Bonds of Matrimony

by A C J McKechnie

  “Yeah. I guess this isn’t like your usual gathering, is it? I mean you’ve got maids, cleaners, builders, plumbers, shop assistants,” Josh mused as he scanned the gathering. The rather large gathering considering.

  When Ellie had been putting together a list of everyone who she thought should be informed and invited to the funeral, Zach had initially supposed that it would be relatively small, but had soon realized that the people who Ellie considered close to her and her dad was remarkably large in number.

  He’d analyzed things at that point. He knew that in his own case he could probably count those close to him on one hand, maybe two, but it would never be the number that Ellie had. As much as she proclaimed to be alone, she really wasn’t.

  The other surprising thing had been that almost everybody invited had turned up, without any sort of protests about the funeral occurring in the middle of a workday. They’d taken a day off and had come, no complaints, no criticisms, no grumblings. They’d come and offered their sympathy and support.

  He knew that a lot of the people milling around his house right now had been overwhelmed with Ellie’s new station in life, but as soon as they were with her they’d relaxed, relaxed and treated her as the friend that she obviously was to them. It was humbling to say the least. When comparing this gathering to the ones which he attended, it was a sad state of affairs that a wake could feel more warm and welcoming than a fancy ball and dinner.

  “Ellie’s got a lot of people in her life who care for her,” Zach said simply.

  “She does. A lot of good people as well. I’ve spoken to some of them. They really are warm and genuine, aren’t they?”

  “They are. A bit wary though.”

  “Wary? Really?” Josh asked with a furrowed brow. “Not with me they’re not,” he said, and Zach twitched his lips at that. “Mind you, I’m not one of the richest and most powerful men in the state, of course, I’m just a landscaper.”

  “A rich landscaper, with a growing business,” Zach pointed out.

  “Not quite in the same league as you though, buddy,” Josh said with a hand on Zach’s shoulder before Zach searched the room for his wife again. When he saw her crying on the shoulder of Mrs Lowenstein he smiled briefly at Josh before heading straight over to her.

  Reaching her, he gave a slight nod to the older woman before slowly gathering his wife into his arms, cherishing the fact that she clung onto him as she cried silently. Ushering her out of the room, and into the sitting room next door, Zach closed the door quietly, positioned himself on a settee there, and held his wife as she continued to cry, away from the prying eyes of the rest of the guests.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Stepping out of her black skirt, Ellie smiled to herself as she remembered one of the memories of her dad that Mrs Lowenstein had reminded her of and found herself surprised at the action. It was the first time since she’d found out that her dad had died that she’d actually smiled without anybody else around.

  It felt good to do so as well. Apparently the day’s events had been cathartic for her and she’d turned a corner in her grief. As much as she’d always miss her dad she’d come to accept the fact that he was gone, and considering how sick he’d been and the amount of painkillers that had been prescribed for him, he’d also be a lot happier and in a lot less pain. He’d also be reunited with her mom, and that fact comforted Ellie more than anything ever could.

  She’d miss him, but she wouldn’t forget him, and she could appreciate all of the memories which she had of him. The fact that he’d died believing that she was well settled and content in her marriage was a comfort as well, and she was grateful that she’d never disclosed her true feelings on it all to the man.

  Thinking of her marriage, Ellie considered her husband yet again, still unable to reconcile everything that she knew about the man with his actions at the start. It truly was baffling. Especially considering how thoughtful he’d continued to be today, how kind to people so below his station in life, and how welcoming he’d tried to be. He was almost the polar opposite of the man who’d stormed into her and her father’s home around a month ago.

  Shaking her head and admitting to herself that she wasn’t going to be able to figure it out anytime soon, she just concentrated on getting undressed and stripped off her matching black jacket, followed by her black silk shell.

  Hanging the items up in her closet, ready to be dry cleaned, she stepped back into her room and opened her dresser drawer to choose a nightgown to get changed into before her husband made his nightly appearance.

  As she was rummaging around through the selection of nightwear that Zachary had gifted her, she heard a soft knock on the door before registering the sound of it opening. Intent on her search through the garments in front of her, she kept her face averted and got on with the task at hand.

  “How are you … doing?” her husband’s voice said, and she looked over at him to see what had caused him to drift off softly at the end of his question. When she did finally take in his face she found herself frozen at the look there.

  He was staring. Intently. At her. Or rather, at her current attire. Slowly looking down, she took in her appearance and wondered what had transfixed him so much about it all. She was currently wearing a black satin, loose fitting teddy. It wasn’t fitted to her at all, it was more akin to older fashioned teddies, a camisole and French knickers all in one. Yes, it had thin straps at the top but then again so did all of the nightwear that he’d given her, so she couldn’t understand what would be so transfixing about this piece. But clearly it was. The man couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away from her form.

  “Zachary?” she asked tentatively and watched as his eyes made a slow travel back up to her face briefly before they travelled south again. When they did she looked down again and noticed that they were fixed on her sheer black stockings. Unsure why the hosiery would interest the man so much she shifted on her feet and watched as his eyes snapped down to them.

  “Why exactly,” he started, and she heard how tense his voice was, “are you still wearing stiletto heels?” Furrowing her brow, Ellie looked down again and realized that he was right, she hadn’t removed her shoes.

  Shrugging, she just nonchalantly answered, “I guess I’m used to wearing them in general. I kind of forgot that I had them on.”

  “Honey,” he breathed out raggedly, and she looked at his face as he snapped his attention back up to her again, finding herself unsettled by the emotion in his eyes. Standing completely stock-still, all she could do was watch on mutely as he stalked forward towards her.

  When he was directly in front of her, she found her breathing increasing as he continued to stare down at her with blazing gray eyes. As his gaze scanned over her every feature, Ellie found herself starting to feel a mixture of excitement and trepidation. When his eyes locked back onto hers again she couldn’t stand the silence any longer. With a deep breath she said her husband’s name and watched as something raw and intense flashed in his eyes.

  “Stockings and heels?” he breathed in question, and Ellie found her brow furrowing. “How the hell do you expect me to resist that?” he asked with a mixture of disbelief and frustration before his hands grabbed her roughly towards him and his head descended towards hers in a scorching kiss.

  The shock of the action lasted about a second before Ellie found herself melting in the man’s hold and participating with as much enthusiasm as he was displaying. The kiss wasn’t gentle, it wasn’t sweet, it wasn’t romantic, but it was hot. Incredibly hot, and Ellie couldn’t resist it, even if she’d wanted to. She was completely swept away by it, involved in it, claimed by it.

  As she clung onto his broad shoulders that she’d leaned on so often in the past few days, she realized something. She wanted to kiss her husband. She wanted to kiss Zachary McCormack. No matter how things had started, she wanted to be in his embrace, because of who he was.

  When his own arms wrapped around her body, Ellie savored the movement. Apparently h
e wanted to be kissing her just as much.

  As his kisses grew firmer, more frantic, and heated her blood up to a point that she was unaware it could reach before, she found herself stumbling backwards. Their movements were jerky, ungraceful, uncoordinated, but purposeful. She knew where they were headed and she was more than prepared to head there.

  Landing on her bed, Ellie felt her breath leave her as his weight crashed down on top but continued to enjoy the moment for what it was. She could feel his hands starting to move and found herself making that same purring noise, the one that only Zachary had ever managed to illicit from her, as one of them landed on her thigh, grabbing her tightly, while the other propped himself up to remove some of his weight from her.

  With their mouths hungrily devouring each other, Ellie enjoyed all of the new sensations that she was being introduced to at her husband’s hands. Feeling the hand that had been tightly gripping her leg move upwards, over her hip and waist, she shuddered at the sensation, while gasping as he moved his mouth to savor the skin on her neck and shoulders.

  It wasn’t until he pulled up to stare down at her breathlessly that she realized where his hands had ended up. Somehow Zachary had intertwined their fingers, grasping her hands almost painfully tightly, and positioning them on either side of her head.

  Levering himself up and away from her slightly, he stared down at her while she tried to catch her breath again.

  “Tell me to stop,” he eventually said roughly at her, and Ellie found her brow creasing in confusion at his words.

  “What?” she asked in breathless bewilderment.

  “Please. Please, honey, tell me to stop. You need to tell me to stop,” he pleaded with her, and Ellie searched his eyes for why he was asking her to do such a thing. Why would she tell him to stop when she didn’t want him to?

  Staring at his face in bemusement, she watched as his eyes bored into hers with an almost desperation that she do as he instructed. She didn’t want him to stop, she would be happy to lose herself in him right now. As the thought entered her mind she realized how utterly selfish the desire was of her. She wasn’t wanting to do this because she was in love with him, but rather because she was enjoying all of the sensations that he was evoking in her.

  That wasn’t the reason that she wanted them to be going to bed together for the first time as proper man and wife, and it wasn’t fair on him either. He deserved more from her. More from their marriage and his wife.

  Scanning his eyes and face once more, she could see the tension radiating off him and realized that she’d do as he asked, for him. He needed her to say it. She wasn’t sure why, but clearly the man needed her to stop him for some reason. After all that he’d done for her recently she could do that much for him, regardless of how much her body was screaming at her to ignore his request and convince him to just continue where they’d left off.

  Inhaling as deeply as she could for the moment, she stared into his eyes and softly said, “Stop, Zachary. You need to stop.” She wasn’t going to lie and tell him that she wanted him to stop but she could say that he needed to, that much was blatantly apparent. And even more so when he sighed, closed his eyes, gripped her hands more tightly, then slowly stood back up, pulling her up to a sitting position as he did so.

  Finally opening his eyes again, he scanned her appearance and let out a small groan before turning abruptly away, and Ellie was left staring at his retreating back, wondering what would happen next and what this all meant for them as a couple.

  Before she could tell him to stay so that they could sort everything out together, she noticed that instead of leaving her room he veered into her large walk-in closet. With an even more furrowed brow, she gingerly got up off her bed and slowly approached where the man had disappeared.

  Just as she reached the double doors she found herself stumbling back slightly when he marched back out and thrust some clothing at her.

  “Here,” he said abruptly, and she looked at the stern man opposite her in question. “Put these on tonight. I can’t take any more temptation from you,” he said soberly, and she absently accepted the bundle before looking down at what he’d given her. When she finally did she felt her brow rising as she looked up at him in half amusement, half bewilderment.

  “You want me to put on sweatpants and a large sweater?” she asked and watched as he swept her with another fiery look before he nodded once at her.

  “Yes. I do. Go and put them on, Ellie. Now,” he ordered, and she realized that the man was absolutely serious in his request, and his reason for doing so. He’d stopped, but Ellie was almost positive that he wouldn’t be able to again.

  “I don’t understand,” she finally hazarded as she clutched the unflattering and concealing garments to herself.

  “Don’t you? Really?” he asked doubtfully, and she shook her head before explaining herself more fully.

  “I understand that you don’t want to do anything, but I don’t understand why. We’re married. On our wedding day you practically ordered me into your bed. What’s changed? Why do you have a problem now?” she asked and watched as he scanned her form again before gritting his teeth and exhaling deeply.

  “I was angry on our wedding day, Ellie. If you want the truth, nothing would have happened,” he said with another sigh.

  “You were testing me?” she asked in confusion and watched as he thought on that.

  “To be honest I’m not really sure. I also don’t want to discuss it all. Can we not just put it in the past like we agreed?” he asked, and she saw a flicker of something in his eyes that sparked her interest, but instead of pursuing the strange emotion she nodded and conceded the point that they’d agreed to leave their shaky start behind them.

  “Alright. But I still don’t understand your reluctance right now.”

  “You don’t love me,” he stated flatly, and she found her eyes widening at the proclamation.

  “What?”

  “I refuse to make love to a woman who doesn’t love me,” he said before trying to usher her into her bathroom to change.

  “Wait,” she said and dug her heels in, stopping them in their tracks. “You mean that you’ve never taken a woman to your bed who didn’t love you first? Why didn’t you marry one of them then?” she asked in confusion and watched as he sighed even more heavily before casting a sharp glance at her and propelling her forward once more.

  “Because there hasn’t been one,” he said, and she stopped in her tracks again at the implication of what he was saying to her.

  “Wait,” she said again and heard him growl in impatience before he continued to try to move her forward. “What does that mean?”

  “Seriously? Can we not discuss this at some other time? Like when you’re dressed in less revealing attire and my blood isn’t still surging through my body?” he asked in frustration, and Ellie just looked over at him, ignoring all of his discomfort as the meaning of his words solidified in her mind.

  “No. I think this is important,” she stated and heard him growl again. “Do you mean to tell me that you’ve never slept with a woman before?” she asked dubiously, and he raised an eyebrow at her, the first sign since entering her room that he was amused.

  “No.”

  “Ever?”

  “No, Ellie. Never.”

  “But …,” she started and found herself completely confused by this new development.

  “But what?” he said with resignation.

  “I don’t understand,” she murmured as she shook her head.

  “I’m not sure how else you want me to explain it, but you’re not the only one whose virginity was being trifled with in that pre-nup of ours,” he said, and she ignored the reference to that odious document binding them, instead focusing more on the rather remarkable fact that the great Zachary McCormack had never had sex before.

  “I’m so confused,” she admitted. “I don’t understand.”

  “Why?” he asked in frustration, and she gave him a quizzical look.
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  “You’re rich, powerful, and handsome. There must have been plenty of women who would have happily gone to bed with you.”

  “Maybe so, but like I said, I want a woman to come to me out of love. And to prove it she’d have to marry me first as well,” he stated, and she found herself even more amazed at that condition. For a man who had gained himself a bride through blackmail he seemed to value marriage rather highly. Another contradiction in this complex man.

  “So you really haven’t …?” she started and just waved at her bed.

  “No,” he stated with an eye-roll. “The closest I’ve ever come to making love to anyone was a few minutes ago. And if you don’t hurry up and get into that clothing we’re going to end up getting a hell of a lot closer than that,” he said, and she felt the heat of his gaze on her as he did so and blushed in response.

  With a swift smile, she scurried away into her bathroom to process this new information as well as get herself changed into something much safer.

  Locking the door behind her, she found herself running their brief conversation through her mind and realized something else: at no point had her husband referred to it as sex, he’d only referred to it as making love. That seemed important. During the whole of the conversation the act had been coupled with the word love, and Ellie realized that he’d just added another level of complexity to his character.

  If what had just happened had been the most intimate that he’d been with a woman before then there was a heck of a lot more to Zachary McCormack than she’d ever realized. In fact, there was a heck of a lot more to him than anyone realized.

  Attempting to calm himself before the temptation that was his wife reentered the same area as him, Zach sat up against the headboard of her bed and tried to remember that Ellie was grieving at the moment. Grieving and still distrustful of him. Grieving, distrustful, and nowhere near being in love with him yet. In all honesty he wasn’t sure that he was in love with her either, but the fact that he’d been so tempted to have her in his bed was making him analyze that assertion.