Going Home

by Harriet Evans

  That’s what I don’t like about Jaden – he talks like a book written in a language I don’t understand.

  ‘I’m fine,’ I said. ‘I want a dri—Ah, thanks, Lily.’

  ‘Where have you been?’ Lily demanded, as she thrust a glass of lukewarm champagne into my hand. With other bosses this might sound like a reprimand, but with Lily it was a sign that she had something to tell me. ‘Nicole Hegerty’s over there,’ she said. ‘Look, Lizzy! I can’t believe it! What shall I do?’

  ‘Calm down,’ I said. ‘You don’t have to talk to her. Just ignore her. She’s going back to LA tomorrow, isn’t she?’

  ‘Yes, but she wants to talk about the development-executive position. She wants it filled by June. Oh, Lizzy, are you sure you don’t want to go? You could move to LA and I’d never have to deal with her again, I could speak to you instead. Come on, you’d love it.’

  ‘I’m sure I would,’ I said, laughing. ‘You’re always saying that. But I’m not moving to LA to do some random new job just so you don’t have to speak to Nicole Hegerty and that’s that.’

  Nicole Hegerty was another kickass producer from Monumental in LA who had once gripped Lily by the neck after we’d lost the option on a book she’d wanted. She is Fran’s boss, whippet-thin and looks like she’s lived off her own muscles for the last decade. That, and vodka. She has a voice like a rattling dustbin lorry. And a vocabulary to match.

  ‘Your loss,’ Lily said. ‘You’ll stay in London and ossify. You’ll never move on. You’ll still be here in ten years’ time and then you’ll come to me and say, “Oh, Lily, why didn’t I go? I’m so stupid!”’

  Appraisals with Lily are very much in this vein.

  ‘Very true,’ said Jaden, showing his white teeth. ‘Lizzy, is this true? About LA?’

  I frowned at him, to discourage him from asking too much while Lily was around. ‘The job’s true – it’s a liaison thing between the London and LA offices. But I’m not leaving. Why would I want to?’

  ‘Why wouldn’t you?’ Jaden said. ‘It’s seventy degrees there at the moment.’

  A picture of myself rollerblading along a boardwalk wearing a strappy top and cut-off denim shorts floated into my mind’s eye. I batted it away. ‘I hate hot weather,’ I lied.

  Jaden nodded in an annoying way. ‘Well, maybe you should think about it, you know? Make a change.’

  Someone pushed against me, laughing raucously. Suddenly a flush of panic surged through me. I wanted to go home.

  ‘Argh, there she is,’ said Lily, suddenly, as Nicole Hegerty moved closer.

  ‘I can distract her if you want,’ offered Jaden.

  Lily threw him a grateful smile. ‘God, you’re gorgeous, but don’t worry. If you go to her from me she might smell my scent and that could lead her back to me and—’ She caressed her neck ruminatively. ‘No, I’m going to disappear. Lizzy, have another drink. You’re awfully pale.’ She reached up and pinched my cheeks, hard.

  ‘Ouch!’ I yelped.

  ‘Sorry,’ she said unapologetically. ‘You need a bit of colour. Ooh, press packs. I must read one.’ She hared off.

  As I turned back to Jaden I heard the unmistakable tones of Nicole Hegerty behind me. ‘Lily! Hey there, Lily, how are you?’

  I stood firmly behind a large man in a tweed suit, hoping she wouldn’t spot me, and Jaden moved closer. ‘How was your day?’ he asked.

  I looked round to see if any of my colleagues was nearby before I answered. ‘Fine, fine, fine. Ordered some new shoes off the internet, talked to Fran about Dreams Can Come True. She’s really pleased with the way things are going and she loves the new title. And the bloody plumber didn’t turn up again. Jaden, do you know a good plumber? No, of course you don’t.’

  Jaden held my wrist. ‘No, Lizzy. How was your day?’

  I was still considering my response when, to my right, a woman in a silk poncho suddenly said, ‘No, Pasha and Jemima refused to squat so we had to cancel the shoot.’ I giggled and thought of how much Tom would love this. I hadn’t seen him for ages. What wouldn’t I give to be at home on my sofa with him, watching The OC and having a glass of wine? ‘Sorry,’ I said, recovering myself. ‘No, my day was fine, honestly.’

  ‘Have you spoken to your parents about going home?’

  ‘Noooo,’ I said warily.

  ‘So you’re not going home this weekend, then?’

  ‘Nooo,’ I said, edging towards the canapés and scanning the crowd for Ash.

  ‘Why don’t you want to go back?’

  ‘I do want to. It’s just I’m busy this weekend.’

  ‘But isn’t this, like, the fourth weekend in a row you’ve been busy? Aren’t you avoiding the issue? You’re gonna have to go back some time, you know.’ Jaden’s face loomed over me, moonlike and nosy, like a huge tanned conscience.

  I suddenly got cross. ‘Look, Jaden,’ I said, jabbing his chest with my finger and trying to sound like Penelope Keith, ‘just mind your own business, will you? I don’t know why you think it’s got anything to do with you.’

  Jaden was unperturbed. ‘What about your aunt’s wedding? The one with the funny name. Aren’t you going to have to go back to the hall then?’

  ‘It’s not a hall, it’s a house. Ginevra.’

  ‘But what do you call her?’

  ‘Chin.’

  ‘Why?’ Jaden was rocking on the balls of his feet, staring at me intently.

  ‘Uncle Tony couldn’t say Ginevra when she was born. He could only say Chin, so I suppose that’s how—’

  ‘Is he the one who died?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘What did he die of?’

  ‘He had a heart-attack. He was twenty-eight. He had a little son – Tom.’

  ‘Do you remember him?’ Jaden persisted.

  ‘Not really,’ I said, downing the rest of my champagne and hoicking another glass from a passing tray in one fluid movement. ‘He was blond. He was very handsome, funny. Nice. I’m probably wrong. I was nearly three, so I don’t actually remember. Ah, look, there’s Ash. What a shame we can’t continue this little chat where you’re incredibly rude and ask me lots of personal questions, which are absolutely not your business at all. I do so wish we could.’

  I should have known better than to try to get a rise out of Jaden. He doesn’t work like that. ‘I’m sad about it too,’ he said, smiling, as Ash appeared at his side.

  ‘Are you?’

  ‘Yes, especially that you don’t think it’s any of my business. You’re sleeping with me, and you still don’t want me to know anything about what’s happening with you. And, man, this is crazy, none of you talking about it. Don’t you think it’s crazy?’

  ‘Er…’ I bit back the urge to tell him to take the stuff he’d left at my flat and never darken my door or my bra strap again. ‘No?’

  ‘But they’re selling the house, Lizzy! They’re selling your home! I know how emotional you are about it. Don’t you even want to know why?’

  ‘I know why,’ I said. ‘The house needs a new roof and loads of work doing and we can’t afford it. If we sell, they all still get some money. That’s the way it is, and if you don’t mind…let’s change the subject. OK?’

  ‘Well…OK,’ said Jaden, reluctantly.

  ‘And another thing. I’m not sleeping with you. That makes it sound almost like we’re going out. We’re enjoying occasional sex together. Which is great. And sometimes we go ten-pin bowling. But that’s it. OK?’

  Ash was gaping at us. He closed his mouth, then said, ‘Hi, Liz. You made it, then? Nice of you to come.’

  ‘I know,’ I said. ‘Leave me alone. It was the plumber. He didn’t turn up. Again. So shut up.’

  Ash elbowed me. ‘You shut up.’

  ‘No, you shut up.’

  ‘No, you.’

  ‘No—’

  Jaden watched this indulgently. ‘I guess that’s the nice thing about working in an office. You get to bond, be intimate with people.’

  ‘
Yes, we do,’ said Ash. ‘In fact, only last night in bed, I was saying to Lizzy, as we were being intimate and bonding, “Hey, Liz—”’

  ‘No, really shut up, Ash,’ I said hurriedly, having observed Jaden’s bewilderment. ‘We’re just being silly, Jaden. Ash is a sad single loner who has to construct fantasy romances in his head, and since he doesn’t have any friends, the only people he knows are his colleagues.’

  ‘Talking about yourself again, eh?’ said Ash, smirking into his glass.

  ‘No, you are.’ I elbowed him.

  ‘No, you are.’

  ‘No, you.’

  ‘No, you,’ Ash said, and pushed me. I stumbled backwards into someone. Ash muttered, ‘Oops, sorry,’ and I found myself face to face with Sophia Gunning.

  She gave me a death stare as she righted her champagne glass, whose contents she had deftly managed not to throw over herself, then turned the glittering full beam of her smile on me. ‘Lizzy! How lovely to see you!’

  Speechless with horror, I gazed moronically at her beautiful chiffon and lace top, which I had coveted for weeks from Whistles. Typical that the world’s biggest bitch Sophia Gunning would have my top.

  Ash and Jaden had, magically, straightened themselves, as if they were soldiers on parade and were also gazing moronically at the glacial beauty of Sophia, an ex-schoolfriend of Chin, who happened to be one of Monumental’s most promising executives. She had relocated to LA a couple of years ago.

  ‘Hi, I’m Sophia Gunning,’ she said, holding out her hand and giving Jaden a dazzling smile.

  ‘Huh,’ said Jaden. ‘I’m…’ He paused and I could see he was trying to remember his name. ‘I’m—’

  ‘Sophia,’ I interrupted. ‘This is Jaden Adler, a screenwriter. He’s working on Dreams Can Come True for us.’ Sophia looked blank. ‘It used to be Big Yellow Taxi, remember? And this is Ash Ghosh,’ I continued. ‘He’s a development executive. We work together.’

  Sophia scanned them for a nanosecond. ‘Jaden Adler! I’ve heard so many good things about you,’ she said, shaking his hand so warmly that if you didn’t know her as well as I do you’d swear it was sincere. She gushed on: ‘And Dreams Can Come True sounds wonderful,’ she continued. ‘I know it’s going to be great.’

  Ooh, you lying ho, I thought.

  Jaden gulped, staring at Sophia’s thin, tanned hand as she released his. A diamond-studded watch, its elegant silver links too big for her stick-like wrist, slid down her caramel-coloured arm as she took a step back. Before he or Ash could say anything else, Sophia turned to me. ‘So, Lizzy darling, I hear Chin’s getting married. In May? Well, that’s news! Who to? Everyone’s getting married but me. I’m such an old maid!’ She shook her white-blonde hair, her beady blue eyes on me.

  ‘Oh, no one you know, a weird Australian called Gibbo. He’s a real character and they’ve had their ups and downs, but she’s mad about him.’

  Sophia smiled patronizingly, and I hated myself for putting Gibbo down like that. Likewise, I knew how much Chin hated Sophia and would loathe this conversation if she could hear it. I added, ‘At least, he’s unusual, but very good-looking and incredibly intelligent…He worships her. It’s so great.’

  Sophia’s smile hardened. ‘Gosh, when I knew Chin she only went out with losers who were vile to her. Well, that’s wonderful. I’m so happy for her. Do tell her. I’d love to see her again…So, what does…what does her fiancé do?’

  ‘He’s a carpenter.’

  Sophia snorted. ‘How fascinating!’

  ‘Like an old-fashioned woodworker. He does carvings, makes beautiful cabinets. I’ve seen photos of his work.’

  Three blokes in identikit black suits, white shirts with thick collars and huge, pouffy silk ties, all good-looking, greasy and jowly, were jostling next to us, clearly wanting to attract Sophia’s attention. One leaned over and said, in Eton-meets-mockney tones, ‘Arhm, Sophia, mate?’

  ‘Well,’ Sophia said, making as if to move, ‘that all sounds wonderful. You’re having the wedding at Keeper House, I expect? Of course. Chin is lucky, getting married from there. We used to play wedding in the holidays. We’d line up the dolls and teddies as guests and walk down that beautiful staircase with sheets on our heads pretending we were on our way to church. Don’t you remember, Lizzy?’

  ‘Er…sort of,’ I said, not wanting to remind her that I was at least ten years younger than her.

  ‘Oh, it was such fun,’ Sophia continued, smiling in an almost humane way. ‘What a gorgeous place, Lizzy. We were always so jealous of Chin growing up there, and you, of course. Well, it’ll be perfect for a wedding, won’t it?’

  ‘Yes, it will,’ I said quietly.

  ‘You can have the marquee right at the back of the garden, where the lawn becomes that wild meadowy bit.’

  ‘We are,’ I said.

  Sophia was getting quite excited. ‘God, I’d forgotten how beautiful it is. Chin and I always said we’d decorate that stone porch gate with flowers so the guests can walk through it on their way to the marquee. And she always said she’d have people waiting out in the courtyard at the front serving champagne as everyone arrives.’

  ‘We are,’ I said again, deflated. I was longing to tell Chin of this exchange, but the reason we hate Sophia Gunning down my way is that, having been best childhood pals with my aunt, she waltzed off to LA with one of Chin’s record executives. (We think she did Chin a favour, but understandably Chin went off her.)

  Just then my mobile rang. I pulled it out of my bag, feigning annoyance, but glad of the diversion. ‘I’m so sorry, I’ll get rid of it. I thought I’d turned my phone off,’ I said, and glanced at the screen. ‘Actually I’ll have to take it – I do apologize. Nice to see you, Sophia.’

  Jaden, Ash and Sophia gazed after me as I hurried importantly out of the room. Out in the corridor two or three suits stood around talking earnestly into their mobiles. I pressed mine to my ear. ‘Hello, Mum,’ I said.

  ‘Darling,’ came my mother’s voice, speaking incredibly loudly as she always does when communicating via The Mobile. ‘So sorry to disturb. I was just wondering – do you want those Thames prints in your room?’

  ‘Eh?’

  ‘Those prints of the Thames, do you want them? I’m not packing them yet but Mike did say he’d always liked them and I thought…If you were particularly attached to them then of course you must have them. But I wasn’t sure.’

  ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

  ‘Those three framed prints in your room of the Thames. Edwin Walter’s. I was just starting to sort out what we want and what other people want. Also, footstools, darling, have you got any? Because we seem to have about ten. You must take one next time. I like the—’

  I interrupted: ‘Mum, I’m at a work party. I’m standing in a corridor at the Victoria and Albert museum. Please, can we have this discussion tomorrow?’

  ‘The V and A? How lovely! Kate, Lizzy’s at the V and A!’

  I could hear Kate muttering in the background and sounds of stomping and clanking. ‘How’s Dad?’ I said.

  Mum’s voice remained bright. ‘Oh, he’s fine, darling. Very busy sorting everything out. Meetings with solicitors, and so on. And he’s had a lot on at the auction house, which is a good thing, I suppose.’

  ‘Yes,’ I said.

  ‘I did wonder, though,’ said Mum, ‘have you heard from Mike again?’

  ‘No,’ I said. ‘Not for a couple of weeks. Why?’

  ‘No reason,’ my mother said hurriedly. ‘We haven’t heard from him for a while, that’s all, and I want to talk to him.’

  ‘About what?’

  ‘Oh, nothing for you to worry about.’

  ‘Anything wrong?’ I said.

  ‘Good grief, no! All fine here, yes, absolutely fine,’ Mum said, sounding like Captain Mainwaring in Dad’s Army. ‘But if Mike calls, tell him to ring us too, will you?’

  I gave up. ‘Yes, of course.’

  ‘Listen, darling,’ m
y mother continued, infuriatingly pulling the plug first, ‘I’d better go, I’ve got things to do.’

  ‘You’ve got things to do! You called me out of a party! Honestly, Mum,’ I said, huffily.

  ‘Chin’s coming down this weekend to sort out the decorations and the marquee, and we’re going to work out the seating plan. Are you free? Do you want to come down, darling?’

  ‘Er, no, sorry,’ I said, ‘I don’t – I can’t. I’ve got a party. And I promised someone I’d help. With something.’

  ‘Oh, right,’ said Mum. ‘Well, maybe next weekend. It would be lovely to see you.’

  ‘I don’t know, Mum,’ I said. ‘I’m busy at the moment. I’ll see if I can come for Easter.’

  ‘OK, darling. Well, lovely to speak to you. Enjoy the party. Kate sends her love.’

  Bums and damn and fuck. I pressed the button and leaned against a wall next to some ancient Korean death masks. Why was it all so hard? And why didn’t I want to go home and why was everything so strange? I looked down at the phone screen again and noticed I had a text message: ‘Hello lizzy. Free for supper and catch-up next thurs? Hope all gd miles x’.

  I hadn’t seen Miles since Christmas even though we’d sworn to meet up after New Year. He’d been in touch before this but I hadn’t got round to fixing something up. I texted back to invite him to mine next Friday instead, the same night as Jess and Tom would be there.

  ‘Let’s get you out of here. I’m hungry, I want some proper food.’ It was Jaden. He pushed my hair away from my neck and kissed my skin.

  ‘I can’t just go—’

  ‘Yes, you can. Who’s going to notice? Ash told me to take you home and Lily’s drunk.’ He gestured at my diminutive boss, who was glassy-eyed and gesticulating at an un-responsive Nicole Hegerty, who was stone-cold sober and staring at her bemusedly. He turned back to me, kissed me, and said, ‘You’re lovely, Lizzy, you know that, don’t you?’

  ‘Er…’

  ‘I know we don’t see lots of things in the same way, but can I just say one thing to you tonight?’