The Breaking Light (Split City Book 1)

by Heather Hansen

  Even the Lasair didn’t steal food. The risk/reward ratio wasn’t worth it. It was easier to buy food with drug money, coupled with black market Govie Buy Certificates, than to take it by force.

  Dade put his hand down, still looking at the corn. “I only wanted to touch it. To see how different it felt from houseplants.”

  “Undercity uses less than five percent of this. We live on meta-grains generally. That and fiber bars.”

  Dade made a face.

  Arden laughed. “Agreed, they’re nasty.”

  He tipped his head, staring at her, and then asked, “Do you ever think about the Old Planet? What it must have been like to plant something and watch it grow without much help other than a little irrigation?”

  Arden scrunched her nose. “I can’t say that I have.”

  “It has to be better than living like this.” He made a gesture to the fields. “You live next to the sunfields, and yet you can’t eat the food that’s grown here.”

  She became frustrated that he made a point of it. Maybe he was too privileged to understand that there was nothing she could do about it. “What are you suggesting? That I return to the Old Planet? If I even had the credits to leave this planet, I’d first have to find a spaceship heading in that direction, which you know would be impossible. And if I managed that, I’d be middle-aged by the time I got there. I’m not spending half my life in the belly of a ship. No, thank you.”

  “I wasn’t saying you should go there. I only wondered if you thought about what it might be like to live in a world where anyone could grow food if they wanted to.”

  “I don’t have time for playing the ‘what if’ game,” she said, exasperated. “I spend too much time trying to survive.”

  He stared her down, unblinking, as if in the truth of what she said, she’d missed something important. “Just because I was born privileged doesn’t mean I don’t care.”

  She rolled her eyes and let out a laughing huff. “Spoken like a Solizen. I suppose you do charity work too.”

  He gave her a small enigmatic grin. “I do.”

  Like she believed that.

  “Who says that the Old Planet would be any better?” Arden asked. “It’s likely no one survived the last World War anyway. Our ancestors were probably lucky enough to colonize before they were exterminated. I’m not sure that if given the opportunity, I’d choose to go back.”

  They’d had food problems on the Old Planet too. The planet had been stripped of its natural resources, which had led to corporations’ sending mining colonies into space to find what they needed and bring it back. Only, this city hadn’t sent a shipment to the Old Planet in more than a hundred years. No one had ever cried foul. At this point, it was unlikely that they’d find anyone still inhabiting the Old Planet.

  They used an old, decrepit bridge that connected the sunfields to the abandoned mines, crossing over a small river. She showed him where to avoid the crumbling sections. Beneath the bridge, the current flowed swiftly. The rising groundwater in the area had resulted in the need for several man-made lakes to divert the overflow from the city. There was a slight mineral odor to the water.

  The mines weren’t used anymore. They hadn’t been since the Levels had been constructed some fifty years past. Precious metals that had once lined the tunnels were now gone. The silt and rock had long been carted off and used for concrete and brick. Many of the old mines were so unstable, they could cave in at any second. Most were blocked off, while others were located so far from the city, they were assumed not to be a risk for curious thrill seekers.

  “Are you going to be in danger from bringing me here tonight?” Dade asked, picking his way along the edge of the bridge.

  Arden shrugged. “I’m always in danger.”

  “If they find out I’m with you, it’s a death sentence, isn’t it?” he pressed, showing a great depth of understanding about the position she’d placed herself in.

  “Yes.” She didn’t know if he meant the Lasair, or the govies, or even the Solizen, but all the answers were yes. “I don’t regret helping you.”

  “This has been an experience of a lifetime. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” The frustration she’d felt earlier had melted away. In a strange way, he understood and he cared. That knowledge left her feeling lighthearted.

  Their destination was one of the original five entries to the Levels before Undercity had been closed off. It was located in an abandoned way station directly under the Sky Towers. Once the station was built, it quickly became apparent that this wasn’t the best location due to frequent flooding. Which also meant that because of the danger, the Lasair used it only in emergencies.

  She pushed against the door, the lock long gone. The casing was swollen, detaching from the rock walls and emitting a groan as it opened. The crumbling station felt like a ghost town, its roof mostly gone, giving a direct view to the Undercity dome. Inside, it was still filled with old seats and dead ticket machines, and behind the guest counter, transportation route information.

  The quadralift to the next Levels had been taken out and the holes blocked. But the maintenance ladders were still there.

  “This is not good,” she said, shining her glo-wand around. Water pooled deep on the ground. Used tickets, maps, and other memorabilia floated in the water. The water level was higher than it had ever been this time of year. “It looks like we’re about a half hour from flooding. The bridge will be unusable at that point. We’d better hurry if I have any hope of getting home tonight.”

  Dade frowned. “What if you don’t get back across in time?”

  “If I get stuck, I’ll just go topside. There’s another route that will take me home. I prefer not to use it, though. It’s not safe for me to travel alone in Above at night.” She shrugged. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll figure it out. I always do.”

  He pressed up close behind her. His hand came up to brace her waist, pulling her into him. Then he whispered into her ear, his breath heavy and warm, “I want to worry about you.”

  Arden leaned back for one weak moment, her body shivering. Enjoying that sense of comfort that she wasn’t allowed often, if ever. Then she quickly pulled herself together. Stupid, stupid, stupid. She couldn’t afford to lose track of what this was.

  A moment in time that wasn’t real.

  Instead of staying there, she took a huge step forward, putting room between them. “Stay away from the walls—they aren’t stable.”

  He followed her in the dark. She heard the splashing of his boots in the water and thought he’d let the moment go. And then.

  “Why do you keep pulling away?” he asked. His words echoed, surrounding her in the shadows.

  She could lie. Laugh it off. But even as she thought that, she knew that the only way to deal with this situation was to face it with the truth. “Because you confuse me.” She kept walking. Refusing to stop to discuss this. “I don’t trust you. Or . . .” She paused, thinking. “I shouldn’t trust you. But that’s pretty much the same thing.”

  “You keep saying that. And yet, here I am.”

  “Here you are,” Arden agreed, sighing. She shook her head, pressing her lips together.

  “You feel something for me,” he said in a way that told her he already knew the answer and was determined to get her to say it out loud.

  Why was he pushing this? She didn’t understand him. “I’m intrigued is all. You’re a series of contradictions.”

  “Meaning?”

  “First off, don’t you have a fiancée?” She stopped walking and focused the light in his face so that she could see him lie, as she suspected he would. “Why are you trying to pursue this thing between us if you’re already promised to another?”

  Dade’s head tilted to the side. A wrinkle appeared in the center of his brow. “Yes, I have a fiancée?”

  “Is that a question?” The absurdity of the situation made her laugh.

  “I mean, yes. Yes, I do.” He paused. “Sort of. But
not really.”

  “It’s either yes or no.”

  Dade shook his head. “Not with my life it isn’t.”

  Arden huffed, turning back around and walking. “Just say what you mean.”

  “Her name is Clarissa.” He paused, perhaps waiting for her to match the name with the face. But she drew a blank. Following current Solizen gossip was Colin’s strong suit. “Our parents want to join our families together. Politically it makes sense in such an unstable climate.”

  Then he added as an afterthought, “It’s a solid plan, even if it won’t play out the way my father expects it to.”

  “If you’re engaged, why are you flirting with me?” It was too easy to become infatuated with him. She constantly had to remind herself that he was spoken for.

  “Because the engagement isn’t real,” he said. “It’s political, like I said. Plus, the wedding hasn’t happened, and if I have my way, it won’t.”

  “Which means that you still have a fiancée and that you still intend on getting married.”

  Dade’s expression clouded. It was the most frustration she’d seen from him all day. “You act like I have a choice. Don’t pretend your life is so different.”

  “I’ve never been engaged to anyone,” she scoffed.

  “No, but you’ve done things you didn’t want to do because you had to, because your family required you to. It’s no different.”

  He was right. She’d done lots of things for her family that she’d regretted. And was still doing because they were required of her. But those things didn’t involve crushing her heart, like Dade getting married to someone else after she committed herself to him. That would destroy her.

  “Did you fight it?” she asked, realizing that the question gave away how she felt.

  “My agreement wasn’t required.” He didn’t seem fazed by that.

  His reaction grated Arden. If he hadn’t fought, at some level he must consider the marriage inevitable. Even though he sounded confident that he could end the engagement. He was a bad gamble. She could never date someone who was promised to another. And then she nearly kicked herself for thinking about dating him in the first place. The thought was preposterous.

  Before today, she would have said Dade had everything, but perhaps he didn’t. She considered his life in a way that she hadn’t before. He lived in the Sky Towers. Saw the sun every day. Felt its rays on his skin. He didn’t have to worry about food or the cost of life. And yet, he’d never have a life that was his own. His family had owned him from the moment he was born.

  Like her life, but different.

  Both equally sad.

  Perhaps she had to readjust her thinking. Not all Solizen were bad, just as not all Lasair were good. No one was 100 percent either way. Not even her.

  Yet she still pressed on with her questions. “If you can’t find a way out of it, are you going to cave? Will you show up at the church and promise vows in front of God and everybody because there wasn’t another option?”

  “No.” Dade stopped walking. The slip-slip of his shoes squelching in the water had quieted.

  It forced her to stop as well. She turned to face him, keeping the light focused on the ground in front of him so she could see his face without blinding him.

  He looked at her as if trying to read her expression. Something indefinable changed between them in that moment. Though she couldn’t put into words what that was, Arden felt it. Knew that it was there as inevitably as she counted on her next breath.

  “If it comes to that,” he said, “I’ll have to make other decisions. I promise you on my life, I will not marry Clarissa.”

  Arden swallowed and nodded.

  He continued, his voice strong and confident. “I don’t want that life.”

  Her heart caught somewhere near her throat. She had trouble speaking past the lump. “What is it that you do want, Dade? I’ve been trying to figure that out since I met you.”

  “I want you,” he said.

  Her heart started beating erratically. The air left her chest. Still, she denied it. “You’ve only just met me.”

  “That doesn’t change how I feel.”

  Arden knew he was right, because it didn’t change the way she felt either. He didn’t fit into her life, and yet he felt as if he belonged there. She bit her lip, not knowing what to say.

  “For the first time in my life, I want to be selfish,” he said. “If that forces me to go against my family, well, that’s what will happen.”

  That sentiment made her carefully consider what their outcome would be. She felt the same way. Yet being selfish led to danger. If she knew anything in life, she knew this.

  Because of this, and in spite of how she felt toward Dade, she needed to stop what was growing between them. The box that she’d forced her thoughts of Dade into was getting horribly out of shape. Best to shove everything back inside and tape it up as best she could. It wasn’t what she wanted, of course. But sometimes it was necessary to do things that might hurt in order to get the best outcome.

  “There can’t be a ‘you and I,’” she said.

  He stepped forward to take her hand in his. “There already is.”

  His touch made her thoughts fly. His hand was firm and warm, giving her comfort and making her believe that they could overcome the obstacles their families presented. But she fought against that, half dying inside. Insisting, “We have people we care for. I won’t put mine in danger with my decisions.” Arden studied him, hating each word that left her mouth and wondering whether they hit their mark. “It’s unfair to them.”

  The sentiment was just as much for him as it was for her. She pleaded with herself to take her own advice. She wanted him. She wanted to throw everything away and chase these feelings.

  “It’s unfair to us,” he insisted.

  “We can’t see each other again. You can’t come looking for me. We’re done, you and I. I’m no more than a fleeting moment that passed through your life.” She pulled her hand from his, gripping it at her side. “You are never again to put yourself in danger to find me.”

  “You are so much more than a moment,” he said.

  She wanted to shake him. She had to get him to understand, even if that meant that she pretended not to care, even if she risked hurting him. And in the process, she must cut her own growing feelings. She turned and started to walk once more. “We’re almost there.”

  Then she would say goodbye. Forever.

  Conflicted feelings bubbled inside her as they stepped the last few feet to the entrance.

  She keyed in a code on the entry pad and opened the door to the bottom of the ladder, then turned to him. The knowledge of the risk she’d put her family in came fast and furious. She felt frustrated at herself for allowing him such power over her, when he was so clearly the wrong choice for her life. It made her lash out with an icy voice. “If you ever tell anyone about our ability to move through the bolt-holes, I’ll kill you.”

  “Again with the death threats,” he joked. But then he added seriously, “I would never betray you. I hope that someday you’ll believe that.”

  He seemed to take this whole conversation, and her, in stride.

  It left Arden feeling unsettled. Why, when she’d said everything she should say, did she feel as if a knife twisted inside her? Why did it feel wrong, like dust in her mouth? This time with him, hidden away from the real world, should last longer, so she’d be able to tuck away every second into the corner of her mind to remember for later. But it couldn’t last forever. This thing between them needed to end now.

  Arden reached out to grip a rung on the ladder. “This is it. Hand on the ladder.”

  She waited for him to comply before tucking her glo-wand away, plunging the room into darkness. Then she began her climb, hearing the clacking of his boots on the rungs beneath her.

  Before long, they reached the hatch, the dim red light of the switchbox serving as a warning not to smash her head. She felt along the surface for the co
ntrol pad. With a few twists and a series of numbers, the hatch opened above her.

  They exited into an alley adjacent to the Tower quadralifts. The policing in this sector was high because of the vulnerability to the Sky Towers. After the first one had been blown up, they didn’t take any chances. So there wasn’t anyone loitering on the street. It also meant that she had only a small window of time to disappear again.

  Arden climbed out, stepping aside for Dade. She kept the door open next to them.

  “The quadralifts to the Levels are just there.” She pointed. “Don’t go straight into them. There’s a stairway here.” She indicated the unmarked door they stood in front of. “Take the stairs to Level Two, then grab the lift from there. Leave your blackout bracelet on until you’re in front of the quadralift doors.”

  Dade nodded in acknowledgment.

  She didn’t know what to say then. Words had dried up in her mouth. She turned back to the hatch to leave.

  Dade reached out and grabbed her arm, stopping her. “I won’t let you push me away. I want to see you again.”

  It scared her that she wanted that too. Scared her that they might not ever have this again. “Why?”

  He frowned. “If you have to ask that, then you don’t feel that unexplainable something that exists between us. It just means I’ll have to try harder and wait until you do.”

  Her heart melted. She did feel the connection, which was the problem. It was ridiculous, though, that a feeling this powerful could happen so fast. Plus, the logistics would never work. He didn’t understand how perilous it was for a sky boy to come to the areas she frequented. “You can’t.”

  He pulled her close. His mouth inches from hers. His other hand sliding up to cup her shoulders between his hands. “If that is really what you want, then I won’t go looking for you.” He said it in a way that demonstrated that he clearly didn’t share the same opinion. “But you must agree that if you change your mind, you will come to me. I want to see you again. You must know that.”

  He reached up to slide his fingers along her cheek. “I don’t want to let you go. Not now that I’ve found you.”