Imperfections

by Shaniel Watson

  "Hi, Kate. Merry Christmas."

  She tilts her head to the side and sits back in the chair with her legs crossed at the ankle with a "why the hell are you speaking to me" attitude. If she only knew how much I don't want to say a word to her. I'm only over here because I have to show everyone we're all good.

  "I would get up, but I'm not feeling so good. I'm saving my energy for tonight, you know how it is being pregnant."

  "No, I don't." How the hell would I know? I've never been pregnant.

  "Yeah, you wouldn't know what being pregnant is like. The feeling you have knowing you and the person you love have created a new life together, from the love that you share. My God, it's a beautiful thing."

  Is she for real? The only love that's between Nick and her is the love they share for the baby. I would love nothing more than to knock her off that chair and wipe that fake-ass smile off her face. "I'm sure it is, Kate."

  "Believe me, it is. Too bad you won't know how it feels for a long time."

  I want to tell her neither will she.

  "Then again you never know, maybe you will find a man of your own tonight, a Christmas miracle."

  I see she's going to keep playing the part of a bitch. There is no need for me to say another word to her. At least Mom was civil.

  "I hope you feel better, Kate." I don't think it's the baby making her feel bad; it's her funky-ass attitude and bitterness.

  "I will, especially tonight when I'm with Nick. He's so excited about the baby."

  I'm tired of this. I can't help myself. I lean in close to her so only she can hear.

  "Then why isn't he here with you? You don't need to answer, we both know why." I pull back a little to see her eyes when I say the God's honest truth. "He wants me, not you."

  I lean back with a smile to make everyone think we're having a nice conversation. Her smirk is gone. Her nostrils are slightly flaring. Other than that you wouldn't know how much she wants to spit in my face.

  Chris steps in front of me seeing what's going to happen. "Hey, birthday girl."

  I look up and he gives me a hug and moves me over to the other side of the room.

  "It's Christmas morning, can't we all get along?"

  "You should ask your sister, she's acting like a real bit—"

  "Big sister. You're going to draw unwanted attention if you don't calm down."

  "I am calm!" I whisper angrily.

  "It's Christmas Day, your favorite time of the year, forget about your issues with Kate. It's your special day. You're with people who love you, try to enjoy it a little."

  I wish I could. I thought I would be waking up with Nick next to me, not alone by myself for yet another year. Being with Nick opened my eyes; before we were together I didn't mind waking up alone in my bed, now I do. "I'll try."

  I sit down next to him and watch Sasha rip open her gifts and everyone else's. She's like a little Tasmanian devil, there is no stopping her. The rest of the morning is uneventful. Kate and I stay far away from each other. If she looks in one direction I look in the other one. But we play along with everyone else like we are one big happy family. When my father tells a joke he thinks is funny, we laugh and smile at each other. A few times I see her looking at me like she wants to stomp me into the floor. I don't care as long as she doesn't say another word to me, her eyes could pop out of her head and I wouldn't care.

  Today wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The only unpleasant part of the day was Kate being what I now consider her true self. We have never had a real serious argument before. I guess that's because I didn't stand in the way of her getting what she wanted, I wasn't a threat. Kate usually got what she wanted. I can't remember a time she wanted something and she didn't get it. Whether it be a brand new car on her sixteenth birthday or a twenty-first birthday party that rivaled a wedding; if she wanted it, she wouldn't stop till she got it. That was one thing I admired about her. If she was told no, she found a way to change no to yes. One thing that I do know for sure is, what is hers is hers, she does not like sharing, never did. She likes things a certain way, the only one allowed to mess with them is her.

  I stand by the window looking out hoping it will snow. I don't think it will. I was hoping for a white Christmas. I might get it, the weather man did say there was a good chance it was going to snow. I should at least get something I want today. I was hoping Nick would call me today. I know I'm the one who told him not to call me, only one text a day…I miss him. Today is a day to be with the one you love, make memories to share together for years to come. He hasn't sent me a text in two days. Maybe he's changed his mind. I mean, how long can a man like Nick be by himself?

  It's a terrible thing when you know there is another person out there in the world meant for you and you're surrounded by a room full of people all alone. A white Christmas is not as good as getting the man I've wanted my entire life, waking up with his arms around me, but it's better than nothing.

  "Hey, baby girl."

  "Hey, Dad." I look at my dad standing beside me and try to shake off the melancholy feelings taking over. I wrap my arms around his waist for warmth. It's not cold in here I just need to feel it.

  "Why are you over here by yourself?"

  "I was wishing it would snow. You know how much I love a white Christmas."

  "I know you do, when you were little that was the first thing you would do on Christmas morning. Run to the window, right past the gifts, to see if it snowed. If it did, your little face would light up like Sasha's, ripping open those boxes."

  I smile and look out the window.

  "You were the cutest little thing with all your hair bouncing up and down."

  He gives me a kiss on the side of my head and I lean my head against his chest. It feels like I'm his little girl again. It's a nice feeling to have right now. Loved and wanted. My phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull away from him to see who it is. My heart jumps when I see the name on the screen. It's Nick. "Dad, I'm going to take this call."

  "Go ahead. They must be special."

  "Why would you say that?"

  "Your face lit up like that little girl on Christmas morning when you looked at your screen."

  I smile and shake my head. I'm not going to deny it. I go upstairs to my room and call him back. The phone rings twice before he answers.

  "Happy birthday."

  I feel so silly by the way I'm reacting from the sound of his voice. My face is one big smile, I'm practically giddy. "Thank you."

  "I thought you didn't want to talk to me."

  "No, no, I did. I had to go to another room that's why I didn't answer. I'm at my parents' house."

  "You sound happy. It must be a good birthday."

  "It's okay so far."

  "I would ask you if you got everything you wanted but the day isn't over yet."

  "Does that mean you have something for me?"

  "I do."

  "What is it?"

  "I can't tell you, it's a surprise. I want to see your face when you see it for the first time."

  "I don't know if I will be able to open it in front of you, you should tell me now."

  "It's a surprise, I can't."

  "I hate surprises. They don't work out good for me." I sit down on the bottom of the bed and lie back.

  "I think you'll like this one. I'm sure it will put a smile on your face."

  "It better."

  "Oh, it will."

  I sit up and walk to the door when I hear someone call my name. "I have to go, they're calling me. I'm glad you called."

  "Happy birthday, Christmas baby."

  "Merry Christmas, Nick." I put my phone in my pocket. I'm happy he called but it's not enough. I feel empty again. "I can't wait till this day is over." Wow, that's the first time I ever said that on Christmas Day. The little girl in me is sitting in a corner fading away.

  "Sophie, what are you doing here? It's your day off," I say, coming down the stairs.

  "I saw everyone yesterday except for you. I
t's your birthday, I have a present for you."

  "Sophie, you could have called me or given it to me another day. You didn't have to come over here; you should be with your family."

  "You are my family. Your first Christmas and birthday back is important to me."

  I love Sophie. I give her a hug and she hugs me back. She holds up a bag.

  "I know things have been rough for you lately." She holds my hand. "I know they will get better. Have faith and be patient until they do."

  I'm not so sure they will but it's nice to imagine they will. She steers me toward the living room to the rest of the family.

  "This is a gift you have to open in front of everyone."

  "Okay," I say mildly curious.

  "Come around, everyone, Cat is going to open her present."

  I smile and look around, everyone circling me smiling. This is strange. Sophie puts the bag on the table, a big red glittering Christmas gift bag. I wonder what's in it. The bag is so pretty with bows and a backdrop picture of snow and children gathered around Santa Claus. The bag could be the present, it's that pretty. Sophie points to the chair behind the living room table next to the tree.

  "Sit. This is from all of us, not only me. Now you can open it."

  I sit down and reach down into the bag. There is a big glittering box with a big, red silk bow on top. I pull the bow off and all four sides of the box fall open on the table. They all yell,

  "Happy Birthday!"

  It's the prettiest cake I've ever seen. I know Sophie made it. It's my favorite, strawberry cheese cake and she wouldn't dare give me a store-bought cheese cake on my birthday.

  I look around at them and say thank you. Even to Kate with the sour look on her upturned face. I give Sophie another hug and thank her for making the cake and I give everyone a hug except for Kate who quickly sits back down before I come close to her. She sure is using this little not-feeling-good act to her advantage.

  They all turn to her and my mother says, "Kate honey, maybe you should go upstairs and lie down for a little while."

  "No, I'll be fine, it's Cat's day, we should all be here together."

  "Nonsense, Cat will understand. You're pregnant you need to rest. She can open our presents later and cut the cake when you get up. Right, Cat?"

  "Yes, I understand, you and the baby need to rest. I'll wait; maybe I'll come by tomorrow and we can do it then."

  Sophie looks at me and then at Kate. "Kate, I'm sure you can wait five minutes to watch your sister blow out the candles on her cake and wish her a happy birthday. I'm sure you'll get plenty of rest sitting down in this chair doing nothing, the presents can wait till later."

  My mother and Sophie look at each other. I know they're going to have a talk later. Sophie doesn't normally contradict my mother in front of others. If she does, it's for a good reason.

  "Five minutes won't hurt. I'll be fine."

  Neither my mother nor Kate looks happy. Sophie does. It was an awkward moment for everyone. Sophie lit the candles and I closed my eyes, made a wish and blew them out in one breath.

  "Did you make a wish?" Vanessa asks.

  "Of course."

  "I hope you get what you want."

  "I hope so too." A chance to be with Nick.

  As I'm about to leave later, my phone buzzes. I have a message from Nick. It says,

  'Happy Birthday!'

  Underneath is a picture of him holding up a pair of hot pink sweat pants? Bedazzled with the words emblazoned across the ass, in big bold letters.

  "BABY GIIIIRL"

  I can't stop myself from smiling ear to ear. It's all I can do to stop myself from laughing out loud. I send him a text.

  Cat:

  "Did you really?"

  Nick:

  "I did, I couldn't help myself."

  Cat:

  "This is one surprise that put a smile on my face. :-)"

  Nick:

  "I knew it would put a smile on your face. ;-)"

  Cat:

  "It did. Thank you, but I will not be wearing those. Ever!"

  Nick:

  "That's a shame, but I do understand. Baby girl."

  On the way home in the cab I pull my phone out. I look at the picture of Nick holding the pants. He's smiling in a white tee next to the tree we decorated together. I sit back and run my finger over his face on the screen. I miss him. It seems like forever since I saw him. I miss his touch, especially in the middle of the night when I roll over in my bed and I'm all alone in the darkness. Only the memories of us making love, of him touching every inch of me, moving inside of me till I scream his name.

  I sit back and close my eyes and try not to feel him or see him. I can't keep doing this to myself, I have to find a way to stop these feelings inside me. Let him go.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Cat

  Here I sit in a taxi, outside one of the grandest hotels on Christmas night. I don't know why I feel so nervous. It's not like I've never been to one of these before. They're all in there already, I'm late. I didn't think there would be this much traffic on Christmas night? Let me check my makeup again. I pull out my iPhone and look at the mirror. My purse is tiny all I could fit in it was my phone, keys, money, ID, and gum. I couldn't fit a mirror so I downloaded a mirror app. It's amazing what you can do with a phone.

  I followed Ava's instructions on exactly how to do my hair and makeup. I was so nervous I had to call her to make sure I was doing it right, thank God for face time. She coached me through doing a subtle Smokey-eyed seductress look with my makeup. The first time I did it she told me I looked like a weird hybrid raccoon. She helped me do my entire makeup over. When I was finished I had these amazing gold to black Smokey eyes, even I was impressed at how great I looked. When my dress was on, it all came together with my hair, a top knot it took me forty-five minutes to do. This is why Ava is always late.

  My hair is good, so is my makeup and my dress looks good. I need to walk through those doors with the confidence and poise this dress and all this other stuff I did to myself should give me. You know what they say, fake it till you make it. I don't think that applies in this situation but whatever works. Here I go. I step out of the cab and feel the cold blast of air on my face and legs. It feels like December. I push my hands in my coat pocket, walk over to the doors and look up. I see tiny, white spots floating down. Looks like I'm going to get my white Christmas. I'll be getting one out of the two things I wanted today. Happy birthday to me. I smile to myself and open the door.

  I hand my coat to the gentleman inside taking the stub he hands me. I look down at myself again to make sure everything is in place. I hold my head up high and walk inside a beautiful elegant ballroom with a Christmas tree in every corner. Gold-and-red material are draped across the ceiling with twinkling chandeliers. I look around the room to see if I see anyone I know. At the far end of the room I see my parents and there he is. Tailor-made to perfection from head to toe. No man should look this good. It's dangerous.

  Nick

  She is the most beautiful woman in the room. A golden ethereal goddess, she looks untouchable. To everyone except me. Every inch and curve of her body is molded in glittering gold. She makes her way toward me and I can't stop staring. What am I going to do about her? There is no way I can stay away. Everything about her draws me to her. We're like two opposite ends of a magnet; when we're apart, nothing. But once we're near each other, the magnetic pull is unstoppable.

  I stand back and watch her say hello to people she knows. I watch her with her family. They truly are an attractive family. Somehow she stands out like a shining star and it's not the dress, it's all her. From her hair, her eyes and most of all the smile that I will never get tired of seeing. Her smile brightens my day. It makes me want to be the best man I can be, for her.

  I take a flute from a server passing by with a tray. Taking a drink I watch her from the rim of my glass. Images of me between her legs in that dress play in my mind. I want her and I'm going to have her
, whatever it takes.

  Cat

  I say hello to my mother, father, and Kate standing next to Nick. Who would think they are a real couple? Their body language for one is totally at odds. She's partly facing him and he's looking straight ahead like she's not even there. I might as well not be here either, he barely acknowledged me when I said hello. Oh well, I better be satisfied with my Christmas snow.

  "Baby girl, you are stunning."

  "Thank you, Daddy."

  "You look like a present on Christmas morning; did we forget to open you up?"

  He hugs me to his chest and I laugh. "With Tasmanian Sasha, I don't think so." I see Nick smirking over the rim of his champagne glass from the corner of my eyes.

  "Nick, is it my imagination? Practically all the men in here are looking at my baby girl with the exception of me and you."

  He puts his glass down, one hand in his pocket. I watch his tongue move across his top lip. I have to avert my eyes from the things I see and feel him doing to me with that one action…I need a drink. Where are those damn trays when you need them?

  "No, sir, it's not your imagination."

  I see a tray passing by and quickly take a glass before it floats away. Taking a drink to calm my nerves and the butterflies in my stomach, I face my dad.

  "Daddy, no one's looking at me."

  "I beg to differ, I can point out at least five men whose heads have not turned away since you came over here."

  "The only reason they're probably looking over here is because Nick is over here. His mother is on the board for this charity and his legal practice is well known."

  "Yes, Daddy, I'm sure that's it. Cat is right; no one is looking over here at her. I'm sure it's Nick they're impressed with."

  I look at Kate and try to suppress the urge to roll my eyes. Nick doesn't say a word to her. He takes a sip of his champagne.

  "Nonsense, Kate. Look around. Nick, it looks like we're going to spend the rest of the night being her bodyguards. What do you say, are you up to protecting my girl from these guys with one thing on their minds?"