Frolic of His Own

by William Gaddis

  —No look Oscar, I didn’t mean to seem to shrug off your injuries. Point is once you get these lawsuits started they can drag out for years, they give you some docket number in the hereafter and the insurance company’s in no hurry. They’re getting fed up with these million dollar awards and settlements and they’re starting to really fight them, get one postponement after another and by the time you come to trial you’ll be . . .

  —I’ll be out playing baseball, will you tell her to bring in that Alfredo dish Christina? Because she says Kevin said I’m probably already well past the threshold limit on all these medical bills so what we’re talking about is all this pain and suffering and lost income because of this permanent disfigurement.

  —I think he means his battle scar, Harry. Just turn a little so he can see it Oscar, which cheek is it?

  —It’s right here! Can’t you see it?

  —If you know where to look. Get it in the right light it’s quite distinguished, don’t you think so Harry?

  —You said the school’s still paying you Oscar, I don’t see where loss of income is . . .

  —Maybe he could get a slouch hat and take his play on the road.

  —Christina stop it! I’m trying to . . .

  —I mean anyone who could take his girlfriend on a vacation trip to visit a Civil War battlefield, she probably asked which side was George Washington on, talking about all this lost income Oscar I can’t imagine what you’re talking about.

  —Because that’s exactly what I’m talking about, this same battlefield because that’s the trip we made down to Maryland when I was going to lecture on the battle at Antietam at the Army War College in Carlyle, lecture fees like that and the whole lecture circuit even if I can finally walk again, that this facial disfigurement can cause my loss of earning capacity that’s what it’s about.

  —Well I must say it’s the first time I’ve ever heard you talk about the whole lecture circuit, Ilse get that bottle away from him before the whole thing goes, just pour a little in his glass and put some sauce right on his noodles there, where did that come from.

  —It’s a nice Pinot Grigio, just a table wine really but . . .

  —I mean all this talk about the lecture circuit that’s going to be deprived of your brilliant contributions.

  —Yes well that was really Kevin’s idea, those fees are at least three thousand dollars and even five because . . .

  —And he thinks people would line up in droves to hear you talk about the Civil War?

  —Well as he says Christina, I’ve got the credentials and with the interest that this movie has stirred up we can . . .

  —You can sue them both.

  —Not with Kevin no, she told me he’s just writing the complaint for this accident and then we’ll . . .

  —She told you, what has he told you?

  —Well I haven’t met him yet but . . .

  —Haven’t met him? You mean he hasn’t even seen your, your battle scar, this facial disfigurement you’re so pleased with and he’s writing the complaint anyhow? And you expect to pay him for this nonsense? have you thought of that?

  —I told her to ask him about that and she said he just laughed and said to tell me not to worry about it.

  —And you believe that? Harry tell him what you said about . . .

  —Probably doing it on a contingency, if Oscar loses he doesn’t pay him, if he wins this Kevin takes thirty, forty, maybe fifty percent of the settlement, you ought to clear that up Oscar.

  —No but, half? he’d get half? But that’s, that’s robbery that’s . . .

  —No worse than your art dealer is it? or your concert booking agent? It’s the middleman Oscar, it’s always the middleman.

  —And that’s how he’s handling her mess of a divorce?

  —Well that’s not my, I don’t know Christina, she doesn’t tell me every, all the details, she’s been trying to get a separation agreement signed and there’s some trouble with that woman lawyer she had about money . . .

  —It’s always about money, I know her. Served on a committee with her once, she’s running for city judge.

  —She was supposed to be known as this great negotiator but all she’s done is to . . .

  —Look, a lot of people out there who mainly enjoy giving away what isn’t theirs some of them make it a profession, the bigger the numbers in their negotiations the bigger their reputation, you walk in and they’re on the phone saying we said four million three and the New York town house Jim, my client can’t do better than that, expect him to spend the rest of his life on a lousy sixty foot yacht?

  —Well that’s hardly the case here is it, I mean unless her lawyer is busy giving away what isn’t even hers if you see what I mean, I mean you do don’t you Oscar. See what I mean I mean. I mean of course what is hers to give away is something else again after all isn’t it, if you see what I . . .

  —Just put down the wine Christina you’ve had enough, nobody’s giving anything away here. No lawyer’s going to take a case on contingency unless he’s sure he can win it look Oscar, all I’m saying is bringing lawsuits like this movie business can get really complicated. The worse they get the more they cost the little guy who just can’t begin to put up the kind of money that . . .

  —I’m not a little guy! I told you what I, that all I want is justice that’s what it’s all about, what the play’s all about in the first place, it’s my whole . . .

  —Oscar look. If they’ve spent ninety million dollars on this picture, you’re the little guy. They’re ready for you, any chance they could lose these nuisance suits their insurance wouldn’t get near them, the exhibitors wouldn’t touch it, they’re ready to spend anything to protect their investment it’s that simple.

  —What Harry’s trying to tell you Oscar is whoever takes your case it’s going to cost you money, that even if you’re right you can lose it maybe you don’t care, I mean obviously you can’t pay Kevin in the same coin Lily can, you . . .

  —The, what do you mean the same coin! That’s not fair Christina, I already told you she said he said if I want to sue anybody in the movie business out there that I better get myself a Jewish lawyer and he’s not the . . .

  —What this Kevin person’s trying to tell you Oscar is going to cost you money, whoever takes a case like this is going to cost . . .

  —I know that! That’s what Harry just told me didn’t he? that they wouldn’t take it on some contingency arrangement where they’d get half that’s not what I asked him for is it? I just thought maybe if we worked things out that maybe we could get some kind of a discount or maybe he could just sort of do it on the side where his law firm wouldn’t even have to know about it would they? because it’s all right in the family isn’t it? If he wants to use some of his spare time just to do something for somebody in the family who . . .

  —Oscar look at him. He’s exhausted, he doesn’t have any spare time, can’t you understand that? I mean just look at him, Harry you got some of this sauce on your, no there on your chin there yes, there, even his own time isn’t his own even if he wanted to, even if he could Oscar just because he’s your brother in law and wants to do you some special favour, he . . .

  —All right! If you think I expect some special favour just because he’s my brother in law? that I’d ask him to take a case he thinks is a nuisance that he’s already said he could lose, didn’t he? Because maybe . . .

  —Yes all right, just calm down Oscar, calm down. Is there anything you want me to do while we’re . . .

  —No. If you can find my play that’s all, if you can look for it before you go. It ought to be upstairs in my room.

  —Well I hadn’t really thought of leaving Oscar, I mean Harry has to go but I thought you wanted me to come out and . . .

  —Just do what you want to, I have to take my nap now there’s no reason you should both have to sit around for that. Thank you for coming out.

  —Well really Oscar, if that’s what you want. Blow your bicycle horn th
ere will you? I want to show Ilse that upstairs room before she, oh Ilse? Will you come upstairs with me?

  —Oscar? Look . . .

  —I just get impatient with her sometimes Harry. She just won’t listen.

  —All right, look. I appreciate your confidence in me Oscar but it wouldn’t be fair to you. I couldn’t give it the kind of time a case like this one deserves trying to do it on the side and my firm would know anyway, file the suit with the courts and my name’s right there on it as the attorney of record, and look . . . He had out the slimmest of gold pencils, a pocket calendar gilt edged writing Lepidus, Shea & —here, tearing the page out, —ask for Sam, it’s a small firm I knew him in law school, I’ll call him in the morning, tell him to go easy and you’re not in shape to come into his office but you can get your picture across on the phone, and he was up. —Bathroom’s down this way isn’t it?

  —Next to the library yes . . . a hand up that might have been waving departure to finally settle it unsteadily on the glass, tipping its bent straw for the slurp of depletion and then wavering there in midair till the glass was suddenly seized and replaced on the table.

  —Where’s Harry.

  —The bathroom, he . . .

  —Where do you have your nap, I don’t see why you can’t have it right here in this thing, you’re practically laid out flat as it is. When do you see the doctor again.

  —I don’t know Christina, but the insurance company’s doctor when we file this lawsuit they’ll probably . . .

  —It’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. This Kevin person, filing a complaint when you’ve never even met him? that you haven’t even read?

  —But she’s bringing it over. I told you.

  —You did not tell me. When.

  —Well I, later.

  —After your nap? You certainly did not tell me no, my God we drive a hundred miles just to, Harry? We can leave when you’re ready, it’s Oscar’s nap time and here, here’s what you’ve been looking for Oscar. It was in your old room on the shelf with your rock collection, I’ve put Ilse in there.

  —But it’s, you found it yes, it was right where I said it was wasn’t it? where I told that woman to . . .

  —You told that poor woman it was in a black pebbled binder Oscar. This is a manila folder.

  —Yes that’s what I, Harry? She found my play wait, that part about the scar in that review? It’s right in the opening scene, let him read it Christina.

  —Just steer him back into the sunroom Harry.

  —Or wait no, listen this whole opening scene it’s between Thomas and his mother, you can both read it. Harry you read the Thomas part and Christina the mother so that way when you see the movie you’ll remem . . .

  —Oscar we’re leaving. I’ll call you tomorrow, I brought out some groceries Ilse can see to them and I put out some cash on the kitchen table in case she needs it.

  —But wait no, you can’t leave now wait, now that we have the play but I don’t have my glasses and . . .

  —Let Lily read it to you, I assume she can read?

  —No but wait, Harry . . .

  —Good luck Oscar. Watch out for laches. If you’re going to do it don’t put it off.

  —And he’s got his little horn there? in case he needs something? My suitcase, I think it’s still in the kitchen Harry my God, I mean we might as well have just stayed in town and gone to the movies. But she paused there, looking out, where the rain had stopped, down over the lawn where a mist settling over the pond dimmed the opposite bank, to say, before she turned for the hall, for the door and out to that veranda and those wet steps down to the car, —but my God, it is beautiful isn’t it.

  • • •

  The sparsely furnished room is represented by two walls, their angle meeting to the left of center of the stage. To the right he rubbed his eyes, held the page off, held it close, THOMAS is a tall lightly bearded man in his thirties, whose studied manner of folding his long legs out before him, and abrupt bursts of exuberance, combine the casualness of the born aristocrat with the energy of one who insists that youth cannot be gone. He is dressed in boots and a rumpled grey fieldcoat buttoned to the throat. The scar on his cheek is evident, but not so prominent as to be disfiguring. HIS MOTHER is more a desolate presence than but without his glasses all this floated before his eyes in a blur, the effort of separating it into words echoing in broken gasps till he gave it up and the whole thing, manila folder pages and all, went to the floor as the gasps leveled off in mere measures of sleep and even the rattle of dishes elsewhere gone, settled in silence like the steady accumulation of gloom of the late afternoon shattered, all of it, all at once by —Oscar? and the light streaming on overhead, —are you okay?

  —What’s the, will you turn that off?

  —What are you doing sitting here in the dark? Lights snapped on, snapped off like the lighting on a stage set, —and these papers all over the floor? sweeping them together with a wayward foot, —are you okay?

  —Yes and stop walking on them will you? Can you just pick them up?

  —And I brought this thing over.

  —What thing. I said carefully! Can you pick them up carefully and keep them in order?

  She got the pages slithering, back to front, upside down, —this thing about your accident, Kevin says will you read it and change anything that you . . .

  —I can’t read it. I can’t read a damned thing, that woman lost my glasses I can’t even read the paper.

  —But I put them right up here didn’t I? She was reaching behind an antique tea canister on the mantel, —these?

  —When did, damn it Lily what did you hide them up there for!

  —So nothing would happen to them. You don’t need to be so cross, I’m just trying to help aren’t I? If you’d, ow! Ow, Oscar!

  —What is it now.

  —You’re running over my foot where are you going, didn’t you learn to drive it yet? The last time . . .

  —Into the library, just bring those papers and the, don’t push it!

  —I wasn’t but, but don’t drive it so fast, did I tell you? Bobbie bought a Porsche?

  —No you didn’t. That chair there, move it away from the door, I want to back in there by the bed.

  —Bobbie just bought this Porsche.

  —You told me.

  —You just said I didn’t, didn’t you? She got busy pounding the pillows out of shape, —he just bought a Porsche. Was I ever in here before Oscar?

  —Just help me on the, get my leg up there will you? And those papers, this thing Kevin’s got going?

  —I told you didn’t I? he hasn’t got anything going? that he can’t do anything till we pay off this sleazeball woman lawyer, I even called up Daddy this one last time to see if he’d help or if maybe Bobbie would but since they all joined this church down there he said he has to ask this Reverend and, is that what you mean?

  —No it’s not what I mean. Turn on the light, it’s right behind you. I mean this complaint you brought over from Kevin about my accident, let me read it over.

  —Here. And that he said he probably couldn’t help me out either? She squeezed the chair closer to the discomfort he’d strung out on the bed there, —Bobbie I mean.

  —Yes, just let me read the, to file this claim declining inclusion under No Fault protection in asserting his full common law rights to seek tort recovery for damages for personal injuries including pain and suffering, and the . . .

  —Because he just bought this Porsche, I even went over to the phone company but they said they’re not hiring anybody even on the long lines, you could always get work on the long lines before all this technology screwed it up for everybody. I can’t even pay my rent, did I tell you what the bank did?

  —plaintiffs loss of earning capacity attributable to the scar.

  —Where these checks I wrote bounced so they won’t let me write any more because this other person may be cashing them who’s going around being me?

  —Listen just let
me find what he’s asking for damages here, where’s the, consisting of a facial scar extending . . .

  —Where I can’t even pay to go see this doctor for this pain I told you about once right up here?

  —facial scar extending below the right eye approx . . .

  —No up here, give me your hand. Feel it? this lump?

  —Yes. Now just let me, a facial scar extending below the . . .

  —Not there no! You know what that is, wait . . . and another button of her blouse came undone, —there. Can you feel it?

  —No. Yes. Listen, this facial scar under the right eye about two inches in length, where did he get that.

  —Who, this scar? Her own hand came up tracing the line of it, —I think it’s cute.

  —God. Listen. I mean where did he, where did Kevin get this description.

  —I don’t know, just some movie he saw how do I know. Wait . . . a buttonhole burst, the blouse came away, —there. Now you can . . .

  —That’s what I’m asking you, how do you know. What movie.

  —Just some movie he said he saw, how do I . . .

  —I called you last night, I called you two or three times is that where you were? at the movies?

  —I thought you’d be mad Oscar, I just thought . . .

  —Well I am, no. No I just want to know, was it this big Civil War movie that just opened everyplace?

  —It was real long, yes.

  —No but was it the Civil War was it, what was the name of it.

  —It was just a movie Oscar I don’t know, who cares what the . . .

  —Well I do, that’s what I’m telling you I do! Was it The Blood in the Red White and Blue?

  —There was blood in it. That’s all I remember, there was blood . . .

  —No now listen, listen . . .

  —See I knew you’d be mad, he just said do you want to go to the movies so we went to this Chinese restaurant after with this crispy duck like these rubber bands and he’s talking about your accident and this scar where this man in this movie has this scar that wasn’t my fault was it?