Gemstones

by Janet Lane-Walters

  The Dowager placed her cup on the tray. "I have no words to turn your fears to mist, yet I know Drew is an honorable man. Perhaps he is afraid. You see, he doesn't believe he is worthy of being loved."

  "How can that be?"

  "He was a near babe when his mother abandoned him to a drunkard's care and all too frequent beatings. La child, he was wild and depended on himself when I brought him here to Denmere."

  What had the abandonment to do with her, Nicola wondered. Once she gave her heart, she would no more leave than a diamond could be eroded by the wind and the rain. She stood a whisper from complete surrender. "I am not his mother, but he gives me no chance to prove the truth."

  "Time." The Dowager reached for Nicola's hand. "He needs time to learn to trust you."

  Nicola rubbed her shoe on the carpet. What could she do? Her desire to leave before her heart shattered like a brittle emerald would only compound the Earl's inability to trust. Yet, how could she stay and allow the essence of her nature to be worn away? "He trusts you. He trusts his friends."

  "Those bonds took time to form. If you but have patience and give heed to his commands, he will learn faith in you. Your father placed too much responsibility on your young shoulders. A marriage is not like a business partnership. 'Tis different from the bonds between a parent and a child. In a proper marriage, the wife obeys her husband and honors his demands."

  Why should the man make the rules and issue orders with no regard for the woman's strengths and talents? "I don't take kindly to orders and rules. 'Twould be better for me to give him my dowry and find a haven for my sisters and myself elsewhere."

  “La child, do not say such things. Drew loves you. I have seen the way he watches you."

  "'Tis but desire he feels." Nicola reached for the teacup. "I have studied the Kama Sutra, an ancient Sanskrit work that tells what happens between a man and a woman. Love is not desire. He had no love for me. He would do anything to repay the care you've given him. That is why he agreed to marry me."

  The Dowager rose and walked to the window. "'Tis true he cares for me but 'tis because he knows I am weak and have need of his protection."

  Nicola shook her head. She didn't see her grandmother as weak, but as a woman who had learned to live by the rules of her society. "I'm not weak. I seek protection, not for myself, but for my sisters. Papa raised me to make my own decisions."

  "'Tis my fault Drew cannot see you as you are. I was not a woman with the strength to stand beside my husband. Nor was his mother." The Dowager turned. Tears trickled down her cheeks.

  Nicola embraced her grandmother. "You aren't to blame. The Earl sees the world as he wishes. His demons distort his vision. Yogi Yakshi spoke to me of karma but said fate can be changed if one has the fortitude to make the changes to turn to roll of the wheel."

  "I do not understand."

  "I am saying that since the Earl doesn't want me as his wife, and though I would be true to him, his behavior will drive me away and so the cycle of abandonment will take another turn. Before I left Calcutta, the Yogi told me my destiny is twined with a man who needs my love. If the Earl won't accept the gift, I will leave."

  There, she thought. My plans are in the open. Maybe the Earl won't return to Denmere and the choice would be taken from her.

  The Dowager shook her head. "After tomorrow, there is no way you can leave Denmere. Once a woman weds, her wealth, her body and even her soul belong to her husband."

  Nicola gasped. "Unless he is a demon, no one can possess another's soul. I don't care about the money. I can't live with a man who cares so little for me he must flee the house so he doesn't need to be in my company."

  "La child, Drew will return. His honor won't permit him to leave you waiting at the altar. Neither would he ride off and leave his friends behind. Perhaps there has been a message from one of the tenants about a problem only Drew can solve. He will return and you will wed as planned."

  Nicola sighed. Her idea of love and marriage were too alien to this new society she had entered. She would never make her grandmother understand. She kissed the Dowager's cheek. "Let me be about my duties." She left the room.

  What could she do? She wasn't like the Earl's mother, but she couldn't vow to stay with him forever without a trace of love. Love was a many faceted jewel. She would settle for the light from a single point.

  "Nica, Nica, where are you?"

  Elizabeth's shout startled Nicola. "In the Great Hall," she said. "What has upset you so?"

  "Margaret is gone." Elizabeth burst into the room and slid across the polished marble floor. "I have looked for her in every room, even the attics and cellars. Cook said she came to the kitchen early this morning and took some bread and cheese."

  "She has gone riding."

  "Cinnamon is in the stables. Jem hasn't seen her. She has run away."

  "Why would she do that?"

  Elizabeth thrust a piece of paper at Nicola. "I found this on her bed."

  "Why didn't you show me this first?" Nicola read the note aloud. "He will take me away. I am at my secret place."

  Nicola felt the blood drain from her head. She slumped on one of the benches. Somehow Margaret had learned Cousin Fergus was near. Her next thought filled her with dread. Had he discovered their presence at Denmere? Had Margaret seen him?

  "We must find her," Nicola said. "Where is this secret place?"

  Elizabeth shrugged. "I am not sure, but twice she slipped away from the dragon and went into the woods."

  In an attempt to calm the rising panic that threatened to leave her incapable of action, Nicola gulped several breaths of air. If Cousin Fergus found Margaret, he would hold the child captive until his terms were met. Nicola didn't want to return to Calcutta and be forced into a marriage she didn't want.

  * * * *

  So dense were the woods that even though the trees bore no leaves, little light filtered through the entwined branches. Thick brambles encroached into the narrow path. Nicola didn't know how long they had been searching for Margaret's hiding place and she wondered if she should have asked for help.

  As she walked through the thick covering of decaying leaves, an unpleasant odor arose. She swallowed repeatedly. She heard bird songs and strange rustlings that marked the passage of animals. She freed her braid from some briars. Should she tell Elizabeth about Cousin Fergus?

  "Nica, look. Could this be a bit of cloth from Margaret's riding habit?"

  Nicola moved to Elizabeth's side. "I believe it is and here is another."

  Soon they came to a small clearing. A shaft of sunlight pierced the overhead tangle and illuminated a rude stone hit. "Margaret, are you here?" Nicola ran to the hut. "'Tis only Elizabeth and me."

  Seconds later, Margaret appeared. She threw herself into Nicola's arms with such force she knocked her sister to the ground. "He will come for me. I am most afraid."

  Nicola stroked her sister's hair. "The Earl will protect you from Cousin Fergus. 'Tis why I wed him tomorrow."

  "Not Cousin Fergus, the Earl." Tears streamed down Margaret's face. "Nica, I am in the briars for I have ruined Captain Ramsey's black."

  Elizabeth knelt. "Ruined? What do you mean?"

  Margaret inhaled a shuddering breath. "He will send me to a boarding school where they will beat me. He will lock me in my room forever. He will take my clothes away and feed me naught but bread and water."

  "When did he threaten you with these things?" Nicola felt anger growing inside.

  "Early this morning when he came to the stables." Margaret rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands leaving dark streaks behind. "I didn't mean for the horse to be hurt. I did not mean to disobey."

  "Then why did you?" Nicola asked. "What were you doing in the stables so early?"

  The child took a deep breath. "The dragon was afraid of horses and wouldn't let me ride. Every morning when she was here, I rose before the sun and took Cinnamon for a gallop. This morning, I took the black and rode him without a saddle. Oh Nica, 'twa
s marvelous but he was too strong. He headed for the brambles. The thorns tore his legs. When I was cleaning the wounds, the Earl caught me. He scolded me most fierce."

  Nicola grasped Margaret's shoulders. "I would have done more than scold. Margaret, why must you do these things?"

  "Did you ever dream of flying or of outrunning the wind?"

  Nicola shook her head. "I have dreamed but never of something so wild and impossible." Other than of finding a hero like Siva, she thought. "Come back to the house. You must beg Captain Ramsey for forgiveness and decide what your punishment will be."

  "Must I?"

  "Yes, and you must consider what you've done. Captain Ramsey purchased the black to carry him into battle. If the horse should fall because of what you've done --"

  "The Captain could be hurt." Margaret trudged along the path ahead of her sisters.

  "Why should she set her own punishment?" Elizabeth asked. "Should that not be the Earl's duty?"

  "She will be harder on herself than the Earl and I combined."

  *****

  The afternoon sun had chased the chill of the morning from the air. Drew unfastened his great coat. The gelding turned from the road into the tree-lined lane leading to the manor house. Drew's shoulders slumped, not from exhaustion, but from what lay ahead. The rings had been purchased. Now he must face the problem of Margaret. Her oldest sister was sure to disagree with any punishment he set.

  At the stable door, one of the grooms took the reins. Drew dismounted and checked the deep pocket of his coat for the rings. Jem sat on a bench outside the stable door.

  "The black?" Drew asked.

  "Be no more than briar scratches, my lord."

  Drew looked into the stable. Margaret sat on the ground with Niall's saddle across her lap. She rubbed oil into the leather. "What is this about?" He pointed to her.

  "Part of her punishment," Jem said.

  "Set by whom?"

  Jem scratched his whiskered chin. "Suppose Miss Gordon."

  Drew's shoulders tensed. Why had she stepped into his preserves? The child was his ward.

  "My lord."

  Drew turned. Margaret stood with her head bowed. She toed the dirt with her boot.

  "I am ashamed that I disobeyed you. My punishment is to clean the Captain's gear until it shines like a mirror and to give him Cinnamon to take to war." She lifted her head. "Don't send me to school or lock me in my room. My loss --" She pressed her hands to her face.

  "Is dire enough." He put his hands on her shoulders. "I wouldn't have been as harsh as your sister."

  She shook her head. "Nica didn't punish me. I made the choice myself. She said I would be harder on myself than you or her, but she didn't expect me to give up my horse." She turned. "I must finish my task so I can change for dinner. I am truly sorry, my lord."

  "So am I, Margaret." As he walked to the house, he wondered about the tightness in his chest. After dinner and before he gave Nicola the betrothal ring, he would ask if there was a way for the child to keep her horse without undermining the punishment for her impulsive deed.

  *****

  "We will leave you gentlemen to your brandy." The Dowager rose from her place at the table. Her three granddaughters followed her to the door.

  Drew stood. "Miss Gordon, a word, please."

  She halted in the doorway. Drew strode to her side. He took her arm and led her down the hall to his study. "My compliments on your dress. I like the shade of green." Why had he mentioned her dress?

  "'Tis one of my favorites. Elizabeth selected the fabric and the style in London. She has an eye for fashion."

  "And the dress you wore last night? Was that one of her choosing?" He groaned as once more, he saw the leers her provocative neckline had evoked.

  She shook her head. "'Twas one made for someone who neglected to pay the dressmaker. She altered it for me."

  He reached for the door. "In the future, we will consult about your clothing. The dress was inappropriate for my wife."

  "Why? The modiste assured me the dress was quite in style."

  Before he could stop himself, he spoke. "I don't fancy that much exposure of your...your...."

  She looked up. He couldn't tell if laughter or anger darkened her eyes.

  "But there were other gowns at the ball more daring than mine."

  "Not on my bride." He clamped his mouth shut before he revealed the emotions stirred by the appraising glances of the other men. Devonley had paid too much attention to the low neckline of the dress. "I didn't bring you here to discuss fashion."

  "My lord, if you wish to speak about Margaret and the injury to Captain Ramsey's horse, the matter is settled."

  "And most harshly." He held the study door open. "Is there any way I can persuade you to lessen the terms?"

  She smiled. He reached out and gently touched her cheek.

  "I thought you would be displeased because you hadn't been the one to punish her. 'Twas Margaret's decision. Captain Ramsey was shocked but Margaret explained her reasons. Later, he confided to me that when he leaves, he will tell her the mare is not suited to the battlefield and will place Cinnamon in her care until he returns from war."

  Drew chuckled. "A ploy I favor. She'll have time to regret her impulsive action, but won't suffer forever. How I wish I had such a judge for my own behavior."

  "I believe you have one as stern as Margaret. I…." She bit her lip. She hadn't meant to say that.

  Drew put his hands on her waist and though he wanted to pull her close, to explore her lush curves and to feel her response, he only kissed her lightly on the forehead. "I didn't bring you here to discuss Margaret either." He led her to the sofa.

  "Why then, my lord? Have you decided we will not suit?"

  Her gaze captured his. He struggled against a fierce need to show her how well they would suit. To gain time, he crossed the room and lit several candles. Her question hung in the air. He waited for the evidence of his arousal to subside before lifting one of the small boxes he'd brought from Oxford and returning to her side.

  "This morning, I went to purchase this." He lifted a ring with a sapphire set in a nest of diamonds.

  "A ring isn't necessary."

  He lifted her hand and brushed his lips across her knuckles before slipping the ring on her finger. "My dear, Miss Gordon, a ring is absolutely necessary." He gently kissed her. "I promise to be the best husband I can."

  She touched the stone and then held the ring to the light from one of the candles. "You've chosen a magnificent stone. See the star and the depth of the blue. This is truly a valuable stone."

  Her interest in the gem puzzled him and brought to mind his mother's greed for expensive trinkets. "Why are you so concerned with the value of the gem?"

  "Assessing gemstones is my talent. I can't look at one and not want to know its worth."

  He nodded. "I believe Mr. Grey said as much. Still, I don't know why you have taken it on yourself to worry about the ring."

  "Though I don't know the cost, I am pleased to think you weren't cheated. There are many ways for a jeweler to pass an inferior stone or a bit of glass to an unknowing customer. In India, this sort of thing becomes a game."

  "Are you as careful with everything?"

  "One must be sure they pay for value, not dross."

  He laughed. "Though ours is a marriage of convenience, I believe we will deal well with each other."

  He pulled her to her feet and kissed her lightly on the lips. "We must join the others for I won't have you subject to my friends' teasing even if it is good-natured."

  As they left the study, a new discovery startled him. Though he wanted to explore her body, he also wanted to protect her from his lust. He shook his head. What kind of spell had she cast on him?

  She took his hand. "My lord, thank you for the ring. I will treasure it to the end of my days."

  Her words brought hope and the knowledge that he had ceded her a corner of his heart. He shook his head. He didn't love her but he
believed he could be content with her as his wife, though only if he remained in control of his desires.

  Chapter 11

  Nicola paused at the head of the East Wing stairs and peered into the darkness. She set the small portmanteau she'd packed on the floor. Although she wavered between staying and leaving, 'twas best to be prepared. 'Twould not take much for her to give her heart to the Earl. Last night, his kiss had been gentle and he had promised to be the best husband he could 'Twould not be enough. She needed him to give her his heart in return. With a sigh she reached for the bag.

  She crept downstairs and out the French doors of the ballroom. As she crossed the yard to the stables, a knot formed in her stomach. Yogi Yakshi had spoken of destiny. He'd said she could be tied to a man who needed her love and she would remain forever in this alien land. Did her teacher know how many demons her betrothed possessed? Always before she had accepted the Yogi's idea of fate, but in this matter, she couldn't. How could she remain in a loveless marriage where she was the vulnerable one?

  When she stepped into the stable, one of the spotted pups rose and sniffed her skirts. She bent to scratch his head. Horses stirred. After waiting for the horses to quiet, she opened an empty stall and hid her bag in a dark corner. For a moment, she leaned against the rough wooden half wall. 'Twas done. Tomorrow morning, she could leave. A tear slid down her cheek. She brushed it away and headed back to the house.

  The sky grayed with pre-dawn light. The air seemed warmer than she had expected.

  As she started up the stairs, she heard noises from the kitchen. She reached the upper floor without encountering any of the servants. In her room, she walked to the window and sat on the padded seat. The knot in her stomach rivaled the ones tied by the sailors on the ship from Calcutta.

  Today, she would be a bride.

  She touched the betrothal ring and thought of the Earl's promise. Why was that not enough?

  The rising sun colored wispy clouds pink and mauve. The day promised to be beautiful.