“Lily…” he whispered, his voice tender and full of pain.
“Don’t stop,” I whispered back, and pulled his head into the hollow of my neck.
I felt him move inside me, like he had a dozen times before, but all I could focus on was the bittersweetness of it all.
He looked at me, held my face in his hands, his lips a fraction of an inch from mine, and breathed into me, “What do you want?” as he filled me over and over, moving inside me, his hips moving against mine.
I shook my head ‘no,’ my eyes closed.
“Tell me,” he breathed, his voice no more than a whisper.
I bit my lip. I didn’t want to say.
“Tell me,” he insisted, his hands gripping and pulling the hair at the nape of my neck.
“Tell me you love me,” I whispered back.
His hips stopped moving, and I felt him pause inside me.
“Even if you don’t mean it all the way… just… tell me you love me,” I whispered, tears spilling down my cheeks.
He kissed my lips soft, so soft.
“I love you,” he whispered.
I arched my body against his, and he began to move inside me again.
“I love you,” he whispered.
He began to move more quickly, his thickness filling me up, stroking deep inside me in places no one else had ever touched.
“I love you,” he whispered, and I almost began to believe he meant it.
My nails dug into his back, raking across his skin.
“I love you,” he whispered into my ear, kissing the earlobe.
I groaned and clutched his ass, driving him deeper inside me.
“I love you,” he whispered as he sped up, thrusting harder into me, more forcefully.
“I love you too,” I moaned as I felt him possess me, fill me, devour me.
“I love you so much,” he whispered.
I looked up, the world swimming through my tears, to see him staring deep into my eyes.
I moaned and grabbed his ass, luxuriating in its tightness and power beneath my hands, how his muscles hardened and moved as he went deep inside me, thrusting, rocking, pounding.
Pleasure and pain – sadness and loss, not physical pain – mixed together, and my tears flowed freely as I felt my orgasm build.
“Oh Lily,” he gasped as he thrust into me harder and harder. “I love you, I love you, I love you – ”
And then I was coming, my fingers digging into his flesh, trying to force him deeper into me, loving every inch of him inside me, the feeling of his arms around me, his weight bearing down on me, and I felt him explode inside me, his cock swelling and bursting, and we screamed and gasped together, his lips against mine as his thrusts finally ceased… and my bliss along with them.
“I love you,” he whispered as he nestled against me and kissed me from my neck to my lips. “I love you…”
I believed him, if only for that moment… and I whispered it back to him wholeheartedly:
“I love you, too…”
58
We lay there spooning, me luxuriating in the warmth of his skin against mine, the firm, hard planes of his muscles against my softer curves.
I tried to remember every single sensation in case I never got to feel it again.
He was pressed against my back, and my face was turned away, so he didn’t see the occasional tear that streaked my face or disappeared directly into the pillowcase. I blinked the tears away and tried to be there, in the present, and not let my sadness distract me from my last moments with him.
My last moments, at least, until he came around.
Until he decided he loved me and wanted to say it.
I allowed myself, just for the time being, to fool myself into believing it might not take that long.
Within minutes I heard the rhythm of his breathing slow down and ease into long, deep breaths. I continued to lie there, feeling his body, trying to store up every memory I could… and working myself up to do the thing I so didn’t want to.
Half of me wanted to fall asleep, to forget everything he’d said before we made love, to forget everything Sebastian had said, to just get up tomorrow morning and pretend like everything was fine, and just ‘ride it out.’
Maybe things would change.
Maybe they would get better.
But it was breaking my heart to know he thought I was an obligation and not a refuge. Someone to stay away from instead of someone to run to.
Even then, it took me another thirty minutes to work up the courage to do what I knew needed to be done.
I slipped out from under his arm, picked up my dress, shoes, and underwear from beside the bed, and gathered my purse and things.
I debated for a few seconds about the wisdom of kissing him goodbye, in case I woke him. But finally I lost the argument with myself.
I leaned over and kissed Connor’s lips with a touch lighter than air.
He didn’t stir.
At the bedroom door I paused and looked at him sleeping – gorgeous, wonderful, amazing – and then slowly closed the door behind me.
My feet felt like they were made of lead, it was so hard to walk away.
I dressed quietly in the main room. As I stood there looking around, remembering all the amazingly sensual things I had experienced there, and all the overpowering emotions I had felt, I burst out sobbing. For a minute I almost caved and went back in the bedroom, but Sebastian’s words kept me rooted to the spot:
You’ve got to draw a line in the sand and be prepared to stick to it.
If you don’t do anything and just stay the course, you’ve lost him already. It’s only a matter of time.
I walked over to the door and paused.
There were two bodyguards over by the elevator.
How was I going to get past them?
That was when I realized I was going to need a little help.
59
They were still out there by the elevator, the two massive guys in suits. They watched me curiously as I walked across the hall to the only other door and knocked on it softly.
It took maybe three seconds before it opened.
Sebastian was standing there, eyebrows arched in a question. Johnny was a few feet behind him, his face grave and worried.
I burst into tears.
Sebastian pulled me into the room and put his arms around me. “There, there,” he murmured. “There, there.”
After about thirty seconds I pulled away. Johnny handed me a box of tissues.
I smiled shyly at him and took a couple. “Thanks.”
“So I’m guessing it didn’t go so well,” Sebastian said.
“It didn’t go badly,” I said with a half-suppressed sob. “But… it pretty much went the way I thought it would.”
“You drew the line in the sand?”
“Yes.”
He nodded approvingly. “Then that’s all you can do but wait.”
I looked over at Johnny. “Sorry to keep you up. I know you must be tired.”
He shrugged and gave me a sheepish smile. “Sebastian gave me the lowdown. We, uh… we were rooting for you.”
I smiled and almost cried again. “That’s sweet. Thank you.”
“Just so you know… I love the guy, but Connor’s a real idiot sometimes.”
“Has he…” I started, but didn’t know exactly how to finish.
Johnny knew what the question was, though. “He’s been an uptight mess since we left. But he’ll come around. Once all of this cools down… he’ll come around,” he assured me.
I smiled again. I appreciated the comforting words, but part of me wasn’t so sure he was right.
“I, uh… I hate to bother you guys, but I need to get past the guards so I can get a taxi. I was afraid they might wake Connor up if I – ”
“I’m taking you,” Johnny said firmly.
“I know you have to stay here with – ”
“I’m taking you.”
I gave in. “Okay… th
ank you.”
Sebastian pulled out a business card and gave it to me. “You need anything – anything at all, whether it’s advice, or help, or a shoulder to cry on – give me a call.”
“I appreciate that, Sebastian, but – ”
“Did you take French or Spanish in high school, Lily?”
I frowned, not seeing what that had to do with anything. “French.”
“So you know what the difference is between adieu and au revoir.”
Adieu is a contraction of A Dieu, or ‘until God’ – goodbye forever, until we meet the Maker. Au revoir, on the other hand, means ‘until we see each other again.’
“Yes,” I said.
“Then you’ll know what I mean when I say this is au revoir, not adieu.”
I smiled despite my tears. “Okay.”
“I’ll be in touch,” he said, and hugged me once more. “Be The One That Got Away, alright?”
“Okay,” I whispered. “Thank you.”
“It was – and is – my pleasure.”
He smiled sadly as Johnny put his arm around my shoulder and walked me out into the hall.
60
Johnny got the key from the valet, told them he was going to get the car, and then guided me down the ramp. When we got to the Bentley, I asked him, “Can I ride in front with you?”
He looked surprised, then smiled. “Sure.”
He opened the door for me, then circled around and got in.
We went out a different way than normal – a back entrance by the loading area for trucks and supplies. There were no paparazzi, no photographers waiting.
We drove in silence for the first few blocks, but I finally couldn’t bear it anymore.
“Can you tell me more about how he was acting?” I asked. “I just… I need to know that I’m not being a fool.”
“You’re not,” he assured me. “He really does like you, a lot. More than anybody I’ve ever seen, except for – ”
He caught himself and gave me a worried glance.
“More than Miranda?” I asked.
“…well… before she turned into an evil psychopath,” he relented.
I smiled. “She is that.”
“I think he might even… you know…”
He paused, obviously uncomfortable.
“…love you.”
I wanted to tell him He said that he does, but the words were like barbs across my heart.
“It’s just that this has been an incredible amount of stress on him,” Johnny continued, then added very quickly, “Not that this hasn’t been hell on you – I know it has, you’re not even used to this kind of exposure – uh… I mean…”
He paused and looked miserable. “I’m not making this any better, am I.”
I smiled. “I appreciate the effort.”
He sighed heavily. “I was really hoping it would last. He needs a woman like you, Lily. Somebody who’s kind and good and, well, just all-around awesome.”
I smiled sadly, but I couldn’t help noticing how he said, I was really hoping it would last.
In the past tense.
Like it was over.
“I want you to know, I think it’s incredible what you did, standing up to Miranda like that. I can’t think of anybody else who would have done what you did.”
“Thanks, Johnny.”
“He’s stupid if he doesn’t come to his senses.”
I laughed. “I’ll agree with you on that one.”
Without any traffic, we reached my apartment building quickly.
“Is there a back way in?” he asked.
“Why?”
“In case there are any paparazzi waiting out front.”
Oh shit.
I’d forgotten, in the cloistered shelter of the Dubai’s penthouse, that this was my life now.
“Yeah, turn here.”
We went down a side road. Near the back of the complex was a little-used exit door. I started to get out, but Johnny said, “Hold on,” and hopped out to open my door.
“Thanks.”
“You want me to come inside with you?”
“No… I’m okay.”
“Alright… well… I’ll see you around, Lily.”
“Thank you, Johnny. For everything,” I said, and leaned in and hugged him. “Take care.”
He returned it, a bit awkwardly, the way a tough guy might who’s not used to holding teary-eyed girls.
After we had hugged, I asked, “And will you do me a favor?”
He looked at me a bit apprehensively. “What?”
“Take care of him, too.”
He gave me a sad smile and nodded. “You got it. I’ll wait here until you’re inside, okay?”
“Okay. Bye.”
“Bye.”
I walked across the sidewalk to the door, my feet heavy as lead once more, and pulled my keys out of my purse. I inserted them in the lock, made sure it opened, and turned back and waved.
He waved once, too, then slipped inside the Bentley and guided it out into the darkness.
Within seconds, he was gone.
And just like that…
…the dream was over.
ALL THAT HE DENIES
Part 6
1
I made it inside the front door of my apartment before I burst into tears.
Anh came out of her bedroom in her pajamas, wide-eyed, with her keyring canister of mace at the ready. “Lily?!”
“Hey, Anh,” I sniffled – and then started crying again.
She ran over and hugged me, then led me to the couch.
I told her between crying jags what had happened. She made chamomile tea for us as she tried to follow my disjointed narrative.
Once I calmed down, she pulled back the vertical blinds on our main window and pointed to a bunch of paneled vans out in the darkness, parked along the curb. “There’s not many of them at night, but just wait until the morning.”
Try as I might, though, I couldn’t quite explain to her why I had left. At least, not to her satisfaction.
“So… he said he loved you… but then he said he said it too early… and then you said you guys should take a break…”
“He was avoiding me.”
“So he was avoiding you… because you were all like, ‘Tell me you love me – ’”
“I didn’t tell him to say that!”
“I thought you told him that in your last conversation.”
“No… I said I wanted to take a break until he could tell me he loved me and mean it.”
“Ohhhh,” she said, rolling her eyes.
“Whose side are you on?” I asked, annoyed.
“I’m just trying to understand. So, he said he loved you… then he said he’d said it too early… then he was avoiding you… then you said you should take a break until he could say ‘I love you’ and mean it.”
“Yeah, basically,” I mumbled, feeling foolish when she boiled it down like that.
“So you dumped him.”
“I didn’t dump him! I said we should take a break!”
“And then you went ahead and bonked him anyway.”
“I didn’t bonk him – ”
“Banged him?”
“Cut it out!”
“Okay – made sweet, sweet love?”
I just glared at her over my cup of tea.
“One for the road, huh?” she asked, wiggling her eyebrows.
“Way to make me look like a ho-bag.”
“I think you already did that with those photos.”
“ANH!”
She laughed, then shook her head. “I still don’t get it… why didn’t you wait it out and see if he changes his mind?”
“He wasn’t going to,” I said, though with less conviction than I’d felt a couple of hours ago.
“And you know that… how?”
“Sebastian told me.”
“And you know you can trust Sebastian… how…?”
“I just… I just felt like I could.”
&
nbsp; “Uh-huh… because he was always so nice to you before.”
“He changed over the last few days,” I protested.
“Uh-huh…”
“Why are you trying to freak me out?!”
She sighed. “It’s just really complicated, and I don’t know any of these people, and you haven’t exactly kept me in the loop.”
“I couldn’t stay there anymore,” I said miserably. “You have no idea what it’s like – like a prison. I couldn’t go anywhere or do anything because there were people camped out in front of the hotel waiting to get a picture – ”
“Yeah, I have no idea what that’s like,” she said, looking meaningfully over at the blinds.
“Are they trying to get a picture of you?”
“No…”
“Were your boobs on national TV?”
“No…”
“Okay, then, shut up.”
“Although, technically, they blurred them out.”
“Anh – ” I warned.
“It’s kind of like that ‘if a tree falls in a forest’ thing – if you see blurred-out boobs on TV, did you really see them?”
“Anh!”
“I went online, though – nice tata’s, Lily,” she said with a thumbs-up.
“ANH!”
And then we both dissolved into a fit of giggles when she couldn’t keep a straight face anymore.
Afterwards I wiped a tear from my eye – but this one was from laughing so hard. “Oh, God, I needed that.”
“Seriously, though, why didn’t you stay?”
I sighed and closed my eyes. “I already told you.”
“Yeah, but you exchanged a prison where they feed you lobster and filet mignon for one with crappy air conditioning and Ramen noodles.”
“It’s not just that, it’s – ”
“And a prison without a hot guy. Just li’l ol’ me.” She gasped dramatically and clasped her hands next to her face in glee. “Lily, does this mean you want me? Like… lesbian want me?”
“Yeah, that’s exactly what it means,” I deadpanned.
“Okay. Fitty-towsand dollah,” she said in her parody of a Vietnamese accent, sticking her palm out.
“You bitch!” I laughed.
“Speaking of bitches, tell me about the evil lady again…”
All That He Loves (Volume 2 The Billionaires Seduction) Page 17