Witch is When The Penny Dropped (A Witch P.I. Mystery Book 6)

by Abbott, Adele

  “I’m surprised you haven’t said anything to her.”

  “This is way more fun.” Pearl giggled again. “When we’re around there, and we know he’s hiding upstairs, we ask Mum where he is, and watch her splutter as she tries to come up with some story or other.”

  “The best one yet was when I said I wanted to go up to our old room to look for something. I thought Mum was going to have a seizure.” Amber laughed. “She said the room had been fumigated, and we weren’t allowed in.”

  “You two are cruel!”

  ***

  “What’s tickling you three?” Grandma met us at the gates to the Range.

  “Nothing, Grandma,” we chorused.

  “Do you usually laugh at nothing? They’ll be locking you away. Now if you were laughing at Jill’s poker exploits, I might understand the hilarity.”

  I stopped laughing. Not satisfied with cheating, she now had the gall to rub my nose in it.

  “You’re not having much luck with Jacks of any kind, are you?” she quipped, and then cackled at her own joke. If ever I made level six, she would so get hers.

  “Well at least you managed to bring a smile to her face,” Pearl whispered as we made our way into the Range.

  “She’s been a real misery guts all week,” Amber said.

  “What’s new?”

  “She’s been even worse than usual because of Ma Chivers.”

  “Who?” I asked.

  “Hasn’t Mum told you about Ma Chivers?” Amber glanced ahead at Grandma to make sure she wasn’t listening.

  “I’ve never heard of her.”

  “You’re probably going to hear a lot about her from now on. Ma Chivers and Grandma progressed through the levels together initially, but Ma Chivers reached level six before Grandma. She won the Levels competition when she was only on level four. Not long afterwards, she moved to the human world. She’s been gone for over a century, but now she’s back to stay apparently. Grandma is not impressed because she’s returned just in time for the ‘Elite’ competition.”

  “What’s that?”

  “It’s an annual competition for level six witches only. The winner is awarded the Elite Cup.”

  “I bet Grandma always wins doesn’t she?”

  “She rarely takes part. She reckons she is above such things. Mum says Grandma used to win it every year, but she got tired of it because there was no meaningful opposition. Anyway, Ma Chivers has called her out—she said if Grandma doesn’t show up for the competition, everyone will know she’s afraid of her.”

  My curiosity was sparked. Since discovering my ‘new’ family, I had yet to see anyone come close to getting the better of Grandma. I wanted to meet this Ma Chivers.

  “You really don’t want to meet her,” Grandma said. I’d done it again—I’d allowed myself to become complacent when I should have realised she’d be crawling around inside my head. “I know you think I can be a little unpleasant at times,” Grandma said.

  A little unpleasant? Just like the bubonic plague was a little unpleasant?

  “But once you’ve met Ma Chivers, you’ll change your mind. You’ll think I’m the nicest person you’ve ever met.”

  The twins and I all exchanged a look, but said nothing. Anything we did say would no doubt be held against us in the court of Grandma.

  “Quiet!” Grandma raised a crooked finger. We were in the Spell-Range. “Today’s lesson will be on the ‘jump’ spell. “Which of you has memorised it?”

  The twins shrugged in unison.

  “I have,” I said.

  The twins mouthed, ‘I have’. I ignored them.

  “I might have known.” Grandma produced two spell books out of thin air, and threw them at the twins. “You have ten minutes.” She turned to me. “You, come with me.”

  I hadn’t liked the look of the ‘jump’ spell when I’d read about it. Its innocent name hardly did it justice. When I first saw it, I’d assumed it would simply allow me to jump higher—big whoop. I’d been wrong. The spell effectively made your feet act as powerful springs—multi-directional springs. So, for example, if I was standing between two buildings, I could leap from one to the other, and back again in a kind of diagonal motion. Think parkour, but on steroids. On paper, that all sounded well and good, but in reality, I’d never been great at jumping. I always stepped over the line in the long jump, and crashed into the bar in the high jump. That did not bode well.

  Grandma took me to the far side of the Range—to an area I hadn’t seen before. Sure enough, there were two high brick walls which stood parallel to one another.

  “I don’t get this spell,” I said.

  “You don’t get it? What’s to get?”

  “I know what it does, but I don’t know why I would ever need to use it. Couldn’t I just as easily use the ‘levitate’ spell?”

  Grandma sighed at my apparent stupidity. “You’ll never make a witch if you can’t master the art of spell selection. As you progress up the levels you’ll come across numerous spells which appear to overlap in terms of their functionality, but the key is recognising the right spell for the right situation. After ‘focus’, ‘spell selection’ is the most important thing for you to master. Take the ‘levitation’ and ‘jump’ spells for example. What is the main difference between them?”

  I hated it when Grandma did a pop quiz. I invariably gave the wrong answer.

  “Levitate lets you rise in a straight line. Jump lets you—err—bounce from side to side.”

  “Bounce?”

  She knew full well what I meant.

  “Apart from being able to bounce what else is different about them?”

  I wished the twins were with me—at least then, they could have shared in the humiliation.

  Then suddenly out of the blue, the answer came to me.

  “The speed!”

  “Better late than never. That’s right—the speed. The ‘levitation’ spell has its uses, but if you’re in a hurry then the ‘jump’ spell is much better.

  No, no. I mustn’t smile. Whatever I did—I mustn’t smile.

  “Something funny?” Grandma’s wart was in my face.

  “No.”

  “Do you usually smile for no reason?”

  “No, sorry. I had an itchy nose.”

  If nothing else, I was getting better at scrambling my thoughts to stop Grandma reading them. Just as well too, or she’d have realised I was smiling at the idea of decrepit, old Grandma trying to use the ‘jump’ spell to bound up a wall.

  I’d no sooner thought it than—

  She leapt onto the first wall, and then bounced across to the second, and so on and so forth until she reached the top. Just as quickly, she made her way back to the ground in a similar fashion.

  My flabber was well and truly gasted.

  “You were saying, missy?”

  The wart was back in my face. So much for my thought scrambling. I opened my mouth to speak, but couldn’t find the words.

  “When you’ve done catching flies, it’s your turn.”

  I stepped forward so I was standing between the two walls. If Grandma could do it at her age, how difficult could it be? I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, cast the spell, and then leapt. Even though I’d seen Grandma do it only moments before, I was taken aback by the sheer force with which I left the ground. The trick was to glance off one wall towards the opposite one.

  Thud!

  I totally mistimed it, and instead of bouncing off the wall, I came sliding back down to earth.

  “Impressive,” Grandma cackled. “What do you call that?”

  I had a sore knee, but the only thing really hurting was my pride. I pushed past Grandma and had another go—with the exact same result. Grandma made some comment, but I wasn’t listening. I wasn’t going to be defeated by some stupid level two spell.

  The problem wasn’t in casting the spell—that was working fine. It was in my timing. I had to focus on the timing. I leapt up again—this time I caught the first
wall just right, and the second. Now I had the hang of it. Moments later I was sitting on top of the wall. I heard applause coming from below, and for one insane moment, I thought it was Grandma.

  Yeah, right.

  The twins had joined us and were waving to me.

  “Nice one, Jill!” Amber shouted before being reprimanded by Grandma.

  Getting back down was a breeze. I couldn’t help the huge grin which was plastered across my face. Grandma looked as unimpressed as ever.

  “Right,” she said. “Now it’s your turn.” She turned to the twins who looked as terrified as one another.

  “Those walls are really high,” Amber said.

  “And hard,” Pearl added.

  “Stop your whining and get moving. Which one of you wants to go first?”

  Neither of them volunteered.

  “In that case, you can go in alphabetical order.”

  Pearl sighed with relief.

  “Reverse alphabetical order.”

  Chapter 6

  After the lesson was over, I made my way to Aunt Lucy’s while the twins hobbled back to Cuppy C.

  Normally I’d have knocked on the door and walked in, but since the whole ‘Lestergate’ incident, I thought it best to wait until Aunt Lucy came to the door. I didn’t want to cause embarrassment.

  “Jill? Why didn’t you come in?” Aunt Lucy said. “The door wasn’t locked.”

  “Err—I—err.”

  “How did the lesson go today?”

  “I thought it was okay, but I’m not sure the twins would agree.”

  “Oh, dear. What happened?”

  “We were practising the ‘jump’ spell.”

  I saw Aunt Lucy cringe.

  “I just about managed it okay, but Amber and Pearl—they have a few bruises.”

  “What was she thinking?”

  I didn’t need to ask who the ‘she’ was.

  Aunt Lucy clenched her fists. “What’s the point of her teaching that spell to those girls? They’re never going to need it.”

  “I’m not sure I will.”

  “It’s different for you. You need to have every spell in your arsenal because you have The Dark One to consider, and besides you’ll need to master them all if you’re to move up the levels.”

  “Who says I want to?”

  “Don’t you?”

  She already knew the answer. I wanted to emulate the achievements of my mother, and much as it pained me to say it, Grandma.

  “I guess so.”

  “I don’t know why she won’t let the twins be. They’re perfectly happy being on level two, and they already have all the magic they need to get by. It’s not like either of them has shown any interest in moving into the human world permanently.”

  “Would that make a difference?”

  “Oh, yes. So many things can go wrong in the human world. The more magic you have at your disposal, the better.”

  Aunt Lucy checked her watch.

  “Look, I’m sorry, but I have an appointment in a few minutes.” She hesitated. “With Miles Best.”

  “Have the twins found out that he’s been selling your cakes?” I asked.

  “No, thank goodness, but it’s only a matter of time. I’ve already told the middleman I won’t be making any more cakes for him.”

  “None?”

  “No. I can’t trust him not to pass on orders from Miles to me, so it’s best I don’t make any at all.”

  “Won’t you miss the money?”

  “I’ll get by. I did before.”

  “If you’ve told the middleman you aren’t going to work for him any longer, why do you need to see Miles?”

  “He found out I was the one supplying the cakes. I think the middleman must have told him, and now he’s threatening to tell the twins unless I continue to supply him.”

  “The scumbag!”

  “I called him much worse than that when I found out. That’s why I thought I’d better have a few choice words with the young man.”

  Although Aunt Lucy was not in the same class as Grandma when it came to ‘scary’, I still wouldn’t have wanted to get on the wrong side of her. Miles Best might regret his actions before the day was over.

  ***

  Why was I so nervous? I felt like a teenager on her first ever date. I checked my watch for the millionth time. Only a few more minutes and Luther would be here.

  I ran through the check-list—again.

  Sexy black dress—check.

  Lights dimmed, candles strategically placed—check.

  White wine—chilled.

  Delicious cordon bleu meal prepared—check (with a little cheating, but we needn’t get into that).

  My mouth was dry, and my heart was racing.

  There was a knock on the door.

  “Did I get the wrong night?” Luther said.

  He was dressed in jogging bottoms and a tee-shirt. A little informal, but I could still work with that.

  “This is Lucinda. She’s my trainee. I thought she could sit in on this session. But if I have the wrong night?”

  Lucinda?

  “Jill? Are you okay?” Luther looked concerned. “You look as though you’re expecting someone for dinner.”

  “Err—yeah—I am. My—err—friend—pen friend. From Spain—err—or Italy. I haven’t seen her—him in years.”

  “Oh, right. I’m sorry to have disturbed you then. I must have got my days mixed up. I’ll give your P.A. a call to reschedule.”

  “Right—okay—thanks—bye!”

  I closed the door and got the wine out of the ice bucket.

  Some hours later, my phone rang.

  “Jill? Are you okay?” Kathy said.

  “Could wot be betta.” Hiccup.

  “Are you drunk?”

  “No! I’m wot dronk.”

  “What happened? With Luther.”

  I laughed uncontrollably. “Luther has a loose sinder.”

  “A loose what?”

  “Loo Sin Da. He was wearing jigging bottoms.”

  “You need to go to bed.”

  Hiccup. “Goo Niyt.”

  “Good Night.”

  ***

  Would someone please remove my head? I can manage without it for one day.

  I crawled out of bed; I was still wearing my little black number—aargh. The memories came flooding back. The look on Luther’s face when he saw me dressed to kill, and then again when he saw the candles. What had I been thinking? How had I managed to convince myself we were on a date? He was coming over to go through the books. How would I ever look him in the face again? I bet he and his trainee—what was her name? Lucinda? I bet they had a really good laugh. Why was I such an idiot? And why was I wearing this stupid dress?

  My phone rang—much too loudly.

  “Kathy?”

  She laughed. “Oh boy. You sound terrible.”

  “Thanks.”

  “I’m not surprised though. Not after last night.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Don’t you remember? I called you.”

  “You did?”

  “Yeah. You weren’t making much sense though. Something about jigging bottoms and a loose sinder.”

  Oh no. My embarrassment was complete.

  “So, what happened?” She pressed. “I gather the date wasn’t a runaway success.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Come on. You know I’ll keep at you until you do.”

  “Fine! Apparently I was the only one who thought it was a date. Luther, who I might add doesn’t look nearly so luscious in jogging bottoms.” It was a lie—he’d still looked really hot. “Luther turned up with his assistant—Lucinda.”

  “Why would he bring his assistant—” She laughed again. I hated my sister. “Oh, wait a minute. I get it now. He was coming over to look at your books, wasn’t he?”

  “He should have made it clearer.”

  “And you conjured up the whole date thing.” She was laughing
hysterically now.

  “Gotta go. Very busy. Bye.” I ended the call.

  Rub salt in the wounds, why don’t you? I might have known Kathy would be understanding—not.

  ***

  I felt a little more alive once I’d showered and forced down some toast. I cracked the door open just wide enough to see down the corridor. I did not want to bump into Luther—ever again. The coast was clear, so I made a dash for it.

  After the events of the previous night, the last thing I felt like doing was visiting a dating agency, but I’d promised to call in and see the girls at Love Spell. I planned to visit both of their offices today starting with the Candlefield branch.

  The receptionist was a wizard named Daniel. He was a delight.

  “Tilly and Lily are expecting you. Can I take your coat? What would you like to drink? I like what you’ve done with your hair.”

  “Thanks, Daniel,” Tilly said, once he’d delivered me to a small meeting room.

  “Nice to see you!” the parrot said.

  “That’s Sidney,” Lily said, gesturing to the bird cage.

  “Nice to see you!”

  “Not one of Hilary’s better ideas.” Tilly sighed. “She thought that having a parrot in each office would put clients at their ease.”

  “Nice to see you!”

  I tried to focus on what Tilly was saying, but it wasn’t easy. “Does he say anything else?”

  “Nice to see you!”

  Tilly and Lily shook their heads. “There’s a coffee shop next door. Do you want to go there?”

  “Nice to see you!”

  “That’s better,” Lily said as she brought over the coffees.

  “Do you think the parrot might be responsible for the recent downswing?” I took a bite of a giant blueberry muffin. What? I’d heard they were good for hangovers.

  “I’d like to blame it on Sidney.” Tilly had chosen a raspberry muffin to match her hair. “But he’s been on board from day one, so it can’t be that.”

  “I might be speaking out of turn,” I said. “But during our first meeting, I couldn’t help but pick up a kind of ‘us and them’ vibe between the two offices.”