Coming Home

by Julie Sellers

  The phone trilled at her elbow, and Lillie jumped. The motion caused the stream of coffee cascading into her mug to slosh on her hand.

  “Ouch!” She sat the pot back in its cradle, flipped on the cool water in the sink and stuck her throbbing hand under the flow. With her remaining, uninjured hand, she sat her mug carefully on the counter and reached for the phone.

  She didn’t bother consulting the caller ID before answering. Only her Great-aunt Catherine ever called this early. “You would think that after forty years of traveling you would learn to calculate time differences,” Lillie croaked into the receiver by way of greeting. A frown replaced the smile on her pale face and in her voice, but she had to work to hold back a chuckle.

  “Good morning. There’s nothing to calculate. We’re home. It’s six o’clock, time to rise and shine!”

  “I have risen,” Lillie replied, her voice flat, “With Alex’s help. But no one can make me shine without several more cups of coffee.”

  “Lillian. Caffeine isn’t healthy. Why, the Dalai never touches the stuff.” Knowing her Aunt meant the actual Dalai Lama she frowned into her coffee mug and considered it as she would an offer on one of her real estate listings.

  “Well, I suppose if he can be the spiritual leader for millions on decaf, I should be able to handle being the leader of two.”

  “That’s the spirit, darling.” Catherine tended to be a bit of a health nut. It never failed to irritate her niece, especially so early in the morning. But Catherine and her husband, Rand were her only relatives other than the children and Lillie was thankful Catherine made a point to take care of her health.

  “Anyway, darling, I didn’t call you to berate you for your caffeine addition. I just wanted to let you know we’re back and see if Rand and I can pick up the children from school today. I’ve missed them like crazy.”

  “Sure.” She yawned into the back of her hand, splashing cold water on her face from where it rested under the cold spray. More alert now, she answered, “I promised the children the lake. Want to meet me there?”

  “Sounds like fun, darling. See you then.”

  Lillie sighed as she upended her mug and watched the last rays of morning sunshine swirl away with the coffee. In a last ditch effort to raise her level of consciousness, she breathed in the swirl of steam as if she could absorb some of the caffeine via her nostrils.

  Chapter Two

  The water glided along Lillie’s skin, cool, but not cold, despite the it being just the 1st of June. If today’s temperature was any indication, this summer would be a scorcher. The smell of hot asphalt from the day’s travels slid away from her as the tiny ripples of water cascaded though her hair. She’d crisscrossed their small city more times than she could count today. Some days she felt more like a chauffeur or messenger than a real estate agent.

  For a moment, she indulged herself and lay back in the water, floating near the reeds at the edge of the lake. She looked for animals in the fluffy clouds above as she had here for more years than she could remember, first with her father and later with her children.

  This pond, hidden away on the far end of a county park, wrapped in willow trees with their lower bows floating on the surface, had been one of her favorite places since childhood. She and her father, then she and Jonathan, loved to come here to swim and canoe along the reeds. Once upon a time, they’d been married here.

  The day had been a fairy tale, walking down the path with Rand at her side, veil covering her face and her golden hair swept up, high on her head. She’d worn a gown of flowing silk, unadorned, but lovely. Simple in it’s off the shoulder design. The wisp of silk voile lying on top of the satin matched her veil. The shear fabric draped across her shoulders and down her back, forming a short train. The delicate ivory fabric whispered along the grass and over the rose petals dropped by Cassie and Ben’s oldest, Zoe. Even now, years later, the memory seemed as close as yesterday. She lay back and coasted on the water. She could almost smell the scent of the petals her ballet slippers released when she’d walked so confidently toward her future.

  Someone whispered she looked like a young Grace Kelly as she passed. She only smiled, for she felt every inch a princess that day. But she’d barely noticed because her attention was focused on Jonathan waiting at the edge of the clearing. The pastor stood behind him and Ben, his best man, to his left.

  She looked toward the shore and could almost see them standing at the edge of the water, facing each other, hands clasped between them. They’d been all but oblivious to the spectacle of the setting sun, its brilliant orange fading to pink then purple as it sank into the horizon.

  Jonathan had looked handsome and uncomfortable in his new suit and tie. They were so young and more than a little nervous. They’d held hands and vowed to love only each other for the rest of their lives.

  She’d been so sure. But, in the end, she’d been wrong. Funny how seeing him for five minutes threw seven years of forgetting him out the window. She’d loved him, there was never any doubt, but it didn’t matter. They were as over as the spring in July.

  It always surprised her she still felt so comfortable here. But, for some reason, unlike many of the places she had frequented with Jonathan, this one did not cause her pain. It always reminded her of the happy times when they’d camped and canoed in those long ago carefree days of summer.

  Even so, this place still belonged to her, as though her bones remembered it from long ago. There were only happy ghosts here, holding her up and soothing her as she floated across the top of the pond.

  She heard the crack and pop of branches underfoot as someone approached through the woods. Finding a toehold in the mushy bottom of the lake, she turned to smile, assuming she would see her children charging though the underbrush.

  Instead, Jonathan stood at the water’s edge like a mirage. For some reason, he didn’t seem out of place waiting for her as she emerged from the water and headed for her towel. He was always with her in spirit in this place, it seemed, so having him appear in the flesh didn’t seem to faze her. At least for a moment anyway. Until her brain caught up.

  “What…” she sputtered, all her shocked mind could muster. Her entire body shivered and goose bumps sprang out on her legs, as much from the shock of seeing him again as the cool breeze on her wet skin.

  “Hiya, Lil.”

  Lillie stared at Jonathan for a moment, but found her voice sooner, this time. “Are you stalking me?” Great. The man disappears for seven years then watches her run into a large blue mailbox then catches her in her old blue tank suit, cellulite thighs and all.

  “No, of course not.” Jonathan exhaled. “I just need to see you for a few minutes.”

  “I don’t need to see you. I saw enough of you last week.” He could see plenty of her right now. She looked down her front and noticed her legs weren’t the only things with goose bumps, and clamped an arm across her chest. Oh, why hadn’t she bought that swimsuit with the cute skirt and the padded top she’d tried on when she and Cassie had gone shopping?

  “Lillie, just a minute, please.”

  She shot him a scathing look that should have sent him packing, but his eyes never left hers as he waited for an answer.

  Finally, when it appeared none was forthcoming, he said, “Lillie…I need to talk to you—

  “My children--they’ll be here soon, and I don’t want to have to explain you to them—or to Rand and Catherine,” she said almost as an afterthought.

  “Then meet me, anywhere, anytime.” He held out a business card. She snuck a glance at it but made no move to take the card. She could only make out the area code she didn’t recognize.

  “Please?”

  Lillie grabbed the card, partly out of curiosity and partly because it seemed the easiest way to get him to leave. It took all her resolve to stuff it into the folds of her towel without looking at it.

  Just then the children popped through the woods and into the clearing with Catherine and Rand following close be
hind. Jonathan slipped back into the woods, somehow unnoticed by her family. She murmured a silent prayer of thanks they hadn’t noticed Jonathan skulking off through the bramble at the edge of the woods.

  Lillie trotted across the sand to zip the card into the pocket of her tote. Even better, would have been to rip the small card to shreds and throw it in the trash where all thoughts of Jon belonged…but she was human, after all. She tucked the card away so she could examine it later.

  Straightening, Lillie hugged her children and helped them into their swimming gear. Only water wings for Hope this year. She bundled Alex into the more restrictive life jacket.

  The children followed Rand into the water like a pair of ducklings. Having second thoughts about hiding Jonathan’s visit from Catherine, she crossed to her bag and removed the card, reading the printing on her way back across the sand. She returned to where Catherine waited, smiling at the children’s antics. Lillie handed the card to her aunt without meeting her eyes.

  Lillie yelled, “Be careful!” to Hope as she climbed the steps of the floating raft thirty yards off shore. “Great job,” she added, with a big thumbs up, a moment later as Hope immerged from beneath the rippled green surface a few feet from Rand. She had performed a perfect cannon ball and swamped her great uncle, or Grandpa, as the kids called him.

  Upon notification of Lillian’s decision to become a mother, Catherine embraced Grandmother-hood with exuberance. She would often tell anyone who would listen about her amazing grandchildren. Those who knew Catherine to be childless would wonder aloud from time to time how it could be possible. But Catherine always just answered, having only three people in your family entitled you to choose any title you wished.

  Forming a family on her own was one thing, but bringing one child, let alone two, into a life nearly void of connections had been Lillie’s one hesitation. But Catherine and Rand stepped in and were all she could have wished for grandparents to her babies. Her children were cherished by a family who’d do anything for them. They were loved and it was enough. And more than many children had. Certainly more than they’d had in a Russian orphanage.

  Catherine grinned as she cheered and clapped before glancing at the card Lillie had handed her. Catherine squinted and then shoved her glasses onto her nose. Today they hung from a purple and pink beaded string Alex made her at school a few months ago.

  She looked to Lillie with a start, “Oleson Outfitting, Jonathan Oleson, proprietor, Whitetail, Minnesota?”

  Lillie nodded. “He’s back. I saw him at the bank last week, and he was here just a few minutes ago.”

  Catherine scanned the perimeter of the empty lake. While still warm enough for swimming, summer neared its swan song and the park was mostly deserted.

  “He’s gone. I pretty much ran him off.” Lillie laughed, but it had a bitter ring.

  “What did he want?”

  “To see me, talk? I don’t know.” Lillie fiddled with the drawstring on her swimming suit cover up. “Regardless, I’ve nothing to say to him.”

  “He’s not teaching anymore?” Catherine gestured with the business card.

  “Apparently. We didn’t really have a long heart to heart.”

  “Call him. Rand and I will take the children for happy meals or pizza.”

  Catherine had always been fond of Jonathan. Not fond of his actions of course, but she’d always maintained there had to be a reason why he’d and left so abruptly, without warning or explanation.

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Lil, don’t you think it’s time?” She had made no secret over the years. Catherine felt Lillie should find out what went wrong and put it behind her, at last.

  “Time for what? Any desire I had to talk to Jon ended a long time ago. He can go to the devil for all I care. I am so over that.” Lillie picked up the vernacular from her daughter and this was the first time she had used it. She quite liked it.

  “Oh, yes. I can tell.”

  “Don’t--” Lillie held out her hand in warning and, borrowing more material from Hope, she said, “--go there right now, Catherine.”

  “Okay, I can see holding on to all of this with a cast iron grip is working so well for you.”

  “I, as you well know, have a great life,” she hissed between her teeth giving Alex a smile and a second thumbs up as he garnered the courage for his own leap from the raft.

  “You have half of a life.”

  “What?” Lillie’s head snapped around. Three deep lines etched her forehead. The calm, cool exterior she prized cracked like one of Alex’s baseballs colliding with a window. She forgot to hide her irritation.

  “You heard me. You have cut yourself off from anyone and everyone who would have the potential to hurt you, and, baby, that isn’t living.” Feisty Catherine could still give as good as she got.

  “What do you know about it?” Lillie’s sarcastic tone belied the smile she kept on her face for the children. Inside, she seethed. She knew her anger at Catherine was misplaced, but it didn’t matter.

  “I know you’ve let him defeat you.”

  Lillie’s chin jutted, and she put her hands on her hips as she turned to Catherine. “You have no right to judge me. You have never lost everything important to you. You’ve never been alone…”

  “And just how do you know, young lady?” Catherine interrupted.

  Her aunt was the only person Lillie knew who could call a forty-one year old grown woman a young lady and not sound ridiculous.

  “The children are turning blue,” Catherine said in a dry tone and handed the card back to Lillie while motioning for Rand to secure the kids and usher them ashore.

  “I’ll get the towels.” Lillie’s temper dissipated as she ran to her tote. Poor Lillie. Dumped by a husband who had so little regard for her he stole off in the middle of the night like a cat burglar. Even she was sick of the story. It didn’t take a genius to figure out everyone else probably didn’t want to hear about it anymore either.

  She secured the card in its pocket once again and grabbed towels at the same time. As she bundled her children in the bright beach sheets and rubbed them dry, she considered her aunt’s words.

  She had always portrayed their childlessness to be intentional, but maybe Lillie and Catherine had more in common than what she’d always imagined. Rand, a world-renowned photojournalist traveled extensively and having a child would have meant settling down. In fact, her aunt and uncle had met while attending Chapman College’s, “Semester at Sea.” They had both signed on for a four-month voyage around the world, Catherine as a freshman and Rand as a senior in college. They visited exotic places and attended their university courses between ports of call. Cat often said they fell in love with both travel and each other in equal measure. For once Lillie wondered if there weren’t more to the story.

  They made their way through the woods towards the parking lot. Lillie kept her eyes averted as first Hope then Alex kissed their grandparents goodbye. Lillie knew she should apologize, but tears threatened. She didn’t want to scare her kids so she remained silent and waved as the children settled into their seats, and she drove out of the park.

  Closure. Lillie almost said the word aloud as she gripped the wheel. A chance to tell him how she felt and what she would have said before, had he given her the opportunity.

  The creeping fingers of pain slid through her chest and clutched at her heart. She shivered, and not for the cold of the evening breeze through the open window, across her bare shoulders. Someday, maybe she’d be able to deal with it, but not today.

  * * *

  “Everyone into the house,” Lillie directed as she gathered backpacks, lunch boxes and various other childhood paraphernalia off the floorboards of her wagon.

  Lillie unlocked the front door and wound her way through the maze of cartons and packing materials in her living room. Seeing the mess again reminded her to get busy. The movers were due in a week, and she had a long way to go. Only the words, “attached garage” kept her going
these days.

  Her children raced to their bedroom to divest themselves of their backpacks and change into play clothes. She’d heard them talk about sidewalk chalk in the car.

  She kicked off her too-high-to-be-sensible shoes when she remembered the mail and tried to recall if she’d fetched it from the box yet this week. Just another of the thousand things there wasn’t enough hours in the day for when you were a single mom. She sighed and rooted around in the hall closet for her favorite Birkenstocks. No way were those heels going back on her feet today. She walked down the short hall to the kids' room. Hope crossed in front of her to the bathroom to change from the new shorts and t-shirt she’d worn to school that day. Alex rooted in the closet and an old shoe sailed out into the hall.

  She called through the bathroom door to Hope and ducked the second shoe on her way to the front door.

  As she crossed the lane to the bank of mailboxes, Lillie filled her lungs with fresh air. The muscles at the base of her skull relaxed for the first time since her words with Catherine almost a week ago.

  Lillie had been out of line and she knew it. Tonight after the children were asleep, she’d call her and apologize. If she had to, she could claim temporary insanity. Surely worse crimes had been pardoned after the shock of seeing the love of your life for the first time, seven years after he’d thrown you away like five-day-old pizza.

  That didn’t mean she’d talk to Jonathan. She’d found out since her divorce there were many, many things she could do she’d hadn’t believed she could. However, having an intentional conversation with her ex-husband was not something she planned on doing, no matter how much Catherine thought she should. She’d just have to figure out another way to put it all behind her. One that wouldn’t require a face-to-face meeting.