Green Eyed Monster

by Ashley Antoinette

  Or it could be the straw that breaks the camel’s back, she thought.

  She battled with the idea of coming clean, of admitting her sins. Once she said them aloud, Indie would take control and any further drug use would be impossible. His eyes would be on her at all times. YaYa had to be ready to let the drugs go for good because once Indie found out about them, it would be a wrap. She no longer felt that she could handle things on her own. She didn’t even recognize herself. She loved her daughter dearly, but her selfish ways had caused her to cross the line.

  When she heard his keys in the door, she stood nervously.

  As soon as he set his sights on her, he kissed her lips. “We on, ma. You’re looking at a majority shareholder in Vartex Enterprises,” he said. “We ain’t got to do this no more. No risks, no trips overseas, no bricks, Pyrex jars and baking soda,” Indie said. “We’re all the way legit, YaYa. Nobody can take that away. I don’t have to worry about one of us standing before a judge and jury ever again. You can just sit back and be my lady . . . my wife. You ready for that?” he asked.

  He was so happy that YaYa couldn’t bring herself to tell him. It wasn’t the time. It didn’t feel right and she felt that if she opened her mouth to admit that she had just used drugs hours ago, he would leave her. YaYa needed Indie the way that she needed air, and although she knew that he loved her, everyone had limits. Her drug use just may be the one thing that Indie would not accept. Indie would never look at her the same if he knew exactly how pitiful she had become.

  I don’t have to tell him. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, she thought. I’ll never touch another drug again.

  “Of course I’m ready,” she said in a low tone. Shame plagued her. How could she even think about sabotaging such a marvelous man? Her drug use would be his downfall, especially now that she was beginning to have interest in the drug that their entire empire was built upon. Indie was only as strong as the woman that stood behind him, and if she showed her weakness, she felt like she would become his liability. He required a bad bitch on his arm, not some strung out girl from the hood that was a borderline pill head. He could only prosper if she kept things intact at home. Behind every great man there was an even greater woman, but at the moment YaYa was anything but. She was living a lie, but it was then that she decided to be his strength instead.

  This will be the last lie I ever tell him, she thought sincerely.

  “Start planning that wedding, ma. The world is ours, and I want you at my side as my wife and nothing else,” he said. “That’s all I want you to concern yourself with: making a home for our family. I want to fill this house with babies, ma. Little girls that look like you and little boys that I teach to how to be men. I want Sunday dinners, happy holidays, all that, ma. I just want you. You’re my foundation. I want to build a future with you, and I don’t want to wait.”

  His words were bringing her to tears, and she closed her eyes in guilt. You don’t deserve him, she told herself, but now that she had him it was her responsibility to give him all of the things he desired. His requests were pure, simple, and good. All he wanted was a life with her, and YaYa vowed that she would give him that.

  “Let’s get married, ma. I don’t care where or how. I just want to do it soon. Like tomorrow. Let’s hop a flight, go to Vegas.”

  Indie was so in the moment that she had to laugh. “Vegas! I plan to get married one time, and it will not be in some cheesy chapel in Vegas!” she said jokingly.

  “Well, whatever you can plan in a week is what we’ll do. I don’t want to spend too many nights sleeping next to Disaya Morgan. I’m ready to meet Disaya Perkins,” he said. “You’ve got a week. Money can make anything happen. Just tell me when and where to show up,” he said with a wink as he walked away.

  YaYa shook her head. The ups and downs of her life kept her on an emotional roller coaster. There was no middle ground with YaYa. It was almost as if she were connected to two different people: one pulled her toward bliss, while the other tried to tear everything apart. Leah and Indie, that’s who she was torn between, but today she was determined not to let Leah ruin this moment.

  YaYa pushed all negative thoughts out of her mind. It was true that Leah was out and that she went unpunished for the things that she had done, but YaYa knew that it was only a matter of time before Leah showed her cards, and when she did, this time YaYa would be ready. Until then YaYa would focus on her family and focus on strengthening her mental. If she was stable, then Leah or anyone else would never be able to get inside of her head and throw her life off balance. When the time came to face her, YaYa would make sure she was ready, but she wasn’t going to continue to live her life in chaos, consumed by the tragedies that had occurred yesterday.

  I’ve got to stop letting that bitch break me, she thought. YaYa picked up her daughter with renewed faith. She didn’t have to tell Indie about the cocaine. She could handle it herself. YaYa was no longer going to be a burden on his shoulders or proclaim to be a victim any longer. She had come too far to let everything fall apart now. She would be exactly who he needed her to be and become the woman that she always knew she could be. The only way for her to do that was to bury the past and forget about all of the people who had done her wrong, including Leah. She was looking forward to tomorrow, forward to her upcoming nuptials. She would plan an intimate ceremony that she would never forget; one that would be the beginning of her new life.

  Chapter 24

  YaYa had no idea when Leah would come back into her life, but she was definitely coming, and YaYa was only biding her time before she faced off with the bitch that had ruined her life. The planning of her wedding served as a good distraction, but she would never truly let her guard down. Although she no longer feared Leah, she also would never underestimate her. The last time she had done that, her daughter had ended up missing. YaYa wouldn’t make the same mistake twice. She was always acutely aware of Leah’s impending return. It was as if she could sense her, and she seemed dangerously close.

  She was exhausted from the constant state of paranoia that she lived in. YaYa had been prey and Leah her predator. She almost welcomed the day that Leah would make her move, because at least then her enemy would be in her sights and not stalking her in the shadows. YaYa hated that every significant moment in her life was overshadowed by such intense negativity because Leah was always in her thoughts. Even today, on the eve of her wedding, her mind was consumed by Leah. Knowing that she was free and roaming somewhere in the world caused extreme paranoia in YaYa.

  She stared out of the window at the snow that fell from the sky. She could barely see to the end of her driveway. It was like a white blanket covered the earth. Nothing moved and everything was calm, except for her racing heart. Her breath froze on the windowpane as she admired the winter wonderland that was her front yard.

  “Are you ready for tomorrow, Mrs. Perkins?” Indie said as he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her slim waist.

  She smiled and leaned her head back against his chest. “That sounds so weird to me. Mrs. Perkins,” she said aloud. “I can’t believe we’re actually doing this . . . that you actually want me for the rest of your life.”

  “There’s no doubt in my mind,” he assured. “Are you sure you don’t want me here with you tonight? I can tell you have some things on your mind. I don’t want you here alone if you can’t handle it.”

  “She’s just out there. Watching me. I know she is,” YaYa said.

  “I can put goons around the house. No one will get in or out unless you want them to,” he said.

  “No, that’s not necessary. I don’t want my house to start to feel like a prison. If she finds me, then it’ll be judgment day for one of us,” YaYa replied.

  “Don’t talk like that. I won’t let her or anyone else hurt you. You shouldn’t be thinking about the negative right now. All I want you focused on is looking beautiful for me tomorrow,” he said. He kissed the top of her head and she turned to face him.


  “I can do that,” she promised. “Now, get out of here. I don’t want you to lay eyes on me again until I’m walking toward you to say ‘I do.’”

  She was putting on a good front, but truth was she was terrified—not of the commitment of marriage, but of the possibility that Leah just may show up and ruin it all.

  “You call me if you need anything. Sky is with my parents. They’ll bring her to the ceremony tomorrow. All you have to do is relax,” he said.

  She nodded and watched as he pulled out a long silver jewelry box.

  “I know you’re supposed to have something new, something old, something black and blue, or however the saying goes . . .”

  She chuckled as she corrected him. “Something borrowed, something blue.”

  He smiled and opened the box, revealing a white gold diamond bracelet. “This can be your something old. It was my grandmother’s. She wore it on the day she married my grandfather. She gave it to me when I was a kid. Told me to make sure I gave it to someone who deserved it. You deserve it, ma. It’s not as flashy as some of your other pieces. It’s only one karat of diamonds and some of them are cloudy, but my grandfather saved up for months just to get it for her. She treasured it.”

  “And so will I,” YaYa said with a smile as she held out her wrist and watched him clasp it on. She knew how much his grandmother meant to him and was honored to accept the gift.

  “I just have to pack a bag and then I’m out of here,” he said, bidding her adieu as he left the room.

  Indie wouldn’t let YaYa know, but he would put one of his goons around the house just to make sure that she was safe. She thought that she could handle herself, but Indie knew that YaYa wasn’t as strong as she would like the world to believe.

  He went into their bedroom and pulled out his Gucci duffel bag. His custom suit was waiting for him at his hotel room, so he only packed the essentials. When he was all set, he looked over his shoulders before pulling out another jewelry box containing a pair of beautiful diamond earrings, another wedding present for YaYa. She wouldn’t find them until she dressed in the morning. It was her something new.

  He opened the top drawer to her bureau and froze when he saw what lay inside. His heart dropped because he immediately knew what the bag of white powder was. Cocaine.

  He wanted to ask her what she was doing with it, but he already knew. Chase was telling the truth, he thought. He grabbed the bag out of the drawer and tossed the earrings on the bed.

  Tears stung Indie’s eyes as he remembered Chase’s warning. He knew that the accusations had been true, but because he didn’t want to taint the perfect image that he had painted of YaYa in his head, he had lived in denial. YaYa was hooked on prescription pills, and as he gripped the bag of cocaine in his hand, he realized the problem had escalated. The pills were nothing but a gateway drug that had led her to something much darker. Whatever demons she was fighting, she was losing the battle, and Indie’s heart broke into irreparable pieces as he realized how far his queen had fallen. She was too tormented to tell him the truth. There was nothing lower in his book than a liar.

  I asked her if anything was wrong. I asked her repeatedly, he thought in disappointment. The fact that she hadn’t come to him broke him in half. He thought that they had come so far together, accomplished too much to ever harbor secrets that could destroy them. If they didn’t have trust they didn’t have anything, and it was clear that he couldn’t trust YaYa. He wasn’t even sure if he recognized her at this point. He had extended his offer to help her should she need him, but she always turned him down . . . she always reassured him that she was okay, that she had everything in control. What hurt the most was that she had lied to him.

  How can I trust her? he asked himself. The night before their wedding day he had found out her biggest flaw: she was an unremorseful liar.

  He found her still staring out of the same window, lost in thought, but instead of feeling the intense love that he had just moments before, he felt disgust.

  “Chase never tried to cut in on the connect, did he?” Indie asked.

  YaYa turned to him in shock and said, “What? Yes, I told you—”

  “You told me what, ma? Huh? Tell me again,” Indie grilled in a low, no-nonsense tone. “Tell another lie. A new lie to cover the old lie. You seem to be good at it, so tell me another one.”

  YaYa folded her arms across her chest and shuffled from foot to foot nervously. “I didn’t . . . I . . .” She didn’t know what to say.

  “What, you don’t want to talk about that?” he asked condescendingly. “Then let’s talk about this.” He pulled the bag of cocaine from behind his back and tossed it to her. YaYa let it fall to her feet as her eyes widened in panic.

  No, no, no! Why didn’t I just flush it? she thought.

  “It’s not what you think,” she said.

  “Really? So you didn’t lie on Chase? You didn’t try to cop from him? You wasn’t getting high?” he asked.

  “Indie, please!” she begged. “Just let me explain.”

  Indie shook his head as he stared at her. Her tears did nothing to move him. He had seen them before, heard the excuses from her before, forgiven her before, and his kindness always proved to be his weakness. YaYa always wounded his heart every time he took her back. Animosity built around his heart like a fortress and allowed no room for sympathy to cloud his judgment.

  “You let me cut him off. You let me accuse him of going against the family when it was you all along who had been disloyal,” Indie said. He shook his head in disbelief.

  “I had to. I was in over my head, Indie. Please just hear me out. I was hurting. I was depressed. I was angry that Leah was still alive. So I continued to take the pills even after the physical pain went away. They made me feel better. They made it easier to cope with everything that I was feeling. I ran out, and by then I was too far gone to stop, so I asked Chase to give me something.”

  “Chase served you? He gave you drugs?” Indie shouted.

  “No, baby, no. Please just listen,” she cried as she reached for Indie.

  He removed her hands from his body. YaYa could practically see the end of their relationship, and as she fixed her mouth to tell a lie, she stopped herself. It was time for the lying game to end. She had too much love and respect for this man to continue to litter their union with the pollution of dishonesty. If she placed any further blame on Chase, Indie would kill him. She could see it in his eyes. They were ablaze with hatred, the same way that they had been when he had beaten her while she was pregnant with Sky. In that moment, she feared him. She remembered just how ruthless Indie could be. Somewhere along the way she had lost respect for him, enough to think that she could get over on him . . . that she could lie to him without consequence. She had taken him for granted, but now as he stood before her with such rage in his heart, she remembered exactly who he was. Indie was a boss, and no matter how well connected she became, her new status didn’t trump the work that he had put in or the amount of respect that he deserved. She had been given her place in the streets, whereas Indie had earned his. As much as he had done for her, she owed him the truth. YaYa’s lips quivered as she began to speak.

  “Chase didn’t serve me. He refused to. He threatened to tell you, so I stole it from him. But I didn’t touch the stuff. I swear to God, Indie, I never used it. I felt too bad. I just kept it because . . . I . . . I don’t know why. But I wasn’t going to use it,” she said. “You have to believe me!”

  He scoffed sarcastically. “You’re still lying, YaYa. Is that what you’ve turned into? A liar, ma? You can stand here in my face and it just comes out effortlessly. You fidget when you lie. You twiddle your fingers and your eyes lower, almost like you’re ashamed of yourself. I saw it the night I asked you about Chase, but I forced myself to put it in the back of my mind, to believe you in spite of what I already knew. Not this time, ma. I want to hear the real. Now, tell me the truth,” he said.

  “I just wanted to feel better. I came back from
the dead, but I didn’t feel alive. I felt lost, afraid, scared, angry. I just needed something to help me cope,” she admitted.

  YaYa looked so fraudulent to him.

  “Please. Leah ruined my life. I just wanted to escape reality,” she said as she grabbed his arm desperately.

  He shrugged her off of him and stormed out of the room, headed for the front door. YaYa chased after him.

  “Indie, don’t do this! What about tomorrow?” she shouted at his back.

  He stopped and turned toward her. YaYa was a mess as snot and tears mixed on her face. He was the love of her life, and she had fucked it all up.

  Indie’s heart bled out for the woman that he loved. She had her hooks in him. Indie was stuck on her like fish to bait, and it always hurt when he tried to pull away.

  “You’re a piece of work, ma. That Leah shit is getting old. She didn’t ruin your life; you did by living in the past and letting old ghosts haunt you. I told you to let that shit go,” he said.

  “I couldn’t! I can’t! Not until she’s dead and gone. Don’t you get that? Every breath that she takes sucks the life out of me!” YaYa screamed.

  “Yeah, well, I can’t live like this. I’m not going to sit around and wait for you to self-destruct,” he answered. “The wedding is off.”

  YaYa fell to her knees as she watched Indie walk out the front door, assuming that he was walking out of her life as well. She curled up in a ball on the floor and wept because after the fight that they had just had, currents of grief swept through her body and she was racked with sobs. She had lost Indie many times before, but this time felt different. This time YaYa wasn’t sure if he would ever come back.

  YaYa peeled herself off of the floor an hour later. Her eyes were so swollen that she could barely see through them as she stood to her feet. She felt weak as she thought of the mess that she had made of her life. Leah hadn’t caused her to lose Indie; she had done that all on her own. She had made herself out to be a liar. Instead of going to him in her time of need and asking him to help her crawl out of the emotional hole she was stuck in, she had lied—lied about her misuse of prescription pills, lied about Chase’s loyalty. YaYa had been stupid. Selfish. It took him walking out the door for her to see the error of her ways.