Love's Melody Lost

by Radclyffe

  "She is absolutely magnificent, isnt she?" Christine remarked casually as she joined Anna on the terrace.

  "Yes," Anna said softly, having no reason to deny what the entire world had recognized. Only a few of her caliber born each century, one reviewer had said.

  "Oh, I wasnt talking about her music," Christine laughed. "But then Im sure youve noticed what an exquisite specimen she is. You seem to have developed quite an appreciation for all her attributes. Believe me, in her case, her genius extends beyond the piano. She brings that remarkable intensity to absolutely everything she touches. And everyone. Fortunately Graham was too seduced by her music to notice anyone for more than a night or two- before me of course." She laughed, appraising Anna in the dim light of the moon. She found Anna naturally lovely, with her work hardened body, feminine yet strong, and her clear eyes and shimmering hair. She was the type Christine had amused herself with over the years since Graham. Under other circumstances - she thought briefly, then reminded herself of her intentions.

  "Now you did surprise me at first," she continued mockingly. "I wouldnt have thought youd find Graham to your tastes, although God knows women of all persuasions used to throw themselves at her. And living here with her - I can imagine that would be a temptation even if women werent your usual pleasure."

  "I was just on my way in," Anna said as she made to leave. She had no intention of allowing Christine to goad her into a discussion of her feelings for Graham. And she was in real danger of doing her bodily harm if she stayed.

  "Youre no match for the competition, you know," Christine said lightly.

  Anna stopped abruptly, incensed. "I am not competing with you," she seethed.

  Christine laughed, tossing her head in dismissal. "Perhaps not, although from the way you look at her I think youre deluding yourself. Unfortunately, Graham has no way of knowing whats in your eyes, does she?" She pushed away from the balcony railing, stepping quite close to Anna as she did so. Anna could smell her fragrant perfume. "I wasnt speaking of myself, although knowing Graham, I have no concerns. Id wager shes much too honorable to take you to her bed just for sport. Although Im sure you wouldnt take much convincing, would you?" She ran a finger lightly down Annas arm, laughing again when Anna hastily pulled away. "She is too hopelessly romantic to let old passions fade, and unlike you, Im not above physical persuasion. Regardless of what she says, her body never lies."

  She touched Annas hand ever so lightly as she passed into the night. "I was speaking of the music, my dear innocent - the music is Grahams true mistress."

  With that she was gone, leaving Anna to stare after her with a mixture of anger and pity. She had issued some kind of warning, although Anna couldnt imagine why she felt it necessary. God only knew, Anna was no threat to her claim on Grahams affections. What amazed her was that a woman who had supposedly loved Graham Yardley for over two decades did not understand what Anna realized the moment she heard Graham play. Music was not Grahams mistress, music was Grahams life. To love Graham was to welcome the force that sustained her, even though it threatened to destroy her as she struggled to bring it forth from her soul. Anna could no more be jealous of Grahams music than she could be jealous of her indomitable will, or her passionate ardor, or her sensitive spirit. The day the music truly deserted her would be the day her heart ceased to beat. Anna prayed for the day the music would flow unbidden from Grahams soul, for then she would be truly healed.

  Anna glanced once more into the darkened room, imagining Graham absorbed in the sound, comforted by her nearness.

  **********

  Grahams music lingered in Anna's mind throughout the morning as she occupied herself with outside work. She spent most of the time with contractors and subcontractors and by noon she was ready for a break. She wandered down to the stone bench under the huge sycamore, recalling wistfully the afternoon she and Graham had spent there. She turned from the memory of the brief closeness they had shared. It only made their estrangement harder. She stretched out on the bench in the dappled shade afforded by the overhanging branches, draped one arm over her eyes, and slept.

  When she slowly approached consciousness again, she was aware she was not alone. Even without opening her eyes, she sensed her.

  "How long have you been here," Anna questioned, rolling onto her side to study the woman seated on the ground, her back against the bench where Anna lay. She looked weary in a way that went beyond fatigue, but the strain belied by a tightness in her fine jaw was absent. She seemed strangely peaceful. Graham turned her head toward Annas voice with a soft smile, a smile that eased the tension from her face. Annas heart turned over at the sight of her vulnerable beauty.

  "Not long - an hour, I think," Graham replied.

  "What have you been doing?" Anna asked tenderly, brushing a stray twig from Graham's dark hair.

  Graham shuddered involuntarily at the light touch that strayed unintentionally against her cheek. As often as Christine touched her, nothing she did affected her like this. Graham felt the first tingle of caution even as she warmed to the touch. She must take care where Anna was concerned, yet she couldnt seem to do without her company. These last few weeks since Christines arrival had been doubly hard. She had to contend with Christines constant demands for her attention, and her persistent attempts to rekindle Grahams ardor. Along with that, Graham had little time to spend with Anna. She missed her humor, and her compassion, and her wonderful way of bringing life to Grahams inner vision. Just her quiet, soothing tone brought Graham some semblance of calm. Graham found she even missed Annas undauntable insistence that she sleep, or eat, or get out of the sun - the kind of demand Graham had never accepted of anyone. She had been lonely for a kind of connection she no longer thought she needed. She tried to ignore the growing agitation and discomfort for days, but finally, almost against her will, she had gone in search of her young employee. Finding her asleep, she had been content just to be near her.

  "I was listening to you breathe, thinking that the cadence was much like a refrain. Suddenly the music Ive been trying to compose began pouring through my mind." Graham said slowly, as if speaking in a dream. She was amazed at how easily it had come, after all the solitary struggle night after night to no avail, just by sitting quietly with a sleeping woman. "Ive just been here listening," she finished quietly.

  Anna watched the transformation of Graham's face as she spoke. The tense muscles softened, the fine lines about her eyes and lips relaxed, and suddenly she looked years younger. When Graham sighed and leaned her head back, it took all of Annas control not to guide Grahams head into her lap. She wanted to hold her desperately. Only her fear that Graham would retreat, as she had so often, stilled her hand.

  "Im so happy for you," Anna said quietly.

  Graham reached for Annas hand, taking her by surprise. "I believe that you are." She brushed her lips softly across Annas hand, then laid it gently down. With a sigh, she pushed herself upright. There were issues she needed to attend to, no matter how pleasant her moments here had been.

  "I have consented to Christines desire to give a small dinner party in honor of Helens birthday. I would like you to attend," Graham stated flatly.

  "Oh Graham, I dont think so! I dont really belong there -" Anna said in a rush. She couldnt imagine a worse scenario. Trapped with Christine at some formal affair!

  Graham shook her head slightly. "You do belong. Helen cares for you a great deal, and you are a part of this household. I want you there."

  Still Anna protested. "I work for you, Graham - Im not part of your social world."

  "I have no social world, Anna, " Graham remarked darkly, all semblance of her recent serenity gone. "There will be some family friends, people Helen has known for years, and some recent acquaintances of Christine. If it werent for the fact that Helen has had precious little thanks for the task of looking after Yardley all this time, I wouldnt hear of it." She ran a hand through her hair, glowering at some distant vision, before she continued wearily, "It will be
difficult enough for me - I need you there."

  Anna could not fathom the reason, but there was little she could do in the face of Grahams direct plea. "Of course, Ill be there."

  Graham nodded. "Good." Looking as if she were about to leave, she turned abruptly and cast Anna a serious look. "And Ill expect you at dinner from now on, Anna. Every night." Not waiting for a reply, she stepped out from the shadow of the tree, disappearing into the bright sunlight, leaving Anna staring after her.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Guests had gathered in the foyer of the ballroom, which had been opened and refurbished under Annas watchful direction all that week. Helen, as the honoree, was seated on a plush velvet sofa, conversing with friends and sampling the ample hor douerves and champagne. Tuxedo-clad young women moved through the crowd offering food and drink. Anna kept one eye on the kitchen, making sure the caterers had every thing they needed, and the other on the grand staircase that flanked the reception area. Even though it was nearly the appointed time for dinner to be served, neither Graham nor Christine had arrived. She was about to signal the maitre d' to begin seating people when a low murmur of excitement rippled throughout the crowd. Anna had no doubt of the cause. She looked to the top of the curving marble staircase for confirmation.

  Graham and Christine were descending. Christine, her gloved hand resting on the sleeve of Grahams extended arm, was dressed in a low-cut evening gown, accentuating her figure while revealing a good deal of décolletage. Graham was a study in understated elegance in a tuxedo of soft dove gray silk, white tie, white silk brocade vest and tails. Whereas Christine, radiantly beautiful, drew the attention of the majority of those gathered, Anna could not take her eyes off Graham. As they reached the bottom stair, Graham handed Christine down into a crowd of well-wishers, obviously friends Christine had acquired since she and Graham parted. Graham moved away, remarking politely to those who stopped to greet her, yet determined to avoid conversation. If you didnt know her, you would not have thought this was her first social gathering since her injury. She looked perfectly composed and entirely in command. Anna, who knew differently, could detect the signs of strain from across the room. As unobtrusively as possible, she made her way through the crowd to Grahams side.

  "Helen is sitting on the divan just to the left of the entrance," Anna said. "I havent had a chance to talk with her this evening, there have been so many people I dont know. Perhaps you could see me over and pave the way for me?"

  "And perhaps rescue myself from the perilous chore of trying to get from here to there on my own?" Graham asked cynically. At Annas swift intake of breath, Graham realized she had struck out at the wrong person. Anna had offered her a way to preserve her dignity without sacrificing her pride. It had been pride that had gotten her into this situation to begin with. Christine handled the fact of Grahams sightlessness by ignoring it, and had not considered what the evening would demand of Graham. Graham couldnt bring herself to tell Christine she wouldnt be able to manage in such a large gathering without help. Given enough time to familiarize herself with an area, she could accomplish an astounding degree of independence. With the workers in and out of the dining area and ballroom all week, there simply hadnt been the opportunity. Now she could not safely move about on her own. She had no doubt that Christine would have been solicitous of her every need, and by allowing that, Graham would have been diminished in her own eyes, if not that of every person there. "You are quite astute, Anna. You seem to have gleaned the obstacles my infirmity presents," she continued self-mockingly. "It would not do to have me stumbling about."

  Anna, stressed herself from the pressures of the evening as well as the constant visage of Graham and Christine everywhere she turned, didnt even try to control her anger. "You are the least infirm person I know," she seethed. "What you are is too damn pig-headed for your own good. Everyone has some kind of need, Graham - once in a while. Are you so self-sufficient that you consider yourself above that?"

  Grahams only response was to raise one elegant eyebrow. "Clearly I have done something to offend you. Whatever that might be, I sincerely apologize. As to the question of my needs, Ms. Reid, let me assure you they are not a matter for discussion."

  "Then you can find your own damn way across the room!" Anna snarled. "Im too tired to argue you with you when youre in one of these stubborn, insufferably arrogant moods!"

  Graham caught Annas hand as Anna was about to turn away. Anna stared in amazement at the fingers lightly grasping hers. How on earth does she do that?

  "Now is not the time to discuss my moods or your opinion of them. I dont want to argue with you, nor do I wish to offend you further. I would, however, be honored to escort you to the reception line, and to dinner," Graham continued as if Anna hadnt just railed at her in a tone of voice no one else had ever dared use. Graham offered her arm, trying to hide her tension and her increasing disorientation as people pressed around them. After a moments hesitation, Anna slipped her fingers around Grahams forearm.

  "What about Christine?" Anna asked as she and Graham made their way through the crowd. Graham was exquisitely sensitive to the pressure of Annas hand, and had no trouble guiding them through the crowd from the faint cues Anna transmitted through her touch. From the first time Anna had taken her arm to walk with her through the gardens, there had been that effortless communication. She doubted that Anna even realized the extent to which she provided Graham with a sense of her surroundings.

  "Christine has never lacked for escorts at these affairs. Shell soon have some young woman - or man - enthralled. You need have no concern about her." Anna wasnt so sure as she caught Christines angry glance at them from across the room.

  Nevertheless, the meal passed uneventfully, and Helen was obviously having a wonderful time. She couldnt wait to usher everyone into the ballroom where a string quartet was waiting to provide the music. Graham had made it clear there was to be no piano in the room. Helen laughed with delight when Graham asked her if she would like to have the first dance with her.

  "Oh my goodness, no! You are much too tall for me and far too good a dancer! Id much rather watch you dance," she cried fondly.

  "I think not, Helen," Graham replied flatly.

  "You must dance with Anna at least, Graham," Helen chided. "Its only proper that you do. She is here at your request, after all, and unescorted. Besides, she looks so lovely tonight!"

  "Does she?" Graham murmured, thinking of the last time she had danced. It had been with Christine at the reception following what was to be her last concert. To her surprise, she couldnt remember what it had felt like.

  "Oh yes," Helen enthused. "She has done something with her hair - its pinned up in some way, and it shows off her face so nicely. She has beautiful cheekbones, rather like a model. Shes a golden tan from the sun, and seems to glow- naturally. To my mind shes one of the most beautiful women here."

  "What color is her dress?" Graham asked almost against her will.

  "A deep blue, like her eyes, and its cut down off her shoulders in a - well, I wouldnt exactly say its revealing, but she does have an attractive figure."

  "Where is she?" Graham brought herself to ask.

  "Just inside the door- to your right. And theres no one nearby, if you were to walk directly there from here," Helen added as if it were an afterthought. She knew better than anyone what it took for Graham to make this appearance tonight, and what it required for her to preserve her pride.

  "Thank you, Helen," Graham said as she bent to kiss her softly on the cheek.

  Helen held her breath as she watched Graham make her way toward Anna. She neednt have worried. Grahams instinct was unerring. Within a moment she was at Annas side. The orchestra was just beginning the opening waltz.

  "Would you honor me with this dance?" Graham asked as she offered her hand to Anna with a slight bow.

  Anna was nearly speechless. She had never danced with a woman before, and to dance with Graham, alone, in front of all these people! "Surely Christin
e will expect this dance!!" was all she could manage.

  Graham straightened, a flicker of ire crossing her fine features. "Christine is neither mistress of this house nor of me. It is not for her to decide. Now will you give me this dance?"

  The guests who ringed the room receded from Annas view. All she could see was the woman before her, hand outstretched, waiting. Graham was imperiously commanding, handsome beyond description, and intently focused on Anna. Anna could no more have denied her than she could have stopped her own heartbeat.

  "Yes," Anna said softly, taking the elegant hand. "I would love to."

  Graham made it impossible to be nervous. She danced with the same grace and fluidity with which she played. When Anna stepped into her arms, Anna knew only gently swirling motion and the warmth of Grahams body against her. She was unaware of those watching but she was acutely aware of every facet of Grahams presence. She felt the rise of Grahams chest against her own breasts, the faint pressure of Grahams thigh against her leg, and the possessive press of Grahams hand on her back. She had never felt so intimately connected to anyone in her life. The sensations slowly coalesced into an ache of desire.

  "Youre shaking," Graham murmured.

  Anna laughed unsteadily against Grahams shoulder, praying her arousal wasnt so obvious. "I think its nerves. Just dont let go of me."

  Graham bent her head until her lips brushed the hair at Annas temple. "I wouldnt dream of it," she whispered. She drew her close, and their bodies moved effortlessly together.

  Christine watched them dance. They fit together well - too well. Graham held Anna protectively within the circle of her arms, her cheek nestled against Annas fair hair. Annas eyes were closed, her left hand softly, unconsciously, stroking the stray wisps of Grahams unruly black mane where it brushed against her collar. She trembled visibly, and Christine knew perfectly well why. She had felt the power of Grahams presence herself, and knew what it was to melt with desire in her arms. Anna and Graham melded to one another like lovers, although she was certain Graham had not yet conceived of it. Might never accept it. But Christine had no intention of leaving that up to fate. When the dance ended she intended to reassert her claim on the errant master of Yardley Manor.