Say Nothing... (The Speak Series Book 2)

by Roth, T. A.

  "Good to hear.” He gets up from his chair and comes around to sit in the chair next to me.

  "I want to ask you something, and I want you to hear me out before making a decision."

  "Okay," I say, having no idea what he could possibly have to ask me.

  "I know you passed on London." I release a sigh. Not this again.

  "You promised you'd listen." I sit back in my seat and wait for him to continue.

  "I'm not going to lie. I was very disappointed you didn't take that offer. It's something I would have wished for my own son, but after speaking with your mother, I understand why you said no."

  "So what is it you’re asking?" I say becoming impatient.

  "Taylor Rummel, our partner who runs the London firm, called early this morning. Turns out that one of their interns had a death in their family. They are giving her four weeks for bereavement and asked if we could spare one of our interns to help them out."

  "So you want me to go to London? I haven't even worked a full day here," I asked shocked.

  "Ben, you have the highest GPA out of the group. Taylor asked for you by name, without me even recommending you. You would only be gone for four weeks, and then you would come back here and finish out the summer working for me." He's making it impossible to say no to him, and he knows it. Smug bastard. He gets up from his chair and slaps me on the back.

  "Sleep on it. I'll need your answer by tomorrow morning. Let the others know you guys are free for the day," he says getting back into his chair.

  I stand a little dazed and make my way toward the door.

  "Oh and Ben. You leave Friday." Fuck.

  The sound of my phone hitting the desk rings through my quiet office. He has my cell number? How in the hell did he get my cell number? I pull my earbuds out and pace the length of my cubicle for a minute.

  "Everything okay? I thought I heard something fall," Mr. Warner asks, standing in the doorway of his office. I run a shaky hand through my hair.

  "I'm sorry. I got up too quickly and forgot I had my headphones on. My cell phone fell."

  I say, showing him my earbuds. He nods and goes back into his office allowing me the privacy to continue my freak-out. My fingers are itching to text him back to find out how he got my number. After telling Ben how I felt about him, I couldn't imagine he would have given it out without asking me.

  I pick my phone up from my desk and stare at it deciding my next move. Another text comes through, and I sigh in relief when I see it's from Ben.

  Ben: I'm on my way home are you hungry?

  My stomach growls just reading his text. I'll have to be here at least another two hours.

  Me: Starved, but I just got asked to work late. Pick up whatever. I'll heat it when I get home. I shouldn't be later than 8:00 P.M.

  Ben: Okay. Please have someone walk you out. I love you.

  He doesn't have to worry. I'm already completely creeped out for the day. I don't need to add being attacked in the parking garage to my list.

  Me: I love you too. See you later.

  Until I can figure out what to do, I decide ignoring him will be the easiest option. I don't want to receive any more texts from him tonight or ever, for that matter, and there are just too many things being thrown at me today to worry about it now. I grab a granola bar and bottled water out of my desk drawer and quickly finish up the draft Mr. Warner asked me to work on.

  With just a few minor changes, I'm able to print out what they need for court tomorrow and go home. Mr. Benton and Mr. Warner stayed in the office to prepare for tomorrow but made me promise to have security walk me to my car. I'm not exactly the damsel in distress type, but if I'm being honest, I could use accompanying tonight. Amos' text still has me on edge.

  I'm pulling out of the parking structure when my cell rings and Nana Rosemarie flashes across the screen. I stare at it confused. I know she had my number in case of emergencies. Ben has also called me from the landline a few times when his cell phone was charging; maybe he needed to stop at the house for something.

  "Hello?"

  "Did you receive the flowers?" Amos' husky voice comes through the line. My finger shakily hovers over the end button, but my curiosity wins.

  "Yes," I mumble. "How did you get this number?" I ask, trying to sound more assertive.

  "Did you like them?"

  "Yes, but you haven't answered my question."

  "I'm staying at my mother’s. It was on a list of numbers she kept by her phone." My heart rate speeds up. If he's staying at Nana Rosemarie's, he's only minutes away from me.

  "Why didn't you text me back?" He's bold in his questioning, and although I have every right to show him disrespect, I don't want any trouble.

  "Thank you for the flowers, Amos, but I'm not comfortable talking to you on the phone or exchanging texts without Ben around," I say firmly. My hands are shaking on the steering wheel as I wait for his response.

  "I am acutely aware of the relationship you are in with my nephew, Ari. I just wanted to show my thanks," he says, sounding affronted.

  "I'm reaching my exit. I'll have to hang up now. Thank you for- Shit,” I say slamming on my brakes. The car ahead of me stopped abruptly, and I barely miss rear-ending them.

  "You should be more careful when talking and driving. You could have hit that guy.” I’m scared silent. “Does Ben know you drive at night alone? I'm not sure it's safe," he asks concerned.

  I end the call and frantically look through my mirrors and windows. Pulling into my parking space a few minutes later, I will my hands to stop shaking. Taking my purse off the passenger seat, I pull out the small bottle of pepper spray my dad gave me for emergencies.

  I take one more look through my side and back windows before getting out of the car and making a mad dash to my front door. I'm struggling to keep my hands steady enough to get the key in the lock. Ben opens the door as I attempt the bottom lock, and I launch myself at him.

  "Hey . . . hey. What's wrong?" The spike of adrenaline running through me has my whole body shaking now.

  "There was a coyote by the car, and it just freaked me out," I lie.

  He cradles my face, and I have a hard time meeting his eyes.

  "Are you sure? You’re as white as a ghost. Do you want me to go outside?"

  "No, please. I just overreacted. I'm okay," I say burying my face in his neck.

  "Why don't you get changed and I'll warm up your dinner," he whispers.

  "Okay.” He takes my purse and puts his hand out when he notices my hand still clutching the bottle of pepper spray in a death grip.

  "I'll put this back in your purse." I nod, placing it in his open palm, and walk toward the bedroom.

  I change into my usual tank top and boxer shorts, and my nerves have settled by the time I'm done washing off the day's makeup. I throw my hair up in a topknot and make my way back into the living room just as Ben is placing a glass of wine next to my plate of food.

  "I thought you could use a glass," he says with a smile.

  "Thanks,” I say pulling up a chair. The plate of chicken tacos looks delicious; I take a large sip of wine before digging in. Warmth settles in my belly, and I finally start to relax.

  "So how did it go today?" I ask.

  "It was good," he says pulling up the chair next to me.

  I take a few more bites of food as he silently picks at the label of his beer. He takes a drink before continuing.

  "Everyone was really nice. More than half the group is from UCLA," he says rolling his eyes, and I laugh. USC and UCLA are major rivals in Los Angeles, so it would be just his luck he would be outnumbered.

  "So, umm . . .” He looks down at his bottle of beer again, and his leg does the same nervous bounce as mine does when I'm afraid to talk to him.

  "What is it?" A million different things are running through my mind.

  "Larry wanted to talk to me after the orientation. Well, he talked to all of us really, but he left me for last." He rambles, and I'm afraid to interr
upt, so I just keep my mouth shut until he spits it out.

  "He got a call from the London office. I guess one of their interns had a death in the family. They gave her four weeks off, but that leaves them short. They asked if I could fill her spot temporarily." His eyes are drilling into me and waiting for a reaction.

  I'm scared if I open my mouth, I'll start to cry. I have no words. This news is the icing on top of an already crappy day. My appetite has left the building, so I silently pick up my plate and dump what's left of my dinner in the trash. Another glass of wine is looking like the better option; I gulp down the rest of my glass and begin to pour another before asking for the details.

  "When do you leave?" There's no question he's going. You don't get this opportunity twice, and I may not be happy about it, but I'm not that girl. I refuse to make him choose between me and London. I'll pull up my big girl panties and suck it up.

  "I could tell them no. He told me to sleep on it. He can't make me go."

  I step away from the counter and close the distance between us. When I get within reach, he wraps his arms around my waist and moves me between his legs. He rests his forehead on my belly and releases a heavy sigh.

  "Look at me." He tilts his chin up, meeting my eyes. "I'm fine. I told you before I would never stand in the way of you going. This is an awesome opportunity, and I want you to take it," I say cradling his face.

  "They want me to leave Friday." I stop breathing; the air feels like it has literally been punched out of me. Four days.

  "Are you sure?" he asks, pulling me onto his lap. I nod, still unable to form words.

  "We'll Skype or FaceTime every day. It's only four weeks. With your office move and workload, it'll go by in no time, right?" His face is hopeful.

  "You're right." I kiss his cheek and give him a weak smile. "I'm gonna take a quick shower." I move from his lap and rush toward the hall.

  "I love you," he says before I can walk away.

  "I love you too." I disappear into the bathroom and lock the door behind me. Stripping out of my clothes, I stand under the spray of water and allow the tears to fall.

  Fuck. I knew the minute I opened the door and saw her panicked face that bringing this shit up tonight was going to be a bad idea. She's hiding something else from me. I could feel it, but I just can't figure out what it is or why? Maybe having some distance between us will be a good thing. Maybe it'll give her time to work through what's bothering her.

  Who am I kidding? Being away from her even just the one week we broke up gutted me. How I'll make it a month is beyond me, but I have no choice. Larry wasn't asking; he was telling me I was going. Telling him no would be a big mistake. Ari's right; opportunities like this don't happen twice.

  I move down the hall to check on her. The door is locked, so I press my ear to it and hear her sobs. The sound breaks my heart; I move back into the living room and keep myself occupied until she's done.

  The door to the bathroom finally opens. I give her a few minutes to change and use the time to check the locks and turn off the lights. The smell of her bodywash fills the hallway making me more anxious to get to her. She's pulling her tank over her head as I enter the room. Her red-rimmed eyes meet mine, and I'm done. I bring her into my arms, and she begins to cry. "I'm sorry," I whisper. She hugs me tighter.

  "No, I'm sorry. This should be a happy day for you, and I'm ruining it by being a big baby. I'm happy for you, I am. I'm just going to miss you," she says wiping her eyes.

  "I'm going to miss you too, babe. More than you'll ever know." I tilt her head placing a soft kiss on her lips.

  It's been a long day, and I want nothing more than to lay with her in my arms.

  "Lay with me." She shuts off the light while I strip off my shirt and crawl under the covers. I lie on my back, and she curls up next to me.

  The urge to beg him to stay is so strong I have to bite on my bottom lip to keep from speaking. He's torn about going, and I'm not making this decision any easier. I squeeze him a little tighter.

  "I promise I’ll be a phone call away. I don't care what time it is. You hear me?" he says.

  "Okay," I whisper, allowing one more tear to stream down my cheek.

  He runs his fingers up and down my back, and I relax into his touch. We don't speak; we just hold each other and let the reality of how long we'll be without each other sink in. My face is pressed into his neck; taking deep breaths, the scent of his skin begins to slow my racing heart. The steady strum of his touch against my skin lulls me to sleep.

  I’m sitting in front of a large piano my trembling hands hover over the keys. The room is black with only a spotlight shining on me. I'm not alone. I can feel his eyes on me. “Play for me, sweet girl.” His voice echoes from somewhere in the darkness. My eyes concentrate on the keys; I’m too afraid to seek him out in the recesses of the room. My fingers rest gently on the keys, and I begin to play Beethoven's “Midnight Sonata.” With my eyes tightly shut, I concentrate on the sound of the music and the placement of my hands on the keys, every stroke blocking out the panic and fear that he's close . . . watching. My skin begins to tingle, my senses attuned to his proximity. His breath a whisper against my skin. “Beautiful.”

  I shoot up into a sitting position; sweat dots my forehead, and my hand presses firmly against my chest as I struggle to catch my breath. I turn to Ben, and thankfully, he is still asleep. I quietly grab my journal off the nightstand, slide out of bed, and make my way to the bathroom to jot down what I can remember. The clock reads 4:30 A.M.

  Dr. Stone wants me to write down what I remember and what happened during the day that may have triggered an episode. That's easy; my hand moves quickly across the pages. My mind is moving faster than I'm able to write. The thoughts pour out of me in a rush, and it actually feels better to purge it. I clutch the notebook to my chest and quietly head back to bed. Opening the bathroom door, I run into Ben. "Oh, shit." I gasp.

  His hair is perfectly mussed as he stands sleepily in the doorway.

  "Sorry," he says bracing my shoulders. "I reached out for you, and you weren't in bed. What are you doing up? We have at least another hour of sleep." He looks at the notebook then back at me. His eyes begin to focus a little as realization hits.

  "Was it bad? Why didn't you wake me?" he asks as he rubs a hand over his face.

  "I'm okay, and I was glad that I didn't scare the shit out of you this time." I smirk. "This helped actually," I say waving the notebook.

  He leans in and presses a kiss to my lips. "Come back to bed."

  We crawl into bed; I lie back, and she wraps herself around me, her cheek pressed over my heart. I rake my fingers through her hair and her breathing begins to slow; after a while, her body becomes lax. The thought that the news of me leaving might have triggered this nightmare causes my chest to ache.

  I close my eyes and pull her in tighter; the guilt that I won't be here if she has another one almost suffocates me. Giving up on sleep, I watch through the small crack in the blinds as the sun begins to rise. Feeling a bit restless, I kiss the top of her head and gently slide my arm out from under her.

  Standing under the spray of the shower, my mind continues with its racing thoughts. Why am I doing this? Larry is insistent that this will help open doors later; something to add to my resume. He's right, and five months ago, I wouldn't have thought twice about jumping on a plane. The timing just feels off now. She needs me, although she may be too stubborn to admit it. The truth is I feel like I can't breathe when she's away from me, and the next four weeks are going to be hell. My only hope is that the caseload is intense, and I'm so busy that the days will fly by.

  I slip a towel around my waist and head back into the bedroom to wake her. She's kicked the covers off the bed, and without the warmth of my body, her skin has broken out in goosebumps. The morning chill has her curled up in a ball. I love to watch her sleep; she looks so peaceful. The thought of being late always increases her anxiety; I turned off the alarms deciding to let her sle
ep in a little. I'm cutting it close now, so I lean in and pepper kisses on her bare shoulder to wake her. She does nothing at first then begins to lean into the kisses.

  "Hmm . . .” She moans. "What time is it?"

  "Six thirty,” I answer, waiting for her panicked reaction.

  "Shit,” she says sitting up. "Why didn't the alarm go off?" She checks her phone and slides out of bed looking a little crazed. I watch as she turns like a dog chasing its tail for a minute, her mind trying to figure out what to do first.

  "You had a rough night, so I thought I'd let you sleep a little. You'll be fine. Just get ready and I'll get your coffee."

  She races into the kitchen thirty minutes later dressed in jeans and her Converse. Her hair piled high on top of her head.

  "Did you call out?" I ask confused.

  Grabbing her travel mug out of my hand, she grabs me by the suit jacket and presses a kiss to my lips. She hums in appreciation.

  "Hot damn, you look fine in a suit," she says smacking my ass. "To answer your question, no, I didn't call in sick. I’ll be spending the day moving boxes over to the new office. So I dressed appropriately."

  I don't have to be in until nine today, so we are able to leave together.

  "Are you ready? I'll walk out with you." She nods grabbing her purse, and I lock the door behind us.

  I watch as Ben locks the door to my apartment. How he manages to make something as simple as locking a door look hot is beyond me. My eyes are trained on his ass when I hear him clear his throat. I look up to meet his eyes, and he's grinning at me.

  "What?" I ask innocently. I've been caught ogling him again; I can't help it, I'm a sucker for a hot man in a suit.

  He shakes his head and closes the distance between us. Wrapping an arm around my waist, he pulls me to his chest and gives me a quick kiss.

  "I see you're feeling better." His husky voice makes me melt.

  "Yeah, well, you looking all sexified has once again distracted me from any other thoughts."