the second inning Alex had taken out his phone and texted something. Kayla didn’t ask whom he was contacting, figuring it was probably Sandy. He checked the phone several times and didn’t seem to get an answer until he looked again between the tenth and eleventh innings.
“Morgan and Jackson watched Death on the Nile tonight,” he announced. “I didn’t know they liked old movies.”
“It’s not that old,” Kayla told him, hating the way her nerves tightened. She had to expect to hear Jackson’s name from now on, especially since Alex had become such good friends with Morgan.
“It’s older than me. Jeez, it’s even older than you,” Alex said. Obviously something being older than his mother was his benchmark for old.
The idea of sitting with Jackson and watching a movie, classic or new, was immensely appealing, and it was hard not to think how things could be if they were together. Like...what if he was at the game with them right now? His eyes probably would have crinkled with humor at Alex’s definition of old. Maybe he would have put on that funny voice and suggested finding their canes and making their way to a rocking chair. And the French fries, loaded with fresh-chopped garlic, would have made him tease that they’d better both eat their share.
Stop, you’re just making it harder, Kayla scolded herself.
It would be difficult enough to see Jackson when they visited her grandparents; she didn’t have to compound the pain by considering everything that could have been.
The Mariners won at the stroke of midnight and they cheered before joining the throng heading for their cars. Kayla was grateful that it was too busy and chaotic to think about anything except making their way through the crowd.
* * *
THE NEXT MORNING Jackson sat at the kitchen table and waited for Morgan to get back from her run. Electricity seemed to be bursting in every cell of his body.
What were the best words to use when he talked to Kayla again? What tone of voice?
It was possible that if he hadn’t married Marcy and Kayla had stayed in Schuyler, they might have eventually fallen in love for real. Who could say? But it didn’t matter, because that wasn’t how it had happened. Instead, they’d taken independent paths and become different people. And the man he’d become loved Kayla Anderson completely.
“Hey,” Morgan said, entering the kitchen shortly after eight.
“Good morning,” he replied. “I’ve got a suggestion. How about going to Seattle to buy your school clothes?”
Her green eyes opened wide. “Really?”
“You bet. It would be fun to do something different. Perhaps we could even visit the artist who made that necklace you like.”
“Cool. Just wait until I tell Alex and DeeDee.”
“How about surprising them instead?” he suggested. “It would be fun to see their faces if we show up and they didn’t know we were coming.”
“Dope!” Morgan exclaimed, presumably in agreement.
He would have emphasized not letting Alex or DeeDee know their plans, but he didn’t want Morg
an to wonder why he thought it was important. While it was tempting to employ her support in winning over Kayla, it wouldn’t be fair to her or to Kayla.
“Why don’t you go get packed?” he said. “We’ll probably spend the night in Spokane, and get into the city tomorrow.” Normally he’d prefer driving straight through, but with a later start, it made more sense to make it a two-day journey.
“You mean we’d leave today?”
“Why not?”
Morgan giggled. “Awesome.”
She thundered up the back staircase and Jackson mentally reviewed his preparations. He’d packed, written out orders for his foreman, talked with Flora, asked Greg to watch Cory and emailed his parents to say he and Morgan were driving to the city for school shopping. He hadn’t mentioned Seattle by name to his folks—there were no guarantees he’d be able to convince Kayla to marry him and he didn’t want to raise anyone’s hopes.
He particularly didn’t want Elizabeth and Hank to anticipate Kayla and the children’s return to Schuyler, in case it didn’t happen.
Their return to Schuyler?
Jackson frowned.
That night at Ryan’s, Kayla had accused him of expecting her to give up everything she’d worked for so he could have what he wanted. It was the same sort of mistake he’d made with Marcy, agreeing to live on a ranch hand’s income for five years without asking how she felt about it. Jackson doubted anything would have saved his marriage, but maybe she wouldn’t have been so bitter.
Damn. He really was the chauvinist Kayla and his sisters kept calling him. If he wanted to become a better man, he had to stop making assumptions. After all, he didn’t want Morgan or DeeDee growing up thinking they had to give up everything for a man. He wanted them to stand up for themselves.
So he couldn’t expect Kayla to simply drop everything and move to Montana. If they got married, they would have to work out a lot of details, and both of them would have to compromise.
He loaded his bag into the Suburban, glad it had been serviced after their return from Yellowstone. Morgan carried her duffel bag out and he put it next to his own. “You’re already packed?” she asked.
“Sure. I come up with my best ideas in the middle of the night, so I took care of a few things in case you wanted to go.”
“I hope I didn’t forget anything.”
She touched her throat very quickly, as if to be certain the pendant Kayla had given her was there, and Jackson had the urge to buy her every single piece of jewelry he could find, but only if it was what she wanted. It was time for her to be her own person.
“Don’t worry, we can buy anything you forgot,” he assured. “After all, we’ll be doing your school shopping.”
“Do you think Kayla might help me choose stuff?”
“You don’t trust your dad’s questionable taste?”
Morgan laughed, then sobered. “I’m just not sure what kind of clothes I want, and Kayla always looks super pretty.”
“Yes, she does,” Jackson agreed. “If you want to dress like her, that’s fine, but it’s also okay to experiment and find out what style fits you the best.”
Morgan jumped into the Suburban and eyed the cooler on the floor behind the seat. “What’s in there?”
“Snacks I raided from the refrigerator. I also made sandwiches while you were out running and grabbed that bowl of barbecued chicken from last night.”
“Yum.” She squirmed around the seat, opened the cooler and pulled out a sandwich.
“Hungry already?”
“Duh, I ran miles and miles.”
She munched as he drove out to the main road. He’d considered having Morgan stay with his parents or Flora, but they did need to take care of her school shopping. Besides, how could he leave her behind when they’d finally started talking again? As much as he loved Kayla, he didn’t want his daughter to think he loved her less. Once he would have thought it was impossible for Morgan to get such an idea, but lately he’d been humbled by his assumptions.
Reaching the highway, he turned toward Seattle, and resisted hitting the accelerator too hard.
CHAPTER TWENTY
WHEN KAYLA RETURNED to the house after her run, she peeked in at the kids. Yucca, their cat, lifted his head from where he was tucked under Alex’s chin. He yawned and snuggled back down, closing his eyes. In her room, DeeDee was sprawled across her bed, oblivious to the world.
Kayla had told them to sleep as long as they wanted. It might make it more difficult for them to adjust to a school schedule, but she was hoping the treat of a late night at Safeco, not to mention the disgustingly fun junk food they’d consumed, had lifted their spirits.
After showering, Kayla resisted the temptation to crawl into bed again herself. It wouldn’t do any good anyhow. Once she got there, her imagination would simply take over, picturing Jackson lying next to her.
Hell. If she had to fall in love again, why couldn’t it have been with someone suitable who wouldn’t break her heart? Why did it have to be an old-fashioned Montana rancher with a boatload of macho attitudes?
* * *
KAYLA SPENT THE rest of the day reviewing paperwork at the office. While she’d still been in Montana, Roger had mentioned there were several new clients who wanted to use Smooth Billings. He’d gotten the contracts together and she went over them carefully.
Because the new clients would expand their workload, Roger had also set up interviews for a new employee. The following morning they sat down with the first applicant. Unfortunately, despite his excellent résumé, something about the guy didn’t seem right.
“He’s a no go for me,” Roger announced when they were alone.
Kayla nodded. “Same here. I think it’s best to go with your gut.”
“Definitely. I’ll see if the next applicant has arrived. We need to get someone hired and trained before those contracts go active.”
“Yeah. By the way, I owe you a bonus for doing such a great job while I was gone.”
Roger grinned as he left.
Kayla studied the next application, wishing her head wasn’t so mixed-up. Normally her instincts were fairly reliable...except when it came to romance.
They spent the next several hours in job interviews and finally agreed on a former nurse who’d applied. She’d taken early retirement due to problems with her feet and was eager to continue doing something to help patients.
Kayla tried to focus on the paperwork needing her signature. She’d expected to feel better now that she was back to her usual routine, but if anything, she felt worse. She couldn’t even get away from thoughts of Jackson in her sleep. He was in her dreams, but in them, he kept slipping away, out of her reach, and she’d wake up with her pulse pounding.
Was it a message from her subconscious?
If so, it must mean one of two things—either her head was telling her that Jackson was a poor prospect and could never really be hers...or her heart was saying she’d let something wonderful go without finding out the possibilities.
But which one was it?
* * *
MORGAN TOSSED HER suitcase on the bed of the motel room. Her dad’s room was through a connecting door.
Taking out her cell phone, she checked the latest message from Alex. She’d been fishing for clues about what he was doing that day, and now she knew he’d gone to Sandy’s house.
Her dad knocked and peered through the door. “You settled in?”
“Sort of,” she said. “I want to walk over to Sandy’s and surprise Alex. I checked and it’s only about ten blocks away.”
He was quiet a minute before answering. “Why don’t I drop you off instead, and you call when you need a ride?”
“Ah, Dad.”
“Humor me.”
It was strange that he wasn’t asking to see Alex, too, but she didn’t say anything about it. He was probably tired, or maybe he wanted to let her surprise him alone first.
Dad parked down the street from Sandy’s house, but she knew he was wat
ching while she walked to the door and waited for it to open.
It was Sandy, and her mouth dropped open. Morgan grinned. “Surprise. Alex is here, isn’t he?”
“Yep. But wait a sec, I want my camera so I can catch his face when he sees you.”
Morgan waved as her dad finally started the Suburban and drove down the street. This was going to be fun.
* * *
KAYLA GOT HOME midafternoon, her briefcase stuffed with a backlog of technical material to read. Usually the bustle of employees at the office didn’t bother her, but today was an exception.
She was deep in an article about electronic file management when the doorbell rang. Yucca was on her lap and meowed a complaint as she shifted him onto the couch.
“Sorry, pal.”
Kayla opened the front door and the air whooshed from her chest. What was Jackson doing in Seattle?
“Hey,” he said. “Am I interrupting something?”
“I was just studying a business article.” She glanced behind him. “Is Morgan with you?”
“She’s surprising Alex at Sandy’s house. May I come in?”
“I... Uh, sure.”
If returning home after spending so much time in Montana had felt strange, having Jackson in her house felt positively bizarre.
“I’ll make coffee,” she said.
He glanced around as they walked to the kitchen. “This is nice. I see why you’ve been reluctant to sell.”
“Yeah, but I’ve started searching online for real estate in the area. There’s a property I want to see—it’s got terrific outdoor space and lots of light, and is closer to Alex and DeeDee’s schools.”
“Oh.”
He sat at the table while Kayla started the coffeemaker and got cream from the refrigerator. After so many meetings at the Coffee Shack, she knew Jackson invariably took his black, but she needed something to buffer her stomach.
“Have you eaten?” she asked. “I could order something.”
“Not right now, unless you’re hungry.”
“I’m fine. I got pizza for my employees and ate a slice before leaving the office.” The conversation was inane, but at least it was giving her a chance to pull her wits together.