The Girl Next Door

by MacDonald, Patricia

  She had picked up her father the day before at the Bergen County State Prison, and brought him home to her comfortable apartment. Until recently she had shared it with Keith Ellender, a director she met three years ago when he cast her in an Off-Broadway production of Lady Windermere’s Fan. Six months ago, Keith was asked to come to L.A. to direct a series pilot for HBO. He wasn’t sure he’d be gone all that long. So many pilots never made it into production. But the network liked the results, and Keith was still living in L.A. Luckily, he was glad to have Nina still living in the apartment.

  Between the soaps, commercials, and Off Broadway, Nina was busy most of the time, but she didn’t make anywhere near enough money to afford an apartment like this. Keith, who was gay, unattached, and over forty, had owned the place, a two-bedroom co-op, for twenty years and wasn’t about to sell it. So Nina stayed on. Keith’s study, with the pull-out sofa, was vacant, and Keith had given his blessing to her plan to move her father in there for the time being.

  It was a luxury to have the space, a luxury to be able to offer her father a place to call home. She couldn’t afford even a studio apartment in Manhattan at today’s prices. She didn’t know what she would have done otherwise, with Duncan getting out on parole. It wasn’t something she had ever planned for. Hoped for, yes. But that hope had faded over time.

  “How do I look?”

  Nina turned around and saw her father standing in the kitchen doorway. He was wearing a new shirt, sweater, and pants she had bought him while he was still in prison. She’d had to estimate his sizes because of all the weight he’d lost. Apparently, she hadn’t done a very good job. The pants were cinched around his waist like a dirndl skirt.

  “Oh, Dad. I bought them too big.”

  “It doesn’t matter, honey,” he said. “They’re fine. Believe me. What time are you expecting them?”

  “Should be any minute,” said Nina.

  “The food smells good,” he said.

  “Well, I hope it will be good.” She had cooked all of Duncan’s old favorites for dinner last night. He’d greeted each dish enthusiastically, and then pushed the food around, hardly tasting it. When she’d asked him if anything was wrong, he’d insisted that everything was perfect, but she’d known that he was simply trying to reassure her. It was not that he’d seemed anxious or depressed. He’d seemed … distant.

  The doorbell sounded and Nina jumped. She had been expecting the doorman to buzz her. He must have recognized them. Patrick and Gemma had been there before. She took a deep breath and looked in the mirror. She looked fine, she reminded herself. Her long black hair was pulled up into a ponytail and she was wearing a fitted peacock blue shirt over black pants. She looked casual enough for a family dinner, but a little bit elegant, too. It was, after all, a special night. There were circles under her eyes, but she’d covered them artfully with makeup, and added a bold red to her lips and cheeks. Ready, she thought.

  Just as she started for the door, the phone rang. Her father looked at her questioningly.

  “Why don’t you get the door, Dad?” she suggested gently.

  Duncan took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay.”

  Nina went into the living room and picked up the phone. “Hello.”

  “Nina.”

  It was Gemma’s soft voice. Nina’s heart froze. “Where are you?”

  “Nina, I hate to have to tell you this, but I’m afraid we’re not going to be able to come.”

  Nina was silent, but the receiver trembled in her hand.

  “An old colleague of my mother’s is in Philly at a conference and he’s heading back to South America tomorrow. If I want to talk to him for the book, I have to to go down there tonight.”

  “Why can’t you go in the morning?” Nina demanded.

  “Because he wants to do it tonight. He’s leaving early. Look, it was a last-minute thing. I didn’t even know he was in the States. I’m really sorry about this …”

  “But I have everything ready. What am I going to tell Dad … ?” Nina asked. “You promised.”

  Gemma was silent for a moment. “I said I was sorry.”

  “What about Patrick and the boys?” Nina cried. “Couldn’t he bring them?”

  “Patrick has put his foot down. He doesn’t want the boys anywhere near your father,” Gemma admitted.

  “That’s the real reason you’re not coming,” Nina said ruefully.

  “No, Nina,” Gemma said patiently. “I’m just about to get in the car and drive to Philly.”

  Sometimes Nina found her sister-in-law’s implacability exasperating. She took a deep breath and tried to compose herself. “All right. Never mind …”

  “I am very sorry, Nina,” Gemma said.

  “And I suppose Jimmy won’t come by himself …”

  “He called last night to say he couldn’t make it. Something about having to run a meeting tonight for his sponsor,” said Gemma.

  “Oh sure,” said Nina.

  “I’m sure your father will understand,” said Gemma.

  “Oh, he’ll understand all right,” said Nina.

  “Boys … stop that,” Gemma said sharply. “Nina, I’ve got to go. Please give our … my apologies to your dad.”

  “I will,” said Nina. She put the receiver back in the cradle and fell back against the chair. From where she sat, she could see the dining area, with its table crowded with plates and glasses, the candles already lit. She wanted to cry, or to scream, but part of her knew that she had set herself up for this. What kind of foolish optimism had ever made her think that there would be a happy family reunion?

  Duncan came into the room looking worried. “Honey,” he said, “what’s the matter?”

  Nina looked up at him. There was no use in trying to pretend. “That was Gemma,” she said. “They’re not coming.”

  Duncan nodded and looked away. He pursed his lips slightly, but didn’t say anything.

  “I’m so sorry, Dad. Gemma has to go meet some guy in Philly who knew her mother. Did I tell you she was organizing her mother’s research into a book?”

  “No,” he said, clearly unconvinced.

  Nina sighed. “I feel terrible.”

  “Don’t worry about it. It’s not your fault, honey.” He didn’t ask what would prevent Patrick or Jimmy from coming. He didn’t even seem surprised.

  It is my fault, Nina thought. I set him up for disappointment. I should never have suggested it. “But I feel so bad,” she said.

  Duncan nodded toward the foyer. “Never mind about it. Nina, there’s someone here to see you.”

  Caught up in her disappointment, Nina had forgotten that the doorbell had rung. That’s right, she thought. “Who is it?”

  Duncan hunched his shoulders. “One of your neighbors,” he said.

  A silver-haired man in a Ralph Lauren shirt with a sweater knotted over his shoulders came into the room. Nina recognized him as someone who lived in the building. She frowned and stood up.

  “Miss Avery?” he said.

  “Yes?”

  “My name is Paul Laird. I live in 10-A. I’m the chairman of the co-op board. Could I speak to you in private for a minute?”

  “I’ll be in my room,” said Duncan.

  “No, Dad, you can stay,” said Nina, but he had already retreated.

  “Sit down, Mr. Laird. What can I do for you?”

  The man sat down on the edge of one of the living room chairs. “This is difficult, Miss Avery, but I’ll come right to the point. You are staying here as a guest of Keith Ellender.”

  “That’s right,” she said warily. Because she and Keith weren’t a married couple, and the apartment belonged to him, the co-op board was privy to all their arrangements.

  “It’s come to the attention of the board that you have brought your father here to live with you, and that your father is a convicted felon on parole from the Bergen County State Prison.”

  Nina stared at him and did not reply.

  “The policy of the co-op bo
ard is inflexible in a matter like this. We absolutely cannot countenance this situation.”

  “Who told you that? Did Keith tell you?” she cried.

  Laird shook his head. “Although Mr. Ellender should have told us, if he knew. Shall I assume that he knows about this situation?”

  Immediately Nina realized that she could get Keith into trouble with the wrong answer. They had found out some other way. It didn’t really matter how. “No, I … this came up suddenly. My dad is just … staying with me for a while until he gets back on his feet. He’s … more like a guest here. I didn’t think I needed to … ask permission to have a guest.”

  “Does your father have another address?” Laird asked abruptly.

  “Not … as of right now,” Nina admitted.

  “Well, then,” said Laird. “it appears that he is living here. I’m sure Mr. Ellender will understand when he hears about this. Naturally, he’s going to be informed of our decision. We cannot and will not have a convicted murderer living in this building.”

  “I can’t believe this,” said Nina. “You can’t do this. There must be a law against this kind of discrimination.”

  Laird stood up and raised a hand. “Now listen, Miss Avery. I am not here to debate our board’s policies. This is not your apartment. You have no rights in this matter. Either your father will have to find another place to live or you both will. You have one week to resolve this. Good day, Miss Avery.”

  He turned abruptly and walked to the door of the apartment. Stunned, Nina got up and followed him to the door. “This is completely unfair,” she said, as he stood in the hallway waiting for the elevator. “My father is no danger to you or anyone else.”

  “I understand you are upset,” he said calmly.

  “Upset!” she cried.

  “Nina,” said her father’s voice behind her. “Close the door.”

  Nina turned and looked at Duncan.

  Duncan shook his head. “Just close the door,” he said.

  Glaring at the man in hallway, Nina slammed the door shut.

  “Now come and sit down,” said Duncan.

  Nina went into the kitchen and turned off the burners under the pots that were bubbling on the stove. Then she returned to the living room. Her father was seated on the sofa. He patted the seat beside him. There was something oddly comforting about the gesture, as if he were resuming his old identity as her parent. Nina sank down in the cushions and folded her arms over her chest. She suddenly realized that she had stopped thinking of him as her father. She had begun to regard him as a kind of invalid who needed her constant help. And she had treated him that way. But now she felt young and frightened, and grateful to be sitting beside him again.

  “I heard everything,” Duncan said. “I’m sorry this is turning out to be so hard. I was afraid of this.”

  “It’s all right, Dad. It doesn’t matter,” she said with a bravado she did not feel.

  “Yes, it does.”

  “No,” she insisted. “We’ll find another place to live. I’ll just have to go out and start looking.”

  “No, Nina,” he said, patting her on the knee. “Listen to me. You can’t find another place like this. I may have been in jail for a long time, but I’m not blind. I can see how much things cost around here. This is a nice apartment and you like it here. And you’re going to stay here.”

  “I’m not!” she cried like an angry child. “I won’t.”

  “Oh, yes you will,” he said. “You’re going to stay right here, and I’m going to find a place of my own.”

  Nina sighed. “Dad, don’t be naïve. You couldn’t afford anything around here on your own. It’s impossible. Even a little broom closet costs the earth …”

  “I didn’t say I was going to stay here,” he said. He took a deep breath. “The truth is, I don’t really want to live in this city. This place is too much for me. I don’t belong here.”

  “What’s wrong with it?” she asked. “I mean, it’s big, but the people are great. Most of them …”

  “There’s nothing wrong with it,” Duncan said. “This is your home. And I want you to stay.”

  “But where would you go?” she cried.

  “I’ll go home, of course.”

  “Home?” she said, not believing her ears. “You mean …”

  “I’ll go back to Hoffman.”

  “After what happened there? How could you? Everyone will still remember …”

  “Nina,” he said. “I have to go back there. It’s where I lived. It’s where I belong. Besides, there are a lot of … unanswered questions.”

  All of a sudden, Nina understood what he meant. He wanted to find out who had committed the crime that put him in prison all these years. Of course he did. “You mean, about Mom, don’t you? About who killed her?”

  Duncan frowned. “Well, I have to be realistic, Nina. It was so long ago. And even those detectives we hired at the time weren’t able to … help.”

  “Oh,” she said, disappointed. “I thought you meant …”

  “I’d like to be able to find out more about it, of course,” he said. “I’ve spent the best years of my life paying for somebody else’s crime. And you and the boys … you lost your mother. In some ways, there’s nothing more important to me. But I have to face facts. It was a long time ago.”

  Nina looked at him with narrowed eyes. “Do you have a theory about this? I mean, is there someone you suspect? Do you have any idea about who killed her?”

  Duncan sighed, and shook his head. “I’ve thought about it enough. I wish I could say that I understand it, but I don’t. Still, I feel like it’s important that I be there, where it happened. Otherwise there’s no chance,” he said vaguely. “And that’s not the only thing. My boys are there. And my grandchildren.”

  “Dad,” said Nina, shaking her head. “After what they did today? I mean, I don’t even want to see them again …”

  “Hey, don’t talk like that. All these years, you and your brothers managed to keep on caring for one another. I don’t want to become a wedge between you. Not now. As for today … you … we expected too much of them. It’s going to take time. That’s why I have to go back. I have to be where I can see them. Be with them, maybe. Try to get them used to the idea of me being back in their lives.” He wove his fingers together and squeezed his hands. “I have to try.”

  “Jimmy wanted to come,” she said, trying to be reassuring. Her father looked so pained. “It’s just hard for him. He doesn’t cope well with change. But he’s not … against you.”

  “Like Patrick,” Duncan said grimly.

  “There’s no getting through to Patrick,” Nina admitted.

  “But maybe, in time, there’s a chance they’ll come around to my side. As long as I’m here, there’s no chance. I’m sixty years old, Nina. My family is all I have left in this world. What else can I do?”

  “Oh, Dad,” Nina said. She tried to prevent it, but tears of frustration welled up in her eyes.

  Duncan rubbed her back in a circular motion. “Take it easy,” he said.

  “I feel like I’ve done everything wrong. I didn’t realize you wanted to go back there. I hate going there myself. I avoid it like the plague. I never even asked you what you wanted to do. I just assumed …”

  “Out of the goodness of your heart,” he said. “You wanted to make it easy for me. But there is no easy way for me, Nina. I know that. I accept that.”

  “It’s so unfair,” she cried.

  Duncan smiled and shook his head. “What a surprise,” he said.

  They sat in silence for a moment.

  “All right, then,” she said. “If you want to go back there, I’ll go with you.”

  “Absolutely not,” he said. “I told you. You are not giving up this place. I won’t be responsible for that. Now that’s final, Nina.”

  There was something about the fatherly authority in his voice that made her smile. “I’ve missed you so much,” she said, wiping away her tears.

>   “And I’ve missed you.”

  “Okay, okay. We’ll do it your way,” said Nina. “I’ll just go and … help you get settled. Help you find a place. Will you let me do that?”

  Duncan nodded, and put his arm around her. She snuggled under his arm, her errant tears dampening his sweater. She didn’t want to say what else she really felt. She didn’t want him to know that she was fearful of what he would encounter back in Hoffman. People there believed that he had killed Marsha, and they would not welcome him back. The thought of leaving him alone there frightened Nina. Over the years, some people had told her she was crazy to believe in him. Others just looked at her pityingly. But there would be no mercy in the way they looked at him.

  Don’t go, she thought. Stay here and be anonymous, with no reminders of the past. But she knew there was no use in saying it. Her face rested just beneath his shoulder, and she could hear, like the echo in a well, the sturdy, persistent beat of his heart.

  3

  THE next afternoon, while her father stood quietly beside her, Nina purchased two bus tickets to Hoffman. Then, shouldering her bag and warning Duncan to stay close, she began to expertly navigate the maze of concourses and escalators in the Port Authority Bus Terminal that led them, at last, to the platform from which their bus would depart. They joined the short line of people waiting for the bus to begin loading.

  “I’m glad you knew the way. I’d get lost in here,” said Duncan.

  Nina smiled at him. “Nothing to it. From here it’s an easy hop to Hoffman. It’s a lot more convenient than trying to keep a car in this city.”

  Duncan nodded, but looked unconvinced. He held his duffel bag against his chest, as if afraid someone would snatch it from him if he held it by the handle. “Do you go back a lot? To see the boys?”

  Nina shrugged. “Holidays, sometimes. Although Patrick is such a bully about the holidays. He wants all the food and decorations to look like something out of a magazine, and Gemma just isn’t like that. I think it reminds her of Didi. Do you remember Didi, her stepmother, who had the bridal shop? She could spend hours mulling over what color to engrave the matchbooks. Anyway, Gemma gets stressed out. And Jimmy usually stays at the Connellys’. I can’t really blame him. I go to visit Aunt Mary, of course. She’s in the nursing home right now, recovering from a hip replacement.”