The First Snow of Winter

by Fred Allen

  They swam for a while and she successfully evaded his efforts to catch her. She knew she was very vulnerable where he was concerned and wanted to get some answers about the previous weekend before giving him any opportunity to expose her to the danger of a close embrace even in the cool water of the pool. Finally he admitted defeat and got out of the pool announcing he had skipped lunch and was hungry. A couple of families had commenced showing interest in the pool so whatever privacy they had enjoyed was about to be lost. Using her beach towel as a full length robe she followed Jonathan as he wheeled her bike over to the bicycle stand at the front door to the apartment building and secured the bike using the lock dangling from the back of the seat. Then he took her hand and led her into the elevator.

  She had never been in his apartment before and she could just imagine what it had been like before the packers and movers had completed their work. In the living room there was only the old dilapidated sofa bed and a sleeping bag. There was an old table in the kitchen breakfast nook but only one of the matching benches remained. On the table were some plastic plates and utensils and four plastic wine goblets.

  “But the shower still works”, he announced. “I guess it’s ladies first and I’ll turn up the heat on the food and set the table.” Not much of a job, Sandy thought, considering the very meager utensils available for place settings. She took her tote bag and headed for the bathroom and the shower. The bathroom was huge and Sandy had never seen a shower and bath quite like this one. The bath was big and square with rounded corners and quite a wide bench on the outside that would facilitate soaking lower legs and feet. There were controls at one end that were obviously designed to adjust water flow and temperature. This must be what was referred to as a jacuzzi

  Sandy saw nothing complicated about the shower controls so she pulled the heavy rubberized curtains around tub and shower unit, stood back far enough to test the water temperature, and turned on the water. She was totally unprepared for the pressure behind the streams coming from the large shower head. She adjusted the temperature and as she eased under the flow of water Sandy realized that this shower had been designed to meet the dual functions of shower and massage. The streams of water brought her skin to life as she moved the detachable shower head to all parts of her body. She repositioned the shower head and closed her eyes as the powerful streams hit her full in the face. Suddenly Sandy realized she was not alone.

  “Jonathan has a better idea. Instead of ladies first how about both boys and girls first. We’ll shower together and just think of how much hot water we’ll save.” Obviously, she had not locked the bathroom door. For some reason she had not even thought about it. A

  Freudian slip…..? They shared the copious flow of water and Sandy thought that it might just be possible that his primary consideration was a combination of efficiencies in time and water conservation. But this possibility was quickly dashed as he took her in his arms and kissed her passionately.

  Sandy really wanted to say something particularly because she still hadn’t satisfied some nagging doubts about Saint John and Grand Lake but the only phrases that she could muster were ones such as “Please don’t, I just want to enjoy my shower” or other remarks that were equally trite. But there was little use, her treacherous body had deserted her again as she pressed against him and returned his kiss. A fleeting thought crossed her mind that cold water would cool their ardor but by this time Sandy was floating towards total submission.

  He turned off the shower and put her beach towel around them. He dried her back and shoulders and, as if able only to follow his lead, Sandy did the same for him. Now they sat down on the wide cushioned wall of the tub facing each other. As her drew her into his arms again he moved her legs over his and she knew it was happening again and she really didn’t want it to stop. His hands were again on her hips drawing her closer to him, controlling her movements so that she moved with him. She held him tightly with her arms locked around his neck and her long legs locked behind his back.

  And then it was over and her legs and arms went limp as all strength seemed to leave her body. She was prostrate on the cushioned wall of the tub one foot on the bathroom floor and the other still in the tub. Her head was cushioned by her beach towel and she lay there for several minutes as strength gradually returned to her body. When she opened her eyes she saw Jonathan standing under the shower and felt the spray from the streams of warm water falling on her body. Seeing her open her eyes he reached down and drew her to her feet joining him under the shower. The highly pressurize streams soon brought feeling back to her body. She then let out an involuntary scream as he turned on the cold water and, for a moment, it took her breath away. He held her as she struggled to escape the icy needles that were now bombarding her back and shoulders.

  He held her tightly, announcing “Now, this is what we need, a wake-up call.” She continued to struggle accusing him of being so cruel but then the struggle eased as her body became pulsatingly alive as it adjusted to the piercing cold streams. He kissed her, turned off the water, threw her beach towel around them and started to dry her back and shoulders with vigorous motions. She reciprocated and her body was now vibrant and totally alive.

  “And now for the food.” He announced. “I’m starving!” and headed for the kitchen. Sandy became quickly aware that she was absolutely ravenous. She extracted shorts and a T shirt from her tote bag and followed him to the kitchen. Appetizing aromas were coming from the now open oven as he put the food on the table. “Let’s eat! Boy, this swimming sure makes a guy hungry.” There was just a suggestion of a smirk on his face. “Sorry, I nearly forgot the wine.” He went to the fridge and returned with two bottles. One was a full bottle of red and the other was a half bottle of white. She really didn’t feel much like wine and limited his pouring to half a goblet.

  The pizza and pasta with thick slices of garlic bread smothered with cheese was wonderful and they ate silently. The thoughts of the previous weekend returned to her mind and she asked him about his golf in Saint John. He told her that it had been wonderful; so good, in fact that he had stayed over until Monday and enjoyed two more rounds. It may have been only the stories Anita’s kids had told her but she detected Jonathan was being evasive as he quickly changed the subject. Sandy had that sinking feeling that he was lying to her and knew such falsehoods could be attributed to a continuing relationship with Anita.

  After the impromptu dinner Sandy declined another glass of wine and commenced putting her things together getting ready to leave. He tried to persuade her to stay for a while. He could offer neither TV nor music but suggested that they could find something to entertain themselves. Sandy was in no mood to respond to his suggestive remark. She did not like being lied to and wanted to get home as quickly as possible to think things over in her own space. She reminded him that she had promised to baby sit for Anita for six days starting Friday while Anita was out of town. He insisted on giving her his telephone number and address in Cambridge asking her to write to him and phone him collect at any time.

  Sandy was very sad as she rode home. She had started the day completely in love and now those deep feelings were being assailed by doubts. She did not sleep very much that night as she repeatedly reviewed what she had heard from Anita’s kids and Jonathan’s answer to her inquiry about golf and Saint John. Her total inability to reconcile the two accounts always brought her back to the same conclusion. Someone was not telling the truth. It couldn’t be the kids because their accounts had emerged only from their excited and enthusiastic descriptions of a wonderful weekend.

  It was inevitable that her mind return to their love making. She thought of what he had said both before and after their passionate love making in Anita’s bed and in his massive bathroom. She now realized that he had never used the word “love”. He had told her “how wonderful she was”, “how special she was”, but while she had told him that she loved him so many times, the word never
crossed his lips even at the very peaks of passion.

  Anita called early Friday morning saying that there had been a slight change in plans and she would be leaving at ten instead of at noon and asking Sandy if she could come earlier. Sandy couldn’t possibly make it by ten but Robbie volunteered to cover for her until noon. When Sandy arrived a few minutes after twelve, Robbie seemed to have everything under control and had already made plans for the afternoon; Sandy would borrow their mother’s car and they’d go for a swim at the university. Robbie told her that Anita had left her contact phone number in the book under the phone.

  Her mother’s car was available and they spent about three hours at the pool. The kids had a great time and Sandy and Robbie encouraged them to a total expenditure of energy knowing that exhaustion would guarantee early and sound sleep. The kids were already running out of gas when they stopped for food at a fast food outlet. By the time they arrived home the kids were very nearly out. They had to be carried into the house and after a very quick shower were asleep before their little heads hit their pillows. Sandy took great satisfaction in the strategic success that had the kids bedded down and fast asleep by eight o’clock. Robbie left for home and Sandy looked forward to a quiet evening of reading, music and TV. She quickly changed into her “grubbies” and one of Anita’s robes. Her book was in her lap, the record player had been charged with favorite music and the TV had been turned to a promising movie but her mind just wouldn’t cooperate.

  The two weeks since the session with Trevor had totally changed her life. It had started with what she now regarded as a “near miss” with Trevor to finding herself totally in love with Jonathan. Now, after three passionate sessions with him, there was no doubt as to her status on the virginity scale. Indeed, the only doubts surrounded Jonathan and his intentions as far as Sandy was concerned. “Let’s face it”, she told herself, “I was so easy.”

  She asked herself how this could have happened so quickly starting with Trevor who she had known so well and had never had any difficulty in controlling. Through all the sessions with both Trevor and Jonathan those conditioned reflexes that she had depended upon as her last line of defense had just deserted her. Her treacherous body had abandoned her and instead of resisting had responded with passion and total abandonment. Her only defense was that she had been so deeply in love and that their love making had been beautiful and natural. But then, he had lied to her. Why?

  Why? Why did he lie to her if he loved her? Then she remembered once again; he had never said he loved her. She had been such a fool … so easy. But, now, thinking back to each episode with Jonathan, Sandy knew that given all the circumstances and all the years of conditioning, she had not offered any meaningful level of resistance.

  But what was missing? There had been many dates with Trevor. Most of these had been at age 16 but there had been three since her seventeenth birthday including the two balls at the university. All had resulted in heavy petting but had never reached the level of the “near miss” of two weeks ago. Were boys a little more protective of their dates when they were younger? Or did the responses of girls become stronger as they became older? Was this just a natural process of maturing? Was it that at seventeen girls’ bodies were not longer satisfied with the kisses and caresses of hands and inquisitive fingers?

  The telephone broke into her thoughts and Sandy realized the record player had exhausted its load of records and the TV had long since displayed the credits of her selected movie. It was Trevor and very apologetic in tone. He was asking for nothing, just wanted to talk to her. She was no longer angry with him. He was, after all, an old friend. She realized now that he had not been totally to blame for the session two weeks ago. She now knew that she had been largely responsible for letting things go so far. Actually, her tone was very friendly as they returned to the light hearted banter of earlier times. She told him that Jonathan had left for Cambridge and he answered “Yes, I saw them go”. The significance of his answer was lost on her until she had reason to refer to Anita’s contact number the following Monday.

  Her baby sitting-and animal care-duties went very smoothly. Robbie came over to help and the kids really liked him. He stayed the nights at Anita’s house and this was fine with Sandy because it meant that she could sleep in a bit relying on Robbie to get the kids up and started on their day. While she appreciated Robbie’s help, Sandy recognized that Robbie preferred to be there if only to keep out of their mother’s way. Their father was in Ottawa with the Lieutenant-Governor at some kind of a conference and Mother was bored stiff. When she was bored she usually took it out on Robbie. In fact the cooling of relations between mother and daughter could be traced back to an incident involving Robbie and his mother early that spring. Robbie had merely asked the name of the man his mother had returned to Anita’s with the previous evening when Robbie had been baby sitting. This was one of the nights their mother had not come home having stayed over at Anita’s to “help with the kids”. Their mother blew up. Sandy had never seen her so angry. She directed a stream of epithets in French at Robbie. “None of your God damned business. If this is ever mentioned to your father you’ll be in deep, deep trouble!!” And to punctuate her remark she slapped his face so hard that his glasses were knocked off and the force of her hand left an ugly welt on his cheek. Robbie was stunned by her reaction and tears were welling up in his eyes as he recovered his glasses and went to his room.

  Her mother’s action also startled Sandy and her mother turned to her as if anticipating some comment from Sandy and, obviously, still very angry, offered her pre-emptive strike. “And not a word from you young lady. My advice to you is to just keep quiet. You are just a little young for the crowd at Anita’s and the big social events at the university.” Sandy thought her mother’s treatment of Robbie had been completely unwarranted but realized that this was not the time to challenge her. Sandy went upstairs and stopped outside Robbie’s room. The door was locked and she called his name softly. All she could hear from the other side of the door was muffled sobbing and a soft entreaty “Please go away.”

  Over the years a number of incidents convinced Sandy that her mother had a quick temper and when angry would often do things that she would regret later. She was also convinced that her mother was extremely selfish and her boredom could be attributed to her reluctance to initiate and participate in family events. She tended to be a loner and like Grandmother Ross in many ways except for the amount of effort the latter was prepared to devote to maintaining her social contacts and what Grandfather Ross referred to as “upward mobility”.

  The threat to Robbie to keep things secret from his father seemed to have an effect on Robbie’s close relationship with his father as if the imposed secrecy caused Robbie to think he was being disloyal to his father whom he idolized far above all others

  On Monday, Sandy thought she had run out of a prescription for the medicine that she administered daily to one of the kids. The medicine bottle was so scratched that she could not make out the name of the doctor who had prescribed the contents so Sandy decided that she should get in touch with Anita for instructions. She got the contact number from the book under the phone. She didn’t recognize the area code but it was after six p.m. and the lower long distance rates would be in effect. She dialed the number and a familiar male voice answered; it was Jonathan! Sandy hung up immediately. She went to her tote bag and dug out the sheet of paper that Jonathan had given her bearing his phone number and address in Cambridge. The phone numbers were the same. Anita was with Jonathan. Now Sandy knew the significance of what Trevor had said when he told her “I saw them leave.”

  Sandy was in a state of shock. She had been trying very hard to rationalize his lying to her about Saint John and Grand Lake. But this was really too much. She had been with him on Thursday and had told him that she would be baby sitting for Anita for six days starting on Friday. He had sold his car and plans had been made to drive down to Cambrid
ge with Anita; but not a word to her. She had been used…the naïve teenager so willing to surrender to the first sophisticated seducer to arouse her. Sandy shed real tears; she had really fallen deeply in love with him and this made it so hard to realize that he had taken advantage of her, and it had been so easy! While sad and teary eyed, Sandy was angry but most of the anger was directed at herself. How could she been so foolish after having prided herself on her control ever since her first real kiss at fourteen had changed her relationship with boys from play mates to potential mates.

  Sandy remembered what Trevor had told her about the rumors of Jonathan’s problems at the university but she could think of no contact at the university that would not direct attention back at her. But she did remember he had mentioned Beth Miller.

  Sandy knew that Beth had left the local university just after Christmas and she had not seen her since. The Miller family lived only a couple of blocks away and she looked up their number in the phone book. Beth’s mother answered and Sandy introduced herself (they had actually met at a number of high school events) and asked for Beth. Her mother told her that Beth had gone to Toronto, was attending summer classes at U of T and would enroll in her sophomore year there in September. Mrs. Miller gave Sandy Beth’s Toronto phone number without hesitation saying that Beth would be glad to hear from her.

  Sandy dialed the Toronto number and Beth answered immediately. Sandy said that the reason for her call was that she was thinking of U of T herself and perhaps Beth could answer some of her questions. Beth was only too happy to help and provided reams of information all very supportive of the U of T. The talk eventually moved into traditional girl talk as they accounted for a number of mutual acquaintances. Trevor was mentioned and both girls agreed that he was a real sweet guy. Sandy felt it unnecessary to mention any details of the “near miss” and she was really feeling much more kindly towards Trevor after their last telephone conversation and remembering his warning about Jonathan albeit just a little too late. Sandy told Beth that Jonathan had left for MIT and Beth was suddenly very silent. She was silent for at least twenty seconds and then spoke slowly and very deliberately. “Sandy, call me at any time but I want you to promise me that you will never mention that rotten bastard’s name again!”