Say Nothing... (The Speak Series Book 2)

by Roth, T. A.

  "All right, all kidding aside. How are you doing? Your sisters were worried about you. You gonna be okay or do I need to order a straitjacket?"

  "Gee. Thanks."

  "I know this is your first serious boyfriend. I get it, but I can't have you going all nutso on me," she says narrowing her eyes.

  "I'm good. There's just a lot going on. It's not just about him leaving, it's-"

  I catch myself.

  "Never mind. I just have a lot on my plate right now. I'm working on it. Besides, having you around to keep my mind off things is already helping."

  "No worries, I'll keep you busy. Our first order of business will be the gym. Our asses are going to need it after all the crap we just ordered."

  We inhale our delicious burgers and sweet potato fries while reminiscing about all the crap we used to get ourselves into as little girls. She had beer leaking out of my nose more than once from laughing so hard. We should have known back then she would be a makeup artist. She was always trying to turn us into princesses and monsters; her best one was a clown. She got a hold of red lipstick and made us big, red lips. My mom about passed out when it wouldn't come off. My sisters and I looked like we had a face rash for a week.

  Cheeks sore from laughing, we wrap up dinner and head back to the apartment. Letty follows behind me, and I point her toward Ben’s usual parking spot as we pull up. The lights of my car shine in my space, and I notice three Gerbera daisies lying on the ground. Amos is my first thought and something in me snaps. Throwing the car into park, I jump out and do exactly what I should have done the first time he sent me flowers. Swiping them up from the ground, I angrily crush every last petal spreading them across the pavement.

  "Are you out there, asshole? This is what I think of your flowers." Jumping back into my car before someone calls the cops, I park over my flowery mess.

  The usual fear that comes over me when I know he's near has turned to anger. I storm toward my apartment and stop short at the sight of Letty cradling a large bouquet of red roses.

  She smiles, opens her mouth to speak, and I snatch them from her before she can get a word out. Red petals fly around me as I swing the buds repeatedly against the door in a blind rage. Every pent-up emotion boils over and I'm left a shaken mess with a handful of long green stems. My breathing is labored, and my heart is beating out of my chest.

  "Are you sure you don't need that straitjacket?" Letty asks placing a hand on my shoulder.

  A nervous laugh bubbles up as she wraps me in a hug.

  "Come on. Let's get you inside before the neighbors call the looney bin."

  She drops her bag by the door and goes straight to the kitchen.

  "Okay, where do you keep the hard stuff? None of that sangria bullshit you like to drink."

  "There's a bottle of tequila in the cupboard above the coffeemaker."

  She finds the bottle and doesn't bother asking for shot glasses. I watch as she pours a few fingers into two mugs.

  "Here." I tip it back flinching at the slight burn. Taking a few more deep breaths, I let the warmth in my belly calm me.

  "All right, now that you've calmed the fuck down. What the hell was that about?"

  I knew this was coming; no way was I going to get away with acting like a complete lunatic and not be questioned about it. Closing my eyes, I rest my head against the back of the couch. I need a minute to figure out how I'm going to approach this.

  "Just because you've closed your eyes doesn't mean I can't see you. The invisible game didn't work when we were seven, and it sure as shit isn't going to work now. Spill it."

  Smartass.

  "C'mon, Relz, whose ass do I have to kick?"

  "Ugh . . . you're not kicking anyone's ass, all right. I got it handled."

  "Clearly, you don't have it handled,” she interrupts. “I could have YouTubed that shit out there."

  How do you tell someone who’s known you your whole life that you've been keeping a secret?

  "I don't get it. Are you mad at him or something? I mean the note doesn’t say much, but the flowers were really beautiful."

  My eyes pop open, and she's holding up a small card.

  "What?"

  She hands it to me.

  Thinking of you. Love, Ben

  "What’s that look about?"

  I place it on the coffee table completely dumbfounded.

  "I know I'm acting insane right now, but trust me, there's a reason. I'm going to go lie down until I can figure out what the fuck is going on. I promise we'll talk about it tomorrow." She nods and I walk to my bedroom without another word.

  My eyes flit to the time as I finish getting ready. She's late, and I'm anxious to talk to her before I have to leave for work. Fuck it. I FaceTime her and it rings once before I'm rejected. I'm about to try again when her picture flashes across my screen. I found it while I was looking through my phone the other day. It's a selfie she must have taken when I wasn't paying attention.

  "Hey, babe."

  "Hey."

  "I was looking forward to our call. Everything okay?"

  "Yeah. I'm fine." Her famous words and I wish I could believe her.

  "You sound funny. Are you getting sick?"

  "No, I'm good."

  "Did you get the flowers I sent? Amos did me the favor of dropping them off. I was having a hard time getting a florist to leave them without a signature." She's silent for what seems like forever.

  "Yes, thank you." Okay. This isn't how I expected this conversation going. She should be gushing over them; I mean what girl doesn't love getting flowers. Although, I never really asked her what her favorite flower was. Maybe she hates roses.

  "Something’s off. I need to see you. I'm FaceTiming you. Answer your phone." I end our call and dial her again. It rings a few times before she picks up.

  Her puffy eyes and red nose tell me all I need to know.

  "What's wrong?"

  "I'm fine, just a bad night. Nothing a good cry and some writing can't cure," she says holding up that ridiculous Ryan Gosling journal.

  "Where's your cousin? I thought she was spending the night."

  "She is. She's in the living room."

  "Okay . . . did you two get in a fight?" I ask confused.

  She fidgets with the hem of her tank and stares into space.

  "Babe?"

  "I need you to stop sending him here," she snaps.

  "Who?" It takes me a minute to realize who she's talking about.

  "Why? Was he there when you got home?"

  "No. I'm just not comfortable with you sending him over to check up on me. I told you how I feel about him. It's weird. I don't need a fricken babysitter."

  "Okay. I know how you feel about him so that's why I asked him to go by when I knew you wouldn't be home. I don't understand why it's such a big deal. He was delivering something for me. He wasn't checking up on you." She looks at the ceiling and lets out an exasperated sigh.

  "It's not a big deal to you. Look, I know he's your family, and he's trying to get closer to you or whatever. I just . . . I just don't want him near me."

  "Ari, did he say or do something to you?"

  She fidgets with her shirt again.

  "Look at me. Did he?"

  "No," she says quickly. "I'd just rather have someone, anyone else but him, coming over here. Okay? Shit, even your mother would be a better option." I chuckle at the thought. If she only knew . . . my mother thinks she's on drugs.

  "Point taken. It won't happen again."

  "I'm serious. Promise me," she says sternly.

  "Ari, it won't happen again. Promise."

  She looks into the camera, and dammit all to hell, I want to jump in and hold her.

  "Shit. I have to go, babe, I'm going to be late," I say noticing the time on the clock behind her.

  "Can I try you tomorrow afternoon? Your time," I ask.

  "Yeah, just send me a text, and I'll try to sneak away."

  We say our final good-byes, and I clear the sc
reen.

  Happy Tuesday.

  We end our call, and I stare at the blank screen wondering if I’ve said too much. He was excited about sending the flowers, and I feel like a complete bitch for snapping at him. It's just a matter of time before he gets sick of my crap and realizes I'm not worth the effort. Who wants a whiny, crying mess of a girlfriend? He can do so much better.

  I let that thought sink in as I wrap my sorry ass in a blanket and slide under my covers. Hot tears stream down my face.

  "Rely?" Letty's voice calls from behind the door.

  "Relz, I heard the phone. You okay?" She cracks the door open slowly when I don't answer.

  I turn my face away in embarrassment and the weight of the bed shifts. I feel her beside me.

  "Don't tell my family, okay?" I croak out.

  "Shhhh . . . You realize I'm doing exactly what I said I wouldn't."

  "What's that?" I ask confused.

  "Spooning your ass. Now, get your butt to sleep." I laugh through my tears and eventually fall into a fitful sleep.

  Getting to work today is a little harder than usual. My head hurts from crying and just the thought of having to be around people has me in a sour mood. I would have stayed in my bed curled up in a ball if it weren't for my cousin kicking my crabby butt out.

  I'll have to thank her later for keeping me from getting fired.

  "Morning." Natalie greets me with her beaming smile.

  "Hey.” I plop my purse and coffee mug on the desk and wish my invisible game would work today.

  Thankfully, she doesn't say anything more. Jeremy comes out asking for her help and I’m able to block out the world with the music coming through my earbuds. It's been two hours, and besides the occasional phone call, everyone has stayed out of my way.

  As I stand to get a snack, I hear the front door of the office open. Natalie and Jeremy are still in the conference room, so I'm forced to see who it is.

  A man with a backward cap is standing holding a large vase of flowers.

  You've got to be fucking kidding me. My stomach drops, and I stand there frozen until he speaks.

  "Delivery. For a Ms. . . .” He looks down at the clipboard, and I say a silent prayer. Please don't say my name.

  "Sorry about that . . . a Ms. Natalie Escalara.”

  I release the breath I was holding. "That's not me, but I'll sign for them." He hands me the clipboard and places the large vase on the reception desk.

  "Thank you." He leaves the office and a hint of anger comes over me as I stare at the beautiful bouquet. He's ruined flowers for me.

  I come around the corner just as Natalie is getting to her desk.

  "Aww . . . you got flowers?" she asks in her sing-song voice.

  "Actually, they're for you. I guess lunch went really well yesterday." Looking a little shocked, she pulls the card out of the holder.

  "They're not from him." She's blushing, and a bright smile spreads across her face.

  "Now, I'm intrigued. What happened?" I ask, desperately needing the distraction.

  "Lunch was fine. He was nice and everything went well, but I'm just not looking for that kind of relationship."

  "What do you mean?"

  "The hit it and quit it kind. He has girls falling all over themselves. I'm not interested in being one of the many he hooks up with when he's in town." I nod.

  "I mean, I'm sure the sex would be flipping amazing and I might slap myself later for not going for it, but I'm looking for something more."

  "So who is Mr. Something More?" I ask pointing at the card in her hand.

  "We met in the courtyard last week while I was having lunch. Alone."

  "When were you alone? We've had lunch almost every day together."

  "The day you left early for your friend's graduation."

  "That was almost a week ago, and you're just telling me now?"

  "I didn’t want to jinx it. It took him a couple of days to call, but we've talked every night since. He just asked me out." She flips the card over and the question will you go out with me is written across it.

  "Wait, if you shot down Jalen, then why were you late coming back?" She blushes.

  "I ran in to Gabe on my way back up." I'm confused for a second until she waves the card at me.

  "Oh . . .”

  "Yeah, he saw me having lunch with Jalen."

  I laugh. "Judging by the size of that arrangement, he wasn't too happy about it."

  She grins. "No, but he had his chance to ask me out. It's not my fault Jalen beat him to the punch."

  "So are you going to say yes?"

  "Maybe." She shrugs.

  IT’S BEEN DAYS SINCE I’VE held my girl in my arms, and I'm suffering from major withdrawal. My life is running like the movie Groundhog Day. Every day starts and ends the same way. We talk in the morning before I leave for work, and if I'm lucky, once before I get to bed. Getting through the next fourteen days will be a miracle.

  "Ben." It's the third time this week Tamara's caught me staring blankly at my computer screen.

  "Yeah?"

  "Mr. Rummel wants to see you in his office."

  "Thank you." She smiles as I make my way over.

  I reach his doorway and find him on the phone. He puts up an index finger asking me to give him a minute and points at one of the empty chairs in front of his desk. We've been working our asses off on this case, so unless he's pulled me into his office to say good job, I'm not really interested in hearing what he has to say.

  "Benjamin,” he says after hanging up the phone.

  "Mr. Rummel?"

  “Taylor, please.” I nod.

  “You've been putting in some great work. I have to say you've far exceeded my expectations. You even have the rest of the staff singing your praises."

  "Thank you, sir."

  "I've been thinking." He does one of those dramatic pauses, and I'd wish he'd just get to the damn point.

  "The staff and I admire your work ethic and we think you have been a great asset to the team. We'd like you to stay the rest of the summer." What?

  "I'm sorry. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but what about the other intern?"

  "She'll be back in two weeks as we discussed, but we would like to keep you on as well."

  I'm already hanging on by a thread. There's no way I'll last another six weeks.

  "Can I think about it?"

  "I've already spoken to Larry and he's okay with you finishing out your internship here. The decision is up to you."

  Shit. Now if I say no, I look like an ungrateful asshole.

  "When do you need my answer?"

  "As soon as possible."

  I clench my cell in my hand dreading the conversation I'll need to have with Ari. My only solace is that she's seemed better over the last two weeks. Happier. This phone call can quickly change all of that.

  My muscles are starting to cramp as I reach mile three. After telling Letty the reason for my meltdown that first day, she decided to extend her stay. It's been a good distraction having her around, and she wasn’t kidding about keeping me busy. The alarm goes off at five thirty and she's been dragging my ass to the small gym in my complex every day for the last week. I'm currently sweating out my frustrations on the treadmill. I can barely feel my legs, but it's a lot better than feeling the ache in my heart.

  "What's going on, Forrest? How long you going to stay on that thing?" Letty asks standing in front of the treadmill. Holding the railing, I jump my feet out to the side and hit stop. I arch forward and attempt to catch my breath.

  "Here." She hands me my bottled water and a small towel.

  “Thanks,” I say taking a drink.

  "So did something happen last night with your phone call with Ben? I fell asleep waiting for you to come back out."

  We've been doing Netflix marathons of some old shows. We're on season three of Gilmore Girls.

  "They want him to stay in London for the rest of the summer," I mutter. Her eyes widen, and I know she's waiting
for me to freak out. Endorphins really do work because I feel a lot calmer than I did when I first got the news.

  "So what is he going to do?" she asks. I answer with a shrug.

  "You need to tell him, Ari. I'll be going back to Texas in a few weeks, and I don't think you should be alone in that apartment."

  "If he really wanted to do something, I don't think it would matter if you were there with me or not."

  "I don't know. The guy sounds like a psycho. He's probably watching us right now for all we know."

  I wave to the television in the corner of the room.

  "It's not funny. I'm serious."

  "Oh, calm down. I can't let myself think about it or I'd be hiding under my bed. I'm not gonna let that asshole control my life, and yes, I will tell Ben."

  "But?"

  "But I can tell he's homesick, and he just lost his grandmother a few weeks ago. If I drop this bomb, he'll hop on the first flight home."

  "Maybe that's not a bad thing."

  "He needs to be there, Letty. As much as I miss him and want him here with me, I know this could help his career. He had worked toward this before he met me. I don't want to be the reason he gives it up."

  Two weeks ago, I probably would have been a complete wreck and begged him to come home. Now, I'm just rolling with the punches and leaving it in fate's hands.

  "I think you're fucking crazy, but I'm proud to be related to you."

  "Why's that?" I ask rolling my eyes.

  "You're selfless. Even in the most f'd-up situation, you're putting him first. I hope he realizes how lucky he is to have you."

  "All right, Hallmark moment over. I need to get my ass to work."

  "Morning,” Natalie sings as I walk to my desk. She has stopped torturing Gabe and has been all unicorns and rainbows since they went out over a week and a half ago.

  "So what did he do for you this time?" The guy must study romance novels; every date she's described sounds like it's come out of a movie.

  "I met him at the beach. He had a blanket spread out with a basket full of food and a bottle of wine. We watched the sunset. It was perfect."

  She looks so happy, and I hate myself for being totally envious. The smile I'm holding is making my face hurt.