Alliance: an Alpha Shifter Romance (Mated in Hell Trilogy Book 1)

by K. de Long

  His wolf might feel she was his, but deep in his spirit, he knew she never would be. She might be his in name, but he’d never truly have claim to take pleasure in her body. He would remain tormented by guilt every time he inadvertently did.

  He knew the taste of her lips. Knew the crush of her body. But he’d never know more. He’d never know the taste of her sex, her curves under his tongue. Really, he should never have kissed her, beyond the chaste one they’d shared when they took their vows.

  He didn’t miss that she stiffened when she saw him, put one hand where the tucked end of the towel held it to her chest. And he couldn’t blame her for being defensive, given how frustratingly fraught their life together had been. Nonetheless, it was a reminder of how fleeting the day’s pleasure had been and how frustrated he’d been yesterday as he sat up waiting for her to run out of things to do and return home.

  She’d kissed him, and that would never happen again. Even though she’d placed his carving on the shelf next to her childhood toy.

  He wanted to scrutinize her for any sign she’d softened to him, but knew he’d only be disappointed. Better to not read anything into it.

  “Soup’s on the stove,” she said. “I’m just waiting for the dried beans to soften.”

  Liam raised an eyebrow. He’d been so spellbound by her almond scent, he’d completely missed the aroma of cooked meat and boiling broth. Apparently his inner beast’s survival instincts were preoccupied with an entirely different kind of primal instinct.

  “Thanks,” he said.

  She stared at him, a strange light in her eyes. It took a minute for him to realize that Tessa was just as overloaded as he was. The scent of the hunt still lingered about him, and her inner wolf must have a lot to say about it. If he didn’t go clean himself up as best he could, their next fight might draw blood.

  Her eyes narrowed as he moved to pass her in the hall. He felt the change as much as sensed it, felt the air between them shift as her heartbeat sped up, inhaled the change to her aroma as their eyes held each other’s. No doubt about it, her wolf meant trouble for him. Any other circumstances, it would be sweaty, steamy trouble. But despite his own wolf howling at him to kiss her, put his own scent back on her, only saturated with the tang of her sweet, sweet arousal, he knew they’d only regret it later.

  He forced his eyes away from hers and kept moving toward the bathroom. It got easier with every step, every little increase to the space between them.

  “I’m gonna shower up while it cooks,” he muttered.

  As he closed the bathroom door, she was still staring at him with a mix of confusion and frustration writ on her face.

  No, he’d never feel like he had his feet under him when it came to Tess.

  Tessa stirred her soup, wondering what the hell she’d done wrong. For a moment there, Marrock’s eyes had darkened as though he intended to kiss her. And though that should have made her run fast and far, she’d been strangely calm, languishing in her skin as she waited for him.

  He’d done it once before…he’d surely do it again, right?

  As she scraped the bottom of the pot to prevent anything from burning, her anticipation turned to annoyance. She was stupid to have gotten caught up in the moment—any moment that involved fixating on his kiss. One more way that Marrock rendered her powerless. And one more thing that didn’t seem to be changing any time soon.

  Tessa tasted the soup and wrinkled her nose. Marrock had nothing in the way of spices. Next time she could, she’d have to barter for a few herbs in pots. In the meantime, perhaps she could beg for some dried ones from his pack’s stores.

  She knocked on the bathroom door, listening for Marrock’s growl.

  “Gonna get some supplies,” she yelled into the thick wood. When his voice rumbled back at her, she left. She didn’t actually know what he’d said, but that just meant it sounded like an affirmative.

  Out in the warm afternoon air, she could think. She didn’t hurry on her way to the quartermaster. She’d turned the heat off, and the stew would cook in the residual heat while she was gone with less need to stir. Plus, Marrock was a grown man. He wouldn’t be in the shower long, and it wouldn’t kill him to stir it while she was gone.

  Though the polite thing to do would have been to leave a note or something asking him to. She was only his mate, though. It wasn’t her job to baby him. He’d taken care of himself during his— she’d guess three decades—of life, and doing it for one goddamn meal wouldn’t kill him.

  She’d never admit to herself that it was simply easier to be away from him. The constant explosions, the lingering glances…there wasn’t one thing about their lives together that didn’t come with friction and frustration. It was toxic to be around it all the time.

  As Tessa walked past, Mara was sitting on a stoop. She stood and ran to her.

  “Getting food,” Tessa explained. She hated being curt to the woman, but Marrock’s warning sat heavy in her heart. And the last thing she needed was some manner of trouble tonight, when things were finally calmer.

  Mara grinned, impervious to Tessa’s crankiness. “Oh, that’s perfect. I’ve been putting off on a trip, myself. Let me grab Knox. You’ve gotta start meeting the family sometime...”

  Tessa didn’t want to bring up the elephant walking alongside them: that Mara had gotten her in deep, deep shit with Marrock. And the woman had a point. “Sure, if we can keep it fast. I’ve got a pot on the stove.”

  “It’ll just be a second,” Mara said, squeezing her hand.

  The woman’s hands weren’t as calloused as Tessa’s; she must not spend a lot of time on the hunting roster, which was surprising for her apparent size and strength. She’d have to ask exactly what tasks the woman did for the pack. Marrock would know, though she wasn’t thrilled at the idea of asking him.

  Two houses away, she pulled Tessa up the sidewalk and knocked on the door. A young man answered the door, his blond hair falling into his face. He had a cheeky grin, and something about the eyes that made Tessa bet he was a cousin or second cousin of Mara’s. Of course, in a pack like this, fully half the pack probably had some relation to Mara or Marrock. It didn’t necessarily mean anything, although it put a knot in her stomach.

  She shifted her weight to her other foot. Marrock hadn’t mentioned this young man at all…hopefully it meant he was a nobody on Marrock’s radar, someone he wouldn’t be pissed for her to be seen with. It was too late to back away now without being rude, but the last thing she wanted was for Marrock to get possessive again, as he had the day they took their vows.

  “Tessa, this is Knox. Knox, this is Tessa Lacroix. Marrock’s—”

  “Mate, I know.” He grinned winningly. “How’s that working out for you. Have you beat the shit out of him yet?”

  Nervous laughter bubbled in Tessa’s throat. “Close, a few times.”

  “I’ve got money on you, y’know.”

  “Hmm?”

  “On you winning that fight. Some of the others have a wager on it.”

  “Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Tessa said, restraining a smile.

  “Tessa and I”—Mara nudged Tessa with her elbow— “were just getting ready to pick up some supplies. You were just complaining yesterday about needing more dried meat, so I figured we’d drag you off your hiney to go do it. Errands go better with company.”

  “Yeah. Let me—” He hollered something back into the house, and then stepped out, closing the door. “I’m in.”

  Tessa largely kept quiet. She had no issues with new people, but this whole thing was becoming more of an endeavor than it should have been. Knox kept shooting glances at her, and she hated that her wolf loved them. She hated that his eyes on her made her skin go warm. It wasn’t even that he was good-looking as that he had a nice laugh. She couldn’t remember having heard Marrock laugh like that, and the release of that humor was something she’d sorely been missing, with no friends to bullshit with and only tension with Marrock.

  Mara
and Knox made her feel like her old self. And she hated herself for needing to get that from strangers.

  “So what’re things like between you two anyways?” Mara asked. There was a strange light in her eyes; Tessa couldn’t tell whether she was just an avid gossiper, or whether there was some other context to the question. “It’s disgusting, them reverting to the old ways, forcing you to mate with a stranger. Are you both miserable? You must be. Fuck knows I wouldn’t be happy, if that was me. I could never go through with that.”

  Tessa agreed, and the sympathy was nice, but she’d never say so out loud. But as well-intentioned as Mara was, the words also stung. It was if Mara was saying she was more alpha than Tess. Too alpha to be mated off. Something Tessa could no longer claim.

  But Mara hadn’t been faced with the same conflicts, and sometimes it took a stronger wolf to suck it up and do what was best for her pack.

  “We sorted it out,” she said finally, not wanting to feed into any gossip that might be used for politicking. “We’re fine mates.”

  She wouldn’t give Marrock anything he could use against her.

  “Still, it must be lonely. New place, new people...”

  Tessa shrugged. “The alliance will be good for both packs. And I’m adaptable.”

  She hated the political doublespeak, and hated even more that Mara didn’t seem interested in changing the topic. It made her rethink Marrock’s warning. Not because she thought he was right, but because she thought he might not be completely wrong about Mara not being someone she wanted to be close to.

  Tessa kept quiet, but Knox kept filling the gaps with commentary on the people around them. The names flew by her, but she thoroughly enjoyed the little bits of background he gave her. Why hadn’t Marrock done something like this to welcome her? Oh yeah—because her comfort wasn’t Marrock’s concern, only her connections. Her smile became looser, and she began to dread going back to her still, foreign home.

  There was a line at the warehouse. She let Mara step ahead of her, hoping it might get the woman away from her sooner. She still half expected to be turned away, in the confusion over the last-minute alliance.

  Mara talked to the man as he parceled out her goods; some paid with tokens, others in barter, and other yet with pack status. When Mara was forced to make hard bargains, but Tessa was handed anything within reason she requested, she again felt like the lesser wolf. She didn’t like things being handed to her.

  When the quartermaster passed her a few wrapped twists of herbs, she took some healing herbs out of her pack. “Here,” she said, handing it to the quartermaster. “This should cover our share.”

  “Oh, you don’t have to—”

  She grabbed her stuff and hurried away before he could finish the sentence that already had her cringing. She was not a pampered pack mistress. She was just as tough as Mara. She wasn’t just the mate of the alpha. She was, in her own right, an alpha herself.

  But if that was true, why did she feel at a constant scramble to prove that? Why did she feel like she had to prove how tough she was every step of the way, that she wasn’t just some pack princess?

  The whole thing made a fire burn in her stomach as she stormed back home to finish cooking the fucking soup.

  As she turned the corner, Knox was standing there. She froze, but when he smiled that easy going smile, her tensions melted. A friend. A reprieve. A much-needed break from the charade.

  Maybe he was only using her because of her status in the pack, but she could do to hear that laugh of his again and leave the politics behind. Even if only for a little while.

  Chapter 15

  Liam paced the room. Tessa had been gone a long time. Too long. Not that Liam noticed. He just noticed the beans in her soup softening and the broth going lukewarm off the flame. That was the only reason he noticed her absence. But she could have warned him. It’s not like he cared, but the warning would have been nice. He’d hoped to have a pleasant night together, once he’d gotten dressed, and calmed his hyperactive beast from the hunt.

  A knock on the door roused him from his irritation and curiosity. He opened it.

  “Mara,” he said, his voice shaded with antipathy.

  “Hey, M,” she said, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “I just wanted to see if Tessa was back yet. I realized I got extra herbs, thought maybe I had her to thank for that? You know what a skinflint Ryker is normally.”

  He kept silent. He wouldn’t say Tessa wasn’t back. Why did Mara think she would be, and what had kept her? A prickle of worry raised the hairs on the back of his neck and made his wolf growl. “Thanks for your consideration. I’ll take them.”

  “Is she here? I can say hi—”

  He glared at her. “I think you’ve said enough to her. Steer clear, Mara.”

  She was beautiful, though less steely than Tessa. He’d admired her once, though he’d never loved her. But he knew the problems that followed in her footsteps and that his life was a million times happier without them. Even though it had meant giving up her touch, at a time when he sorely needed it. Still, he’d gotten through. He knew how much calmer things were without her, at least before Tessa had entered the picture.

  “Oh come on. You can’t keep her trapped in your ivory tower. Poor woman.” She shrugged. “Here everyone kept telling me you’d outgrown that controlling streak.”

  His eyes narrowed. Yes, he’d struggled to find a balance with Tessa, but that had nothing to do with anything. And the situation with Tessa was unlike any he’d faced before. Of course he hadn’t been at his best. Mara was attempting to use his insecurities against him—insecurities she’d created.

  It was an intentional reminder of old wounds. A reminder of how when he’d demanded Mara not back herself up by dropping his name into a discussion, she’d accused him of being two-faced, supporting her in private but scorning her in public. A reminder of how when he refused to take her side, she’d insisted that it was because he liked seeing her grovel. How when he’d asked her to do something differently, she’d accused him of meddling just to meddle. How she’d done her best to convince him that it was impossible to be a good lover and a good leader, unless he let her get away with shit that even his closest advisers couldn’t.

  He’d walked a tightrope, keeping quiet until he couldn’t contain all the rage and fury at the unfairness of her treatment. And then reaping the harms of having lost his temper. In the years since he ended their with-benefits arrangement, it had taken him a great deal of work to move past the fear she’d instilled in him. Fear that he wasn’t as strong as a leader as he should be.

  Was he making the same mistakes with Tessa by being too lenient?

  Yet, he felt protective over Tessa. He hated the idea of Mara getting her claws into her. Hated the idea that, because he hadn’t engaged with Tessa, Mara had stepped up to fill the gap. Hated the thought that he’d become the person Mara always accused him of being, to Tessa.

  He had to come clean with Tessa. Had to tell her exactly how he knew the harm Mara could wreak. He couldn’t leave anything hanging over his head to come crashing down. He needed to harness control of the situation, of Tess, and especially of Mara.

  “She’s not back, is she?” Mara asked, breaking his state. Her eyebrows raised, and her face went blank. That wasn’t a good sign. She knew something.

  “I’ll tell her you stopped by,” he said, impatient to get Mara away from his home, his safe space. He’d go look for Tessa as soon as he could, but he didn’t want to give Mara the satisfaction of knowing she got to him.

  “Oh, okay. Thanks. She must still be talking to Knox. They seemed like they were getting along at the warehouse.” Mara smiled brightly and leaned close to kiss his cheek. “I miss hanging out with you. We should—”

  “Not a snowball’s chance in hell,” he said, and he shut the door in her face.

  He had no doubt it was calculated. She’d intentionally let slip that Tessa was getting along with Knox, one of the malcontents who’d
be only too happy to depose him. The whelp wasn't alpha enough to have directly acted against him, or he would have been on the list Liam had trusted Tessa with. But even an ankle-biter could do real damage in the right circumstances. Knox might be no more than a stinging fly, but the Nefari could ill afford the brat’s bite right now. As for why Knox and Tessa were buddy-buddy... He wouldn’t be surprised if she’d been the one who introduced them, too, to create that opportunity.

  The anger that shot through him every time Mara’s name came up was a bitter reminder that she’d have been a horrible alpha bitch, and that she was the only one who didn’t know it.

  She wanted him, or rather, she wanted power over him. That wasn’t strength, though. That was weakness. A true alpha bitch knew how to lift up her man. Make him better. Make him stronger. A true alpha bitch was strong enough to swallow her pride to show solidarity behind her man so that the rest of the pack would fall in line.

  Mara would never be strong enough for that. But, he feared, Tessa might not be, either.

  He hated that the bile at the back of his throat wasn’t simply from Mara’s company. She actually had managed to get under his skin, making him feel insufficient for Tessa and then compounding that with the awareness that Tessa was getting close to another man.

  It felt like a betrayal; their fights aside, he and Tessa had been getting along somewhat better. And he had hopes that it could become better yet, once things settled. But worse even than the buttons Mara’d pushed was the knowledge that his wolf’s anger was focused not just at Tessa, but at the man who’d played into Mara’s plans. The man who thought he could flirt with Tessa, take Liam’s pledged mate’s body. Just the thought of another man touching her—