Deacon (Starkis Family #1)

by Cheryl Douglas

  I’d gotten to know Eleni quite well over the past few weeks, and she wasn’t what I’d expected. She was strong-willed and opinionated with a smart-ass comeback for everything. She didn’t know the meaning of the word fear and was always willing to take a risk. I liked her. A lot. I could see why my brother did too.

  “She mentioned you two are living together. How’s that working out?”

  Mia wrinkled her nose. “I love her like a sister and we get along great, but it’s kind of uncomfortable when she has guys spend the night. I always feel like a third wheel, especially when I bump into her boy toys in the kitchen the morning after.”

  I wondered how my brother would feel about Eleni’s overnight guests. He’d told me that he and Eleni had become friends over the past couple months and that, for the first time in his life, he was taking things slow and trying to build a solid foundation before he made a move. I admired his patience, but I hoped he wouldn’t wait too long. It sounded as though Eleni had plenty of other options.

  “Why don’t you get your own place? It seems like you’re in a pretty solid place now in terms of your career. I’m sure you could afford it.” I wanted to ask if she missed working at Alabaster’s as much as I missed having her there, but it wasn’t the right time to start pressuring her to make changes.

  She looked surprised. “I thought you were opposed to me having my own place. You were the one who suggested Eleni move in with me.”

  “I was opposed to you living alone in that building,” I reminded her. “It’s not secure enough. Now, if you’d like me to help you find something else, I’d be happy to.” I would have given anything to have her in my home with me, to wake up next to her every morning and fall asleep with her in my arms every night, but we had a long way to go before making that dream a reality.

  “I’ll think about it. My lease is up in a couple of months. I’m not sure if Eleni would want to take over the lease or not, but it’s a possibility. I get the feeling she misses having her own space, though I know she would never admit it.”

  I poured two glasses of wine and handed her one. “To new opportunities.”

  She smiled. “And to meddling best friends.”

  I knew she was referring to our lunch date. I was so relieved that plan hadn’t backfired the way I’d feared it might. I didn’t want her to accuse me of being manipulative or deceitful again, but I’d been so desperate to see her, and I hadn’t been able to think of another way. “To meddling best friends who love you and want what’s best for you.”

  “It seems, in this case, she may have been right.” Mia took a sip of her wine. “Seeing you again was definitely the best thing for me.”

  “I’m glad you feel that way.” I walked around the island, snagged the bottle of wine, and took her hand to lead her into the adjoining great room. We settled in on the couch, my arm around her, her head on my chest. We sat in silence for a few minutes before I whispered, “I missed you, Mia. I missed this, just holding you like this.”

  Her lips twitched when she looked at me. “I’m willing to bet that’s not all you missed.”

  Of course I’d missed the sex, but I’d been surprised to learn over the past two months that I missed seeing her smile and hearing her laughter even more. I missed waking up to her sassy text messages and the smell of her perfume on my pillow. I missed the exhilaration that came with knowing I’d see her that day and planning my next surprise for her.

  “We barely got started before I screwed everything up,” I said, bringing the wine glass to my lips. I took a moment to collect my thoughts. “I spent months thinking about how it would be when we finally got together, all the things I wanted to do with you and for you, and then it seemed like it was over before it even began.”

  Her hand rested on my thigh. “That may be, but that short time we spent together made one hell of an impression on me. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get you out of my head. Turns out you’re a tough man to forget, Mr. Starkis.”

  “Am I supposed to say I’m sorry I ruined you for all other men? Because I’m not.”

  She laughed, slapping my leg. “No, I don’t imagine you are.”

  “I know I asked about your work earlier, but are you really happy there?”

  “Are you asking me whether I would consider coming back to Alabaster’s if we were a couple?”

  I was more concerned about whether we were officially a couple again, but I couldn’t find the courage to voice that question yet. “I guess I am. Would you?”

  “That depends.”

  “On?”

  “You.” She set her glass on the coffee table before facing me. “You may have changed these past couple of months, but you aren’t the only one. I’ve changed too.”

  “I hope not too much. I thought you were perfect exactly as you were.”

  She smiled before kissing me. “Thank you for saying that. But the changes I’m referring to are pretty major.”

  “Tell me.” I set my glass down and reached for her hands.

  “I’ve done a lot of soul-searching and figuring out who I am and what I want. I was part of a couple for so long that I only thought in terms of ‘us.’ The time alone gave me a chance to think about what’s best for me.”

  “Okay.” I tried to quash my uncertainty. I hoped she wasn’t going to tell me she enjoyed being single too much to contemplate a commitment. That would ruin me. “What do you want?”

  “I want a partner who loves and respects me, who cares about what I want and values my opinion.”

  “Done.”

  “I want someone who allows me to express myself any way I see fit, even when it makes him uncomfortable.”

  I knew she was referring to her modeling. She wanted me to know that if she returned to Alabaster’s, it would be on her terms, not mine. That should have irked me since I was the boss, but the thrill of having her back overshadowed my ego. “Okay. Go on.”

  “I want a relationship that evolves slowly and naturally.”

  I didn’t know if I liked the sound of that. Slow and natural had never been my thing. I made things happen; I couldn’t just sit back hoping things would work out the way I wanted them to. “What does that mean exactly?”

  “I’m in no hurry to get married or have children.” At the sight of my frown, she added, “It’s not that I don’t want those things. I do. Just not right away. I don’t want to rush this experience. I want to enjoy every step: being in love, getting to know each other, living together, getting engaged, planning a wedding. Then I’d like to be married for a couple of years, maybe travel some before having kids.”

  I winced at her proposed timeline. It sounded as though she was proposing we wait years before getting married. I hated to dwell on it, but I wasn’t getting any younger. She may have had the luxury of time, but I didn’t feel as though I did. If the months apart had taught me anything, it was that I was ready for some stability in my life. I wanted the woman I loved waiting for me at home or coming home with me at the end of a long day.

  “I’m a realist,” she said. “I know I can’t model forever, but I want to enjoy it while it lasts, and let’s face it, there isn’t a huge market for modeling maternity wear in this city.”

  She was right, but a part of me wanted to remind her that she didn’t have to work another day in her life unless she chose to. I knew that wasn’t what she wanted to hear though.

  “I can’t wait forever.” I hadn’t expected to blurt that out. I cursed myself when her face fell.

  “I understand that.” She withdrew her hands, putting some distance between us. “And I would never ask you to. Obviously there would have to be some compromise if we believed getting back together was a viable option. It can’t be your way, and it can’t be my way. I’m just telling you what I want in an ideal world so maybe we could figure out how to compromise. That’s what mature couples do—they put their desires on the table and figure out a way to make it work.”

  I tucked a strand of hair b
ehind her ear as I cupped her cheek. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make that sound like a threat. It wasn’t. It’s just that this isn’t easy for me, sweetheart. I’ve never done the whole relationship thing before. I’m the kind of guy who gets what he wants, no questions asked.” That made me sound like an arrogant jerk, but I was speaking the truth.

  “I know asking you to compromise, especially on the big issues, is a lot.” She got a wicked gleam in her eyes before she pushed my back against the couch and climbed into my lap, straddling me. “But I promise to make it worth your while.”

  I’d always thought guys who were whipped were pathetic, but I suddenly understood the value of making your woman happy. Gripping her waist, I leaned my head back and looked at her, thinking how lucky I was to get a second chance with her. “How do you intend to make it worth my while?”

  She unfastened the buttons on my shirt slowly, dropping moist kisses on the exposed skin as she went. “I’d rather show you than tell you.”

  “I think I’d prefer that as well.” I closed my eyes and simply enjoyed the sensation of her lips on my skin. I’d fallen asleep so many nights dreaming about her touch, wondering if I was crazy to think I could get that lucky again. But we were back where we belonged, in each other’s arms, and I intended to enjoy every second of it.

  Mia kissed my neck as she spread my shirt. “Make no mistake, Deacon. No matter where we are in our relationship, whether we’re living together or I’m wearing your ring, I am yours. Totally. Completely. Yours.”

  I savored those words. Knowing she was mine and I was hers, that we loved each other and wanted to build a life together, were the only things that mattered. “I love you, theia.” I held her beautiful face and whispered, “So much,” before brushing my lips across hers.

  “I love you too.” She deepened the kiss before she pulled back. Her expression was so somber it had my heart ripping until she said, “I’m not sure how this works. I know when you’re a drug addict or alcoholic, you have to abstain for life. How does it work with your kind of addiction?”

  I laughed loudly before pulling her close and burying my face in her neck. “If you’re asking me whether we can have sex, the answer is yes. But I have to warn you, with my addictive personality, I could become obsessed with ravishing you. I may want you all the time—morning, noon, and night.” I was teasing her, and she knew it, but making light of something that plagued me for so long felt good.

  She seemed to consider the matter carefully before responding. “I guess if there’s an upside to this whole thing, that would have to be it.”

  I grinned before taking a deep breath. I knew what needed to be said before we could move forward. “Before, when we were together, I was desperate for a commitment because I was scared of the power this thing had over me. I thought if we were living together, engaged, or married, that would give me the strength I needed to fight it. But when you left me, I realized I had to fight this battle on my own, and I did. It’s not something that can be addressed overnight or even in a couple of months. A lot of deep-seated issues contributed to this, but I’m working through them and will continue to do so until I feel like I’ve got a handle on it.”

  “I admire you for doing that,” she said, gliding her fingers through my hair. “I know it must be difficult.”

  “It is, but it’s worth it. I’m feeling better every day, more stable and more grounded. I know what I want now, what’s important and what’s not.”

  “Care to share?”

  “You’re important. What we have, what we could have—that’s what’s important to me. It’s clearer to me now than it ever was that I wouldn’t do anything to put this relationship at risk. I certainly would never cheat on you. I can promise you that. This addiction doesn’t have the same hold on me it once did. I feel like I’m finally back in control of my life and my decisions.”

  She smiled. “I’m glad to hear that. And for the record, I do believe you, and I trust you, Deacon. Completely.”

  With that, I reached for the hem of her thin cotton dress and pulled it over her head. I was shocked and excited to find her completely naked. “Wow, had I known this, I wouldn’t have wasted so much time talking.” I cupped her breasts as my thumbs circled her nipples.

  She tilted her head back as she braced her hands on my shoulders. “I’m glad we did. We needed to figure things out.”

  “And now?” Watching her slip into that state of rapture where feelings superseded words and thoughts mesmerized me. “What have you figured out, gorgeous?”

  “That I need you.” Her breath hitched as my hand trailed down her stomach toward the burning apex between her thighs. “That you’re my soulmate, Deac.”

  Those simple words filled me with more satisfaction than I’d ever felt. Knowing I was the only person she felt could answer her soul’s call for completion made all of the pain and heartache leading up to this moment worth it.

  “I love that you feel that way,” I said, focusing only on her pleasure as my fingers glided in and out of her. “I feel exactly the same way. You’re it for me, Mia. There will never be anyone else.”

  She moaned, tipping her head back as she gripped my shoulders. “That feels amazing.”

  “You’re amazing.” I watched her come apart in my arms. I’d been lucky enough to see most of the world’s wonders, but that sight eclipsed them all.

  She helped me out of my clothes slowly, and her eyes were hooded with lust when she finally climbed back onto my lap. Her eyes fastened on mine as she encased me with her moist heat. She squeezed just enough to remind me who was in charge.

  “Make love to me,” I whispered, trying to control the urge to explode inside her. My unfailing control was failing me when I needed it most.

  “That’s what I intend to do.” She rocked back and forth, moaning when she hit just the right spot. Kissing me deeply, she pulled away as her body trembled.

  I held her hips firmly, steering her body through her release until she’d landed safely on the other side. “I love to watch you like this.” I kissed her neck as she laughed lightly.

  “Not as much as I love to watch you.” She gripped the back of my neck and rode me hard, obviously intending to make me lose control. “Now it’s your turn.”

  I didn’t have a prayer of fighting her, nor did I want to. I wanted to get lost in the power of our connection, shutting out everyone and everything else until the only thing that mattered was our pleasure.

  I groaned, tensing just before I burst inside her. Her eyes sparkled with satisfaction as I surrendered completely to the force of a release that should have rendered me catatonic. We held each other tightly as our breathing returned to normal.

  My hands skated over her back before landing on her bottom. “Spend the night with me tonight.”

  “Okay.”

  I chuckled. “That was easier than I thought.”

  “What can I say?” she asked, smirking as she pulled back. “I missed you.”

  “That’s what I like to hear.”

  “We’re going to be okay.” She looked deeply into my eyes, her expression somber. “No matter what happens, we’re going to face it together. You’re not alone anymore. That means no more unilateral decisions about what’s best for us. You won’t try to shield me from the things you think might hurt me. You’ll be honest and trust that I can handle it. Agreed?”

  Learning to let go of my compulsion to control everything would be a challenge, but she’d proven that no challenge was great enough to keep us apart. “Agreed.”

  “I love you.”

  Leaning in to kiss her, I murmured, “And I you, theia.”

  About the Author

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  Other Books by Cheryl Douglas

  Now Available

  Nashville Nights

  Shameless

  Fearless

  Ruthless

  Reckless

  Relentless

  Heartless

  Hopeless

  Careless

  Nashville Nights Next Generation

  High Stakes

  Trade Off

  Holiday Homecoming

  Game On

  Burn Out

  Fast Track

  Time Out

  Face Value

  Blown Away

  Breathless

  Imagine

  Starting Over (Single Title)

  Music City Moguls

  Stone Cold

  Envious

  Forbidden

  Haunted

  Jaded

  Hero Worship

  Texas Titans

  Strike Out

  End Zone

  First Down

  Cheap Shot

  Fast Break (Holiday Novella)

  Wild Card

  Free Agent

  Going For It

  Possession

  Coming Soon

  Book Two in the Starkis Family Series…

  Damon

  Eleni Litras recognized a kindred spirit when she saw one. Damon loved to have a good time, was allergic to commitment, and was honest to a fault. He wasn’t afraid to speak his mind, even if it meant raising a few eyebrows. She loved that about him. In fact, she feared she may be falling in love with him. But her tragic upbringing taught her trust was a filthy four letter word.