O Holy Night

by Amy Clipston

  She opened the back door. “Of course. I had fun today. Be safe going home. Gut nacht.”

  Then she hurried inside and closed the door in his face.

  Cal stared after her, his head spinning. Then he kicked a porch post with such force that it sent pain radiating from his toes to his shin. He didn’t believe she had no interest in a boyfriend. She just didn’t want to date him.

  When he heard a meow, he looked down at Arnold, again blinking up at him. “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Do you?”

  The cat meowed again and then jumped off the porch before trotting toward a nearby barn.

  Calvin descended the steps and then looked up at the sky filled with dark, ominous clouds that reflected his mood. Elaine had splintered his hopes and left him to pick up the pieces. Yet she’d trusted him enough to share about Lewis’s letter. And she’d been happy spending time with him all afternoon.

  Then she’d wholly rejected the idea of dating him. It didn’t make sense.

  Did she still love Lewis?

  The notion sent a knife slicing through his heart. He needed help, and not just from a friend.

  He again looked up at the sky and opened his heart to the Lord.

  “God,” he whispered as he took slow steps to his buggy. “I’m so confused. I feel as if you’re leading me toward Elaine, and to the depth of my bones, I think you intend for us to be together. But every time she seems to be getting a little closer to me, she pulls away. Am I wasting my time? Does she still love Lewis even though she claims it’s over between them?”

  The last words tasted bitter on his tongue.

  “Lead me down the path you’ve chosen for me. I need your guidance, Lord. I can’t figure this out on my own.”

  And then, with a shaken spirit, he climbed into his buggy and headed home.

  * * *

  “All right, Cal,” Sharon announced after they’d finished setting the tables for a group of Englishers at her house Friday night. “We have a few minutes before our guests arrive, and Mamm and Ruby Sue are upstairs changing. I haven’t seen you smile or tease anyone tonight. Why are you so mopey?”

  “I was going to ask the same question,” Jay said, and the rest of his friends agreed with nods.

  Cal shrugged and glanced toward the doorway to the mudroom, still hoping Elaine would walk through it.

  “Is this about Elaine?”

  He turned to Darlene. “Are you reading my thoughts now?”

  She frowned as she shook her head. “No, it’s just kind of obvious. You two seemed to have a connection on Sunday, but she didn’t come tonight even though we invited her when we were making Christmas cards yesterday. I’ve been wondering if something happened between you after you left Dave’s barn.”

  “She turned me down.” Cal turned around a folding chair, then sat on it backward, leaning forward. “When I took her home Sunday, I asked if I could date her, and she said no. She said she’s not ready for a boyfriend, and she needs time and space. But I think that just means she’s not interested in dating me.”

  His friends studied him, wide-eyed, and he rested his elbows on the back of the chair, his hands clasped. “I’ve prayed about it, and I still feel like God is leading me to her. But why would he do that if she’s not interested?”

  Darlene sat down beside him. “Maybe you’re supposed to help Elaine through something. Maybe she’s having a hard time.”

  Calvin nodded as he studied his hands to avoid his friends’ concerned expressions. He didn’t want their pity, and he couldn’t tell them what happened to Elaine in New Wilmington without her permission. Obviously, she hadn’t told even the women in their group, which confused him even more.

  He just wanted to spend more time with Elaine. But she didn’t want to spend more time with him.

  Alice chimed in. “I don’t think it’s just you. When we invited her to join us tonight, I thought she’d agree since she seemed to have so much fun with us on Sunday. And I thought she liked singing with us at the one supper she came to. But she said no.”

  “It’s as if she wants to be our freind yet for some reason she’s struggling,” Sharon said. “I get the feeling she’s been hurt.”

  “She has,” Cal said. “I can’t tell you specifics, but I thought I was helping her trust people again. Then she seemed almost panicked at the idea of spending more time with me. I backed off about dating, of course. But I think she’d come to more of our activities if she could just stop being so scared we’ll hurt her.”

  “You are helping her, Cal,” Andrew said. “Like I told you, don’t give up. Even if she wants you as only a freind right now, she might change her mind about dating you later. And we’ll all try to make her feel safe when she’s with us.”

  Cal nodded. He’d be Elaine’s friend, of course. But what if she kept avoiding him? He wasn’t sure how much more rejection his heart could take.

  * * *

  Elaine dashed to the mailbox the following Friday afternoon. She zipped up her jacket and shivered against the late November chill, surprised the coat still fit after all the food she’d eaten at the family’s Thanksgiving dinner the day before. She’d helped Mamm and her aenti prepare an enormous meal, and it was so delicious.

  She heard a meow and smiled as Arnold scurried to her side. “Hi there, buddy. How are you today?”

  Arnold replied with another meow and rubbed against her leg.

  “You can help me get the mail.”

  She riffled through a stack of letters and fliers, then stopped when she found another envelope from Lewis. She groaned as she took in his familiar handwriting.

  “You won’t believe this, Arnold, but Lewis wrote me again,” Elaine grumbled. “He sent me another letter last week, too, but it’s still unopened on my desk. I don’t want to hear any more from him.” She shook her head. “Why won’t he give up?”

  Arnold meowed again before plopping down beside her.

  “Don’t get comfortable. We need to check messages.” Elaine shifted the letter to the back of the pile and then walked toward the phone shanty, her shoes crunching the rocks as Arnold scampered beside her. Last night the first frost had descended upon Lancaster County, and the ground was still white.

  Elaine punched in the code for voice mail, then settled back on the one chair and drew circles across the notepad on the desk. As she waited for the messages to start, Arnold sat outside the shanty, licking his paws.

  A voice came through the line, and her jaw dropped when she realized who it was.

  “Elaine. This is Lewis.” He paused. “I’ve written you several letters, and I haven’t heard back from you. I assume you received them, because they haven’t been returned to me. And I guess I can’t even put into words how sorry I am that I hurt you, but please know I’ll do anything to make things right between us. What I did was inexcusable. I’ve begged God for forgiveness, and I’ve even talked to the bishop about confessing in front of the congregation.”

  The line went silent for a beat, and then he continued. “I just want to make amends, and I’m willing to come there to see you. In fact, if you don’t call or write me soon, I will. I’ll get on a bus or I’ll hire a driver. I’ll come to Bird-in-Hand to apologize in person.”

  Elaine shook her head as disbelief nearly overwhelmed her. “Lewis has lost his mind,” she said aloud as if expecting Arnold to agree with her.

  “I just need to hear from you, Elaine,” Lewis continued. “I want your forgiveness and, if possible, another chance. I’ll treat you the way you deserve to be treated if you’ll just let me try again. Please, Elaine. Please tell me it isn’t over. I love you. Good-bye.”

  Elaine groaned as she deleted the message. Then she listened to the remaining messages, then returned to the house.

  “Danki for bringing in the mail. Were there any voice mail messages for me?” Mamm asked as she sat at the table sipping tea.

  “Two for you and one for Dat.” Elaine handed Mamm the pieces of paper. “And there was
an interesting message for me.”

  “Really?” Mamm pointed to the chair across from her. “Tell me about it.”

  Elaine dropped into the chair and relayed Lewis’s message as Mamm stared at her in amazement.

  Mamm blew out a deep breath. “Well, Lewis is awfully determined for you to respond to him. Are you going to?”

  Elaine shook her head. “No. I’ve forgiven him in my heart—and everyone else involved too—but I don’t have anything to say to him.”

  Mamm clucked her tongue. “I’m not sure that’s a schmaert decision. If he doesn’t hear from you, he might actually come here.”

  “He won’t. I think he’s just trying to force me to speak to him, and I refuse.” Elaine stood and pushed her chair under the table. “I’m going to clean the bathroom.”

  As she headed toward the utility room for supplies, she pushed Lewis out of her mind. He didn’t deserve a second thought.

  But then Calvin King popped into her brain. She’d been thinking about him a lot. When he’d asked her to date him, she’d panicked despite her attraction to him. And she really wasn’t ready for another boyfriend. But she should at least be a better friend to him. She’d make sure of it the next time she saw him.

  And maybe she was ready to be a better friend to all the others too.

  Chapter Eight

  On Sunday afternoon, Cal smiled as Elaine sat down next to him in Sharon’s kitchen and handed him a cup of hot chocolate.

  “I hope you like a lot of marshmallows, Cal,” she said. “That’s how I like my hot chocolate.”

  “I do.” He took a sip. “It’s perfect.”

  He’d been surprised when Elaine agreed to come when Sharon invited everyone to her house after church. But now she smiled at him as they sat surrounded by their friends, and she seemed . . . comfortable. She’d finally become one of them.

  She’d also called him Cal. Did that mean he hadn’t completely scared her away? He could hope.

  “Elaine,” Sharon said as she set a fresh plate of iced sugar cookies in the center of the table. They were cut into the shapes of Christmas stars, bells, and angels. “I’m so glad you came today. We’ve been missing you at our suppers and singings. We still really need your voice, and we’d enjoy having our new freind there.” She grinned. “What better time to add an angelic voice to our group than Christmas?”

  Elaine returned the smile—but shyly. “I have been thinking about going. I . . . I think I’m ready to . . .”

  Elaine pushed a tie from her prayer covering behind her shoulder as she turned toward Cal. He gave her a slight nod, and she didn’t take her eyes off him as she continued.

  “You all have been so nice to me, unlike some freinden back in New Wilmington who hurt me quite a bit.”

  Her words seemed to be spoken only for him, sending his hope soaring. Oh how he wanted to be Elaine’s boyfriend! He’d just felt something shift between them, and maybe now was the time. Maybe she wanted him to ask again.

  “I’m glad to hear it,” he told her.

  One by one, their friends offered Elaine their support.

  He’d talk to Abram next weekend. Then he’d ask Elaine to date him, and he prayed she’d say yes this time.

  * * *

  Elaine set a serving platter laden with fried chicken and a basket of rolls in the center of the kitchen table Friday night. Then she added green beans and salad.

  “That chicken smells appeditlich,” Dat said as he entered from the hallway.

  Elaine smiled as she filled their glasses with water. “Gern gschehne.”

  “I think that’s everything,” Mamm said, pulling out her chair.

  Elaine sat down just as a loud knock sounded on the front door. She turned to her parents. “Are you expecting anyone?”

  “No.” Dat shook his head.

  “I’ll go see who it is.” Elaine hurried through the family room to the front door, past the poinsettias she’d picked up in town a few days ago. She wrenched it open, allowing the cold December air into the warm house. Her stomach dropped when she found Lewis standing on the porch. “What are you doing here?”

  He looked the same with his dark-brown hair, piercing bright-blue eyes, and handsome face, but she’d rather be seeing almost anyone else.

  “Elaine.” He held up his hands. “Please don’t slam the door in my face. I hired a driver to bring me all this way to talk to you.”

  “Hasn’t my silence been enough of a hint for you?” She ground out the words. “It’s over, Lewis. And I have nothing more to say to you. I forgive you, but I’m not interested in giving you another chance. You need to let me go.”

  “Just listen.” He took a step toward her. “I’ll regret hurting you for the rest of my life.” He reached for her hand, but she snapped it out of his reach. “Danki for forgiving me, but I want to restore your faith in me. I love you, Elaine. I want to start over. I want to show you I know how to be a gut man and a gut husband.”

  “Husband?” She barked a laugh, and he winced. “Are you kidding? Do you think I’m a dummkopp?”

  Lewis glanced behind her and smiled. “Hi, Lovina.”

  “What a surprise.”

  Elaine spun and glared at her mother. Mamm’s tone had been just as forced as her smile was now.

  “Why don’t you come in out of the cold, Lewis,” she added.

  Had Mamm lost her mind? Why would she want this man to even step foot into their house?

  Mamm’s eyes narrowed with a warning. “We should at least invite Lewis in for supper, Elaine. Then we’ll discuss sending him back home.” She turned to the intruder. “Let’s get your coat and hat off.”

  “Fine,” Elaine snapped before stalking into the kitchen. Dat sat there with a bewildered expression. “Lewis is here,” she whispered. “We’re going to feed him supper and then send him on his way.”

  “Why is—” Dat’s question was interrupted by Lewis and Mamm’s appearance.

  “Hello, Abram.” Lewis approached Dat and shook his hand. “It’s nice to see you.”

  “Oh . . . hello.” Dat shot Mamm a confused look but then smiled at Lewis. “Have a seat and join us for supper.”

  “Danki.” Lewis washed his hands at the sink and then sat down.

  Elaine brought him a plate, utensils, and a glass, resisting the urge to slam them onto the table to properly convey her annoyance. After Lewis’s place was set, Elaine took her usual spot, across from him, and bowed her head. She asked God to bless the food—and help her get Lewis out of there!

  As they filled their plates, Elaine kept her eyes on her plate and hoped her parents would carry the conversation.

  “So, Lewis,” Dat said, “how is your family?”

  “Gut. Mei schweschder’s wedding is coming up in a few weeks, so she and mei mamm have been busy making final plans. And of course, everyone’s been getting ready for Christmas.”

  Elaine peeked at him. Maybe the man was just caught up in his sister’s excitement about getting married.

  “Oh, how nice,” Mamm said. “Is Lydiann marrying Paul?”

  Lewis nodded. “Ya, she is. They’ve been together four years now. Mei dat says it’s about time.”

  Her parents laughed, but the laughter sounded just as strained as this awkward conversation. Elaine’s food tasted like sand in her mouth. She wanted Lewis to leave, to go back home, to leave her alone. Oh, what a nightmare it was to be stuck at her own kitchen table with him!

  Elaine glanced at her mother, who gave her a look of encouragement. Hopefully, the meal would soon be over, all the mundane small talk set aside, and then she could send Lewis back where he belonged.

  * * *

  Cal guided his horse up the rock driveway leading to the Lantz daadihaus, and as his heartbeat matched its lively clip-clop, anxiety tumbled around in his stomach.

  Tonight was the night! He’d ask Abram for permission to date his daughter, and then, assuming he gave his permission, Cal would ask Elaine to be his girlfriend. />
  He climbed out of the buggy before tying the horse to a fence, and in moments he was jogging up the front steps of the house, light glowing from its family room windows. He smiled when he found Arnold lounging near the door.

  “Hey, buddy. Nice to see you again. I guess you’re not too cold out here.” He rubbed the cat’s head and then knocked on the door. He could see his own breath in the night air as he rubbed his hands together and waited for someone to answer.

  The inside door opened with a squeak, and as Elaine pushed open the storm door, she greeted him with a look of surprise.

  Wearing his favorite red dress, Elaine seemed nervous as well as she glanced behind her and then stepped out onto the porch. She pushed the storm door closed, and Cal could tell something was wrong before she even said a word.

  “Cal. Hi.” She hugged her arms to her chest. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

  “I was hoping to talk to—” He looked behind her, into the house. “Is now a gut time?”

  A pained look darted across her face. “I’m sorry, but it really isn’t.”

  Alarm shot through him. “Was iss letz?”

  “It’s complicated.” She gave him a forced smile. “I promise we can talk soon, okay?” Her regret seemed genuine. “I’ll tell you everything when the time is right. I just can’t right now. You have to trust me.”

  Cal studied her for a moment, trying to decode what she was saying. He glanced past her just as a man about his age—but shorter—appeared in the doorway behind her. He pushed the door open and joined them. Cal had a bad feeling about this.

  “Hello.” The guy held out his hand. “I’m Lewis Byler. And you are . . .”

  Cal took a step back as the porch floor seemed to drop out from under him. Lewis had come back for her after all.

  His stomach knotted as the breath rushed from his lungs. He’d been fooled. He was going to be sick.

  “I have to go.” He turned and dashed down the steps, then toward his buggy.

  Cal thought he heard Elaine calling him, but he kept going, unwilling to even look back as he guided the horse away from her.