Loving Eliza

by Ruth Ann Nordin

  He followed her. He knew she wanted to be alone, but he couldn’t leave her be until she told him why she still rejected him, even when he told her he didn’t want to marry Daphne.

  “Stop it!” She whirled around, making him jump back. “Just stop.”

  He pointed to his temple.

  “You already know what I’m thinking.”

  He shook his head and pointed to the ring and then to his temple. Then he shrugged.

  She groaned. “You won’t give up, will you? No matter what I say or do, you just won’t stop.”

  Taking her hand, he pressed it to his heart.

  She yanked her hand away. “You love me?”

  He nodded.

  Letting out a bitter laugh, she flung her arms in the air. “You love a prostitute, John?”

  What was she talking about? He shook his head and pointed at her.

  Her face turned dark. “I am a prostitute. That’s what I did in Omaha. I got paid to have men come to my bed.”

  He shook his head. No. She wouldn’t do that kind of thing.

  “What’s so hard to believe about it? It’s true. I started at fourteen and went on until earlier this year. I’m twenty-seven. I was entertaining men in my bed for nearly thirteen years. I had all kinds of men, John.”

  He didn’t want to hear anymore. He put his hands over his ears and closed his eyes. She was lying. She was just saying it so he’d back off from proposing to her.

  She strode up to him and grabbed his hands.

  He opened his eyes and saw the anger in her face before he heard it in her voice.

  “It didn’t matter what color or age they were or even what they wanted to do. I did anything they wanted. I’ve done many things, John. I’ve seen some perversions that would make your head spin, and in the end, I couldn’t tell what was right and what was wrong. I just did it because I had to. But most of the men who came to me were lonely. They just wanted someone to be with, to take the edge off the pain that was in their life for one night. I did it all. I gave each one what he wanted and it didn’t matter if he was married or not. Some of them had a wife and children waiting for them at home. Do you get that? I committed adultery too. And you want to marry someone who’d do that?”

  He shook his head, denying it. She was just telling him this to get rid of him. She didn’t really do any of it.

  “That was my job. That’s who I was. Now go to Daphne. She’s never been touched by a man. I can tell these things. I’ve done it long enough. You haven’t been with a woman. It’s apparent in the way you kiss. You two need to be together. A man and a woman who haven’t been tainted by the world need to be together. She’s a nice woman. She’ll treat you well. She’ll love you and give you children. I can’t give you children. The doctor my boss hired made sure of that. They don’t like whores to get pregnant. It’s bad for business.”

  He didn’t want to hear anymore. He pushed her away and ran to his house. He didn’t even slam the door behind him. He just collapsed on the floor and gave into the need to cry. He couldn’t recall the last time he cried. It must have been when he was a child. As much as he wanted to keep denying Eliza’s words, he couldn’t. Not really. He clutched his chest. His heart hurt. It hurt to think of Eliza with other men who paid her to do things that were supposed to be between a man and his wife. All his life he’d believe in the sanctity of the marital bed. To think of those men kissing and touching her in places where they shouldn’t...It was too much.

  Why? Why would she choose that life? And at such a young age? She’d been fourteen. She’d done that for thirteen years? Thirteen years of men groping her and doing things...things he really didn’t understand...to her. He knew nothing about lovemaking, but there was no way that could be loving. How could a man love a woman he bedded at his convenience? Why did she do it? Did she enjoy that kind of thing? Is that what she wanted?

  He couldn’t believe she was happy doing that. If she was happy, then why would she leave? He didn’t understand any of it. He didn’t even know if he wanted to. But he had to. He still loved her. He had to find out. Sitting there on the floor and wondering wasn’t going to do him any good.

  After he managed to collect his thoughts and clear his head enough for a reasonable conversation, he left the house. She wasn’t anywhere in sight, but the door of her little home was closed and she’d drawn the curtains in the windows. Steadying his legs, he walked forward, trying to think of how to approach this situation.

  When he reached the door, he heard her crying. It hurt her to tell him what she did, he realized. That meant that she hadn’t been proud of it...or liked it. Didn’t it? If it made her happy, she wouldn’t be crying. He had to find out. He knocked on the door.

  Silence came from the other end. He waited for her to open the door but she didn’t. He knocked again. Still, she refused to let him in.

  A horse neighed, and John turned to see Aaron riding in his direction. “Old Willy said you planned to come over to work on his fence. What are you doing here?”

  John motioned to the door.

  Aaron rolled his eyes. “Look, take it from a married man. If a woman doesn’t want to talk, there’s nothing you can do to make her. Now come on. You can talk to her when you get back.”

  Deciding his brother was right, John reluctantly agreed and got his tools together and headed for Old Willy’s place.

  Chapter Twelve

  John wanted to get back to Eliza, so he worked as fast as he could in putting Old Willy’s fence together. As he repaired the places that needed attention, he had time to think about everything Eliza told him. It still hurt. He hated knowing that other men had been with her. It didn’t seem fair. It was as if she had belonged to him her entire life, and those men had robbed that for both of them.

  He had time to access the situation and concluded that she’d been ashamed when she told him. He could tell that by the look in her eyes and the trembling in her hands. Her voice had remained tough, though the rest of her hadn’t. She wasn’t proud of her past, and he realized that was why she told him she couldn’t marry him. She wanted him to be with Daphne because, in her mind, Daphne was better for him.

  She was wrong. But how could he tell her that? He picked up another stake and pounded it into the ground. He shouldn’t have run from her. He just wanted her to stop talking. He’d heard enough—too much—to last him a lifetime. He didn’t want to hear anymore. She must have taken that the wrong way. She must have assumed it meant he rejected her.

  He finished the fence, noting that the dog watched him, as if upset that his fun was now at an end. Ignoring the canine’s barking, he gathered his nails and hammer and put them into his leather bag. He swung it over his shoulder and lumbered into Old Willy’s house.

  “The fence done?” the older man asked.

  John nodded.

  “Good. If Harvey’d watch his dog, I wouldn’ have called you out. Oh well. I guess there’s no use worryin’ ‘bout the past. What’s done is done. At least things are fixed now.”

  John thought over the man’s words and agreed with him. What could either he or Eliza do about her life in Omaha? There was no going back and erasing any of it. He’d have to write that down so Eliza could see it. Maybe if she understood that he wasn’t going to dwell on the past, she’d marry him. In fact, that was probably the reason she refused to be his wife all along.

  As he left the house, Old Willy slapped him on the back. “I owe you more free paint.”

  John nodded that he understood and walked back to his wagon. He supposed he should go see Daphne and tell her that he didn’t want to marry her. It’d be only right, but he wanted to clear things with Eliza first. He passed the church, wishing for the hundredth time that Eliza had just married him. Maybe she still would. He couldn’t give up hope, not when he was so close to having her as his wife.

  The ride back home seemed to take forever, even though he ran the horse as fast as he could. As soon as he unsaddled the horse and set the anima
l out to pasture, he hurried to Eliza’s house. He knocked on the door and waited.

  Nothing happened.

  That wasn’t necessarily a surprise, but he suddenly realized the curtains were open and everything was strangely quiet. Sensing that he wasn’t going to like what he found, he stepped to the window and peered into the one room dwelling. His heart beat picked up and his grip tightened on the wood frame of the window sill.

  No one was there. In fact, he didn’t see any of Eliza’s things. He quickly opened the door and examined the room. The bed was neatly made, and everything was in its proper location. It was unsettling. He knew she left, but from all outward appearances, no one would know it. He hurried to his trunk and threw it open. Her travel bag had been in here, and now it was gone. That confirmed his fears. He rummaged through the room, trying to find a note or some indication of where she might have gone.

  Nothing.

  It was as if she disappeared. He turned around one time, his anxious gaze carefully sweeping the room. Releasing his breath, he ran through a list of possible places she might have gone. Somewhere in town was the obvious answer. But where? Charity Custer’s place? Addy and Frank’s home? It had to be one of those two. The town was a small place. She couldn’t have gone far, and surely, someone knew where she was.

  He raced back to the pasture to get his horse saddled up again.

  ***

  Eliza hid in the cornstalks lining the path to town when she heard the sound of a horse charging in her direction. She’d seen John on his way back from town, and now it looked like he was heading back. Why he was heading back, she didn’t want to guess. Her heart constricted at the sight of him as he passed by her. Whatever was on his mind, he was in a hurry. Maybe he wanted to see Daphne.

  And wasn’t that what she wanted? That’s why she told him the truth. So he’d find Daphne and cling to her. They deserved to be together. Eliza did the right thing by telling him everything. Well, almost everything. She looked down at the picture in her hand. Her son. The only child she would ever have. A child born out of her uncle’s lust. It didn’t matter how this child came to be. The fact was that he was her son and she loved him. She always would. She prayed for him every night since she came to God and changed her life.

  She waited until John was safely out of sight before she stood up and left the wall of corn. Clutching the picture to her heart in one hand and holding the travel bag with the other, she resumed her walk to town. The bag grew heavy but she pressed on, knowing her arms would be sore the next day, even if she did switch the bag to the other arm once in awhile.

  By the time she made it to town, the evening sky brought its assortment of yellows and pinks. It was such a pretty sight that she stood on the edge of the town and stared out at the prairie sky. It seemed to go on forever. She wished she could keep walking and never get tired or hungry. Part of her just wanted to leave and fade into that sky. Of course, such a thing was impossible.

  She sighed and cautiously approached the main street. She recognized some of the people, and thankfully, none were John. Mentally calculating how much money she had, she figured she could afford a room at the boarding house. As soon as she found a paying job, she could afford rent and food. At least her needs would be taken care of.

  She crossed the street and passed some of the homes. One of those homes happened to be Charity’s house. She glanced over and saw John leave through the front door. Scurrying to the nearest building, she struggled to calm her nerves. She shouldn’t look. Oh, she knew she shouldn’t! But she had to see it again. Before she changed her mind, she peered around the building and saw Daphne and Charity talking to John on the porch.

  It shouldn’t surprise her. She told him to go to Daphne. And yet, she had to force back the tears that welled in her eyes. What did she expect? What could she expect? He only did what she ordered him to do. Surely, there was no fault on his part. Finding little consolation in the admission, she forced her feet forward and hurried to the boarding house. The sooner she got into her new room, the better.

  She prayed that John and Daphne would stay out of town as much as he did now. She couldn’t bear to see them together..and happy. Someone called her name. She stopped. Was it John? No. Of course not. John couldn’t speak. Relieved, she turned around, surprised to see Troy walking toward her.

  He waited until he caught up to her before he spoke. “Is something wrong?”

  She relaxed. “No. I thought since Miss O’Conner showed up that it’d be best if I came to stay in town.” It was the truth...in a roundabout way.

  He nodded. “That’s understandable. If it were me, I’d do the same thing.”

  If only you knew...She cleared her throat and blew a strand of hair out of her eyes. “I should get to the boarding house.”

  “I can help you with your bag.”

  She hesitated, not sure she wanted him to be near her. Could she trust him? Pushing aside the notion, she handed him the bag. She could trust him. He was John’s brother after all. Tucking the picture in her shirt sleeve before he could see it, she said, “Thank you.”

  He joined her in strolling by the closed businesses. People milled about and conversed, content to relax after a hard day of work. She didn’t bother making eye contact with any of them. She knew John wouldn’t tell anyone about her past, but she still felt exposed, as if they could tell what she’d done just by looking at her.

  “You didn’t bring much with you,” Troy stated. “This bag is light.”

  “I don’t need much.”

  “I suppose not. So, did John bring you in?”

  What was the best way to answer that question? She ran through a list of possible things to say but finally decided on the truth. “No. I left while he was here in town fixing the fence for Mister Jafferty.”

  “Didn’t you tell him you were coming in?”

  She shrugged, glad that they had finally arrived at the boarding house. “I didn’t see any need to. He’ll figure it out when he gets home.” She didn’t want to answer more of his questions. It was hard enough to say what she already had. It was painful to leave John. “Anyway, he’ll have his mail-order bride now, and that’s what matters.”

  “Right. I agree.” He motioned to the front door. “I might as well bring this in for you.”

  “Oh.” She shifted from one foot to the other. “Alright.”

  She climbed the porch steps, aware that he was behind her...and probably watching. When she glanced over her shoulder, he averted his gaze. She hastened her steps and knocked on the door. The sooner she got into the house, the better. She rubbed her arms. Though it wasn’t cold, she felt chilly and she wasn’t sure why.

  The door opened and Molly Richie smiled at them. “How may I help you?”

  “I came to ask you about a room. Do you have one available?” Eliza already knew the answer was yes since Addy had told her that Molly was looking for another tenant. Still, she didn’t want to come right out and demand a room.

  Molly waved her in. “I sure do.”

  Eliza turned to Troy. “Thank you again for carrying my bag for me.” She held out her hand to take it.

  He gave it to her and tipped his hat. “It was my pleasure. I’ll see you around town. Good evening, Mrs. Richie.”

  Eliza exhaled, surprised that she’d been holding her breath. Now that she stepped into Molly’s parlor, she felt her tension subside.

  “I thought you were working for John,” the woman said as she encouraged her to sit.

  Eliza settled in the chair and placed the bag by her feet. “Yes. Well, I’m guessing you heard about Miss O’Conner’s arrival today?”

  The woman’s eyes lit up as she sat across from her. “Yes, as a matter of fact I did. Oh, well no wonder. You’ll be needing a place to stay. Fortunately, I have a nice room available. It has a lovely view of the town so you can see everything that’s going on.”

  Great. Just what she needed: a view of John and Daphne. “You do have thick curtains, don’t you
?” That way she could draw them tight and block them out. Out of sight, out of mind.

  “I do have curtains but they aren’t very thick. Does the moonlight bother you?”

  “Sometimes I like to take a nap during the day, and the sunlight can be bright.” At least that was true. She was used to resting at some point in the daytime. She usually spent part of her nights staying up to read...now that she had a bed to herself all the time. She sighed. Recalling the past wasn’t something she wanted to do, so she shoved the memories safely back where she wouldn’t have to deal with them. Shifting in the chair, she continued, “I do intend to work and pay my rent. Do you know anyone who’s hiring?”

  Molly leaned back and tapped the tip of her index finger against her lips. “As a matter of fact, I do. Harriet Lube needs someone to clean her house. She’s too old to do it herself anymore.”

  Relieved, she smiled. “I can clean houses.” She had cleaned John’s, so she now had experience doing that. “Are there any other houses that need cleaning?”

  “I don’t know of any off the top of my head, but I’ll keep an ear open in case I hear of any.”

  “That sounds good.” Eliza bent forward and opened her travel bag. “How much should I pay you?”

  “I ask for $8 upfront.”

  Her stomach tightened into a knot. “$8?”

  “I know that’s two weeks’ worth of rent, but ever since Malcom ruined one of my rooms, I learned it was necessary to ask for renter’s insurance. He never did pay for the damages. I had to repair the whole room on my dime. That wasn’t cheap.” She paused and smiled. “I don’t mean to be cruel. I just need to protect my home.”

  Eliza glanced at the money in her hand. She only had $10. That seemed like a large amount when she left Omaha. Now it didn’t look like it was that much after all. She looked back up at the woman. “So how much is it a week?”

  “$4.”

  “And the $8 will only get me through one week?”