An Autumn Crush

by Milly Johnson

  ‘So, how’s life living with our Juliet then?’

  Floz saw Juliet suck in a deep breath of annoyance. She bet her life she was thinking, How dare he refer to me as our?

  ‘It’s good. We get on really well. I hope.’ She looked to Juliet for confirmation. Juliet was eating a mouthful of sprouts and nodded vehemently.

  ‘Rather you living with her than me with all those sprouts she’s just eaten,’ joked Steve.

  ‘Steven,’ Grainne admonished him with a steely look from her grey eyes.

  Steve burst into laughter, Perry was chortling, Grainne was stifling a giggle, Floz was smiling – only Juliet, looking murderous, and Guy, preoccupied, didn’t join in on the joke. Guy just wanted to rewind the clock and start cooking this meal again. Actually if he could rewind the clock, a better option would be to push the hands of time back to the day when he first walked in on Floz. This really was the most pants meal in history. Could it get any worse?

  Steve stretched across the table to reach the black pepper. His sleeve pulled up and revealed the end of the snake tattoo on his arm.

  ‘I’m going to get a tattoo done,’ said Juliet, seeing it.

  ‘What do you want one of those for?’ asked Guy. ‘They’re horrible on women.’

  From the way Floz dropped her eyes to her food and gulped, Guy just knew that Floz must have one. Oh God! He heard the slow toll of another dropped clanger.

  ‘What are you two doing for your birthdays this year?’

  ‘Bloody hell, Mum, that’s over two months away,’ laughed Juliet.

  ‘I was just wondering if you were having a party for your thirty-fifth, because it’s a mini-milestone, isn’t it? You’ll need to get somewhere booked if you haven’t already. It’s Bonfire Night, remember.’

  ‘Wow, Mum,’ gasped Juliet with mock astonishment. ‘I’d totally forgotten we were born on November the fifth. Thank you for reminding us.’

  ‘Ooh, will you be getting those Chinese fireworks again, Steven?’ asked a delighted Perry.

  ‘Jesus, I hope not,’ huffed Juliet. ‘They have to be illegal. You could hear them going off in Russia. I bet they thought we were launching a nuclear attack on them.’

  ‘I’ll get some, no worries,’ grinned Steve. ‘I’m seeing Robber Johnny and Billy the Spark next week, so I’ll get some ordered.’

  ‘Does everyone you know have a daft name?’ tutted Juliet.

  Perry clapped his hands together like an excited child. ‘What was that huge one called, that we had at the end? It was magnificent. Spread across the sky like a blanket, so it did.’

  ‘ “The Big Bugger”,’ said Steve proudly. ‘What a magnificent beast he was.’

  ‘Aye, that was it. “The Big Bugger”.’ Perry heaved a fond sigh as if he had just been talking about a favourite grandchild.

  ‘Closet arsonists!’ Juliet levelled at them. ‘What is it about men and fire?’

  ‘You’ll have to tell us what you want. I have not a clue what to buy you both these days,’ said Grainne.

  ‘I don’t know what I want for my birthday this year,’ mused Juliet.

  Guy wanted Floz for his birthday. Naked. Underneath him and screaming out his name. He had just over two months to make that happen.

  ‘And of course we all know what Guy will be getting for his birthday,’ smiled Grainne.

  ‘What?’ he gulped. For a moment there, he thought his mother had just seen the film reel of imaginary sex playing in his head.

  ‘Your own restaurant, son,’ laughed his mother. ‘Cheers!’ Everyone followed suit and toasted Guy and his new venture.

  ‘And the very best of luck with that, Guy,’ said Perry, raising his glass towards his son. ‘But I wish you’d—’

  ‘No,’ returned Guy quickly and firmly. His dad had been trying to give him some money towards buying the restaurant. Guy was fiercely independent and had refused it time and time again. He had enough finances in place to take over Burgerov – he didn’t need his parents’ money for it. Kenny had given him the deal of the century. He obviously needed to get away fast for some reason.

  ‘When do you think you’ll take over?’ asked Juliet.

  ‘I’m aiming to complete all the paperwork by mid-November at the latest, but it’ll be shut for at least a couple of months whilst the builders gut the place. I reckon I’ll be up and running by Valentine’s Day.’

  Guy bit down on a parsnip and nearly broke his jaw. It really was an appalling lunch. And there he was talking about opening his own restaurant. Today he had made Varto’s cooking look edible.

  ‘What are you going to call it?’ Floz asked timidly.

  ‘I don’t know,’ said Guy, looking at her and feeling his heart sigh. Her eyes were so very large and green. He ripped his attention away from her before he started blushing like a daft teenager, and addressed the table: ‘Any ideas, anyone?’

  ‘Anything but Burgerov!’ said Steve. ‘Where the hell did Kenny get that name from?’

  ‘He was trying to be funny. I think it was a message to the Tax Office,’ Guy replied, rubbing his jaw.

  ‘Well, I hope he isn’t leaving to become a stand-up comedian,’ said Perry.

  ‘No, Dad, he’s leaving to become a professional sunbather.’

  ‘You’ll have to make the place your own and call it something nice,’ mused Grainne. ‘What about “Guy’s”?’

  ‘Very original, Gron,’ nodded Perry. ‘You really have missed your calling in the advertising world.’

  Grainne gave her husband a well-humoured frown.

  ‘Will you make a lot of changes?’ asked Juliet. ‘And will we get freebies?’

  ‘I might throw you the odd bread roll, Ju. And yes – oh boy, I most certainly will make a lot of staff changes,’ replied Guy.

  ‘I bet you don’t get rid of that Gina,’ winked Juliet. ‘She’s got the hots for you.’

  ‘It’s not reciprocated,’ said Guy quickly, for Floz’s sake.

  Floz noted the way he said that and interpreted it as an extra sign that women weren’t his favourite beings.

  ‘She’s always mooning over you whenever I’ve been in,’ teased Juliet and launched into an exaggerated impersonation of Gina. ‘ “Oh Guy, will you just help me stir this egg. Oh Guy, will you just help me cut this carrot. Oh Guy, will you just fondle my . . .” ’

  ‘Okay okay,’ growled Guy. ‘I get the point.’

  ‘Ooo-eeerrr. Touchy!’

  ‘She’s a good worker,’ said Guy. ‘That’s all.’

  ‘So you won’t be getting rid of her?’ Juliet folded a slice of meat into her mouth.

  ‘No.’

  ‘I rest my case,’ his minx of a sister mumbled smugly.

  Guy was going to start another protest but Juliet was a master at contorting things so he decided to leave it. His sister would have made an excellent barrister with her quick – if evil – wit. He just hoped that he had made the point clear to Floz that he didn’t fancy Gina in the slightest.

  ‘I hear you’re going to be patching Juliet’s crack this week, Steven,’ said Grainne, not knowing why everyone suddenly started to shove their napkins in their mouths.

  ‘I couldn’t get a proper plasterer,’ mocked Juliet when she had stopped laughing.

  ‘Ha ha,’ said Steve. ‘I’ll be there tomorrow night at six on the dot. What are you cooking for me?’

  ‘Tripe, shite and onions,’ said Juliet. ‘We’ll have a takeaway. I presume you’re coming as well, Guy?’

  ‘If I must,’ shrugged Guy, trying to appear nonchalant but ending up like surly Heathcliff again.

  Floz had to really beat back the harrumph that was fighting to burst from her. No, he really didn’t have to feel obliged. Far be it from her to keep him from roaming the windy moors looking for dead Catherine Earnshaw.

  Guy was used to seeing clean plates when he cooked. He took it hard when food was left – and there was, unfortunately, not a clean plate on the table. Even from Steve, who usually ate ever
ything, however bad it was. He was the only one who had ever cleared a plate when Grainne cooked.

  Steve filled everyone’s glass up, whilst Guy prepared dessert. At least now he could earn back some points because his strawberry Charlotte Russe, with strawberry coulis and champagne and strawberry cream, was a masterpiece.

  ‘That wasn’t half bad,’ said Steve, letting loose a very long and space-freeing burp as he ferried in the condiments from the dining-table.

  ‘Yeah right,’ huffed Guy.

  ‘Okay, you’ve done better.’

  ‘I’ve never done worse.’

  ‘All right, you win. It was pretty bad.’

  ‘The word you are looking for, Steven, is crap. If you’d bought it in my restaurant, you’d never have come again.’

  ‘Take a chill pill, brother.’ Steve picked up the dessert plates. ‘What are we having next?’

  ‘Something I managed to get right,’ said Guy proudly. ‘Strawberry Charlotte Russe.’

  ‘Always a winner when you’re trying to get into a girl’s . . .’

  ‘Girl’s what?’ boomed Juliet’s voice behind him. Steve’s arms flew up and the dessert plates jettisoned into space, but somehow miraculously he managed to catch the lot. Had it been an audition for Billy Smart’s Circus, he would not only have passed but been upgraded to the star turn.

  ‘Bad books by ruining her diet,’ Steve said quickly.

  ‘Who’s on a diet?’ sneered Juliet. She didn’t wait for an answer but turned to Guy and said, ‘I came in to help. Shall I take the cream jug?’

  ‘Yes, please,’ said Guy. The pressure to impress was telling on him. He had gone very red and hot.

  Steve didn’t say anything else. He was already in the Guinness Book of Records for most feet in one mouth at any one time. Guy carried the dessert through and wallowed in the ripple of joy that the sight of the mighty cake caused.

  Except Floz had to pass because she was allergic to strawberries.

  ‘You’re what?’ cried Guy loudly.

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ said Floz quietly, feeling an embarrassed flush rising to her cheeks. She had obviously upset him a lot with that revelation, judging by the look on his face. ‘I wish I could eat them — I love them, but I can’t.’ He obviously had a TV chef’s temper. They threw people out of their restaurants who criticized their food, didn’t they?

  ‘Shit, shit, shit,’ said Guy under his breath. That was it, surely. That was all that could go wrong.

  Wrong.

  When Floz nipped to the loo, Perry leaned in close to Juliet. ‘Such a lovely girl. Is she single?’

  ‘Well,’ began Juliet, checking that Floz was out of earshot, ‘she was, but an old flame has just come back on the scene.’

  Guy groaned inwardly. What next? Because the way his life ran, there sure as hell would be another nasty ready to manifest itself.

  Juliet was half-ratted by the time they’d had coffees, plus a sample or twelve of Grainne’s home-made cherry brandy, which was actually quite nice, considering her total inability to cook. Juliet was so mellow that she even let Steve kiss her goodbye on the cheek. Perry and Grainne kissed Floz and told her she was welcome any time. Steve kissed her too and told her that he’d see her tomorrow. Out of all the possible kissing combinations, the only one that didn’t happen was one between Guy and Floz. He did a ‘how’ hand thing, like a rude Red Indian from the kitchen doorway.

  Still, she decided not to play his ‘I hate you’ game and said warmly how much she had enjoyed the food, even though they both knew that was a lie. His mains had left a lot to be desired, and his dessert would have made her whole head itch and her lungs wheeze. She wished she knew why he was so awkward in her presence. The thought even visited her that he had known in advance that she was allergic to strawberries.

  ‘That went well,’ said Steve, as Floz and Juliet’s taxi trundled off down the road. Guy didn’t answer. He was too busy crashing his head against the kitchen wall.

  Chapter 28

  Not long after the taxi dumped them at the door, Juliet was asleep on the sofa. Floz switched on her monitor to find the welcome sight of another letter from Nick.

  Cherrylips

  If fish start fan clubs,they will start one for you.Did catch and release,let them know they owed it to you.It was the best time I’ve had in a long time.If I could have found a cigar,I would have been in paradise.

  Sis brought over what pics she has left of me,Mom was over there Thurs. to borrow the pics she had of dad and me.Wish I knew how to tell mom that dad and I will be okay waiting for her and that neither of us ever wanted her to be hurt. Sis says that when the time is right,she’ll talk to mom about sending you some.There are a couple of me in militia but they’re distant group shots and I can’t even pick me out so no point in sending those.Yeah,I was in the militia (Canadian Scottish).This is about the best I can do now.You do get to see me on my first horse and surviving my first suit.

  I don’t want to leave anyone behind,but I can’t take anyone with me.I am going to take the best of the few options I have left to take.I can’t do chemo again knowing its only meant to buy me a little more time.Maybe its desertion.I know my mom thinks it is,but at least I’m letting it kill me and not doing it myself.I am not happy about my next few months but at least I accept they are going to happen.

  I do wish that things were different,that you had entered my life sooner and I do regret that it never was,but I can’t change what is.I hurt the most interesting girl I ever knew by walking away from you and I am stuck with that.

  Nick

  Attached were two pictures of a boy, one not happy about being in the sort of frilly-fronted suit that a bingo-caller would relish, the other of a little boy grinning on a rocking horse. They were instantly identifiable as younger versions of the man she remembered from the photographs he had sent her in the past. Photographs she wished she had kept.

  The boy in the photographs made her look at him with a mother’s heart. She imagined what Nick’s mother must be feeling, remembering the son she had seen grow and blossom only to find that his autumn had come early. There were few worse curses for a mother than to lose a child.

  Chapter 29

  Floz slept surprisingly deeply but woke early, which was just as well because Juliet would have slept through her alarm. She was happy to put bacon sandwiches together for them both whilst Juliet tore around getting herself ready.

  ‘Don’t forget, we’re having a takeaway tonight with Guy and Steve,’ said Juliet, again with that hint of a scoff in her voice.

  ‘I won’t,’ said Floz. She was glad about that because she would never cook for that man again. Although, if his attempts yesterday were anything to go by, he had no right to slag off anyone else’s cuisine. Her pasta had been far superior to his sprouts. They were harder than Mike Tyson.

  Floz felt strangely numb and lonely when Juliet breezed out of the flat. Despite living alone since her divorce, she hadn’t felt particularly lonely, but Juliet was such a big presence, it was easy to feel the impact of her not being around.

  Lee Status rescued her from any lurking doldrums by ringing just before 9 a.m.

  ‘You sent in some brilliant poetry for ill people, by the way,’ he complimented Floz.

  ‘I hope you don’t want any more,’ she replied.

  ‘No, we’ve dropped the range,’ he said. ‘Market research feedback wasn’t too favourable. Obviously you’ll still get paid.’

  Not favourable? What a shocker, thought Floz.

  ‘Lovely brief this week. Everyday humour – nice and easy. Heavy on the farting jokes, please. And I could do with a couple of really good rhymes about turds and bogies.’

  Floz nodded. What a way to earn a living was a thought that often crossed her mind in this job.

  Juliet was slightly hungover, and not in the best mood to listen to Coco bragging over the phone about what a wonderful weekend he’d had with Gideon. They’d been to the pictures and watched Harry Potter whilst
sharing a bucket of popcorn.

  ‘Then he came back to mine and set up my new computer for me. And sorted out the cinema surround on my TV. Honestly, Ju, he’s an absolute wizard with techno stuff. He’s fab, fab, fab. I love him.’

  Juliet tipped a couple of Ibuprofen tablets into her mouth. ‘I thought you were taking things slowly.’

  ‘This is slow for me!’

  ‘I’m dying to meet him,’ said Juliet, trying to sound enthusiastic, but the pain thrumming in her temple was hampering that process.

  ‘Oh you will. He’s very shy though.’

  ‘Shy? Not your usual type then.’

  ‘No, he’s not my usual type at all,’ Coco sighed.

  Every one of Coco’s exes had been brash and loud and OTT, and no way would he have considered going out with a ‘computer geek’ before. Gideon was a turn up for the books. Juliet wasn’t convinced that Coco hadn’t been kidnapped by aliens and had his brain rewired. Then again, maybe they were just getting older and their tastes were changing.

  ‘Fancy coming round tonight? We’re having a curry with Guy and Steve.’

  ‘Oooh. Steve seems to be coming over quite a bit recently. Do you think he fancies Floz?’ gossiped Coco. ‘What are they like together? Do they flirt openly?’

  Juliet’s jaw dropped open. ‘They get along very well, I noticed at Mum and Dad’s yesterday. Let’s watch their body language tonight and compare notes,’ she plotted. She would keep her eye on developments between those two, because if Steve Feast hurt lovely Floz, she would kick his nuts so hard, he’d be chewing them like gum.

  ‘Thank you, but I must decline,’ Coco said dreamily. ‘We’re having a romantic night in. I think he might stay over tonight.’ He sounded like a giddy teenager. Just like Juliet did when Roger first asked her out. She wondered if she would ever feel like that again. She was getting older and fussier, and nice men who ticked more than one box on her desirable chart were becoming distinctly thin on the ground.