Imperfections

by Shaniel Watson

  "I didn't have anything more important to do than spend a night in with my favorite niece."

  Jay sits next to me and Sasha. "She's your only niece."

  Maybe not! "Yes, she is and I would rather spend the entire evening with her than sitting at a table with people I hardly know or care about." Being annoyed by my mother playing matchmaker.

  My mom bends down to kiss Sasha on the cheek. Her lips barely touch her face, she's making sure to keep her makeup intact.

  "We'll see you later, sweetheart, don't stay up too late. A lady needs at least eight hours of sleep to look her best. You don't want bags under your eyes. Make sure you pass this advice on to your aunty, she needs a little help. The way she's going she'll never catch a man."

  I look at her and roll my eyes. "Really, Mother?"

  "Yes, Catherine. You need to fix yourself up more. Between your hair, nails and makeup, you need my help desperately. Let's not mention your lack of knowledge when it comes to men."

  She straightens up when she's finished giving my ego a black eye. My father bends down and gives Sasha and me a kiss on the cheek. He whispers to me in his deep voice, "If you only had five minutes of sleep, you would still be the prettiest girl in the room."

  I wrap my hands around his neck and kiss him. "Thanks, Daddy."

  "No thanks needed, it's the truth. You don't need a man to tell you you're beautiful. You are. Don't listen to her."

  I love my dad. Sometimes he takes the sting out of my mother's bite.

  "I heard that. She doesn't need a man but it would be nice if she had one. How do you expect to get any more grandchildren?" she says in her dry tone.

  "Candice, leave her alone. If she wants a boyfriend, I think she's perfectly capable of finding one on her own. There's no rush for more grandkids. Let's enjoy the one we have." My dad is the buffer between me and my mom, as always. But I know, if it comes down to it, he will put up a united front and side with her. "Now, come on, let's go."

  My dad helps my mother with her coat. Jay looks at me and I shrug my shoulders. I think he's going to give me more instructions about Sasha. Instead, he hands me a list of instructions on how to take care of her, which I promptly throw in the garbage, in front of his face. "What, Jay? I don't need instructions."

  "No. I think you should let Mom set you up on a date."

  "What?"

  He holds his hand up to her. "She has a good sense of character when it comes to guys."

  "Listen to your brother, dear. He knows what he's talking about." She nods her head to him and gives him a full smile.

  You have got to be kidding me. I'm sure he knows as well as I do she doesn't. She got lucky with my dad. Real lucky.

  I narrow my eyes at him slightly and mumble, "I'll keep that in mind." With Sasha on my hip I walk to the door in front of them. I'm ready for them to get out. "Look at the time, you're going to be late. Let me open the door for you." I open it wide and wait for them to leave.

  "We can take a hint, little sister."

  "Good."

  Mom and Dad walk out and Vanessa kisses Sasha. "Be good for Aunty Cat. Mommy loves you."

  "Love you, Mommy." Her little voice is too cute.

  "See you later, Cat."

  "You don't have any instructions for me?" I tilt my head back behind me to Jay. "Like your husband?"

  "Please, if I can take care of Sasha by myself, you're more than capable. Don't pay any attention to your brother. At times he can be overprotective, as I'm sure you already know."

  She gives me a sympathetic smile. I smile back when I nod my head. I've always liked Vanessa from the first time I met her. She's the same every time you see her. I like people like that. You don't have to wonder who you are going to get today; happy Vanessa, sad Vanessa or attitude Vanessa. She's genuinely a nice person. It would be easy for her to be not so nice because her family comes from money and she's so pretty.

  Jay kisses Sasha in my arms. "I love you and I'll see you later."

  "Bye, Daddy. Love you."

  Before he walks out the door he asks, "Have you seen Nick lately?"

  Where did that come from? Why's he asking? He never cared before. "No, why?"

  "You used to spend a lot of time together. Kate and he are engaged but I don't see him coming around and she's staying here now. Is everything all right between them?"

  "Before I went away to college we used to hang out like friends do. As for Kate and him, I don't know what or if things between them are…whatever. You would have to ask them."

  What the hell is this? I don't want to think about them. I'm trying to avoid both of them and here Jay is asking me about their nonexistent relationship. Why is he asking me instead of Kate?

  He looks at me intently. "I will. I want to make sure my sisters are okay. Are you okay?"

  My heart is beating a little faster. Does he know something? He couldn't. Only Ava knows what happened between me and Nick. She's not saying anything and neither is Nick. I think my guilt is making me paranoid. I swallow and smile the best I can.

  "I'm fine. Don't I look fine?"

  He studies me for a minute before he speaks. "Yes. You do." He gives me three quick pecks on the cheek like when I was a little girl, looking up to my big brother. "Love you, sis."

  I smile a genuine sad smile this time. "Love you too."

  I close the door and sigh leaning back. My feelings are all over the place. Between my mom, Jay, and Kate, it's all unsettling me. I feel like a fraud, a lying cheat. I feel all of these things at the same time. I'm trying not to think about Nick. The harder I try the more I do. I think about us in the car, in the bathroom at his house when he stripped me down to nothing. He took care of me like I was his. And the way he kissed me, I've never been kissed like that before. I can see us in my dreams making love. Him on top of me, pushing me, riding me hard and fast until I scream his name. I close my eyes against the thought. I take a deep breath and let it out. Opening my eyes I see Sasha looking at me.

  "Okay, Aunty Cat?"

  "Yes, baby, I'm trying to be."

  That's as honest as I can be. "Come on, baby girl, let's get this party started. Let the night of fun begin," I say, skipping into the living room smiling.

  For the next six hours I entertain Sasha and she entertains me too. We played blocks and I helped her build a pink tower. We also played hide and seek three times until I couldn't find her. I realized that wasn't such a good idea in a house with so many places to hide for a three-year-old. I was scared out of my mind when I couldn't find her and she wasn't answering me. I knew Jay and Vanessa were going to kill me for losing their only child. I was about to call them when she jumped out of her hiding spot all smiles. I've never been so relieved in my life. We are never playing that again! We finished the night off dancing, coloring, watching a movie and reading a bedtime story before she fell asleep in my bed with me.

  I did a pretty good job of not thinking about Nick. A few times I had a flash of his lips pressed against mine. Each time I closed my eyes against the memory and the feel of his lips over mine. Who am I kidding?

  I want him. No matter how much I try to fight it, I want him.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Cat

  I find myself taking a walk the next afternoon after I come from the school. Matt's been calling me. I spoke to him once and he wanted to make sure I was okay. He got the message Nick left for him loud and clear. He told me he wasn't backing off and the only person that could make him back away is me, not the almighty Nick Alexander. I haven't spoken to him since that night. He sends me a text every other day and I text him back. He flirts and I flirt back. It's all in fun. He does want to take me out though, I told him I'll think about it and let him know. He said there're no expectations; we will be two intimate friends hanging out, having fun. I could even bring Ava, he forgot how much fun she was to hang out with. I said yeah, that's Ava, the fun never stops.

  I don't know when I made the decision but I find myself in front of Alexande
r and Alexander Law firm. I walk into the lobby, show my ID and get into the elevator up to the fifteenth floor. What am I doing here? I'm showing up to his office unexpected. I don't know what I'm going to say to him. Maybe I should ask him to lunch? Nothing can happen if we take a walk to eat. I haven't seen or heard from him since the morning I left his house two weeks ago. I hope he's not angry. I would be if he ran out of my house without so much as a see you later then out of the blue shows up where I work without so much as a phone call. Maybe I should leave. Cat, pull it together, you're already here, don't be a coward.

  I step off the elevator on his floor and walk up to the receptionist desk. A nice-looking woman in her early forties greets me. She's dressed in a gray pantsuit, her dark brown hair is pulled back into a tight bun. She has a pleasant smile and dark brown eyes, she seems nice and efficient. I'm not sure what an efficient person looks like but she looks and sounds like she is. I can tell as soon as she speaks to me.

  "May I help you?"

  "Yes, I'm here to see Nick, um, Mr. Alexander." I'm not used to calling him by his last name. I never had to before. It sounds strange coming out of my mouth, referring to him formally.

  "Does he have an appointment with you?"

  I put my hands in front of me and play with my fingers. "No. I was in the area and stopped by. If he's busy, I understand. I should have called first." I turn to leave.

  "Wait."

  I stop and turn back around. I was almost out. Maybe he'll refuse to see me. She holds her hand out to a sofa across from her desk.

  "You can have a seat. I'll see if he has time to see you. I can't guarantee he will be able to see you today, but I'll see what I can do. Your name?"

  "Catherine Reed, thank you." She presses a button on the phone and picks it up.

  "There's a young lady here to see you, Mr. Alexander—" she smiles at me and continues. "No, she doesn't have an appointment. Okay, I'll let her know."

  It doesn't sound like she had much luck.

  "I'm sorry, he won't be able to see you today, but I can schedule an appointment for you."

  "No, thank you, that's okay. It wasn't anything important."

  "Are you sure?"

  "Yes, thank you." I open my pocket book and look for a piece of gum to chew away my nerves. As usual I can't find it or my metro card. My bag is like a bottomless pit. I keep throwing things in and when it's time for me to use them I can never find them. I need to downsize this suitcase to a mini bag. I fumble around some more till I find it.

  The door to my right opens and Nick walks out looking tall, handsome and powerful in his midnight blue tailored suit. He doesn't see me behind him when he walks over to the reception desk. From the tone in his voice I'm glad I'm not Karen.

  "Karen, I asked you for the revised briefs fifteen minutes ago, where are they? I have a meeting with the client in two hours! I'm not seeing anyone not on the schedule today, unless they're on retainer or on their way to a jail cell."

  Wow! I guess this is bad timing. Maybe he won't notice I'm here when he turns around. He sounds seriously angry, like a dam ready to burst. I don't want to be on the receiving end of that. Karen better have those briefs ready or she might be out of a job.

  "And where the hell is Steve with my lunch?"

  "I'll call him to find out how far away he is, sir."

  I have to give Karen credit. She's holding up better than I would be. I would have quit and told him to shove it where the sun doesn't shine. Then I would have burst into tears on the way down the hall.

  "Do I have to get it myself? Tell him if he's not here in the next ten minutes he's fired!"

  I should have left when I had the chance.

  Karen nods her head and points behind him and he turns around.

  "I see you're extremely busy," I say, standing. He doesn't say anything. He's caught off guard seeing me standing there biting my lower lip but he recovers quickly. "I can come back or give you a call later."

  He shakes his head and nods toward his door with one word. "Inside."

  That one word isn't said with any animosity. His face is composed and void of emotion. If I didn't hear him ripping into Karen, I would think he didn't have a care in the world. He's good, Nicholas Alexander, Esq. His only tell is the set of his strong jaw and the tilt of his head. He waits for me to walk into his office turning back to tell Karen something. This time I can't hear a word he's saying to her. His office is nice, minimal, and spacious. It's like him, not fussy or over the top but spectacular nonetheless. There's an entire wall across from his massive mahogany high-gloss desk, which is floor to ceiling glass. I'm awestruck by the view. I've never been in his office before. I press the palm of my hand against the cool glass and look down at the people who look like little ants going about their business. Unaware someone is watching them at this very moment. I wonder if someone is watching me watching them. I'm nervous and my mind is wondering.

  I hear the door close behind me and almost jump. I'm not ready to turn around and face him yet.

  "This view is amazing." I hear his deep rich voice from behind me; it echoes around me, it's not sharp, more calm than sharp.

  "Thank you. I'm glad you're enjoying it."

  I know he's watching me, I can feel his eyes roaming over my body. I don't know how I know. I can feel it. "I can see everything through these windows. Can people see me through them?" That's an unsettling thought. People being able to watch your every move every day.

  "No, they're made to keep prying eyes out and let sunlight in. I like to watch not be watched."

  The way he says it sends a flutter through the bottom of my stomach. He's letting me know as if I didn't know already, he's watching me. I turn around and face him. My God! He looks heart-stopping good. He's sitting on the edge of the desk one leg on the floor, the other one grazing the floor, his hands are folded in front of him, drawing my eyes to his nether region where I was well satisfied. Agh! Pull it together and pull your eyes up, girl!

  When my eyes reach his face he has a wicked irresistible smile. I'm trying my best here. I'm trying. "You're not saying anything, you're just staring at me."

  "I don't want to scare you off. I'm surprised that you're here. You have that deer-in-the- headlights look."

  "I felt like a deer caught in headlights out there. I felt sorry for Karen. I thought you were going to bite her head off. A ferocious lion circling its next meal."

  "You're worried about Karen? Don't be, she is paid immensely well to deal with me. My assistant on the other hand, you might have to worry about."

  "It's good to know Karen's getting compensated to put up with you. I'll pray for poor Steve. I think he's going to get some of what Karen got and then some."

  He smiles and lets out a little chuckle.

  "So what brings you to the den? I wasn't expecting to see you after our last encounter."

  "I'm sorry I dropped by unannounced—"

  "You are one of the few people that are welcomed here anytime with or without an appointment."

  "I thought I could take you to lunch, but I see you're busy."

  "I'm never too busy to make a little time for you. Is that the only reason you're here?"

  Boy, his eyes haven't left me since he came in here. I have an audience of one, listening intently to every single word that comes out of my mouth. I feel like I'm on display. "I think we need to talk about what happened the night you drove me home."

  He shifts his weight to both his legs on the hunter green carpet and rests his hands back on either side of him on the edge of his desk. For the first time since we've been in here he looks away from me, out the window, then back to me. Like the sexiest lion I've ever seen he licks his lip and the corner of his mouth turns up. "Don't worry I'm safe."

  Hmmm. Safe with what? I'm clueless to what he's talking about. Then I get it, I'm such an idiot.

  "I get tested regularly twice a year. I believe it's my duty and responsibility for a person who screws around as much as I do."
<
br />   "That's good to know." That's the first question I should have asked before having sex with zero protection. "I wasn't even thinking about that." I could kick myself, having unprotected sex with a known womanizer.

  "You should if you're going to go around having sex," he says.

  "I'm not going to be having sex with anyone else!" I'm not planning to make a habit of having sex with a bunch of men.

  "Good. I have had a lot of sex with a lot of women, I always use protection. Except when I'm in what I would consider a serious relationship. That has only been twice and the longest one lasted a little over twelve months."

  "You're really blunt."

  "When it comes to sex you should be. We should be able to talk about anything that's on your mind. For instance, you should be able to tell me if something I'm doing during sex feels good or not. After all, I aim to please."

  And you do from what I've experienced. "I'm not used to you talking to me this way. The way you speak to me now is different."

  "Does it bother you?"

  "No." It's better than patting me on the head like a little girl or worse a sister.

  "Good. I'm going to show you all sides of me, good and bad. I don't want to sensor who I am around you."

  "I wouldn't want you to."

  I can't believe he's telling me this. He's sitting on the edge of his desk watching me in the middle of his office; relaxed and looking good, really good. Talking about sex like it's an everyday conversation we would normally have, while his eyes rake up and down my body. I feel self-conscious, that's a feeling I never felt around him before, and it's unnerving. I'm open and exposed; I feel more exposed standing in front of him with my clothes on, than when he stripped me down naked in his bathroom.

  I'm in the lion's den all right and he's in charge. I turn back around and look out the window. I'm trying not to remember me and him doing things we had no business doing in the first place. I hear his footsteps on the floor behind me. My heart rate speeds up, he stops so close behind me I can feel the heat of his body on me.